They found it difficult to understand why, when soldiers were already provided with adequate protection goggles, there were still a high number of eye-related injuries. It turned out the problem was obvious: the goggles made them look - in their words - “like grannies”.  Soldiers were issued with some new, cooler goggles created by designer Wiley X. Now they wear them all the time - even when they don’t need to. As a result, there has been a tremendous drop in the numbers of soldiers blinded in battle.

Another simple example of making it easy and attractive to do what is right, from BBCs article Dr Atul Gawande’s checklist for saving lives.

This can be applied to any area of life. How can we organize ourselves as a society and individuals in ways that makes it easy and attractive to do what supports life at all levels and over generations?

The guy in the photo may have dropped his granny goggles, but he is still wearing his boa wrong.

This is quite similar to my own life. I was hit quite hard by chronic fatigue about three years ago, and my focus and passion unraveled and drained almost completely during that time. Before this happened, my attention was quite stable and easily focused, as I noticed in daily life and during sitting practice. The last year or so, it has been much more frazzled and unfocused, as am I in daily life. I have spent the last half year or so trying to bring it all back together, including through some breath practice. It is only over the last few weeks I am starting to notice a more significant improvement.

This can also be seen through the Big Mind process. I used to have a relatively strong and engaged master, but he went down the drain during the most strong chronic fatigue period. Now, he is gradually waking up again and coming back, even if there is still much further to go.

It is amazing how thoroughly I collapsed during the heavy chronic fatigue, but also good to see that it can reorganize and come back together again, much as before.

So, why SETI? The search for life elsewhere in the universe shows curiosity, long-term views, and use of technology to answer some of the deepest questions we have about ourselves and life in general. It is, in many ways, aligned with the deepest values of humanity.

The dream then gives me a clear image: First, teams working in an intelligent way on the deepest questions, aligned with the deepest values. Then, the larger group starting out slightly uncoordinated and unfocused, and then finding organization and focus through clear and strong leadership.

The first part is mostly in place, at least for now. The second part needs attention. I need to provide that focus, organization and leadership for myself, in my daily life.

I am visiting a friend on Nesodden. She lives in a beautiful house, in an equally beautiful location, but is thinking of selling it for something smaller and more appropriate to her life. After leaving in the evening, I end up on a long adventure with someone else. We arrive at one amazing and beautiful place after another. Amazing natural formations and rivers. Old and beautiful houses with a great deal of character.

Nesodden is probably my favorite place, with its natural beauty, its relative isolation yet close to Oslo, and its people who are often cultured, somewhat free spirited, and often have character.

This was also the atmosphere of the dream, yet even more so:

Earthy. Strong presence and atmosphere. Amazing beauty. A great deal of character.

I am also reminded that parts of the landscape looked like areas of Mount Roraima. And the dream as a whole seems to share the rugged and earthy beauty of that place.

It was a Big dream, and yet without a clear message in the story. The atmosphere seems far more important.

The dream may be telling me two things: First, allow that earthy character and beauty back in my life again. I have a strong attraction to it, and it was in my life far more when I lived in Norway earlier, and is now gradually returning. Then, allow my own earthy character to show more. I have trained myself to appear quite conventional and ordinary, holding back a great deal in how I appear in the world. Maybe it is time to let it come out a little more.

More from Mount Roraima:

………………..

, that earthy character mixed with culture and beauty.

The present moment is highly overrated. From an evolutionary perspective, the past and the future are where it’s at. Any aardvark, antelope, cat, or cockroach can effortlessly reside in the present moment. Only human beings can engage deeply with the past and consciously co-create the future. By doing so, by looking outward with aims of bettering our world, big or small, we also walk a path that leads to inner fulfillment.
- from by Evolutionary Spirituality: Coming Home to Reality by Michael Dowd

I agree completely. And yet, there is a common misunderstanding here.

The “present” doesn’t exclude past and future. It is just a reminder to notice thought as thought.

When I notice thought as thought, I recognize past, future and present as a mental overlay, as images and stories. They can be very useful, and even profoundly meaningful and enriching, but the three times - as they appear to me - all happen within my own world of images.

One way to notice that is through exploring the sense fields. I can notice what happens in each sense field, including the mental field overlay. When I close my eyes, my body, the room, this log cabin, the town, the whole world, exists to me only in my own world of images. I move my arm, and in my world of images, the image of my arm moves. I open my eyes, and my own overlay of images is still there, on top of all other sense fields.

I can explore what happens when I don’t notice this, when attention is completely absorbed in images and overlays. When that happens, I tend to take my own world of images as real and substantial. I take my own interpretations as real and true. And since the world always shows up differently, I get myself into trouble that way. My images won’t align with the world, so if I take my own images as true, I am at odds with the world in different ways. The world does not meet my shoulds.

And I can explore what happens when I do recognize my own overlay of images as images only. Then, they become useful tools, some more useful than others in any one situation. They help me function and orient in the world, and they add immense richness to the world.

I can explore the same through stability practice, for instance bringing attention to the sensations of my breath at the tip of my nose. Here too, though is more easily recognized as thought. And the same goes for open awareness or “just sitting” practice.

When I recognize past, future and present as existing only in my own overlay of images, there is also a recognition that all already happens here now. Sensations, sight, sounds, smell, taste, and images of past, future and present, all happen in immediacy.

That is the real meaning of “be present”.

So why use the pointer “be present”? I am not sure. It may be helpful in some cases, but it is equally likely to be a source of misunderstanding. If attention is absorbed on the inside of stories, then “present” can easily be understood as exclusive of past and future. While all three really just happen within our own overlay of images, in immediacy as every other content of experience.

And when the images of me (as this human self) and I (as the doer or observer) also are recognized as happening within content of experience, there may be a release of identification out of these, and what is (that which all content of experience happens within and as) may notice itself. Reality awakens out of the me and I.

………………..
………………..

draft…..

I couldn’t agree more. And yet, there is also a myth or misunderstanding here.

It is the myth of the “present” excluding past and future.

It couldn’t be farther from the truth. By noticing that all experience already is happening here now, we more easily notice thoughts as thoughts - whether they are about the past, future or present. And there is a sanity in noticing thoughts as thoughts. We recognize them as tools only, sometimes useful and sometimes less so. When we don’t notice them as thoughts, when we take them as substantial and reflecting reality itself, weird things happen.

And that is what is really meant by “be present”: Notice that everything - sensations, sights, sounds, smell, taste, thoughts - already happens in immediacy, and notice thoughts as thoughts.

Whether they are about the past, future or present, and whether they seem useful or fascinating to us or not, they are still thoughts, a mental field overlay.

