Own inquiry: Tired

 

Since the idea of “tired” and “I am tired” is a common part of CFS, I thought I would explore them.

Look at the word “tired”. See it up in front of you. Look at the letters, shapes, texture. Look at the space around it.

Do you feel anything in the body when you look at the word? Yes, a knot in my stomach, a sensation through my upper body and in my face.

Feel the sensations. Allow them to be there.

Do you see any images? Yes, an image of my body and something dark especially over the upper body and more dark and dense in my belly.

Look at that image. Put it up in front of you, as if it’s on a wall. Look at the shapes, colors, texture.

Is that image tiredness? No, but it’s connected to pressure in my chest, a (smaller) knot in my belly, and sensations through the upper body and face.

Feel those sensations. What happens? I notice they get stronger when I say the word “tired” to myself. I notice sadness.

Feel the sadness. Take time with it. Allow it. Where do you feel it? My upper body feels hollow and the sadness seems to be in the middle of the hollow upper body.

Can you find the sensations creating the sadness? Yes, in my throat, chest and heart area, and a small contraction in the belly.

Feel the sensations. Allow. Rest with it. What do you notice? The sensations are getting stronger. Stronger sense of sadness. It feels good to feel it and allow it. I notice the space it’s all happening within. It feels spacious.

What do you notice now? The sensations and the sadness is less strong. Still a sense of spaciousness.

Is the knot in the belly still there? Yes, smaller.

Feel that knot. [I felt it, and took a break for food.]


Listen to the word “tired”. What happens? I feel some pressure in my chest and a small knot in my belly.

Feel those sensations. Allow. Rest with them. Notice the space they happen within.

What happens? I feel sad.

Feel the sadness. Allow. Notice the space.

[Break and continued next day.]


Listen to the word “tired”. What do you notice? A constriction in the head and neck area.

Feel the sensations. Notice. Allow. Notice the space around. (After a while, I notice spaciousness and dissipation of the contraction.)

Look at the word “tired”. Look at the letters. The shapes. Colors. Textures. Is there a reaction in your body?

Yes, a little pressure in the chest, a small knot in the belly, some tension in the face.

Feel the sensations. Allow. Rest with them.

Do you see any pictures connected with the sensations? Yes, a picture of my body with those areas darker.

Look at the image. Look at the lines, shapes, colors, texture, background. Is that image tired? No.

Is the image tiredness? Yes, there is a slight feeling that tells me it is. It’s the same sensations as before.

Feel those sensations. Notice. Allow. Rest with them.

What’s your earliest memory of having those sensations? Feeling hopeless as a kid, when going to school. (Perhaps earlier with my parents but don’t have a clear memory.)

Do you see an image of going to school and feeling that way? Yes.

Look at the image. Colors, shapes, lines, textures, the space it’s happening within.

Is that image tiredness? No.

Is it you, the one who is tired? Yes. [Switch to looking for identification with/as it.]

What tells you it is? It feels like me. I notice similar sensations in the chest, contraction in belly, something in the face.

Feel the sensations. Allow. Notice the space it’s happening within. Rest with the sensations in the space.

What do you notice? The contraction in the belly is getting stronger.

Feel that contraction. Allow. Rest with it. Take time.

Can the sensations (the contraction in the belly) hurt you? No, but it signals something that can. [Switch to look for danger.]

What does it signal? What can hurt you? The kids at school. I see an image of them looking at me, with contempt, displeased. They see me as someone who does all right in terms of schoolwork.

Look at that image. See it up in front of you, as if it’s an image in a gallery. Look at the shapes, colors, textures.

What do you notice? I feel scared, hurt. I want to escape.

Where do you feel it? In my chest, belly, face. And my whole body feels weaker.

Feel those sensations. Allow it all. Rest with it.

Can those sensations harm you? No, not the sensations.

Keep resting with the sensations.

[Break for food.]

Look at the image of you at school. What happens? I feel a knot in my belly, some heaviness in chest and face.

