Fear of meeting what’s here

 

It’s common and even sensible to fear meeting our more painful wounds and traumas.

And for good reasons.

We may not trust that we will know what to do. Or that our facilitator will know what to do. Or that the process we are using will work. And each of these is sometimes true. It’s possible to be exposed to our old traumas in an unskilled way and be retraumatized.

So what can we do? The best may be to find a process that works for us and that we trust based on our own experience. Work with a facilitator who knows what she or he is doing, and that we trust. And gain some experience and trust by first working on more peripheral material.

If we stay in the periphery, the wounds and hangups tend to recycle and keep coming up.

So at some point, we need to focus on the most painful and apparently most entrenched material.

We may not feel ready, and it’s not wise to try to push through.

So another option is to meet and examine our fears in meeting our wounds.

I can meet it with loving kindness. Perhaps ho’oponopono. Saying I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you to the fears, and the wound itself. This can help shift my relationship to the fear and the wound.

What do I fear? What’s the worst that can happen if I meet the traumas? (Some possibilities: It won’t work. It will make it worse. I’ll stay stuck in it. It will never end. My painful stories will turn out to be true. It will be too painful. I won’t be able to take it. The process won’t work. The facilitator won’t know what to do.)

What do I find when I examine these stories, one by one? For instance by asking is it true? What happens when I believe that story? Who I would be without it? What’s the validity in the turnarounds? (The Work.)

What do I find when I look for the threat? (Living Inquiries.) Can I find the threat in the images, words, and sensations that come up? Can I find the threat outside of these?

In my experience, if I stay with a process and examine my fears, there is a readiness and willingness to meet even the apparently darkest areas of me, the deepest wounds. And that can be enormously liberating.

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Initial draft….

It’s quite common to fear going into wounds and trauma, and for good reasons.

We may not trust that we know what to do, or that our facilitator knows what to do, or that whatever process we are using will work. And that may even be true.

We may have experienced being exposed to old wounds and trauma, and being retraumatized.

So what to do? The best may be to find a process that works for us, and that we trust based on our own experience. Work with a facilitator who knows what she or he is doing, and that we trust. And perhaps even gain some experience by first working on more peripheral material.

If we stay in the periphery, the wounds and hangups tend to recycle and keep coming up.

So at some point, we need to focus on the most painful and apparently most entrenched material.

We may not feel ready, and it’s not wise to try to push through.

So another option is to meet and examine our fears in meeting our wounds.

I can meet it with loving kindness. Perhaps ho’oponopono. Saying I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you to the fears, and the wound itself. This can help shift my relationship to the fear and the wound.

What do I fear? What’s the worst that can happen if I meet the wounds? (Perhaps that it won’t work? It will make it worse? I’ll stay stuck in it? It will never end? My painful stories about it will turn out to be true? It will be too painful? I can’t take it? The process won’t work? My facilitator won’t know what to do?)

What do I find when I examine these stories, one by one? For instance by asking is it true? What happens when I believe that story? Who I would be without it? What’s the validity in the turnarounds? (The Work.)

What do I find when I look for the threat? (Living Inquiries.) Can I find the threat in the images, words, and sensations that come up? Can I find the threat outside of these?

In my experience, if I stay with a process, and examine my fears, there is a readiness and willingness to meet even the apparently darkest areas of me, the deepest wounds. And that can be enormously liberating.

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