When I do inquiry on the belief that’s here, it feels alive, juicy, relevant, and sometimes even a bit urgent.

I sense that this really powerful aspect of the Christ, the one that carries the sword is the next really powerful archetype that is about to unfold for the collective.
- from an email from Barry responding to my dream about the white wolf.

Here is something very simple that comes up for me around the white wolf and Christ with a sword:

Through Tension/Trauma Release Exercises (TRE), tension and trauma is released from the body. A facet of this process is a reorganization of me at all levels – mental, emotional, energetic and physical – in a way that is more natural and healthy, wise and kind. And this more healthy and natural functioning includes (what appears as) the most primal aspects of me, the ones that have an earlier evolutionary origin.

Through inquiry, there is more clarity around thoughts, and this also opens up for a more natural, healthy, wise and kind functioning. Some of these beliefs are very basic and form my perception about life and death, me and the world, survival and so on. And these and any other beliefs create my whole world. They filter, label and interpret perception. They create emotions, the appearance of instincts, and even what appears as the most primal impulses. So when there is more clarity around these thoughts, even what appears as most primal in me is more aligned with reality (Spirit). It functions in a more healthy and natural way, in a way that looks more kind and wise. The primal aspects of me are more aligned with reality, and – in a certain sense – are more in service of reality awake to itself.

So the white wolf can be seen as the primal impulses aligned with reality. And Christ with a sword can be seen as Christ functioning through a human self where more of the most primal is more aligned with reality. (I use the word “more” since I assume it’s an ongoing process for anyone, even – or perhaps especially – for those where there is more clarity.)

Note: I didn’t differentiate Christ from reality, Spirit, Big Mind/Heart, Buddha Mind etc. here, although there is a very clear sense for me that Christ – although aligned with all of these – has a unique and slightly different quality. It seems to have a more fiery, heart centered (literally) and engaged quality than, for instance, Big Mind. Christ may be closer to Big Heart (in it’s engaged aspect), and perhaps Yang Big Heart. And still, it seems a bit different too. Christ has a fiery engaged aspect, and – in my experience – engages with the body especially in the heart and on top of the head. (In the energy system, I notice a quite intense brightening on and above the top of the head, it even looks quite similar to a flame!)

Note 2: TRE and inquiry are two of very many examples of how we may invite in the white wolf or Christ with a sword. It happens to be two approaches I am exploring now, so that’s why they become examples here.

………
………
………

- tre, releasing traumas
- inquiry, finding clarity – including the most basic beliefs, corresponding to the most primal aspects of us

- the most primal parts of my human self, more consciously aligned with reality

What Byron Katie says (mostly) fits my experience. It’s what was revealed to me during the initial opening, and what’s revealed as I inquire into my thoughts. Occasionally, she may say something that doesn’t quite fit my experience, although that tends to be peripheral things. (She said once that the question “whose business is it?” is mostly for beginners to inquiry, and I am not so sure.) When I post quotes from Byron Katie here, I usually don’t comment on them – mainly because what she says is revealed through inquiry.

What I have found is that reality is love (aka awareness, Spirit, Big Mind/Heart), and includes what appears as death, illness, confusion, anger, violence, wars and so on. Love includes all of these things that may appear as “not love” in a conventional view. As I find more clarity, this love is recognized more clearly in all it’s many expressions. And it’s expressed more clearly in this life, in a way that appears kind, mature and healthy and looks more as what most people expect love to look like.

Note:  When we live in a way that doesn’t appear kind, it’s most likely love filtered through confusion (beliefs). And if I examine my thoughts about it, I may find it’s still love in itself, even in that expression.

TA: The best is for me to not be more healed.

It’s best for me because…..

It’s an opportunity for humility.

It inspires me to look at my beliefs around health and find more clarity (peace, freedom).

It shows me I am not in control.

It gives me an opportunity to explore and learn about inquiry, TRE, herbs and more.

It helps me to meet others as a human being just as them, as equals.

It helps me slow down. It helps me find enjoyment in the simple things in life.

It opens me up for something new, something different from my familiar approaches and views.

Best for others

It gives others an opportunity to be of assistance.

Friends have told me they appreciate that I show myself as more fully human.

Best for the world

The ripple effects of the above may be of benefit to the world.

- 0 -

tagged: own inquiry   ]]> http://absentofi.org/2012/05/mini-inquiry-the-best-is-for-me-to-not-be-more-healed/feed/ 0 http://absentofi.org/2012/05/if-you-dont-attach-beliefs-to-it/ http://absentofi.org/2012/05/if-you-dont-attach-beliefs-to-it/#comments Thu, 17 May 2012 15:58:45 +0000 moe http://absentofi.org/?p=26763

If you don’t attach beliefs to it, sex is just like breathing or walking. It’s beauty; it’s you. But when you go into it seeking things like satisfaction, ecstasy, intimacy, connectedness, and romance, don’t count on finding them.
- Byron Katie

We only feel fulfillment if we are genuine, if we deal with things in a genuine way, if we don’t run away from our difficulties. And even with pleasures and successes, we tend to like ourselves more when we deal with them in a mature rather than in an indulgent way. Forget about superego judgment and what other people think. We’re talking about you in your own heart, your own inherent sense of value, how you feel about yourself and your life. The morality of the superego developed from this core, from the way that human beings actually work. The sense of gaining value through right conduct has a true origin. If we are who we are and do what we are capable of doing, we tend to like ourselves, appreciate ourselves, and respect ourselves.

