I am unlovable, unloved

 

One of the main themes, and core beliefs, in my life so far is I am unlovable, I am unloved.

This caused me to chose a life situation that didn’t feel right, and made me feel off track for several years, and also lose several opportunities.

Several years ago, I faced a choice of getting married and staying in a relationship, or letting it go and move back to my own country. Partly because of these beliefs, I decided to marry. And partly because of these beliefs, I chose to let go of a great deal that was very important to me to stay in the marriage. I compromised far more than I would have without these beliefs.

Any thoughts about this are thoughts, and not inherent in reality. It’s not right or wrong in reality, or fortunate or unfortunate.

It has helped me get more familiar with this dynamic in my own life, and see that I am not different from many or most others in this. (The acting-on-a-belief/wound dynamic.)

There is an invitation here for me to love and investigate this in me, and find more clarity.

It did get me on a course where I got many experiences I enjoyed and wanted.

And at the same time, it has been unfortunate for me at a very human level. I have lived in places that didn’t feel right for me. Worked in jobs that didn’t feel right. Left a community that felt deeply right for me. Missed out of opportunities I otherwise would have had.

All of these, and more, are valid in their own way.

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