Waking up with a feeling

 

I wake up with a feeling. It’s hard to name but it’s slightly uncomfortable. It feels a bit stagnant, gritty, dense and dark, and there is a slight sense of fear or dread in it.

It’s not strong, and I know I can shake it off by getting up. Something in me would rather get to know it better. 

I notice the sensations and the image of something dark. I feel the sensations. Notice the image. Rest with it.

I notice a slight reaction in me wanting it to go away. (Or for me to go away from it by distracting myself.) I notice it is fear and I feel it in the center of the belly. 

I feel the fear. Allow it as it is. Notice it’s already allowed. I rest with it. 

I also notice some thoughts connected with the fear: I will be engulfed by the (initial) feeling. It will take over my life. It will make me paralyzed. I will be overwhelmed if I allow myself to feel it or get to know it

The sensations in the belly are stronger. I keep resting with it. It subsides.

I go back to the initial sensations. Notice it’s little different now. Feel the sensations. Rest with the sensations.

I notice the image of something uniform, stagnant, and somewhat dark associated with the sensations. I look at the image. Notice the lines, colors, texture.

I return to feeling and resting with the sensations.

I notice a small voice in me wanting this to make the initial feeling to away. I notice the sensations connected with it in the front of my upper body – especially chest and face. I feel and rest with the sensations.

After a while, I notice it’s connected with the fear in the belly and feel and rest with that too. It opens and subsides.

I return to the initial feeling. Rest with it.

I notice how the sensations are more easily recognized as physical sensations. Initially, they seemed to mean something (something vague, bad, undesirable), but now they are more clearly physical sensations without inherent meaning.

After a while, I explore any emotional issues behind the feeling with Vortex Healing. I do some de-networking for any issues behind the initial feeling (this releases connections with related issues since this network helps hold it in place), and then Angelic Heart for the same (helps open it up, align with reality).

And I make a mental note to continue to explore the rest – especially the wish to have it go away – later. (It’s an ongoing exploration.) 

I thought I would share this snapshot here. It feels fresh and real, and it’s something I wish to share more of. Snapshots of daily and unremarkable noticings.


Note: This post ended up being confusing to me since I went back and edited parts for clarity, and when I did I also went back into the inquiry and the inquiry ended up being a bit different each time. I decided to just use a simple version and add the others below.


Initial draft:

I wake up with a feeling. It’s hard to name but it’s slightly uncomfortable. It feels a bit stagnant, gritty, dense and dark, and there is a slight sense of fear or dread in it.

It’s not strong, and I know I can shake it off by getting up. Something in me would rather get to know it better. 

I notice. Notice the slight reaction in me to want it to go away, or to go away from it by distracting myself.

I allow it. Notice it is already allowed. Feel the sensations. Notice an image of something uniform, stagnant, and somewhat dark associated with the sensations. Rest with all of it.

Notice. Allow. I notice a wish in me to get to know it better. To make friends with it. I look for a separation, a dividing line, between me and it and do see an imagined line but cannot find it elsewhere.

I rest with it all – the sensations and images that are here. The ones that make up the initial feeling (which has now changed) and anything in me wanting to respond to it in a certain way.

I notice how it all happens as this consciousness. It’s all consciousness. Even any idea of someone feeling, observing, doing, responding, is happening as consciousness. It’s not a remarkable consciousness, just the very ordinary one.

I notice how something in me shifts. There is a more real sense of befriending. You – the initial feeling – don’t have to go away. You are OK as you are. And as I notice this, I also notice a part that still wants it to go away. A small voice hoping that doing all of this will make it go away.

I notice I feel it in the chest and face. I allow the sensations. I understand. It’s natural to wish for discomfort to go away. I can notice and allow that too. I can notice and allow the whole ecosystem of what’s here – initial feelings, responses and responses to responses.

I quietly notice the wish to have it go away. The wish to allow. The wish for the allowing to make it go away. The wish to allow that too. It’s all happening within and as consciousness.

Then, after a while, I explore it with Vortex Healing. I do some denetworking (release connections with related issues holding it in place) for any issues behind the initial feeling, and then Angelic Heart for the same (helps open it up, align with reality).

And I make a mental note to continue to explore the rest – especially the wish to have it go away – later. (It’s an ongoing exploration.)

I thought I would share this snapshot here. It feels fresh and real, and it’s something I wish to share more of. Snapshots of daily and unremarkable noticings.


Second version:

I wake up with a feeling. It’s hard to name but it’s slightly uncomfortable. It feels a bit stagnant, gritty, dense and dark, and there is a slight sense of fear or dread in it.

It’s not strong, and I know I can shake it off by getting up. Something in me would rather get to know it better. 

I notice the sensations and the image of something dark. I feel the sensations. Notice the image. Rest with it.

I notice a slight reaction in me wanting it to go away. (Or for me to go away from it by distracting myself.) I notice it is fear and I feel it in the center of the belly. 

I feel the fear. Allow it as it is. Notice it’s already allowed. I rest with it. 

I also notice some thoughts connected with the fear: I will be engulfed by the (initial) feeling. It will take over my life. It will make me paralyzed. I will be overwhelmed if I allow myself to feel it or get to know it

The sensations in the belly are stronger. I keep resting with it. It subsides.

I go back to the initial sensations. Notice it’s little different now. Feel the sensations. Notice the image of something uniform, stagnant, and somewhat dark associated with the sensations. Notice the sensations as sensations. The images as images. Rest with all of it.

I look for a separation, a dividing line, between me and it and do see an image of a line. (It’s out in front of me, with the idea that “it” is on the left side and “I” am on the right.) I don’t experience it as real. I look more closely and find a very slight charge In my belly. I feel it and rest with it. 

I notice the wish to befriend it. It feels like a warmth in my chest, belly, face. I also notice a wish for the initial feeling to go away if I befriend it. I notice it’s tied to the fear. I feel the sensations. Rest with them. 

After a while, I step back and notice and rest with anything that’s here. The initial feeling (continues to change), any responses to it.

I notice how it all happens as this consciousness. It’s all consciousness. Even any idea of someone feeling, observing, doing, responding, is happening as consciousness. It’s not a remarkable consciousness, just the very ordinary one. 

I notice how something in me shifts. There is a more real sense of befriending. You don’t have to go away. You are OK as you are. And as I notice this, I again notice a part that still wants it to go away. A small voice hoping that doing all of this will make it go away. 

I feel this wish for it to go away in the chest and face, and how it connects to the fear in the center of the belly. I feel the sensations. Notice where they are, how it feels. Rest with it. 

I notice a thought: it’s natural to wish for it to go away. I understand.

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