Thoughts will still happen, of course, and we want them to. They are essential for helping us orient and function in the world, and they add an immense richness to the world. They can even be fueled, engaged with and acted on in the world, and yet noticed as simply thoughts.

That’s all. It is simple.

It something that perhaps can most easily be noticed through exploring the sense fields. Then at times throughout the day. And over time, more frequently throughout the day. It is a habit, as anything else.

Taking it a little further, we can even notice the images of me (as this human self) and I (as a doer or observer) as images as well, as content of experience as anything else. Identification may release out of these images. And what is - that which all experience happens within and as - may notice itself. And that too can become a habit.

So is the pointer “be present” really useful? I don’t know. It may be, in the very beginning. But there is also a good chance of misunderstanding there.

Other pointers seem more helpful to me: Training stable attention by bringing attention to the breath, which is also a training in releasing attention from being mindlessly absorbed in stories. Familiarity with shikantaza or choiceless awareness, which also is a training in releasing attention out of content of stories, and recognizing images as images and stories as stories. And maybe the most helpful, exploring the sense fields and noticing the mental field overlay as a mental field overlay.

………..
………..
………..

Some basic things about the pointers on “living in the present”:

- just need to notice, cannot not be in the present
- also, notice thoughts about past, future, present - their play, usefulness etc.
- and can notice engagement with these thoughts, fueling of them, taking them further, acting on them
- “being present” and thoughts about past, future, present - already co-exist, just need to notice
- also, notice difference between attention lost in thought and thoughts recognized as thoughts (even when fueled, and/or acted on)

…………………………
…………………………

The present moment is highly overrated. From an evolutionary perspective, the past and the future are where it’s at. Any aardvark, antelope, cat, or cockroach can effortlessly reside in the present moment. Only human beings can engage deeply with the past and consciously co-create the future. By doing so, by looking outward with aims of bettering our world, big or small, we also walk a path that leads to inner fulfillment.
- from by Evolutionary Spirituality: Coming Home to Reality by Michael Dowd

I couldn’t agree more. And yet, there is also a misunderstanding here.

All pointers to the present are really just saying: Notice you are already present. Nothing else is possible. It is all - sensations, sight, sound, smell, taste, thoughts - happening here now. Even images and thoughts about past, future and present happens in immediacy. All that is needed is noticing.

And in that noticing, there is the natural and effortless play of images and thoughts about past, future and present. It happens on its own. And it is not only essential for our functioning in the world, but also a source of great richness.

We can set aside times to notice it is all happening here now, for instance through exploring the sense fields. We can bring that into daily life, noticing in ordinary situations throughout the day.

And we can explore the natural shifts between

…………………
…………………

It is funny how we can completely agree and disagree with something at the same time.

……

When it comes to misguided pointers, “be present” is right there at the top of my list.

What beliefs come up in me when it happens?

Here are some typical ones in our culture, which most of us have absorbed to some extent:

It is unfair. Life should comply with our wishes. Life should make everyone live a long life.

He didn’t get to live a full life. She wanted to do so much more.

I wanted to have her in my life longer. My life will be miserable without him. I can’t make it without her.

Taking one at a time, and taking time to find what is more honest for me, I can ask myself:

Is it true? Can I dictate what life should do? Would it be better if life followed my wishes? Can I know it would be better?

What happens when I hold onto that belief? Who suffers?

Who would I be without that belief? How would I live my own life?

What are the reversals? How is each of those equally or more true for me? Can I find specific examples?

What is the advice for myself? If I think he or she shouldn’t have died so young, without having lived a longer - and so a more full and rich - life, is that advice really for myself? How can I live a fuller and richer life?

And when I am ready for it: How is it better that this person died young? What are the genuine gifts in it?

For each of these….

What happens when I find what is sincerely more honest for me than the initial belief? Can I allow it to work on me - reorganizing how I perceive, feel, think, experience the world and myself?

Who am I without the belief? How would it be to live from the most juicy reversal?

And this goes for all death.

People die. Circumstances die. Experiences die. What I am dies. What others are dies.

As with all of these explorations, a sincere inquiry invites in a more mature life, more aligned with what is more honestly true for us. And eventually, if taken far enough, it invites what we are to notice itself.

…………………
…………………

• dying young
  • beliefs - investigate, clarify
  • full rich life - advice to ourselves

But how to forgive? For many of us, that seems far more mysterious.

First, whom or what do I need to forgive? Another person, someone I feel wronged me? Myself, for a choice I regret? Life, for illness or loss of a loved one?

Then, what beliefs or shoulds do I have about what happened? How do I feel about it? What do I wish had happened instead?

These explorations helps clarify how I relate to it, and also what approaches may be most helpful for me.

When I explore it for myself, I find that clarity is a good opening into genuine forgiveness. And The Work is a great way to find what is more honest for me than my initial beliefs, and allow it to sink in - gradually reorganizing my experience and images of myself, others and the world.

Among the many things The Work helps me do, is exploring and clarifying the effects of resentment and of genuine forgiveness. Who suffers when I don’t forgive? Who benefits when I find forgiveness?

What am I afraid would happen if I forgive? What is more likely to happen?

Also, I can find the genuine gifts in what happened. How is it better than what I wished would have happened? Can I find three - or five, or ten - concrete was it was genuinely better that it happened the way it did?

If I wish to forgive another person, then another way into it, and also a great test for how far the forgiveness has gone, is to find a genuine and sincere wish for all the best for the other person. I usually do this through through prayer and visualization. I can pray for and visualize genuine happiness for the other, as well as awakening and whatever else I imagine as good. And then include others and myself as well. And if I wish to forgive myself, then I reverse the sequence, first praying and visualizing for myself, and then including others.

If there is any lingering resentment, there is further to go with forgiveness. Something has not yet been seen as clearly as is possible for me. And the same with any shoulds - about another person, myself, or life. These are both pointers.

I can also do tong len, taking in the confusion and fear of the other person (which is here already) and sending out clarity and happiness (which is also here). This too is something I can do for myself, visualizing the “other” as myself back when I did what I wish to forgive, or even now suffering from lack of forgiveness.

I can improve my satisfaction in life - through enjoyment, engagement, and meaning (aligning my life with my values) - and this makes sincere forgiveness easier.

It can also be helpful to explore forgiveness through the sense fields. For instance, I can notice that lack of forgiveness and forgiveness happens within my own world of images. I can most easily notice this when I close my eyes, and recognize that myself, the other person, the situation, and relationships such as forgiveness or lack of forgiveness only exists (for me) in my own world of images. When I open my eyes, it is the same. Lack of forgiveness or forgiveness happens between images of myself and another person (or myself, or life). And it is itself an image. To the extent I recognize this in daily life, it seems profoundly and obviously silly to not forgive.

