Own inquiry: The witch

 

Inquiry on a recurrent childhood dream. In the dream, I fall through darkness, look down, and see a witch grinning up at me while stirring a cauldron. I am about to fall into the cauldron.

Look at the image of the witch grinning up at you, stirring the cauldron. Look at the lines, colors, textures.

What happens? I feel sensations in the chest, throat, face. Not very strong.

Feel the sensations. Rest with them.

What do you notice? A contraction in the solar plexus area and also more in the middle of the belly.

Feel those sensations too. Rest with all of them.

What do you notice? I see an image of my mother when I was little. (The age when I had the dreams.) I see how she (sometimes) relates to my father. With contempt.

Is it an image? Several images? Two images, one of her, and one of her relating to him with contempt.

Look at both images, side by side. The lines, colors, textures, background. The space they are within.

What do you notice? I notice that in the image where she relates to my father with contempt, I see her as a witch.

Listen to the words “my mother is a witch”. What happens? I feel sensations all over the body. A heaviness. Pressure. Sadness. Grief. Fear.

Feel the sensations.

Do you notice anything? Yes, I feel trapped. I see a dark image and feel trapped within it.

Look at the dark image. The colors, lines, textures. The space it’s within. What happens? I feel pressure. Especially in the belly area, also some in the chest, face, and the rest of the body.

Feel those sensations. Rest with them.

What’s your earliest memory of feeling those sensations? It was early in life, perhaps 2-3 years of age. I can’t find a specific situation. I just see a dark image of my mother relating to my father with contempt.

Look at the image. Notice the space around it. Rest with it.

Is the image a threat? Yes, I notice a contraction in my belly when you asked the question.

Feel the sensations of that contraction. Rest with it. Notice the space around it. Rest with the sensations and the space.

[I use some Vortex Healing to explore the contraction.]

What do you notice? I notice a lot of restlessness. Discomfort. Wanting to do something else.

Where in your body do you feel the restlessness? All over and especially in the chest and throat.

Feel those sensations. Allow. Breathe.

Is it dangerous to feel the sensations? No. But when I am not fully with the sensations, I notice it feels uncomfortable and there is an impulse to distract myself away from it.

[Break]

Look at the image of your mother relating to your father with contempt.

Note: As before, the vast majority of this inquiry is resting with the sensations, images, words, and sometimes notice what else comes up. I don’t follow a strict Living Inquiry template but go with what has the most energy and then return to what I left earlier to see if there is anything else there. I have underlined some of the turning points in the inquiry.

I also know that this inquiry is influenced by images of the witch in my culture. When my mother displays contempt for my father, I see her as a witch. As a grown-up (sort of), I know that witches have been – sometimes literally – demonized in my culture, and there are other variations of witches or other ways to see them. (For instance, as powerful, independent, wise, knowledgable women.)

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