Love will kill anything that’s not like itself.
The ego’s job is to kill everything but itself.
– Byron Katie
Love will kill anything that’s not like itself.
– Byron Katie (37:20)
The ego’s job is to kill everything but itself. What’s the ego? It’s what happens when a thought is taken as true, the dynamics around a belief. It’s what shows up from question #3 in The Work. When a story is taken as true, only what fits the story is allowed so the mind “kills” everything else. It (temporarily) kills reality.
Everyone in your life is a figment of your imagination—even you.
– Byron Katie
Yep. I relate to my images of myself and others. Sometimes I remember, sometimes I forget (and am reminded because it’s uncomfortable).
Everyone shifts when you shift. I promise, it’s how it works.
– Byron Katie
That’s my experience too. If I dissect it, I can see that it’s partly because I see them differently (through different, more kind, stories), and they see me differently (I relate to them in a different way).
Also, when my stories change my whole world changes.
Poverty is internal. Every time you think you know something, you’re experiencing poverty.
– Byron Katie on FaceBook
When I think I know something, my mind is in service of that belief.
It finds evidence to support the belief. It sets aside what doesn’t fit.
It allows only ways of acting and being in the world that fits the belief, and overlooks other options. It limits creativity.
I just returned from The School for The Work with Byron Katie in Germany, and am very grateful I was able to go.
For now, here are some adjustments to how I do inquiry:
When write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet and do the four questions and a turnaround, do it with a specific situation in mind. Keep it simple, focus and go back to one specific situation.
When working with the questions, be still and wait for answer.
For #4 – who would I be without the thought? – again go back to the situation and be specific. What other options are available to me when I don’t have that thought?
Use simple and real turnarounds. Use the original sentence, turn it around to the self, other or the opposite, and repeat. Sometimes there is just one turnaround and that’s OK.
The Gift of Criticism by Byron Katie.
When we understand what criticism is really about, we find that it is one of the most powerful tools for self-realization and growth – if you really want to know the truth.
Here are some steps on how to use and understand criticism for your highest benefit:
When someone says you are wrong, unkind, unclear, uncaring, etc., feel it. Settle into it before you strike out; experience it, even invite it. Ask yourself, “Is it true? Could they be right?” Wait for the answer.
No matter what anyone says to you, or about you, if you experience stress, then you are the one who is suffering from your hidden secret – the secret you hide even from yourself in the moment – and the mind will do its job at this point which is to attack. Your own mind’s attack is the cause of stress. Stress is the signal that it is time to ask you, time to inquire, an opportunity for you to know the truth. Stress is always an opportunity to experience forgiveness with the people you judge and those who judge you, and to end stress within you. Forgiveness cannot be found anywhere else. Forgiveness is when you realize that what you think happened didn’t.
Being honest with yourself and being vulnerable can be the end of the illusion of being manipulated in any way. When you are genuinely humble, there is no place for criticism to stick. This is where clarity takes on life as effective, kind action.
Inquiry is a direct internal path to freedom from the lie and from deep secrets, and therefore, freedom from the fear of your lies being discovered.
Via Janey from Korea.
A powerful inquiry – shifting from perceiving the illness as life-threatening to also life-giving.
And I can ask…. Where do I find the same belief? What do I want to stop in my own life? What do I find when I do this inquiry for myself?
Byron Katie says reality is kind.
Is it true? Is reality kind?
In a conventional sense, it is sometimes true, and sometimes not. It mainly depends on the situation, and is slightly moderated by how we see it. We can always find the silver lining.
No one knows what’s good and what’s bad. No one knows what death is. Maybe it’s not a something; maybe it’s not even a nothing. It’s the pure unknown, and I love that. We imagine that death is a state of being or a state of nothingness, and we frighten ourselves with our own concepts. I’m a lover of what is: I love sickness and health, coming and going, life and death. I see life and death as equal. Reality is good; so death must be good, whatever it is, if it’s anything at all.
– from chapter 33 of A Thousand Names for Joy
We can only be afraid of what we believe we are-whatever there is in ourselves that we haven’t met with understanding. If I thought you might see me as boring, for example, it would frighten me, because I haven’t questioned that thought. So it’s not people who frighten me, it’s me that frightens me. That’s my job, to frighten me, until I investigate this fear for myself. The worst that can happen is that I think you think about me what I think about myself. So I am sitting in a pool of me.
– from chapter 46 of A Thousand Names for Joy
Two excerpts from Byron Katie’s this modern-day commentary on Tao Te Ching. Highly recommended, especially as inspiration for own inquiry.