Parallel with all this, I can do whatever seems appropriate in the world to resolve the situation.

If I wish to forgive myself, I can see if there is anything I can do to make what I regret right again, even in small ways. Can I change the course of my life? Can I make other choices now? If another person was involved, can I let them know I regret what I did?

If I wish to forgive another person, I can talk about it with that person, letting him or her know how I experienced it. I can get to know the other person better. I can do what I can to make it less likely to happen again. I can get engaged in making is less likely for others to experience something similar. If what happened was illegal, I may even then take that to the appropriate institutions. And so on.

If I wish to forgive life, I can ask myself a simple yet powerful question: What I can do in the world to make what happened into a gift for myself and others? What can I do here and now? Or in the longer term, even if it seems small?

Trigger: A conversation with friends about forgiveness earlier today.

……………..
……………..

• forgiveness
  • others, self, life
    • others - sincerely wish all the best for them
    • …

- find clarity, inquire into beliefs - find what is more honest for me, take time to let it sink in
- find the genuine gifts in it, how it is better than what I wished would have happened
- sincerely wish all the best for the other person + oneself (a shift)
- generally improve satisfaction with life - enjoyment, engagement, meaning (align life with values)
- also take care of what needs to be taken care of in the world, in all the usual ways (clarify, reduce chances of it happening again etc.)

……………..

When I explore it for myself, I find that clarity is a good opening into genuine forgiveness. And The Work is a great way to find what is more honest for me than my initial beliefs, and allow it to sink in - gradually reorganizing my experience and images of myself, others and the world.

Also, I can find the genuine gifts in what happened. How is it better than what I wished would have happened?

Another way into it, and also a great test for how far the forgiveness has gone, is to find a genuine and sincere wish for all the best for the other person, for instance through prayer and visualization. I can pray for and visualize genuine happiness for the other, as well as awakening and whatever else I imagine as good. And then include others and myself as well.

I can also do tong len, taking in the confusion and fear of the other person (which is here already) and sending out clarity and happiness (which is also here).

I can improve my satisfaction in life - through enjoyment, engagement, and meaning (aligning my life with my values) - and this makes sincere forgiveness easier.

Parallel with all this, I can do whatever seems appropriate in the world regarding the situation. I can talk about it with the other person, letting him or her know how I experienced it. I can get to know the other person better. I can do what I can to make it less likely to happen again. I can get engaged in making is less likely for others to experience something similar. If what happened was illegal, then take that to the appropriate institutions. And so on.

Trigger: A conversation with friends about forgiveness earlier today.

Pretzel Head was born blind, deaf, dumb, and with no arms or legs. His mind is all that works. That, and he can turn his head into a pretzel. Unfortunately, he uses these powers for evil and very quickly has his head chopped off by Axe Cop after attacking a city in a his giant Psydrozon robot suit.

Since most of what is here is pretty silly anyway, why not share Axe Cop? It is a web-comic where the story is authored by a five year old, and then drawn by his 29-year-old brother. It gave me the best laugh I have had in a long time. If you like the humor of five year old boys, this is something for you.

This is the last segment of a long dream I don’t remember much of, and this saying was the last one of a long string of similar ones. I remember it only because I woke up just then.

The cosmic is the cure for the mature human.

This is a typical view in many traditions. First, make sure you mature as a human being. That will cure most of what ails you. Then, allow the cosmic to work on you. That will cure what remains.

And in this context, the cosmic means first a sense of belonging and connection with the larger whole - the universe or existence as a whole.

And then, a recognition in immediacy of the “I” as a doer or observer, is simply content of experience as any other content of experience. What is, notices itself as what it is. Awake. No-thing. Allowing all things. Inherently absent of and free of any “I”, apart from as an image that is sometimes identified with and sometimes not.

One of the benefits of living in Norway: Arvo Pärt concerts.

When we experience loss of a desirable situation - health, a person, a relationship etc. - it is easy to habitually remind ourselves of what was desirable for us in it. We exaggerate what was good about it, and overlook what didn’t work so well. And that is a guaranteed way to make ourselves miserable.

So why not do the reverse? Why not make lists of what we didn’t like about it?

What didn’t I like at the time? What was worse about that situation? What is better now? What do I find when I am honest and specific, and include even the apparently insignificant things?

Together, all the stories give us a more nuanced - and more honest - picture of the situation. We are released out of looking at it only one way. And we are released out of certain habitual emotions around it as well. There is more flexibility and fluidity in our view and emotions.

And there is relief in yet another way: Acknowledging more of our stories about the situation, looking at it from 360 degrees, we are finally being more honest with ourselves.

All of this is built into The Work, but it can be useful to do this on its own as well.

Trigger: Two conversations with friends who in turn have friends who just ended a relationship and have taken it quite hard.

…………………………..
…………………………..

• reversal lists
  • what didn’t like about the situation (at the time) - what was worse about that situation
  • what is better now

Personally, I prefer to not use the word since it can so easily be misunderstood and lead to unnecessary confusion.

But what does it really refer to? I don’t know enough about Taoist or Buddhist philosophy or practice to say for sure what is traditionally meant by the term, but I can say something about what comes up for me.

It can be quite simple. I can notice that what is happening, is already happening on its own. It lives its own life, on its own schedule.

Thoughts. Emotions. Sensations. Sounds. Taste. Smell. Choices. Action. A sense of doer or observer. They all happen on their own. They appear out of the blue. They live their own life.

There is already “nondoing” there since “I” am not doing any of those things. “I” am not doing anything that is happening, and really, this “I” is just an image of a doer or observer, and this image too is happening on its own.

So nondoing is just noticing this. It is simple, but not always so easy, especially at first or during daily life. But it is possible to get a taste of it when sitting down and, for instance, exploring what appears in the sense fields. It can even be quite clear. And with more familiarity with this terrain, it can be noticed in more and more situations throughout the day as well.

As always, “nondoing” can become a belief, whether obviously misunderstood (meaning not being active or engaged in daily life), or more “correctly” understood (noticing there is already nondoing in everything that is happening), and it can get quite weird. It can lead to a struggle within content of experience, an identification with one part of this content (doer or observer) imagining that it is trying to push away other parts of this content (choices, actions or the doer).

But it can also be a pointer, something to explore in immediacy, with curiosity and receptivity, and over and over again.

Trigger: The first few minutes of this talk by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

Either/or thinking can be fine at times. It highlights differences, which can be very appropriate and useful.

But continuum thinking is often better at reflecting a complex reality. It highlights our commonalities, giving us a sense of being in the same boat. And it is often better at bringing attention where it really belongs: Our choices and actions, and not an abstract and imagined identity.