So we’re not courageous to earn the approval of the superego, our own or anybody else’s. That won’t affect our real sense of value. We’re courageous because we know the value of knowing and living according to the truth. Courage is not an easy thing; it means taking risks, making sacrifices. Acting courageously often is scary and painful. But by allowing that fear, that pain, something happens in us. There is a transformation that makes us feel satisfied, even though we might have had a difficult time.
- AH Almaas (Hameed Ali)

This is one of the beliefs that creates a sense of separation.

I may think I am an exception in an ordinary human sense – that others and life in general doesn’t mirror me completely.

And I may perceive all as Spirit (God, the divine) except (a) parts of this human self (shadow), and (b) this I as an observer/doer.

- 0 -

I am an exception because….

I am an exception, and that means….

Life doesn’t mirror me in these ways…..

I am more…. than….

I am less…. than….

- 0 -

Additional beliefs

This sense of I is separate from life (reality, God, the divine).

This doer/observer is separate from life.

- 0 -

Note

I notice the importance in not censoring myself when I make the lists above. What I write is – at one level – clearly not true, and often contradictory.

And yet, it comes up, it’s held as an innocent belief somewhere, so it can be helpful to take them to inquire and see what I find.

I may be surprised.

- 0 -

Own inquiry

I am an exception because….

I am more confused.

I am more lost.

I am more insightful.

I am not as good with people.

I am an exception, and that means….

I am alone. Isolated.

Not as good as others. Better than others.

Life doesn’t mirror me when….

I am more…. compared with…

I am more kind than Hitler.

I am more confused than Byron Katie.

I feel more lost than JH.

I am not as… compared with….

Clever. Insightful. Skilled.

Skilled in life.

I am not as clear as Adyashanti

I am not as accomplished as OKL.

I am not as good looking as Brad Pitt.

I am not as good with people as BMS.

- 0 -

(66) Jesus said, “Show me the stone which the builders have rejected. That one is the cornerstone.”
- Gospel of Thomas (Lambdin translation)

It can be fun to explore pointers from a more nondual context and inquiry.

I also notice a tendency to go to what’s already quite familiar to me. How would it be to stay with it as an inquiry and see what I find? How would it be to gather examples of how it’s true for me?

What’s coming up first for me here, with this verse from the Gospel of Thomas, is that what I may initially discard in myself and see as worthless or even problematic, often turns out to be the most valuable in hindsight, or when I have digested it more, found some resolution, or inquired into my thoughts around it.

I inquired into the simple label of a “dark night” and found a long list of genuine examples of how it’s a brilliant day, and the label doesn’t quite fit anymore. Someone who appeared as a bully to me in my childhood was equally or more a friend, and the bullying label doesn’t fit anymore. What appears as pain is revealed as something else, here too the label doesn’t fit anymore. The more challenging a situation appears, the more basic beliefs I am invited to inquire into in order to find clarity, peace and freedom. And all that’s required is simple, real and honest answers and examples to the turnarounds.

TA: The best that can happen in my life is to be innocently accused.

It’s best for me because….

I get inspired to be clear on my thoughts around being innocently accused.

I get to see who my friends are (in a conventional sense).

I may experience kindness and support.

I may find that people in my life support me and are kind to me even if they think I did it.

I may get engaged in projects to free innocently convicted people.

I may find freedom in jail/prison.

It may help me not take it personally.

Best for others

If they realize I was innocently accused, they may be less quick at making assumptions with others.

It may bring some to inquiry.

If I get engaged in projects to free innocently convicted people, some of these may be helped.

If I find clarity on my stories around being innocently accused, it may help others in a similar situation or with a similar fear.

Best for the world

It may lead to a shift in policy which benefits the world.

- 0 -

Resistant thoughts

I don’t want to be innocently accused, so why should I see it as good for me?

I will open myself up for it happening.

I will be complacent around it.

-  0 -

I sit with the question.

Sounds happen as awareness.

They hear themselves.

(And they are heard by the whole field of awareness.)

The appearance of the sound happens instantaneous.

A bit later, there is an image of space, of a sound over there, a me over here with a certain boundary, and this me hearing the sound and responding to it.

There is also an image of an I observing it all.

It’s a bit comical how these images of space, sound and me pop up, in an attempt to explain and make sense of something that is very much simpler. And there is also a beauty in it’s innocence.

- 0 -

Initial draft

I sit with this question.

I notice the sounds are heard right where they are.

They are awareness/sound/hearing in one.

The hearing happens instantaneous.

Then, there is an image of space, with an image of the sound over there and a me here hearing it.

Those images happen quite a while after the sound appeared.

They are constructed.

And the me is very small within the field of awareness.

It’s an image of a me within a particular boundary.