This is a great overview of The Work. Katie talks about her own story, the ins and outs of the process, how it may look when applied to the main areas of our lives, and with examples of Katie leading people through investigations of our universal stories such as I need more money. Always with an invitation to the listener to find their own answers and get a taste of the process that way.
Live up to your attainment with care.
– Sixth Patriarch
In this koan (see the full text below), Myo awakened. (Reality awakened to itself, awakened from temporarily taking itself to be Myo.)
And after awakening, there is the process of living from it with care. It can easily be obscured, and that happens as soon as we take any story as true or identify with any viewpoint.
As Byron Katie says, we are awakened – or not – to a thought. The thought that is here now.
A simple little practice suggested by Byron Katie.
When I wake up in the morning, I can wait and be curious about when the body gets up. I find that it always does get up, and gets up in time if I have something scheduled. And it is completely without drama since the “doer” is out of the picture. (Or at least occupied with observing.) I may even notice some of the process behind getting up, such as a thought of getting up immediately preceding my body actually getting up.
It is a great practice for a few different reasons.
It helps me see that choices can be made and actions done without a “doer”. I may notice something about the process behind choices and acting on them. I notice that without a “doer”, choices are made and actions happen simply and without drama. I may notice concerns about choices not being made and actions not being taken without a “doer”. (There may be a little drama around this, especially in the beginning.) And maybe most importantly, as I notice this over and over, I learn to trust it and allow for it to happen in other situations in daily life.
As Byron Katie says, we are either enlightened to a thought ot not. And we never know in advance.
When I am not enlightened to a thought, I take it as true and act as if it is true.
When I am enlightened to a thought, I see it as a story with limited truth, I recognize the truth in its reversals, I see it as a tool of temporary and practical use only, and I recognize that it doesn’t even begin to touch what is really going on – whether in a conventional sense (the world is always more than and different from any story) or in the context of what I am and everything is (the play of Ground, God).
And I never know in advance if I am going to be enlightened to a thought or not. I may have been in the past, but not now. I may be now, but not in the future.
That is OK, and more than OK. Whenever I notice the signs of taking a story as true, I can take it as a reminder for inquiry, for finding what is more true for me than the initial belief.
And this goes whether I am “generally enlightened” or not. My center of gravity may be as a separate I, a doer or observer. My center of gravity may be in what I am, that which all experience happens within and as. And in either case, I may be enlightened or not to any particular thought that comes up.
In exploring beliefs, I come to see that whenever I take a story as true, I act as if it is true. Pretty obvious, but it is different to see if over and over, and allowing it to sink in.
And this is also a simple way of exploring regrets.
I go back to a situation I experience regret over. Look at the beliefs I had then. And ask myself, did I have a choice? Given those beliefs, could I have acted differently?
It is a way to help us see the innocence in it, find some compassion for ourselves, and allowing regrets to fall away. (more…)
M: … but in reality if he went out and used again, it could be tough for me.
Byron Katie: Oh, there’s a plan. “I think I will plan that.” [M laughs.] If you want to know your plan, look at your mind. It will show you. “That will be tough.” There’s a plan.
On my way through PDX to San Francisco, I read short sections of Who Would You Be Without Your Story and then stayed with it for a while, letting it work on me.
The quote above especially made an impression on me, maybe because it is something I have explored on my own lately.
When I have an expectation, I have a plan. I have a plan for how it will turn out, and I may either interpret what happens so it fits my expectation, or act so it is more likely to happen – to the extent it can at least.
I enjoy listening to Byron Katie because she so clearly comes from Big Mind, and at the same time meets people where they are. In that way, she serves as an interface between Big Mind and confused mind in a beautiful way.
Btw: This is one of the exchanges where she also addresses emotions, in addition to beliefs.
Byron Katie has a very effective way of finding beliefs and generating statements for inquiry:
Write down one of the things you are most ashamed of in your life. Something you like the least to share with others and yourself.
Then, write down a list of what this means.
Say the initial statement is that I lied to a friend. And that means that I can’t be trusted, I betrayed our friendship, I am a lousy friend, he wouldn’t want anything to do with me if he knew, I am a bad person, I am confused, I put myself ahead of others, and so on.
Then select one or more of these that have the most charge, or do all of them one at a time, and take them to inquiry. Is it true? Sure? What happens when I believe that thought? Who would I be without them? What are the reversals, and the genuine truths in each of them?
Byron Katie had a good additional question during the workshop on Saturday:
If the universe is a friendly place, why would ….? (Fill in with the topic of the initial belief.)
