The love of your life


Do you want to meet the love of your life? Look in the mirror.

– Byron Katie

This may seem as a nice thought, and yet we know that it’s not true, right?

It may not feel true. And the reason it doesn’t feel true is that we are not quite there yet.

If we have spent a lifetime being lukewarm to ourselves, or even ignoring or battling ourselves, it takes some intention – and perhaps time – to turn it around.

How do we love ourselves?

The answer comes in two parts. First, what do we mean by “ourselves”? Is it just the image I have of myself? No. The answer is more radical than that. It’s all of our experience. It’s all that I am experiencing, here and now. What I am experiencing happens within and as what I am. It is what I am, in the moment.

Then, do I love it? Typically, we find that we like some parts, dislike other parts, and are neutral towards some parts. Loving it is different. It means kindness to our experience, no matter what that experience is. Kindness towards sadness, anger, joy, exhilaration, grief. Kindness towards resistance, discomfort, contractions. Kindness towards joyful and scary thoughts. Kindness towards physical pain. Resting with it, in kind presence. Even finding love for it.

That’s how we love ourselves. Finding love for my experience, as it is, here and now.

It’s a tall order. It’s radical. And it’s how we discover that we are the love of our life.

I, as all of my experience in the moment, is the love of my life, when I have found how to meet it with genuine love.

Byron Katie: If in heaven you believed everything you believed here on earth


If in heaven you believed everything you believed here on earth, where would you be?

– Byron Katie

I would be where I am now. If I believe what I do now – I did something wrong, something terrible may happen, I am unloved, I am missing out – then I would experience the same stress and discomfort as I do now. It’s a good and illuminating thought experiment.

Byron Katie: Pain is in the moment


Can you notice how pain is in the moment? It’s not forever even though the mind would lead you to believe it is.

– Byron Katie

It’s very easy for the mind to project the pain that’s here now into the future, and make it seem very real. And very hopeless.

When I notice that’s happening, I sometimes ask myself:

Is it true it’s too much? It is true I can’t take it? Is it true it’s overwhelming?

Is it true it will always be this way? Is it true it will never go away?

Is it true it has to go away? Is it true it would be better if it goes away?

Byron Katie: Heaven, too, is just a beginning


As you begin to wake yourself up from your dreams of hell or purgatory, one by one by one, heaven begins to dawn on you in a way that the imagination can’t comprehend. And then, as you continue to question what you believe, you realize that heaven, too, is just a beginning. There is something better than heaven. It’s the eternal, meaningless, in?nitely creative mind. It can’t stop for time or space or even joy. It’s so brilliant that it will shake what’s left of you into the depths of all-consuming wonder.

– Byron Katie

Byron Katie: Life without a future


Life without a future is magical.

– Byron Katie

It doesn’t mean having no images or thoughts about the future, or believing there is no future.

It means seeing clearly, through curiosity and investigation, that any images I have about the future are just that, images.

They are images and words, with perhaps sensations associated with them. If unexamined, the sensations will lend a sense of reality and solidity to the images and words. They will seem real, as if they reflect a real future. If examined, I see images as images and words as words, and feel sensations as sensations. It’s clear they are all happening here and now. I cannot find a future outside of these, happening here, and being images, words and sensations.

Byron Katie: Welcome to the movie of who you think you are


Welcome to the movie of who you think you are. Pass the popcorn.

– Byron Katie

It’s a commonly used analogy: our life is like a movie.

It has a main character (me). It has drama. It has ups and downs. It has other characters that come and go, some more central than others. It has challenges. It has joys. It has a beginning, a middle and an end. The story has an arc. It’s messy at times. It’s at times fascinating, scary, amusing, funny, tragic, suspenseful, surprising, exciting, predictable, boring and more.

The difference is in identification. Movies are entertaining because we are only mildly identified with the main characters. In contrast, our life can be experiences as a life-and-death matter, and hold onto very tightly, if we are strongly identified with the main character(s). And it can be entertaining and amusing if there is a softer identification.