I stay with the question.

The sounds happens instantaneously as awareness/sound in one.

Then a series of images of space, a sound located in space,

and a me located somewhere else in space hearing or responding to the sound.

There is also an image of time, and images tying together sounds from the past, more recent past, and expected sounds in the future.

(The images are a bit delayed.)

- o -

The answers are not so interesting.

They are just what happens here and now.

So I sit with the question again.

What comes up now?

What seems true for me?

What seems even more true for me?

- 0 -

tagged: inquiry   ]]> http://absentofi.org/2012/05/what-hears-the-sounds/feed/ 0 http://absentofi.org/2012/05/dream-cross-country-skiing/ http://absentofi.org/2012/05/dream-cross-country-skiing/#comments Wed, 16 May 2012 08:39:57 +0000 moe http://absentofi.org/?p=26721

I am attending a long-distance cross country skiing event with a team. I go for a while, then rest in a comfortable vehicle while others on the team go. It’s night. I shift between feeling overwhelmed by thinking of the very long distances we are going, seeing it’s been OK so far, and suspecting the feelings of overwhelm and exhaustion may be created by my thoughts about it being exhausting in the future.

This mirrors my waking life. After the cf, even regular daily activities can feel like a long distance cross country skiing event. And I also see that a sense of tiredness and exhaustion is created by my thoughts about it. A sense of exhaustion and tiredness is created from (a) a label, an interpretation (which also brings attention away from symptoms of vitality), and (b) stories such as I will be exhausted, I need more rest (when I have the thought I need more rest it’s as if my mind says to itself “OK, if that’s the case I’ll create an experience of tiredness so he’ll rest”).

Some stories:

It’s cf.

It’s tiredness.

I need more rest.

A slight resistance and fear, created by beliefs:

If I allow the nausea, it will take over.

It will be overwhelming.

If I resist the experience, I can keep it at a distance.

And as soon as I dove into the experience of nausea, there was a shift.

It wasn’t scary at all.

The nausea revealed itself as something quite different than how it initially appeared.

A full, soft experience. There was a sense of coming home.

And I still laid on the sofa, drank water, took it easy.

As soon as attention went somewhere else, there was that slight (habitual) leaning back again.

And yet, this time, I remembered that diving into it is OK.

- 0 -

The reality is that without a story you’re genderless—not male, not female, not even human. You’re not anything. It is not anything, it’s more than that. It’s all-inclusive; it doesn’t even question. There are no questions in the void, there is only the experience of it. And not even that.
- Byron Katie

What resistant thoughts do I notice when I am reminded of this?

I won’t function.

I am not ready. It’s too soon.

It requires too much of me.

tagged: byron katie, statements for inquiry   ]]> http://absentofi.org/2012/05/without-a-story-youre-not-anything/feed/ 0 http://absentofi.org/2012/05/how-i-want-a-specific-person-to-treat-me/ http://absentofi.org/2012/05/how-i-want-a-specific-person-to-treat-me/#comments Tue, 15 May 2012 10:37:13 +0000 moe http://absentofi.org/?p=26691

Make a list of how you want a specific person to treat you. Get specific. Start treating that person this way. Do this exercise for at least two different people. Notice any thought that would prevent you from living the turnarounds (“They won’t understand.” “They don’t treat me that way.” “They’ll think…”).

- 0 -

How I want Jan to treat me

(Elementary school.)

I want Jan to be a good friend to me.

I want Jan to be on my side.

I want Jan to treat me with respect, appreciation and kindness.

I want Jan to defend me if others are unkind to me.

Turnarounds

I want me to be a good friend to Jan.

I want me to be on Jan’s side.

I want me to treat Jan with respect, appreciation and kindness.

I want me to defend Jan if others are unkind to him.

Thoughts that would prevent me from living these turnarounds

He is not in my life anymore.

TA: He is in my life now.

Yes, he is here in my mind. I can treat him with kindness, respect and be on his side in my mind.

Other people in my life may take his role, and I could treat them with kindness, respect and be on their side.

I am doing the exercise wrong since it’s on a past situation.

TA: I am doing the exercise right since it’s on a past situation.

It’s equally or more true that it’s in the present.

My thoughts about him are here & now.

- 0-

How I want the neighbors to treat me

I want them to be quiet.

To close the doors carefully.

To turn down the volume.

To not smoke out the window.

To not argue loudly.

Turnarounds

I want me to be quiet.

(Especially in how I treat them in my mind.)

To close the doors carefully.

To turn down the volume.

(On my thoughts about them.)

To not smoke out the window.

(To not smoke with anger, frustration.)

To not argue loudly.

(About them in my mind.)

Thoughts that would prevent me from living these turnarounds

I don’t meet them often in person.

I am doing all the work.

- o -

Possible situations

Bullies at school treating me with respect, as friends.

My mother being comfortable with herself, so benefits me.

BH staying in my life.

Neighbors being quiet.