For instance, I think of my eating habits as 98% vegetarian, and perhaps 95% vegan. If I told myself “I am vegetarian” (whatever that means), it is easy to get into self-righteousness and us vs them thinking. Looking at it more accurately, as eating habits on a continuum, it brings attention where it belongs: On concrete activities and amounts. The point is to reduce the amount of meat eaten, for animal rights, ecological and health reasons, not to “be” one thing or another.

Of what I am aware of in different spiritual or philosophical traditions, I find about 90% of Buddhism as useful pointers for attention and action. In Christianity, about 100% of the essence, and much less of the traditions. In existentialism, maybe about 80%. In pragmatism, 90%. And so on. Here too, it would be equally misleading - and impossible - to say that “I am” Buddhist or Christian. It misses the point, and draws attention away from where it really belongs: Which guidelines I use as guides for attention and actions, what the effects are, and whether I could use these guidelines in a more helpful way, or find more helpful guidelines.

In terms of politics, I land on different places in different continua, often depending on the circumstances and topic. (The Political Compass is one way to organize some of these dimensions.)

I am a certain percentage healthy and ill for a wide range of mental and physical illnesses, and this too changes over circumstances and time. For instance, my thoughts, emotions and actions may be 20% manic depressive on one scale. Or my body may show signs of 10% of a certain cardio-vascular problem.

In biology, we find a certain percentage of relatedness between any two species, and this percentage varies depending on what we look at.

And in terms of how we function, we find the same percentage of relatedness on different continua. Including what we used to see as typically “human” such as tool use, sophisticated communication, and active problem solving.

………………
………………

draft…..

The current shift towards continuum thinking in more and more areas of life and inquiry is part of a lager and very important culture shift. More and more, and in more and more areas, we move away from either/or thinking, and towards continuum and both/and thinking.

For myself, I think of my eating habits as about 95% vegetarian and 90% or so vegan.

When it comes to guidelines and pointers for attention and choices, I chose about 90% Buddhist, maybe 90% Christian (the essence of Christianity, not the traditions so much), about 80% atheist, maybe 90% existentialist, 98% pragmatic, and so on. So, for instance, of what I find in Buddhism, about 90% of what I am familiar with (stripping away culture) seem useful for me right now.

In terms of politics, I land in a certain general area on different continua, and in different areas depending on the circumstances and topic.

In biology, we look at percentage of (DNA) relatedness between any two forms of Earth life.

In terms of how we function, we are similarly similar to each other form of life on a wide range of continua.

We can be 20% manic depressive, and have a certain percentage of any other mental disorder. And we have a certain percentage of a large number of physical diseases as well.

………………..
………………..

• continuum
  • from either/or to continuum (both/and)
    • eat 95% vegetarian, 90+% vegan
    • 90% Buddhist, 90% Christian, 75% atheist etc. (use some from each tradition as guidelines, pointers - find them useful right now)
    • percentage of relatedness to each form of Earth life (DNA)
    • percent similar to other animals, also plants - in how we function

………

In atheism, I find a rejection of beliefs and emphasis on scientific method helpful, but the tone and their own belief in the non-existence of God (according to their own image of God) less helpful.

As I wake up, my own life in Norway is in dramatic contrast to the situation in the dream, and there is gratitude and also a recognition that I want to use my fortunate situation more consciously to help others (and myself). I am also ambivalent and disturbed by my inactivity in the dream. I will help if I can do it without putting myself at great risk, but not otherwise. If I was more clear, and coming from more integrity, I may still chose a similar strategy, but I also may chose to stand up more strongly.

Day residue 1: Reading about a new graphic novel about the Jews in Norway during WW2. (Very few helped them or stood up for them, and of the ones captured by the Nazis, almost all died.)

Day residue 2: Dhamma Brothers, the documentary about Buddhists teaching meditation in prisons in the deep south without hiding their Buddhistness.

I haven’t seen this movie yet, but it looks very interesting. It also brings up the question of teaching mindfulness vs Buddhism in prisons.

My inclination would be to use a strategy of least resistance: Use simple, ordinary words to teach simple practices such as breath practice and “just sitting”, refer to some of the effects found in research to gain support from the prison authorities, and leave any hint of religiosity, Buddhism or technical or traditional jargon at the door.

It may seem a more reasonable approach at the surface, and in most cases, it may be more appropriate. After all, the benefits of mindfulness does not require Buddhism as a religion, or any mentioning of tradition.

But there is also something appealing in the boldness of going into a prison in the deep south as an open and unapologetic Buddhist - if that’s what you are. It may be a poor strategy in many cases, shutting the door before you can get through, and if you do get through the door, it may put many off who otherwise would have been interested. In some ways, it shows poor judgment and perhaps an attachment to beliefs that prevents wiser, more effective, and so more kind strategies.

And yet, if you get through the door with such a strategy, the added religiosity and tradition may certainly benefit some of the people there. And it may also shift people’s perception of Buddhism among some of the inmates and the prison staff and administrators.

As always, it depends on how it is done, and the fit between the strategy and the situation.

……………….
……………….

fragments….

My inclination would be to teach plain, simple mindfulness - for instance breath practice and “just sitting” - using simple, ordinary, everyday words. And possibly refer to some of the effects found by research to gain support from the prison authorities.

Why create potential problems by bringing in Buddhism or technical/traditional jargon when it is not necessary, and is only likely to create unneeded culture clash.

I would leave any mentioning of Buddhism and any technical/traditional jargon at the door. especially since I have never been tempted to see myself as a “Buddhist” and prefer using simple ordinary language to traditional terms anyway.

A fellow 23rd of January birthday kid. 100 years since his birth today.

Again, making it easy and fun to do what is right. A principle that can be used in all areas of life.

When I explore it for myself, I find two or three layers of happiness or satisfaction.

First, the happiness that is expressed as joy. It comes and goes within a day, or over a few days or weeks. And it is often triggered by simple joys and pleasures such as food, conversations, walks, enjoying nature, and so on.

Then, the happiness that comes more in the form of satisfaction. It exists more over days, weeks or months, and involves clarifying my goals and what is meaningful for me, pursuing and attaining meaningful goals, being engaged in nurturing and meaningful activities and relationships, and finding meaning in situations in my life.

Then, the happiness that comes in the form of contentment. This exists over weeks, months, years and decades, and it comes from a life deeply and thoroughly aligned with my deepest and most honest values, with what is most important to me in life. And as with the previous, quite similar layer, it is connected to a sense of deep meaning in activities, life and situations. It has all to do with how I relate to and engage with life - myself, others, the larger whole, existence itself.

All of these also comes from sincere gratitude, sincere well-wishing for myself and others, and a sense of belonging and meaningful and nurturing connections with myself and the wider world - social and ecological systems, the universe, and existence itself.

