My crashes

 

After I got CFS some years ago, I have had occasional crashes.

These typically happen through a combination of three factors:

(a) A disappointment about the day. I had looked forward to something, it didn’t happen or didn’t happen the way I thought it would, so I got disappointed. (I had invested certain images and ideas about the day with energy.)

(b) I didn’t have enough food or the right type of food soon enough.

(c) The reason was that I didn’t take care of my own food needs fully due to being with others, and wanting to not bother them too much. (Without knowing it at the time, I want to be liked and not inconvenience others more than avoiding a crash.)

This sounds very specific, but it has happened a few times just like this. The next thing that typically happens is that I feel out of it, I go quiet, and I don’t have much energy. And the one(s) I am with tend to take it personally. They think it’s about them, that I don’t like them, don’t want to be with them etc. even if that’s far from my experience.

There are several lessons for me here:

Bring food, and especially protein rich food, even if I think I’ll have a meal soon. (A meal that is postponed is often a precursor to these crashes.)

Speak up for myself and take care of my own needs, even if I think it’s an inconvenience to the one(s) I am with. It’s more of an inconvenience for them and me if I don’t and then crash.

Work on my tendency to get my hopes up for doing certain things on a special day out and then get disappointed when it doesn’t happen. I often am very aware that my images about the future are just that, and I don’t invest them with that much energy or hope. But sometimes, I do, and that’s when these crashes tend to happen.

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Initial notes…..

  • after CFS some years back, occasionally have a crash
  • typically a combination of three factors
    • disappointment, emotional disappointment (something I had been looking forward to didn’t happen, or didn’t happen the way I hoped it would, I had invested hope/energy into, and then it didn’t happen)
    • not enough or right type of food soon enough
    • being with someone so I don’t take care of my food needs fully
  • I don’t feel very good, go quiet, low energy
  • the one(s) I am with sometimes thinks it’s about them, that I don’t like them etc. (which often is very far from the truth)
  • remedy: to talk about what’s happening, explain what’s going on and isn’t going on,

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