All of the traditions that came out of India – Jainism, Hinduism, and Buddhism – center on the idea of reincarnation. This is just as fundamental to Indian mythological thinking as our idea of Judgment, Heaven, and Hell is to our tradition. The notion is that the soul – what I will call the reincarnating monad – puts on bodies and takes them off, over and over again, as a person puts on and removes clothing.
- Joseph Campbell

There is an appearance of a human self here. There may also be the appearance of a soul – an alive presence, personal and impersonal, infinitely wise and kind (and this soul may reincarnate in other bodies after this one, or not). And there is identification with (or as) this human self, with this soul, or a softening and release of this identification. It’s all reality appearing as a human self, a soul, identification or softening/absence of identification. It’s all the play of reality.

…………
…………
…………

draft….

I am a human self. I am (my name). I am (gender). I am (age). I am (role in family, society). I am (personal characteristics).

And if there is a sense of the soul – this alive presence, infinitely kind and wise: I am this soul.

Death is real. Death is…. (make a list).

What do I find when I take these stories to inquiry?

What I am most afraid of about death is…. (Make a list. Then turn each one around to what I am most afraid of about life is… and find examples where that’s true. These can in turn be taken to inquiry.)

What I am most afraid of about reincarnation is…. (Make a list. Then turn each one around to what I am most afraid of about life is… and find examples where that’s true. These can in turn be taken to inquiry.)

- 0 -

What I am most afraid of about death is….

I will suffer. I will be judged. I will have failed in life.

I will have to live another life. I will suffer. I will be confused and lost.

What I am most afraid of about life is…

I will suffer.

Yes, that’s true. I am afraid of suffering itself, and of what I imagine will make me suffer: confusion, pain, mistakes.

And so on.

- 0 -

What I am most afraid of about reincarnation is….

It will never end. I will continue to be confused and suffer. I will be lost.

I don’t have control.

- 0 -

………….
………….
………….

Initial draft….

It’s interesting how we see this human self, the soul, and also awareness.

If there is a strong identification with/as this human self (the images of this human self), then it may seem that I have a soul and awareness. I may experience or sense the soul, and awareness is clearly here, and yet it’s somehow not quite me. It’s a bit puzzling perhaps.

If there is identification as the soul – as the alive presence (infinitely kind and wise, personal and yet clearly related to Spirit) – then there may be a sense that I am this human self and the soul, or that I am the soul and have a body & psyche. Here too, awareness is something I have, yet it’s not quite me. Again, it’s a bit puzzling.

When identification is mostly centered on the human self or the soul, awareness makes up a background which is not quite me or I. It almost appears as an appendix. And that does seem a bit puzzling. What’s the relationship between me/I and awareness?

In terms of reincarnation, then I am this human self, and my soul reincarnates into another body (if there is identification with the images of this human self), or I have this body now and will have another later on (if there is identification with the images of the soul).

What’s puzzling too is that this human self and the soul come and go in awareness. Sometimes, the human self is clearly here, other times – as in dreams – it may be gone entirely or replaced with another being. Sometimes, the alive presence is clearly here – with its infinite kindness and wisdom, other times, it appears to be gone. As with any other content of awareness, this human self and the soul presence come and go. That’s it’s nature. It’s the job of any experience to come and go.

What’s left? What’s always here? Am I what comes and goes, or what any experience happens within and as?

If identification shifts into awareness itself, then there may be a more clear sense that this human self comes and goes in awareness, as does the alive soul presence. The sense of an “I” doesn’t quite apply here. An “I” is identification with and as an image, for instance of a doer/observer, and these too – identifications and images – come and go within/as awareness.

And yet, there may still be a sense of “I” there. There may be an identification with the image of awareness. As this releases, what’s revealed is capacity. Capacity for awareness and whatever happens within/as awareness. Capacity appears as awareness and whatever happens within/as awareness.

Note: I tend to not use the word “consciousness” since it’s sometimes used (mostly in western philosophy and psychology?) to refer to the psyche – thoughts, feelings etc.

Who would I be without (my stories of)…  opening, shakti, seeing energies, opening, insights, clarity, dark night?

Beliefs

It’s kundalini.

It’s an opening.

It’s an insight.

It’s knowledge.

It’s clarity.

It’s a dark night.

- 0 -

What do I find when I (a) take one of these thoughts,

(b) find a situation where I had that thought, and

(c) inquire into it (as if) from that situation?

- o -

Related thoughts

I am further along than him. She is further along than I am.

I don’t get it. I get it.

He doesn’t get it. She gets it.

I am special. He is special.

- 0 -

TA: One life is enough.

It’s what everyone has. Reality (God, the universe) sees it as enough.

I live many lives in this life – different phases, locations, relationships, maturing, experiences.

When I wrote a list of what I wanted to do/experience in this life, I realized I have done most of it already.

What I really want is quite simple.

What’s here is enough. It has always been enough.

TA: Many lives are not enough.

If I believe the initial thought, many lives will not be enough. I will feel that something is missing.

- 0 -

tagged: own inquiry   ]]> http://absentofi.org/2012/05/mini-inquiry-one-life-is-not-enough/feed/ 0 http://absentofi.org/2012/05/mini-inquiry-life-should-be-easier/ http://absentofi.org/2012/05/mini-inquiry-life-should-be-easier/#comments Mon, 14 May 2012 16:57:04 +0000 moe http://absentofi.org/?p=26664 For many people, an interest in spirituality is driven – at least partially – by a desire to escape, to find peace, freedom, a refuge.

