I left my Timbuk2 messenger bag on the train a couple of days ago, and have not had it returned. It contained several things important to me and some that are difficult (or impossible) to replace.
Here are some things I have noticed:
I did experience some shock right away. It seemed unreal, especially since I have never lost anything important in this way before.
It’s helpful to be kind to my own experiences – the shock, sadness, frustration. They are like creatures that just want some presence, kindness, and respect.
I reminded myself that most or all can be replaced in different ways. And that they are just things. I can get by without any of the specific things I lost.
It’s a reminder that everyone and everything comes and goes. In a few decades, everyone alive now will be dead. In a few decades or centuries, everything I have will be gone. In a few millenia, everything humans have now will be gone.
I don’t “own” any of it. I don’t even “own” my own body. It’s all here temporarily. At most, I am a steward of this life and these physical things. And it seems that now, that particular bag with it’s content has passed on to someone else. Just as they came into my stewardship, they are now in someone else’s stewardship.
I get to notice some beliefs and identifications coming up from this situation. Life is rubbing up against them, so I get to notice them more clearly. I don’t consciously believe any of them, but somewhere in me they are believed. Here is a selection:
I am a victim. I am unlucky. Things go wrong for me.
I deserve to have it back. I always return what I find. Life should be fair.
I own those things. They are mine.
It’s hard to live in a world where people are so crude and lack empathy.
It shook me up and gave me a boost to get certain things in my life more in order.
Whenever life goes against our shoulds, we can use it to fuel stressful and painful beliefs. Or we can use it to open to our experience and meet it with some kindness, notice and examine our painful beliefs, and see that we are all in the same boat.
- lessons from losing a bag
- right away
- practical, a lot can be replaced
- loss of identity – find peace with? who am I without?
- only things, they come and go as everyone and everything do
- survival fear, shock, some bit came up, feel, find peace with, meet with some kindness and presence
- identities and beliefs
- identities – victim, poor me, unlucky, everything gets so complicated
- beliefs – fairness, I have returned wallets so “deserve” to have it returned, life should be fair etc.
- the idea of ownership, instead of passing through, temporary steward
- right away