A higher self?

 

A spiritual path or an awakening process can have a number of odd features. One of these is the experience of a higher self, and then perhaps the falling away of this.

Here is my story:

When the initial awakening happened in my mid-teens, it was the most basic one where all was revealed as Spirit, any apparently separate beings were local expressions of Spirit, and the basic identity of everyone and everything is Spirit. There are no separate beings or selves that, in an absolute or final sense, are separate or even a being or a self. It’s all the divine taking on these temporary masks.

At the same time, in the first couple of years following this, there was a clear sense of a “higher self”. A non-physical self that seemed located a few meters above my human self. As mentioned above, it was clear there was no final or absolute self there. It was more of an intermediate self, one that somehow, in a certain way, seemed to mediate (guidance, information?) between Spirit as all there is and this local expression of Spirit.

After a while, this fell away.

The upside of this sense of a higher self may that it serves as a lure or hook for continued spiritual exploration. And it may also point to something real. Perhaps there is something there at a more subtle energetic level? Perhaps it does mediate some types of information? I am not sure. Also, as usual, it comes with an invitation to discern the essence of awakening (all as Spirit) from temporary manifestations, including temporary manifestations of Spirit such different temporary selves.

The drawback is the usual one. We can become overly fascinated with it and it may distract us from the essence of the awakening, healing as human beings, and living from whatever clarity, wisdom, and kindness is here. This is part of the awakening process, and it’s part of the play of the divine (lila), so it’s only a drawback in a very limited sense.

In any case, since there is nothing ultimate or final about this higher self, it does probably fall away at some point. And before, then the interest in or fascination with it may fall away. (As it did for me within a couple of years.)

Note 1: I was reminded of this since it fits something they talk about in Vortex Healing. There is a set of energetic structures that allows the divine to experience itself as a finite and separate being, going from very subtle to more coarse. And some of the intermediate ones can be experienced as a “higher self” and located from immediately to a few meters above the head. At some point in the awakening process, these energetic structures fall away. All of that fits my experience.

Note 2: I may abandon calling it an “initial awakening”. In some ways, it was, since it was the first time in this lifetime the divine revealed itself to itself as all there is – in an unambigious, strong and clear way – and it happened when this human self was more mature and could reflect more on it. At the same time, the essence of what was revealed wasn’t really new. It was something that had been with me in early childhood, and – if flashbacks and memories are accurate – before this particular incarnation.

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Initial notes….

  • a higher self?
    • initial awakening
      • clearly all as God / Spirit
      • no room for separate self, all is God, fundemental identity / ground of all is God
      • and yet also, for a while, a sense of a higher self – a self higher up above me
      • later on, as matured, that sense went away / cleared
      • suspect it’s there for a certain phase as a lure, something tanglible to motivate for further practice (including, at some point, bc sense it and also know it’s not fundamental, is a red herring)
    • ….

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Initial draft….

A spiritual path or an awakening process comes with a number of oddities. One of these is the experience of a higher self, and then perhaps the falling away of this.

Here is my story:

When the initial awakening happened in my mid-teens, it was the usual one where all was revealed as Spirit, any apparently separate beings were local expressions of Spirit, and the basic identity of everyone and everything is Spirit. There are no separate beings or selves that, in an absolute or final sense, are separate or even a being or a self. It’s all the divine taking on these temporary masks.

At the same time, in the first few years following this, there was a clear sense of a “higher self”. A non-physical self that seemed located a few meters above the human self. As mentioned above, it was clear there was no final or absolute self there. It was more of an intermediate self, one that somehow, in a certain way, seemed to mediate (guidance? information?) between human existence and Spirit as all there is.

After a while, this fell away.

The function of this experience may be to serve as a lure or hook for continued spiritual exploration. And there may also be something real, at a more subtle energetic level, about this higher self. Perhaps it does mediate some types of information? I am not sure.

The drawback is the usual one. We can become overly fascinated with it and it may distract us from the essence of the awakening, healing as human beings, and living from whatever clarity, wisdom, and kindness is here.

In any case, I do have a sense that since there is nothing ultimate or final to it, it does fall away at some point. At the very least, the interest in or fascination with it may fall away.

Note 1: I am partly reminded of this since it fits what they talk about in Vortex Healing. There is a set of energetic structures that allows the divine to experience itself as a finite and separate being, going from very subtle to more coarse. And some of the intermediate ones can be experienced as a “higher self” and located some meters above the head. At some point in the awakening process, these energetic structures fall away. And all of that fits my experience.

Note 2: I notice it doesn’t 100% fit to call it an “initial awakening”. In some ways it was, since it was the first time in this lifetime the divine revealed itself to itself as all there is, in a very strong and clear way, and it happened when this human self was more mature and could reflect on it a bit more. At the same time, the essence of what was revealed wasn’t really new. It was something that had been with me in early childhood, and – if flashbacks and memory is accurate – before this particular incarnation.

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