It can be helpful to look at both sides of whatever has a charge for us.
I may fear not having what I want, and also fear having it.
I may hold onto a deficiency story, and also want it to go away.
I may be compelled to do something, and also feel ashamed about it.
I may experience a threat, and also being someone who is threatened.
Whenever there is an identification, there seems to be an ambivalence about it. I want to hold onto it, and also have it go away. I fear what may happen if it’s not there, and I am uncomfortable with what happens when it’s there.
So why not look at both sides?
Here are some specific examples.
I am compelled to eat ice cream, and also feel shame around it and wish I didn’t do it.
I am attached to the story that I am unlovable, and also wish it to go away.
I want material wealth, and also experience a threat in it.
I want intimacy, and also experience it as a threat.
Wanting and shame, addictions, compulsions
Fear of having and not having what we want
Holding onto deficient self and wanting it to go away