Feel the sensations.

Look at the image of you at school. What happens? I feel a knot in my belly, some heaviness in chest and face.

Feel the sensations. Rest with it.

What do you notice? The sensations lessen and dissipate, leaving space.

Listen to the word “tired”. What happens? Some pressure in the chest, a contraction in the throat, a knot in the belly. All less than before.

Feel those sensations. Allow. Which one is strongest? Right now, the knot in the belly.

If that knot could speak, what would it say? Help me! I need help.

Who is it that needs help? Me, at school, feeling very alone.

What help do you need? Help from teachers, parents. I need a real friend in school who can stand by my side.

Who can help you now? I can. I can give myself what I needed.

Do you mostly hear or see the words “Help me! I need help”? I hear them.

Listen to the words. Are those words tired? No, but I feel tiredness – weakness, powerlessness – in my body when I hear the words.

Feel those sensations. What do you notice? I feel powerless.

Feel the powerlessness. Where do you feel it? Through my body, and connected with the knot in the belly.

Feel all of it. Feel the sensations.

Is it scary to feel the sensations? Yes, a little.

Where do you feel the fear? All over, just a little. Especially belly, chest, face.

Is there an impulse to react to the fear? Yes, to avoid it. Do something to distract myself.

Is it OK to feel it now? Yes. It feels good. What I want.

Keep feeling the sensations that are here. Allow. Notice.

Can the sensations hurt you? No.

Keep resting with the sensations.

Listen to the words “Help me! I need help”. What happens? I notice the knot in my belly and weakness all over the body. Less strong.

Feel the sensations of the knot. What’s your earliest memory of feeling the knot in the belly? I don’t have a specific memory but it seems to have to do with the interaction between my parents, and I am very little.

Do you see an image? I see a vague image of my parents, their interactions, and me. I feel powerless and scared.

Look at the image. Is the image tired? No. Is the image you, tired? Yes, I feel tiredness in my body when I look at it.

Feel the tiredness. Allow. Notice.

What do you notice? I notice a scream in me. Fear.

Listen to the scream. Can the scream hurt you? No, but it means something is wrong.

How do you know something is wrong? I feel a sensation in my head, a vibration.

Feel the vibration. Can it hurt you? No. Is it OK to feel? Yes.

Keep feeling it.

What’s happening now? No strong sensations. Spaciousness. A small knot in my belly.

Feel the knot in the belly. Is there an image? Yes, of the knot in the belly. I see that part of my body, the belly is slightly dark and the knot even darker.

Look at the image. See it as an image. Look at the colors, shapes, texture. The space around.

Is the image tired? No. Is it you, tired? No, although I do feel some tiredness or weakness through my body when I look at it.

Feel the tiredness or weakness. Feel the sensations.

[I feel the weakness. Notice the knot in my belly again. And use some Vortex Healing for the knot in my belly and whatever issue is behind it. The knot is close to solar plexus, and it seems to have roots deeper into the center of the belly.]

[Break]

Look at the image of you, at school. (Bullied because was good at school.) What happens? I feel a slight knot in my belly.

Feel it. Rest with it. Allow. [I do, and also use Vortex Healing to get to know it and see what happens. After a while, the knot in the belly lessens a lot and there is a contraction in the throat. I keep channeling for what’s behind the knot in the belly and make a note of continuing later with the contraction in the throat.]

[End for now, although I plan to continue exploring this through inquiry and Vortex Healing.]


I should add that during this process, there is a lot of resting with what’s coming up in each phase. The vast majority of the process is resting with what’s coming up.

I don’t follow a strict Living Inquiry template (UI, AI, CI) but go with what has the most energy and then return to what I left earlier to see if there is anything else there. I have underlined some of the turning points in the inquiry.

And in the process, I discovered (what I suspected) that there is a fear from childhood that makes me feel weak (tells me to stop, avoid dangerous situations, etc.), which may be connected with the fatigue.

Related posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.