What if it would never change?

 

What if it would never change?

I was reminded of this question yesterday, when I noticed the impulse in me for some of my symptoms to go away. (Especially the weird energetic feeling in/around forehead, poor executive functions, etc..)

What if it would never change? Then what?

How would it be to find peace with it? Learn to live with it? Function with it? Rest with it? Even find love for it?

It’s a shift from the victim perspective and struggling against it to finding peace with it and working with it.

It also highlights the victim dynamic. The question makes it more visible. Can I see how the victim dynamic is here to protect (the imagined) me? That it comes from love? How is it to see, and feel, that it’s a form of protection, and comes from deep caring and love? How is it to rest with that too, and find love for it?

It also reminds me that what’s here now is all there is. Anything else is just a thought, perhaps connected with a feeling in the body. It highlights any tendency to invest an imagined future with hopes or fears, and I can do the same with this. I can notice. Rest with it. Find love for it. See it’s there in an attempt to protect me, and comes from deep caring and love.

P.S. This is just speculation, and perhaps not very helpful, but I wonder if there is a connection between these symptoms and leaving my guidance. I left my guidance when I moved several years ago due to marriage (I left the place I deeply felt was right for me, a graduate degree I deeply felt was right for me, friends I felt nurtured by, and much more.) This guidance is often associated with the third eye, and the frontal lobe problems I seem to experience is in the same physical area. I wonder if there is a connection. Leaving a clear guidance, continuing to leave it, and then a “collapse” of the frontal lobe functions associated with the third eye. If there is a connection, then one remedy is to now follow my guidance in smaller things, and also larger things. To take baby steps in the direction of following it as consistently as I did before I left it.

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Initial notes….. 

– what if it would never change?
– finding peace with it, learn to live with it, function with it, rest with it
– a shift in perspective, orientation (from hoping/wishing it will go away, strategizing, to finding peace with it here and now)
– also, get to see victim dynamic vs. making the most out of it

– third eye, guidance, didn’t following guidance, weakened that area?

 

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