A perfectly clear fuzzy picture

 

I am exploring a layer of fuzzy/generalized anxiety, dread and worry. It’s not so strong, but when it’s on the surface it seems pervasive. It’s often there when I wake up in the morning, and then goes into the background as I get busy with the day.

It can seem very difficult to do self-inquiry on this. Where do I start? It doesn’t seem to be about anything in particular, and I experience it as quite fuzzy and undefined.

And yet, as soon as I start exploring it, something else is revealed. I notice some quite specific sensations in the throat, chest, stomach, and face. And I notice an image. It’s an image with a fuzzy content, that’s an overlay of my whole world – of an imagined sphere around me. The picture itself is perfectly clear, only it’s content – what it is a picture of – is fuzzy. The content is dark, cloudy, with a certain texture.

Just noticing those two things makes a big difference. Feeling the sensations. Noticing where they are. Noticing they are sensations. Noticing the picture. Looking at the picture. Notice it is a picture. Notice it’s a clear picture with a fuzzy content.

And it’s a starting point. As I explore this further, more will likely reveal itself.

When I do inquiry for myself, either as a client or in self-facilitation, I often have more abstract pictures come up – colors and textures, and also body images – pictures of the body part(s) where I am feeling a sensation. These do not come up so often when I facilitate others, which makes me curious. It’s possible that I am more inclined to having images of parts of the body and abstract images with textures. And it’s also possible that everyone does, perhaps without noticing or perhaps they dismiss them as less important than images of situations, people etc. I don’t know (yet).

When I facilitate, whether it’s a client or myself, I often look for the first memory of having felt the sensation or had a particular thought, since this tends to get to early trauma. And I also explore what body images and more abstract images (with textures) may be there. It’s also good to do a lot of resting with sensations, feeling sensations, especially after associated images and words are “peeled off”.

 

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