I also find a stream of quiet joy independent of content of experience. It seems to be a quiet joy inherent in experiencing itself.

And all of this - joy or lack of joy, meaning or lack of meaning, a me and the wider world, an I as a doer and an observer - happens within and as what is. As this awake no-thing appearing to itself as something.

………………….

draft…..

Happiness research is hot these days, and it is good to see this topic finally getting the attention it deserves. After all, what do we want if not happiness?

One thing I find slightly confusing is the terminology, especially when happiness is equated with satisfaction, contentment, or well-being. It all depends on our definitions, of course. But in daily life, each of those words have slightly different meanings, so it is good when research takes that into account. It will make the findings more relevant and intuitive to people, and differentiation can give new insights.

When I look at my own experience, it seems most helpful to think of it as layered….

First, what I think of as happiness. It comes and goes within a day, or over a few days. And it is often triggered by simple daily joys and pleasures, such as food, conversation, walks, enjoying nature and so on. This is similar to waves, the surface layer of an ocean.

Then, a sense of satisfaction. This comes and goes over days, weeks or months, and it is often triggered by pursuing goals, being engaged in activities and relationships, and finding meaning in activities and situations in my life. This is similar to medium size currents.

Then, a sense of contentment. The time span here is months, years and decades. It comes from a life deeply and thoroughly aligned with my deepest and most honest values, with what is most important to me in life. And as with the previous, quite similar layer, it is connected to a sense of deep meaning in activities, life and situations. It has all to do with how I relate to and engage with life - myself, others, the larger whole, existence itself. This is the deep and wide ocean currents.

I also find a stream of quiet joy in experience itself, independent of content of experience. It is difficult to describe, but seems to be a joy in experience itself, or in existence itself.

And finally, I notice how this all happens as content of experience, and that all content of experience happens within and as what is. A sense of meaning or lack of meaning, as joy or sadness, as a sense of being on track or not, as a me in the world with a name, body, identities and roles, and as an I as a doer or an observer. All happening within and as what is. This mystery, awake no-thing appearing as something. Always fresh. New. Different.

………………..
………………..

• happiness and satisfaction
  • three layers
    • happiness - w/in a day or over a few days (waves)
      • simple joys, daily activities - food, conversations, walks
    • satisfaction - over days, weeks, months (medium currents)
      • pursuing goals
      • engaged
      • finding meaning in activities
    • contentment - over months, years, decades (deep currents)
      • a life deeply/thoroughly aligned with values
      • deep sense of meaning
      • engagement in life

Stereolab playlist.

In the context of birthdays the answer is simple. It is the age of this human organism after it emerged from the womb.

But there are many other ways of answering the question. Each one equally valid and meaningful, and sometimes even more meaningful.

This organism was born a certain number of years ago, although the dynamics and shape of this organism has changed dramatically since then. The only thing that tells me it is the same organism are stories of different types - name, memories, photographs etc.

My subjective age is different. I experience myself as infinitely old, very young, as about 20 years old, when I am reminded of it - about the age of this organism, and as having no age at all.

This organism was conceived and developed for about 9 months prior to its birth and becoming visible to others, so that is a more accurate age than years from birth.

It is made up of energy and matter incorporated into this organism right now - through breath, and back a decade or so - through eating, drinking and breathing.

This organism, in the ways it perceives, operates and functions in the world, is an expression of human culture. In that sense, it is between 0 and a few tens or hundreds of thousands years old, depending on what we think of as the earliest expressions of culture.

This organism cannot exist without the wider ecological and social systems. It is, in a very real sense, an expression of this living and evolving planet. This organism is one of the ways the Earth is exploring and expressing itself. All aspects of this organism and the ways it functions has evolved over the course of the evolution of Earth as a living system, so in that sense, it is about 4 billion years old.

Everything in this organism - in the way it looks, perceives, functions - is an expression of the evolution of Earth from its very beginnings, going back 4.5 billion years.

The energy and matter in this organism came through water, air and food. Before then, it has flowed through many other organisms similar to water flowing through a vortex in a stream. It has flowed through Earth’s systems - always reorganizing itself and fulfilling different functions - since the birth of this planet. Before then, much of it - all the heavier elements - were born through a succession of supernovas. And matter itself - in the form of the very lightest atoms - emerged some 13 billion years ago, not long after the emergence of this universe.

This organism and the ways it operates in the world is an expression of the habits of this universe, which has evolved over 13.7 billion or so years. Everything in and around me - sensations, emotions, thoughts, actions, culture, biology, this living planet, solar systems, galaxies - are expressions of 13.7 billion years of evolution of this particular universe. If one age takes priority over any other, it must be this - the most fundamental age of this organism and the systems it is an expression of.

And if I look I see that all of this is happening within an overlay of stories, and these stories - and anything else in experience - is happening here now, including the story of a here and now. In immediacy, age only exists within a story, as does past, future and present.

All of this can remain a fun intellectual exploration. And as usual, it gets juicy when I explore it further - here and now.

For all the stories of an age between 0 and 13.7 billion years old, I can I see, feel and find appreciation for each one. I can see it - with specific and detailed examples. I can feel it - take time for it to sink in, allowing it to reorganize my sense of me and how I view myself, others, the Earth and the Universe as a whole . I can find a natural appreciation for it - awe, humility, gratitude.

For the last story, about all happening here now, I can use it as a pointer for inquiry, for exploring it in immediacy. When I look, what do I find in each sense field? What is happening in sensation? In sight? In sound? In smell? In taste? In the mental field? Can I notice the overlay of images on all the sense field? Can I notice how the mental field ties it all together into gestalts? What about the sense of me as a human being in the world? How does it appear in each sense field? What happens when I recognize the gestalt of a “me” as simply a gestalt? What about the sense of “I” as a doer or observer? How does that appear in each sense field? What happens when “I” is recognized as an image and gestalt? Is it content of experience? Is it really any different from any other content of experience? What happens when the image and sense of “I” is recognized as content of experience, just as any other content of experience?

All of this is an exploration of using these stories as guides for attention and action - as tools. What happens when I use them in my own life? What happens when we use them collectively, through a combination of science, art, music, new and always evolving myths, and contemporary and fun rituals?

……………
……………

- better organization….
– age since birth
– subjective age
– this body + food
– culture
– evolution of Earth
– habits of this universe

…………………………..
…………………………..

My birthday is coming up, and a couple of people have asked how old I am.

In the context of birthdays the answer is simple. It is the age of this human organism after it emerged from the womb.

But there are many other ways of answering the question. Each one equally valid and meaningful, and sometimes even more so.