So it’s good to look at the beliefs behind this desire.

- 0 -

I want life to be easier for me.

I want life to be friendlier for me.

I want life to feel more at home for me.

- 0 -

I need an escape.

I need an refuge.

I want a way out.

Clarity is a way out.

- 0 -

It’s better to not be seen.

It’s better to not exist.

- 0 -

This is not enough.

Life is not enough.

Truth is not enough.

I am not enough.

I want something else.

- 0 -

Who would I be without these stories?

These beliefs create the apparent desire for escape, for a refuge, for peace, for something else than what’s here.

Who would I be without these stories?

For now, what comes up is someone at peace with what’s here.

And, most likely, still with an interest in clarity and kindness, and living from clarity and kindness.

It can always be more clear.

And I get to see when I inquire into these beliefs.

- 0 -

Should, need, want

I am curious about the differences between (a) life should be easier, (b) I need life to be easier, and (c) I want life to be easier.

On the surface, I see that it’s not true for me that life should be easier, or that I need life to be easier.

And it still seems true that I want life to be easier, so that’s the one I am most drawn to right now.

- 0 -

……….
……….
……….

- I need to escape (life, this situation)

- it’s better to not exist

- it’s better to not be seen

- i need a refuge (a physical place, in peace, spirituality etc.)

- enlightenment/clarity is a way out

- I want to escape, I want to not be here, I want something else

- Life should be easier for me, feel more at home for me, be more friendly for me

-

No one who says “I should love myself” knows what love is. Love is what we are already. To think that you should love yourself when you don’t is delusion. Isn’t the turnaround truer? “I shouldn’t love myself.” That’s it, for now. The truth is no respecter of spiritual concepts. Love is not a doing. And when you question your mind, you can see that the only thing that keeps you from being love is a stressful thought.
- Byron Katie

The best that can happen in my life is to meet a ghost.

It’s the best for me because….

I would be inspired to identify and inquire into my thoughts about ghosts.

I may get to see it is OK, that my greatest fears didn’t happen.

Through finding clarity on my stories about ghosts, there could be shift in other areas of my life – e.g. where I am scared of something unknown.

For others

It may be helpful/inspiring for others if I find clarity on my stories about ghosts.

It may help people open their view of the world and what’s possible (in terms of ghosts and inquiry).

If I find clarity and meet them with kindness, this and/or future ghosts may find peace.

For the world

The ripple effects of the above may be helpful for the world.

If ghosts find peace, it may be of benefit for the world.

- o -

Resistant thoughts I noticed during inquiry

If I see meeting a ghost as the best for me, I will meet one. They will keep coming.

I will end up helping ghosts move on. I will have a ghost busting business.

People will see me as weird.

- o -

I am invited to be the guest of the king and queen of Norway for a few days, and we enjoy a good connection. As part of the visit, I am invited to a Sunday morning church service. It’s a small and beautiful church. I arrive early. As I look for the toilets, I see a large mirror on a wall and a white wolf appears in it. It moves around in the mirror looking at me very intently, as if it wants to convey something to me. I get the sense that it has been expecting me.

The image of an old woman with white hair replaces the wolf. She grimaces at me. Another church goer comes up next to me, also on his way to the bathroom. He has been coming to the church regularly and is familiar with the woman. She now appears in the form of white smoke up under the ceiling, still scowling and grimacing at us.

I decide to find a seat, and three class mates (A., T, S-E) from elementary and middle school comes and sit down next to me. Only I and S-E sing.

(a) I become good friends with the king and queen. We enjoy an easy connection and have much in common. (b) The white wolf in the mirror was beautiful, strong, and had a fierce determination. There was a clear sense that it had been expecting me and wanted to convey something to me, although the time wasn’t quite ripe yet. This was an initial contact. (c) The old woman replacing the wolf brought up some fear in me. She was a ghost, and appeared as white smoke in the room when the other man came. He and the other church goers were used to it and unshaken. (d) My three school mates arriving was a surprise to me. One (A.) was/is (?) an atheist. I am not sure if T. is or not. And S-E had/has a good heart so I was less surprised to see him there. We are the only two who sing along to the hymns. The church itself was small and very beautiful, a jewel of a church.

After waking up, I explore the image of the white wolf. It feels powerful and important, and is somehow very moving for me. The white wolf is strong, independent, primal and with a fierce determination. I get a sense it’s a primal aspect of Christ – fierce and completely at home in the body. It feels a bit overwhelming, and I wonder if the old woman appearing to replace it represents my fears. I used to be quite afraid of ghosts as a child, and that fear surfaced  in the dream again. There is a sense that the white wolf is there only for me (at this time), and the ghost is familiar to everyone.

Beliefs about the white wolf, the fierce primal aspect of Christ fully at home in the body:

It’s too much. It’s overwhelming. I am not ready. It will demand too much of me. My life will change too much. I don’t know how to bring it in/live from it. I need to know how to bring it in/live from it.

