Own inquiry: I am doomed

 

This is an inquiry into a recurrent feeling (thought, identity, velcro, belief) for me. For a few years now, I have had a sense of doom. It’s a distinct feeling combined with some images and words. It mostly seems preverbal, and it seems to come from very early in life.

It seems connected to images I have of how it was before incarnation. I was told, or knew, I was about to incarnate again, and was told if I wanted to. I said yes, even if a part of me really didn’t want to. I felt hurt, angry, unloved, uncared for, betrayed. Doomed. (When this gets triggered in me, I also feel fatigued, knocked out, my brain fog intensifies. It usually gets triggered when I say yes to something I really want to say no to, or the other way around. When I am inauthentic with myself and others.)

Feel the sensation. Take your time. Notice where it is. How it feels. See how it is to be curious about it. Notice they are sensations. The sensations are in my face, throat, chest, some in the stomach. On the skin mostly. [Some minutes goes by.] 

What does it mean? I am doomed.

Look at those words, “I am doomed”. Notice the shapes. Colors. The space around the words. The space between you and the words. Push the words further away. Bring them in closer. Are those words you the one who is doomed? Yes, it feels like it. It’s the same feeling.

Feel that feeling. Take your time. Remember to breathe.  I see an image of a dark color and texture, it’s in front of me but also everywhere. It seems quite familiar.

Look at that image. Look at the color. Texture. Notice the space around it. The space between you and the picture. What does it mean? It means I am doomed. Life is doom. When I incarnated it was doom.

Look at those words. Is there a threat in the words? Yes, there is a reaction in my stomach.

Feel that reaction. Feel the sensations. Notice the space around them.  Are those sensations the one who is doomed? Yes, I see a picture of me sitting here looking doomed.

Look at that picture. Is it you the one who is doomed? Yes, feels like it. I feel it in my face.

Feel those sensations. Are they the one who is doomed? No.

 Rest with what’s here. Notice. Allow. Where is the one who is doomed? Do you find him in sensations? Images? Words? Sensations in face and front of upper body. Image of my face, and faintly the rest of my body.

Look at the image. Look at the colors. Lines. Texture. Is it the one who is doomed? No.

Feel the sensations. Take your time. Notice the space around. Are they you the one who is doomed? Yes, a little.

 How do you know? Is it a feeling? Images? Words? A dark image with me sitting here in it. The whole world is dark, with me sitting here in it.

Look at that image. Put a frame around it. Notice the space the picture is happening within. Notice the space between you and the picture.Circle your eyes around it a few times one direction then the other direction.  Is this picture the one who is doomed? Yes, a little. I feel it in my chest, throat and face.

Feel the sensations. Are they the one who is doomed? No.

Rest with what’s here. Is it already noticed or not? Is it already allowed or not?  

Look at the image of you before incarnation. Is that you the one who is doomed? 

[And so on, following the trail of crumbs, going back to check if there is still a charge on what came up earlier etc.]

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