This organism was born a certain number of years ago, although the dynamics and shape of this organism has changed dramatically since then. The only thing that tells me it is the same organism are stories of different types - name, memories, photographs etc.

It was conceived about 9 months earlier, which is perhaps the more real age of this particular organism.

It is made up of matter which was incorporated - through air, food and water - into this organism from now and back about 10 years. There is a constant flow of matter and energy through this and any other organism, similar to water flowing through a vortex in a stream.

This matter was created - in its current form - from anywhere between now and several billions of years ago. As it gets incorporated into this organism, it reorganizes and changes. The particular molecules I take in come from animals and plants and were taken in by them over the last few weeks, months or years. The particular combination of molecules were created through evolution over the last several millions of years. The molecules themselves were created in stars and supernovas a few billions of years ago. Matter itself emerged some 13 billion years ago, not long after the emergence of this universe.

This organism cannot exist without the wider ecological and social systems, and it is - in a very real sense - an expression of this living planet. It is one of the ways the Earth is exploring and expressing itself. All aspects of this organism and the ways it functions has evolved over the course of the evolution of Earth life, so in that sense, it is about 500,000+ years old.

And the evolution of Earth as a living system is a continuation of the evolution of Earth in general, going back 4.5 billion years.

Culture is one of the ways Earth is exploring and expressing itself, and this organism - in the ways it operates and functions in the world - is an expression of human culture, so in this sense it is between 0 and a few tens or hundreds of thousands years old, depending on what we think of as culture.

This organism and the ways it operates in the world is an expression of the habits of this universe, which has evolved over 13.7 billion or so years. Everything in and around me - sensations, emotions, thoughts, actions, culture, biology, this living planet, solar systems, galaxies - are expressions of 13.7 billion years of evolution of this particular universe. If one age takes priority over any other, it must be this - the most fundamental age of this organism and the systems it is an expression of.

I experience myself as infinitely old and also as having no age at all, or maybe as about 20 years old.

And if I look I see that all of this is happening within an overlay of stories, and these stories - and anything else in experience - is happening here now, including the story of a here and now. In immediacy, age only exists within a story, as does past, future and present.

All of this can be just a fun exploration, or a run-through of predictable and well-known set of stories. As usual, it gets juicy only when I explore it further.

For all the stories of an age between 0 and 13.7 billion years old, I can I see, feel and find appreciation for each one. I can see it - with specific and detailed examples. I can feel it - take time for it to sink in, allowing it to reorganize my view and sense of me. And I can find a natural appreciation for it - awe, humility, gratitude.

For the last story, about all happening here now, I can use it as a pointer for inquiry, for exploring it in immediacy.

This is an exploration of what happens when these stories are used as tools. What happens when I use them in my own life? What happens when we use them collectively, through a combination of science, art, music, new and always evolving myths, and contemporary and fun rituals?

……………
……………

- better organization….
– age since birth
– subjective age
– this body + food
– culture
– evolution of Earth
– habits of this universe

……

- age, depends on how we look at it - many different answers, each one valid and meaningful
– for myself, find joy in exploring each one - to see, feel, appreciate the validity of each one (see - in detail, with specific examples, feel - allow to sink in, appreciate - awe, gratitude)
– also, explore how to use each one in most helpful way (as a practical tool at individual/collective levels)

- depends on what we look at + how we look at it
- depends on where we put the imagined boundaries

…………….

My birthday is coming up, and some folks asked how old I am.

I know what info they are looking for, and it may seem silly or overly clever to answer the question another way, but is that really true?

There is of course a certain number of years since this particular organism was born. And in our individualistic culture, this is what people most often mean when asking the question. We all know it wasn’t really this organism that was born back then, since all the cells have been replaced several times and the patterns and forms have changed quite substantially as well, but we gloss that over to make it simpler for ourselves.

And yet, there are other ways of answering the question that are equally true, and equally or more meaningful, when we take the time let it sink in.

As mentioned above, it is equally true to say somewhere between a few weeks and a decade old, referring to the age of the cells in this body.

Or to say I feel 20 years old or 80 years old or whatever it may be. (Our own experience of our age.)

Or my favorite, 13.7 billion years old.

Or,

……………

- our age
– up to 10 years (cell replacement)
– length since birth of organism
– 13.7 billion years
— molecules
— patterns, processes, dynamics
— all content of experience, 13.7 b. - including “inside” (sensations, emotions, thoughts etc.) and “outside” (wider world)
– no age - all here now

The four essentials:

1. Move Naturally – Make your home, community and workplace present you with natural ways to move. Focus on activities you love, like gardening, walking and playing with your family.

2. Right Outlook – Know and be able to articulate your sense of purpose, and ensure your day is punctuated with periods of calm.

3. Eat Wisely – Instead of groping from fad diet to fad diets, use time-honored strategies for eating 20% less at meals. Avoid meat and processed food and drink a couple of glasses of wine daily.

4. Belong to the Right Tribe – Surround yourself with the right people, make the effort to connect or reconnect with your religion and put loved ones first.

More info at Blue Zones.