Beliefs about the ghost:

I need to know what/who she is. She is scary to me. She can harm me.

Childhood beliefs about ghosts:

They are scary, unknown. I don’t want to meet them. They can harm me. They represent something dark.

Day residue: I read about The Quest for the Unicorn a few days ago, and thought about it again last night, especially how unicorns often represent Christ. Before going to sleep, I listened a bit to chapter 15 of The Order of the Phoenix where Sirius Black’s mother appears in a picture, screaming.

TA: It’s not terrible to die a violent death.

It can happen fast.

It’s over. (Ephemeral, doesn’t last so long.)

It’s an experience, like any other experience. (Equal)

 TA: It’s wonderful to die a violent death.

It’s part of human experience, animals experience it. It makes me equal. (It makes that person equal to anyone else.)

Someone else did it. (Didn’t have to do it oneself.)

It invites others to inquiry, to prevent it, to life their life more fully, to work on healing/reconciliation.

TA: It’s terrible to die a peaceful death.

For the ones who are left, it can be equally terrible. (As when it’s violent.)

I don’t know how it was for that person.

 - 0 -

It’s terrible for me to die a violent death.

 TA: It’s not terrible for me to die a violent death.

I don’t know. I can only have images and stories about it at this point. I don’t know how it will be. I may surprise myself. (When I had kidney stone pain, there was a shift into Big Mind which made it easier.)

It will be over. It’s ephemeral. It doesn’t last.

TA: It’s wonderful for me to die a violent death.

It makes me just like the many others who have died a violent death – among humans and other animals. It’s part of a shared experience.

It may be an invitation for others to inquiry, appreciation of their own life, work to prevent it from happening to others.

It may be a quick death.

- o -

The worst that could happen in my life is that I will die a violent death.

TA: The best that could happen in my life is that I will die a violent death.

It’s the best for me because:

It may be quicker and less painful than some other forms of death.

It may not be as I thought (feared/believed) it would be. I could be surprised. I may find that reality is kind.

I will be just like many others that died a violent death. It’s a shared human and animal experience.

I get to see that my death is not under my control. It’s not my business.

The best for others because:

It may invite people in my life (who have The Work) to notice and inquire into their thoughts on death, violence, loss.

People in my life may find a greater appreciation of their own life.

People who hear about it may work to prevent it from happening to others.

The best for the world because:

The ripple effects of inquiry, appreciation, prevention may benefit the world.

- 0 -

Resistant thoughts I noticed during inquiry

If I see a violent death as the best that can happen to me, it will happen.

I won’t try to prevent a violent death. I will become complacent, heartless.

A violent death is inherently bad. There is no point in inquiring into it.

If I find peace with a violent death, I will be too different from others.

- o -

From Shona:

I may experience forgiveness towards the situation/person responsible.

I may get to see that the reality of it is kinder than my previous thoughts around it (eg. it’s not as bad as I thought it might be).

I get to see that my death, and manner of my death is none of my business – humility/surrender/allowing/trust life and death.

It may help others to find their freedom through inquiry into their stories about it.

It may be quicker than experiencing a prolonged and painful path towards death.

Specific example for helping others to find their freedom… is Costa finding peace around the violent death of his mother-in-law.

- o -

What’s really going on here?

As with anything else in the world – people, fairy tales, dreams, aliens, God, the universe, reality – these people are perfect mirrors for me.

I may have beliefs about them:

They are crude, unconscious, unaware.

They have inner conflict, they are at war with themselves.

They are disturbing me. They are disturbing my peace. It’s my peace. It’s a problem for me. It hinders my life. I am a victim of their confusion.

And I can inquire into these stories to find what’s more true for me. (I may find that the discomfort I experience is from my beliefs about them and the situation, and the resistance these beliefs create, and not from them or the situation.)

These people also mirror perfectly what’s here.

(a) The images and stories I have about them are my images of stories. They are right here. They are created by me.

(b) These people mirror my own discomfort, tension and unease, my own struggle and war with myself. They mirror my own tension and struggle as I go into my beliefs about them, and my own tension and struggle in other situations in life.

(c) It’s all happening within my world of awareness, within and as awareness itself – as any sensation, sight, taste, smell, sound and any image and story. Even the story of a person out there and a me here happens within and as awareness. There is an image of a person out there, a me here, struggle in the other person, an impact on me, an I observing it all, and identification or not with these stories, and this all happens within this world of awareness.

And this doesn’t preclude common sense. If I feel discomfort in the presence of certain people, for instance on the train, I may move to another part of the train. And I can find ways to release much of the tension in me which is triggered by these people, for instance through TRE – Tension/Trauma Release Exercises.

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draft…..

- open to the energies of others (suffering, tension, inner struggle etc.) (sensitive)
- a perfect mirror as with anything else in the world (people, fairy tales, dreams, aliens, God, the universe, reality etc.)