Also, we can say that just like a movie is projected on a screen, our life – and it’s word – is “projected on awareness”. Or, rather, it happens within and as awareness itself. And just as a movie projected on the screen doesn’t impact the screen, the content of awareness doesn’t impact awareness itself. It doesn’t impact what we more basically are.

Byron Katie: Pain is nothing to fear


Pain is nothing to fear; it’s something to understand.

– Byron Katie

I hesitate commenting on something already so clear, but will write a couple of things anyway.

A lot – or all? – of the discomfort of physical pain comes from our stories about it, and how we scare ourselves. It’s pain, is it true? What do I find when I examine it? Can I find actual pain in words, images and sensations? What’s the worst that can happen if I have physical pain? What do I find when I examine that further?

And the same with emotional pain. Is it really emotional pain? Can I find actual emotional pain in words, images or sensations?

Byron Katie: Pain is a projection


Pain is a total projection, and it prevents us from noticing that it’s all love.

– Byron Katie, paraphrased from a webcast

I see this for myself, and these days especially when I use the living inquiries.

When words, images and sensations combine into the appearance of pain, it’s experienced as painful, whether it’s emotional or physical pain.

Examining each of these separately, I see there is no threat in the words, in the images, or in the sensations. (And if there appear to be, I can – for instance – look for underlying images and ask if there is a threat there.) The stickiness of the idea or experience of “pain” is reduced or falls away.

There may still be words, images and sensations, and more of an allowing of these, and a noticing that they are already allowed. The sticky conglomerate of words, images and sensations called “pain” is not there anymore, or it’s faded and in the background.

I get to see that “pain” is a projection, and that what’s here is love.



Byron Katie: That would not leave room for the possibility that a Higher Force is moving you


It’s a purely egoic identity that would not leave room for the possibility that a Higher Force is moving you.

– Byron Katie

Said another way, identifications – and not noticing the identification, and that mind is also nonidentified – leaves less or little room for noticing the possibility that a higher force is moving me. And that includes identification, thoughts, choices, and my life in the world.

Byron Katie on pain


Go to that pain. Can you feel the feeling in your shoulder? So, that feeling is pain. Can u really know that it s true?

Well, I call it pain. 

Yes you do and lets go in again. Can you really know that that feeling what you feel is pain? Can you really know that? Maybe that’s what love feels like. Who knows?

– Byron Katie in dialog with a woman who has pain in her shoulder

Byron Katie: I am love, and as long as I seek it from you, I can’t know that


I am love, and as long as I seek it from you, I can’t know that.

– Byron Katie

When there is a belief in deficiency and having to get love, acceptance and approval from others, I cannot see it’s already here. It’s here to give to myself.

I also don’t see that I am that love, acceptance and approval, and can give myself to the image of me that may appear deficient.

Byron Katie: It just means that you can see things without the confusion of your inner struggle


People new to The Work often say to me, “But it would be disempowering to stop my argument with reality. If I simply accept reality, I’ll become passive. I may even lose the desire to act.” I answer them with a question: “Can you really know that that’s true?” Which is more empowering?—“I wish I hadn’t lost my job” or “I lost my job; what intelligent solutions can I find right now?”

The Work reveals that what you think shouldn’t have happened should have happened. It should have happened because it did happen, and no thinking in the world can change it. This doesn’t mean that you condone it or approve of it. It just means that you can see things without resistance and without the confusion of your inner struggle. No one wants their children to get sick, no one wants to be in a car accident; but when these things happen, how can it be helpful to mentally argue with them? We know better than to do that, yet we do it, because we don’t know how to stop.

I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. We can know that reality is good just as it is, because when we argue with it, we experience tension and frustration. We don’t feel natural or balanced. When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid,  kind, and fearless.

– Byron Katie in The Work of Byron Katie: An Introduction