1. True?
   Yes. It feels that way, sometimes. I can find stories supporting it. I can find others who agree. I act and speak as if it is true, sometimes.
2. Sure?
   No. It’s just an opinion. One of many possible view, each one with some validity.
3. What happens if I take that story as true?
   • I tell myself it is better to question assumptions. I get stressed, uncomfortable. There is a “should” around it.
   • If I apply it to myself, I tell myself I should question my own assumptions. There is a sense of pressure around it. A lack of freedom to go either way. A lack of clarity. I feel trapped by my own should. When I question my own assumptions, it comes from a sense of pressure more than curiosity.
   • If I apply it to others, I tell myself that they should question their own assumptions. I recognize a plethora of assumptions behind what people say and do, and if they don’t seem clear about it, I tell myself they should question their assumptions. I seem to do this more with people in the media. And even more with spiritual teachers. There are always assumptions (stories as guides) behind our actions and speak, and sometimes, it seems that those are not questioned or clarified, even for certain spiritual teachers. I tell myself they operate on autopilot instead of clarifying for themselves the underlying assumptions, and using those assumptions (stories, guides) as tools in a more clear and conscious way.
   • When did I first have that thought? In middle school, when I started to be aware of some of the - often unfortunate - underlying assumptions many operate from. (From some of my teachers and others.)
4. Who would I be without it?
   • There is a sense of a more open terrain. Open in the direction of questioning assumptions, and also not do so. There is more of a sense of curiosity around it. Interest.
   • I am curious about the dynamics around assumptions, what happens when they are questioned/clarified and not, and some of the benefits and drawbacks of each.
   • There is more sense of neutrality around it, combined with curiosity and interest, and free to be guided more from kindness and experience.
   • I recognize more clearly it is my own advice for myself.
5. Turnarounds.
   • It is not better to question assumptions.
     • Assumptions are from culture and subcultures, so we fit in quite nicely (even) if we don’t question assumptions.
     • There will always be innumerable assumptions not explicitly questioned or clarified. Always one more. And one more. That’s part of the game.
     • Life (the universe) is set up so we sometimes question assumptions and sometimes don’t. Life (the universe, God) does not seem to have a preference.
     • Any story is an assumption, and any story rests on innumerable other stories - also assumptions. Sometimes, we are more clear around these stories - from having investigated them for ourselves. And other times, there is less clarity around them. It is natural. It is how life is set up.
     • If I need to question assumptions, life will tell me. It tells me through signs such as stress, discomfort, tension, obsessions, compulsions, complaining and so on. And it tells me what needs to be inquired into through bringing attention to it. (I complain about someone, and what I complain about is what I need more clarity around.)
   • It is worse to question assumptions.
     • If the questioning comes from a should, it may be. When a should is behind an inquiry, it is often less honest and clear. There is a pressure and pushing behind it, so it is not open in all directions.
     • Sometimes, it is fine to just go with what is without questioning. It is a part of life. It can even be quite enjoyable.
     • In some situations, what we find when we question assumptions may (apparently) require more from us than we are ready for. The cost may be too high for us in the situation. It may be good to put it off for a while, until we are more ripe and ready for it.
   • It is better to not question assumptions.
     • Yes, why not just live life without questioning everything? We can still live healthy and mature lives even without questioning any and every assumption.
     • In some situations, taking the consequences of what we find may be too high for us. Until it isn’t.
     • Sometimes, it may be good to put it off and just live instead. If we need to question certain assumptions, life will tell us. (Through stress, obsessions, etc.)
   • It is better for my thinking to question assumptions.
     • Yes, that is where it needs to happen.

And that seems to be sound general advice, whether it is recovering from an illness or injury, healing psychologically from phobias or traumas, or developing skills in just about any area of life - including inquiry or meditation practice.

Use gentle exercise and gradual capacity building, gradually expand what you are able to do. Combine it with rest, and periods of more vigorous exercise when you are ready and find enjoyment in it.

And always monitor the effects of the exercise. If it aggravates the condition, or goes into noticeable physical or psychological resistance, then back of slightly, or find other ways of exercising. If you are doing fine, then gently continue to expand what you are doing.

Trigger: A previous post on recovering from chronic fatigue.

…………….

- gentle exercise and gradual capacity building
– good guideline in any area of life - combined with rest, and periods of more vigorous exercise when am ready for it
– recovering from illness or injury
– healing psychologically - phobias, traumas etc.
– developing new skills  in any area of life

……….

Medical doctors nowadays frequently recommend gentle exercise to aid recovery after injury.

Gentle exercise and gradual capacity building seems to be a good guideline in any area of life, , combined with rest, and periods of

………

And that seems to be sound advice for just about any area of life, whether it is recovering from an illness or injury, healing psychologically from phobias or traumas, or developing skills in any area of life - whether physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, or “spiritually” (inquiry, meditation, prayer).

The honest answer is that I don’t know. So it is good I don’t really need to know.

I used to have a paper journal, and then decided to move it to this blog to see what would happen. Would I connect with like minded people? Would I get “hey stupid” type comments, or at least alternative perspectives, that would help me recognize something I hadn’t seen before about a topic or myself? Would it help me move beyond where I am?

I did make some connections. Disappointingly few leave “hey stupid” type comments, so not much to learn there. And I am not sure if it has helped me move beyond where I am at any one time, although it may have in some areas.

The blog is getting around 1,000 to 1,500 hits a month, although most visitors (85%) leave right away! It is understandable since the topics here may not be of interest to many people. And for the ones who are interested in these topics, there is a plethora of more insightful and well-written sources out there.

In the interest of balance, I should admit that each source has a unique voice, so although my insights may not be that profound, my voice my be just the right one for some people at some times. (Even if that is not by any means the main purpose of this blog.)

1. True?
   Yes. It sometimes seems true. It feels true. Stories tells me it is true. I can find others who see it as true (at least in my mind).
2. Sure it is true?
   No. It is just a thought, a viewpoint, an opinion - one of many possible, each one with some validity.
3. What happens when I take that story as true?
   • I see this blog as silly - writing it, its content, its presence in the world. I feel that it is silly. I find reasons why it is silly. I imagine myself and others seeing it as silly.
   • I am embarrassed by it. I tell myself these are explorations that belong to the teen years, it certainly did for me. And now, when I should have matured way beyond it, I am still exploring these basic and simple things. Also, I don’t do the work to go deeper - to investigate beyond what is already familiar to me, to familiarize myself with traditions and what others have found. I am a 100% dilettante. I approach it in a very superficial way. I only skim the surface. I am saying and exploring almost exactly what I did as a teenager - as proven when I read what I wrote back then. I should be far beyond these things now.
   • When did I first have that thought? Several years ago, even when I started this blog and some time before.
   • What images comes up for me? Appearing silly to myself and others by exploring this. A teacher I talked with recently who told me very directly I have not made very good use of my skills and gifts (which is how I already see it).
   • What am I afraid would happen if I didn’t hold onto that belief? I am afraid others would see it as silly, not realize it, so not try to act in ways that may appear less silly. How likely is it? Well, it could happen. How important is it? Not very important. It would probably just be liberating.
4. Who would I be without it?
   • Happy where I am. Happy with exploring naive and silly things. Happy with not being all that sophisticated. Happy with not being all that mature. Happy with not going all that deep. Happy with not doing the work to go beyond where I am.
   • And, ironically, that may free me to go further. Without the initial belief, I feel the a freedom and playfulness I used to have around these explorations. It is again an innocent and open exploration. The landscape is open. I am no longer stopping myself by the initial belief and my reactions to it.
5. Turnarounds.
   • Nothing here is tremendously silly.
     • Right. Most of the topics are of some importance to most people, no matter their age.
     • It is maybe slightly silly, from some perspectives, but not necessarily tremendously silly.
     • For some, in some situations, it is not silly. For me, at times, it is not silly.
   • All here is tremendously OK.
     • Yes. It is innocent. It is where I am now, no matter how it may appear to myself or others.
     • Much of it are universal explorations, and some of us are a little slower than others. It is OK to be a little slow. It takes all types.
   • All here is slightly silly.
     • Yes, and it feels good to recognize that. Nothing here is meant to be taken very seriously. It is all innocent and slightly naive and silly explorations. If it seems helpful, then fine. And if not, that is 100% fine too.