- beliefs about it (They are crude. It’s wrong. They are intruding in my life/experience. They are disturbing me. They are not clear, in conflict/at war with themselves, confused, caught up in struggle. It’s a problem for me. It hinders my life. It’s unfair. I am a victim of it. There is someone there impacting me. There is an other and a me/an I.
- a mirror for what’s here (the story/images about it is here, the characteristics are here, it’s all happening here – within/as awareness)

TA: Suffering is not terrible.

It’s very ephemeral. It’s here for a while, then it’s gone. It’s not terrible.

TA: Suffering is wonderful.

In my experience, it’s humbling in a good way, it makes me more human. Suffering opens me up.

In my experience, the intensity of it is a “peak” experience, it brings me close and here & now. It’s wonderful in that sense.

I feel alive, even in the suffering, and very present.

It makes me seek new solutions because the old doesn’t work. There is receptivity for something new.

The painful thing about suffering is trying to escape it, not the suffering itself.

(And is it suffering if I don’t try to escape it?)

Specific to a situation where I experienced suffering:

A year and a half ago, when the dark night was at it’s darkest (so far!), I realized “I” couldn’t do anything. “I” couldn’t fix it, manipulate it, control it. That was humbling in a very god way.

During that time, I also saw I couldn’t just “pull myself out of it”. It was impossible. It helped me understand how it is for others. It made me see myself as more human, more as anyone else.

It was also a very intense and alive experience, bringing me to the present. That was genuinely wonderful.

It brought me to seek help in a very sincere way. It helped me open up to new and different ways of relating to life and my experience.

Specifically, it helped me experience – more intimately – my tendency to want to escape experiences and life, and that itself is painful.

- 0 -

Note

I see that it makes a difference to find examples from a very specific situation. It makes it more real and it feels more honest.

If I stay at the abstract, I have a feeling that I may be tricking myself, and I do. I go into generalizations and affirmations.

When inquiry – and the examples for the turnarounds – are for a specific situation in my life, it brings it into focus. It is real.

- 0 -

The worst that could happen in my life is that I will suffer.

TA: The best that could happen in my life is that I will suffer.

It’s be the best for me because:

It shows me what’s left (in terms of beliefs).

It may open me up for something new, outside of my familiar framework.

It may give me understanding and compassion for others who suffer.

I may see that I cannot just pull myself out of it, and it’s the same for others.

It’s an invitation to notice and inquire into my beliefs about (resistance to) suffering, and find more peace with it.

I may find that suffering is not what I thought it was. I may see that “suffering” is a label, and that the turnaround is equally or more true.

It may be an intense and alive experience which brings attention here and now.

I may ask for help from someone I otherwise wouldn’t.

I may feel more connected with people in my life through sharing more openly what’s going on for me.

I may experience kindness from others and life in a way I didn’t expect.

I may share my humanity more openly with friends and family.

I may embrace my humanity more fully.

Best for others:

It invites people in my life (who have inquiry) to inquiry, to notice and questions their beliefs about suffering, helping.

People in my life see me as more fully human, and may give themselves permission to embrace more of themselves.

Best for the world:

If I find peace with suffering (and the thoughts creating suffering), it may be of benefit to the world. It’s an example. It shows it’s possible. I may share it through individual facilitation and workshops, and just through ordinary daily life.

- o -

Resistant thoughts

If I see suffering as good, it may happen.

I may stay with suffering instead of trying to find a way out.

I will be complacent.

People will see me as heartless.

- 0 -

I am in a war (in the Balkans?) as an observer with a group of others. The setting is very bleak. A group of freed hostages are without food. I don’t see any direct war activities, only the effects of the war.

At the teleclass for The Work on Thursday, I wrote a list of “the worst that can happen in my life is…”. One item was to be innocently accused and imprisoned, which I dreamed about yesterday. Another was to be in a war situation, which I dreamed about this morning. The setting in this dream was very bleak. We slept on dirty mattresses on the floor in naked concrete buildings. The landscape was devastated from bombings and tanks. A woman in my group of observers was a pilot and had lost her co-pilot the day before. The freed hostages were without food and very hungry. I woke up, wrote this down, and the dream continued after I fell asleep again, with the same people and in the same setting.

When I am at war with myself, this is how it feels – bleak, desolate and a sense of unease. It’s also a reminder that “freed hostages” – for instance images of myself or others that I used to keep “hostage” (see as wrong, at fault, or a victim) may be “freed” through inquiry. The next step may be to “feed” them – through love. I wonder if this came up because I have used ho’oponopono more the last few weeks, and especially on an image of myself as a baby (in a crib in a dark room, alone) the last few days.

Some beliefs that surface:

War is terrible.

It’s terrible to die. It’s terrible to die a violent death. It’s terrible to die young.

It’s possible to die a violent death. It’s possible to die.

Suffering is terrible. Suffering is wrong. Suffering is unbearable. People shouldn’t suffer. It’s possible to suffer.

War is unfair. War is tragedy. It’s wrong to kill someone else.

People’s homes shouldn’t be destroyed.

I should help. I should prevent it. It’s up to me to prevent it.

It harms me to witness violence, death, war. I will die a violent death.

Brutality is terrible. War crimes are terrible. War injuries are terrible.

