My experience of myself and the world

 

The way we experience the world often seems ordinary and unremarkable to us. We may not pay much attention to it. Although when we are on an awakening path, this tends to change. The question of how we experience ourselves and the world comes more into the foreground.

What’s the context of my experience?

It’s relatively easy for awakeness to notice itself and that content of experience happens within and as what I am. (Another label for this is oneness.) In daily life, particular content of experience is often in the foreground for practical reasons but that it’s happening within and as awakeness is always here and easily noticed.

There is also a noticing of the void all happens within and as, including the awakeness all content of experience happens within and as (!).

Is there a sense of a me or I?

Yes and no. In daily life, it’s easy to know that this human self is “me” and the one other people take me to be.

I notice a slight tension in the forehead and the roof of the mouth that feels a bit like “I”. I recognize it for what it is, and there is probably more for me to explore and see through here.

When I get caught in emotional issues, there is a stronger sense of a me and an I, although there is also an awareness of what’s going on. This too is happening within and as awakeness, it’s a temporary and local appearance, and not any ultimate truth. (Although if it’s strong, I may feel, experience, and even act as if it is.) This is something I am aware of and keep exploring, and I typically work on the emotional issues that come up.

Is this awakening?

This isn’t awakening as a state or somewhere to arrive. But it’s a snapshot of a particular phase of an awakening process. The process is ongoing and it seems unlikely to have an arrival place. There is clearly a lot further to go in clarity, healing, and embodiment, and that’s more than OK.

How is the content of my experience these days?

It keeps changing as any content of experience does. My system has a lot of fatigue right now so I notice the fatigue and rest. Sometimes, contentment is more on the surface with some low-grade other things in the background. And sometimes, different emotions are more in the foreground. When that happens, I pay attention to what it seems to be about and often explore it through informal inquiry and do some basic Vortex Healing for it.

Do I always explore what comes up?

Yes and no. I explore it in the sense that I notice it and make a mental note that this is something to continue to explore and perhaps find healing for. Sometimes I go more in-depth right away or within a few days. Sometimes, it goes on the back-burner and I know I may address it more in-depth if or when it comes up again in the future.

In general, how is this different from how most people experience themselves and the world?

I assume the essence is the same. The awake space everything is happening within (and as) is here whether we consciously notice or not. And our content of experience always changes and includes all the usual human experiences.

What’s different between this and most people’s experience?

The main difference may be that here, the awakeness – what all experience happens within and as – notices itself a bit more than what seems average these days. (And that can change – both here and in the world.)

So there isn’t that much of a difference between awakening and no awakening?

Again, yes and no. The awakeness is here and all our content of experience happens within and as it. In some cases, this is noticed – or it notices itself, and in some cases, there is identification as a me and I within this content of experience.

It seems somewhat fluid. I assume everyone has moments where they live more from the oneness (flow states etc.) and then a thought comes in saying “this human self is who I am, try not to forget it too often”.

There is a spectrum from what we are noticing itself to being caught up in identifications, and we are probably not aware of how far the spectrum goes in each end.

There is also a spectrum to how this is reflected in our life. At one end is a human life thoroughly reorganized within oneness noticing itself as all there is. This typically involves a lot of healing of emotional issues. At the other end is the extreme of living from separation consciousness and emotional issues and traumas. Most of us are somewhere in-between and shift somewhat fluidly along the mid-range.

What’s the main difference between my teens and now?

It’s actually not terribly different from my teens, following the initial spiritual opening or awakening. (Age sixteen.) The main difference is that there is more peace with the whole process now. Back then, it was intense and at time overwhelming and confusing. Now, it’s more familiar and – in a sense – ordinary.

….

Initial draft….

Do I experience problems and challenges? Yes. Most of the time, I am relatively content and peaceful with some faint undercurrents of tension and trauma. And sometimes, emotional issues come to the surface and it can be uncomfortable and I may get caught in it to some extent, although usually not for very long. I notice a low-grade struggle with some situations in my life (especially related to my health), although I can also see it for what it is and it’s something I continue to explore. And I keep exploring core emotional issues from my childhood.

Isn’t this how most people experience themselves and the world? Yes, probably and with some differences in emphasis of one or more of these things. I assume we all experience oneness and all our content of experience – the world and ourselves as it appears to us – as happening within and as what we are. It’s just that for many, the mind comes in and says “yes, but in reality I am this human being and this body”.

….

For many of us, the way we experience the world seems ordinary and unremarkable to us – and we may not pay so much attention to it. Although when we are on an awakening path, this question may come more into the foreground.

It’s relatively easy for me to notice oneness and that all happens within and as what I am. (Which the mind can label consciousness, awakeness, or something else.) In daily life, other things may be in the foreground and in focus but this is always here. There is also a noticing of the void all happens within and as, including the awakeness all content of experience happens within and as (!).

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