For most human beings, being that exposed (by being truthful) brings up incredible fear. Most people walk around thinking, “My god, if anybody could look inside of me, if anybody could see what is happening in there, what my fears are, what my doubts are, what my truths are, what I really perceive, they would be horrified.
Most people are protecting themselves. They are holding a lot of things in. They are not living honest, truthful, and sincere lives, because if they were to do so, they would have no control. Of course, they don’t have control anyway, but they would have no illusion of control, either.
Yes, I recognize this from my own life. One remedy is to look for this terrible thing. Can I find it? Can I find the threat? Someone threatened? (Living Inquiries.) Another is to find love for the part of me that seems so terrible, and also the reaction it brings up in me. To hold it in presence, love, and curiosity.
For myself, I know there was – and partly is – a sense that there is something terrible here. But when I look for what it may be, I can’t find it. I can’t even find it at that initial level of looking. I can only find vague, abstract images, and sensations in the body.