I need war to stop. I want people to live peacefully. God should make war impossible. War shouldn’t be possible. War is terrible, unjust, a mistake, unbearable. I don’t want to ever experience war again.

I looked at the sensations, and found just pure sensations.

The story of tiredness was just an image and a story, and lost it’s grip.

Then, a story of pain around the eyes.

It’s pain –> it’s pleasure.

Yes, I can see it’s equally or more true that it’s pleasure.

The sensations around my eyes are pleasurable.

Variations:

(a) The sense of I is gone.

(Has happened at times.)

(b) Identification with the image of I is gone.

(Happens now and then.)

(c) Identification may be here, and recognized as simply identification.

(More current.)

(d) Identification is here, sometimes recognized as simply identification and sometimes not.

(Yes.)

TA: What’s nice will continue.

There has always been new nice things in my life so far.

What’s nice will continue in my memory.

When I call it nice, it highlights that aspect of it so it continues.

The quiet joy that seems inherent in existence/experience is here, it continues.

 I am in South America and am accused of smuggling drugs. The authorities (of Inka descent) know I am innocent, and yet are determined to have me convicted and executed. During a brief escape, I meet my Norwegian family and friends who don’t understand how serious it is. They assume I will be acquitted if I am innocent.

This is a recurrent fear for me: being innocently accused and convicted.

Day residue: (i) On my list of “the worst that can happen is….” yesterday, in the telecourse, I wrote “being innocently accused, 0convicted and imprisoned”. (ii) I read about Polanski’s new film project on the Dreyfus affair and noticed I got a bit worked up thinking about that affair. (iii) I saw a news story about two young Norwegian women in prison in South America for drug smuggling (they say they were tricked into it). (iv) I had a conversation about the Treholt case with a friend, in a quite different context (I have always thought it most likely that he’s innocent). (v) And I read Prisoners of the Sun a couple of days ago (where Tintin and his friends are captured and about to be executed by a group of current day Inkas).

Earlier situations: I was innocently accused at least three times as a child. (a) My mother was angry at me and accused me of having done something I hadn’t. She chose to believe my older brother and one of his friends (who had told her I had done something they had) instead of me. (b) I was brought to the principals office in elementary school, accused of having done something I hadn’t even heard about. Again, someone had told him I was responsible. He did believe me after a conversation. (c) The same happened in middle school, although the principal didn’t believe me. (I had no idea what I was supposed to have done.)

Beliefs from the dream:

Something terrible has happened/will happen.

There is no way out.

Its not fair. Life is not fair. I need life to be fair.

Life is out to get me/trick me.

Life can take a sudden turn for the worse.

I am not in control. I need to be in control. It’s better if I am in control.

Others have authority over me.

I don’t understand them. (The ones accusing me even if they know I am innocent.)

It matters what people think about me.

They should set me free. They should treat me with respect. I want them to release me. I need peace.

I will die. I shouldn’t die. I will die too young. I will miss out of life.

Beliefs from first childhood situation:

She should believe me.

She should trust me.

Beliefs from school situations:

I am unfairly treated.

I am innocently accused.

He doesn’t believe me.

I am a victim of the situation.

And some underlying beliefs:

I am innocently accused, and that means…. Life is not fair. I can’t trust life. People will judge me/mistrust me. Family and friends won’t believe me.

I am innocently accused because…. Life is out to get me. Something terrible can happen at any time.

tagged: dream   ]]> http://absentofi.org/2012/05/dream-innocently-accused-2/feed/ 2 http://absentofi.org/2012/05/who-would-i-be-without-my-story-of-light-and-dark/ http://absentofi.org/2012/05/who-would-i-be-without-my-story-of-light-and-dark/#comments Thu, 10 May 2012 11:43:05 +0000 moe http://absentofi.org/?p=26526 Who would I be without my story of light and dark?

When I do this inquiry, I can bring to mind a specific situation where I saw something as dark or light and do inquiry from there. For instance, a situation of illness, loss or confusion (dark), or of clarity, health, getting something I wanted (light).

Underlying beliefs: It’s dark. It’s light. Light is better than dark. It’s dark and that means…. It’s light and that means….

And some Related inquiries:

Who would I be without my story of clarity and confusion?

Who would I be without my story of health and illness?

Who would I be without my story of good and bad?

Who would I be without my story of clarity and confusion?

Who would I be without my story of Sacred and not Sacred?

Who would I be without my story of me and the world?

In each case, I can find underlying assumptions, a specific situation where I had the belief, take it to inquiry, and see what I find.

Some underlying assumptions of the story of clarity and confusion:

It’s clarity. (What I see in Byron Katie, Adyashanti). It’s confusion. (What I experience).

Clarity is better than confusion.

Clarity will give me….

Happiness. Equanimity. Satisfaction. Friends. Health. A good life.

If I didn’t have my story of clarity and confusion, what I am afraid would happen is….

I wouldn’t seek clarity. I would be blind to clarity and confusion. I would be lost. I wouldn’t have a direction in life.

P.S. Thanks Shona for suggesting the initial thought for inquiry!