Additional beliefs:

• I don’t do the work to go deeper.
• I approach it in a superficial way.
• I only skim the surface.
• I should be far beyond this.

I find pleasure in taking photos that look unplanned and haphazard (small trees in the way of the mountain, branches sticking in from the side, slightly out of focus), yet still work - at least to some extent - in terms of color, composition, mood and so on.

But all biographies and autobiographies are in a very real sense fictional. They are heavily filtered through interpretations and whatever information is available - itself just a selection and heavily interpreted.

That is of course true for all our images and stories of past and future, whether it is about others, our history, or ourselves. Past and future only exist in our imagination, and it is heavily filtered, interpreted and distorted. And what we call present is no different. Our images of the present is just that: images, and these images are just as filtered and interpreted.

Knowing this is a starting point, and where it gets interesting is when I notice this as it happens. Through investigating specific stories of past and future, I can notice that these stories only exist in my own world images. And that makes it easier to notice that my stories of the present are the same. I can close my eyes, recall what I did yesterday, and see that this is only to be found in my own imagination. The same about what I imagine I will do tomorrow. And the same about what is here now - this body, this room, the rain. That too happens as an overlay of images on pure sense experiences.

Why stop there? What about my images of “me”? Are these too only images? When I close my eyes and image “me” as this human self, sitting in this chair, with a specific age, gender, height, name and so on, what do I find? Does it exist any other place than in my imagination, as an overlay on some sense experiences? What about “I”? What appears most as an “I” in immediate experience? Is it a doer or observer? Where do I find this doer? Where do I find the observer? Does it exist as anything other than images overlaid on certain sensations?

When I look for me and I, I find that they are located at a particular place in space. What is this space? Is this too imagined? An image of space overlaid on pure sensations, and used to locate sensations and images?

Finally, if me and I are only to be found as images, is there any real “I” to be found anywhere? Is any sense of I created through the filters of imagination? Created through images of an I and me, imagined in imagined space, imagined in imagined time, imagined as having a viewpoint?

Blogs - including this one - can easily be seen as self-indulgent and self-absorbed, an expression of our individualistic and navel-gazing contemporary culture, and so on. All of that may be true. I often have the thought that this blog is way too self-absorbed.

And yet, if it also is universal - a mirror for what is going on here and for also for others - it may be interesting and even at times helpful.

It also seems that there are two ways of being self-absorbed.

There is the sincere inquiry, a wish to see and feel more clearly what is going on here. It is what private journals have been used for for centuries. It comes from a wish to move beyond where I am.

And it can also be a way to rehearse my familiar viewpoints, to stay where I am, with no or little wish to move beyond.

The first from of self-absorption seem quite healthy and helpful, in moderate amounts and at times where life invites it. The second form may be less obviously helpful, although very understandable. It becomes really helpful when it is used in a “judge your neighbor” way, generating material for later inquiry.

Some additional thoughts on self-absorption:

Self-absorption is really just belief-absorption, attention centering on beliefs as it naturally does. In that sense, everything anyone thinks - while believing those stories - is self-absorbed. There is an “I” there that all of those stories centers around and relates to. Within this, there is the conventional form of being self-absorbed, thinking explicitly and frequently about how we appear, what is going of with us, how we can get something and avoid something else, and so on.

And why does attention go to these stories when they are taken as true? For at least three reason.

First, because these stories - when believed - are naturally perceived as very important: They are true, so they must be important.

Second, because there is a a survival function there. Strong beliefs come from culture or from dramatic experiences, and most often from a combination of the two. So we learn to fit into our culture, and we are also invited to more thoroughly think through how we relate to important situations in our life. We ruminate because there is something more for us to see there, in how we relate to the situation and also how we relate to our thoughts about it. How can I relate to the situation in a more helpful way? How can I relate to my thoughts about it in a more helpful way? What happens when I believe them? What happens if they are seen as stories only, as tool that may or may not be helpful? Which one is more helpful in a practical, everyday sense? Do I function better when I believe a story, or when it is recognized as a tool of temporary value only?

And the third reason is another take on the previous one. There is a draw to belief because they are the filters that prevents what is to notice itself. Somewhere, there is already a recognition of what is, and beliefs as temporarily creating the appearance of being an I with an other, so attention naturally goes to those beliefs so this can be seen more clearly. Attention going there is an invitation to notice me and I as images only, and what happens when these are identified with and what happens when they are recognized as images only.

………………
………………

- self-indulgent
– self-indulgent, self-absorbed
– and yet, also universal? helpful?
– also two ways of being self-indulgent
— (a) sincere inquiry, go past where I am - take time to investigate and reflect
— (b) to rehearse and reinforce beliefs, where I am
– self-absorbed
— (a) belief-absorbed
— (b) notice what is really here (”I” as an image only)

……

The first from of self-absorption seem quite healthy and helpful, in moderate amounts and at times where life invites it. The second form may be less obviously helpful, although very understandable.

……..

Second, because there is a a survival function there. Strong beliefs come from culture or from dramatic experiences, and most often from a combination of the two. So we learn to fit into our culture, and we are also invited to more thoroughly think through how we relate to important situations in our life. We ruminate because there is something more for us to see there, in how we relate to the situation and also how we relate to our thoughts about it. How can I relate to the situation in a more helpful way? How can I relate to my thoughts about it in a more helpful way? What happens when I believe them? What happens if they are seen as stories only, as tool that may or may not be helpful?

………

And the third reason is another take on the previous one. There is a draw to belief because they are the filters that prevents what is to notice itself. We lay down an imagined boundary within content of experience, label one part “me” and “I” and the other part “world” and “other”, and beliefs with any story then create a sense of identification with that me and I.

No one knows what’s good and what’s bad. No one knows what death is. Maybe it’s not a something; maybe it’s not even a nothing. It’s the pure unknown, and I love that. We imagine that death is a state of being or a state of nothingness, and we frighten ourselves with our own concepts. I’m a lover of what is: I love sickness and health, coming and going, life and death. I see life and death as equal. Reality is good; so death must be good, whatever it is, if it’s anything at all.
- from chapter 33 of A Thousand Names for Joy

We can only be afraid of what we believe we are-whatever there is in ourselves that we haven’t met with understanding. If I thought you might see me as boring, for example, it would frighten me, because I haven’t questioned that thought. So it’s not people who frighten me, it’s me that frightens me. That’s my job, to frighten me, until I investigate this fear for myself. The worst that can happen is that I think you think about me what I think about myself. So I am sitting in a pool of me.
- from chapter 46 of A Thousand Names for Joy

Two excerpts from Byron Katie’s this modern-day commentary on Tao Te Ching. Highly recommended, especially as inspiration for own inquiry.