This is quite similar to Joanna Macy‘s exercise called My Choices for This Life, or the Bodhisattva Check-In, where we explore why we chose to be as a human being in this moment of history, and then explore this more in detail with the particulars of this human life. How does it all contribute to this life, with its particular insights, gifts, opportunities?
Both are of course just thought experiments, a way of framing our experience in a different way.
And at the same time, both mimic how it appears when Big Mind, and especially Big Heart, awakens to itself. When Big Mind/Heart is awake to itself, we naturally see the life of this human self in the context of the universe as friendly, and the particulars of our life as gifts to open our heart and mind.
But there is no need to make it into a belief. If it is not alive in immediate experience, it can be explored as just a thought experiment. A what if, and then see what comes out of it.
As a subquestion in The Work, it may fit immediately before or after the turnarounds when our view is already quite open and receptive.
We went to a workshop with Byron Katie in Ashland this weekend (9 inches of snow Sunday!), and I appreciate how she goes right into The Work without any introduction or talk about philosophy. She asked how many had never tried it before, then asked us to fill out a “what I complain about” worksheet, did the process with a few participants, and then had us facilitate each other.
Someone asked me about The Work earlier tonight, and I told her the story of how I got into it.
A couple of years back, I visited a friend of mine in Salt Lake City that I hadn’t seen for a while. He has had chronic fatigue syndrome for as long as I have known him, and had always looked tired, worn down, exhausted. This time, when he opened the door, he was radiant. I asked him if the chronic fatigue was gone and he said “no, but I am not bothered by it anymore”.
He had found peace with the symptoms, and instead of working against the symptoms was now working with it. He would rest when he needed, work when he could, and the drama had gone out of it.
I thought that if it had worked so well for him, who had decades of experience with Buddhism and other approaches, it would be interesting for me to try it as well. He gave me some worksheets, I tried it without much initial success, he facilitated me so I could get a taste of it, and I have stayed with it since.
Byron Katie says that things come to pass, not to stay.
One way of understanding that is in the usual impermanence way, that the world of form is in flux. The world of form is flux. Things come and then pass. Whatever is within content of awareness is already gone as soon as we try to capture it. Whatever arises is always fresh, new, different. God does not repeat itself. (All of this, the whole appearance of flux and change, only arises within the realm of thoughts… memories, projections, ideas of continuity.)
Another way of understanding it is that things come in order to leave. Their reason for happening is to leave, so that we can see our attachments, our beliefs around it saying they should stay longer.
Expanding it a little, we can say that impermanence is an invitation for us to see each of our beliefs from many different angles. We get to see our beliefs that something should not happen even as it is. That things should go away even as they stay. That things should come even as they don’t. That things should stay even as they go away.
Impermanence is an invitation to notice and investigate those beliefs, revealing that which does not come and go, this awakeness that the world of form happens within, to and as.
The Work can be pretty annoying when it becomes another ideology, another guideline for how to respond to situations and how to see the world, another set of rules for what is OK to say and do, another source of information for what is “politically correct”, another way to squish what I really feel, and so on. I see this quite a bit in the BK inquiry world, although not in Byron Katie herself.
As usual, when something just becomes a belief things go out of whack. But when it is really explored, really taken as a practice, it can free us.
Statement: Inquiry is annoying. (more…)
I read through the thread on Myth of the Given and The Work at the Integral Naked forum, and learned something more about the myth of the given.
Apparently, working with and seeing through the myth of the given goes beyond the simple version of it: recognizing appearances as just appearances, filtered in numerous ways, conditioned by infinite causes. It also includes a specific way to analyze why it appears as it does through bringing in the intersubjective, and the 3rd, 2nd, and 1st person perspectives.
I guess we have do it one that one specific way for it to count 🙂
So does The Work do it in that one particular way? Let’s see…
- Intersubjective. Well, The Work is intersubjective in one way (I know this one doesn’t count), in that it is often done with a partner, and also shared with others. Also, it is intersubjective in that many of the subquestions (under question no. 3) specifically helps us look at how our beliefs are created in community, and appears real because they are shared by community. Questions no. 4 and the turnarounds helps us see how they are not absolutes, and that different communities indeed see and filter things differently.
- 3rd, 2nd and 1st person perspectives. As with the 3-2-1 process, the initial statement and subquestions to question no. 3 is an exploration of the 3rd person perspective (he/she/it). The second person perspective (you) comes in mostly when we work directly with another, reading our inquiries on statements on them while they listen, and we then talk about it afterwards. And the first person (I) comes in throughout.
- The filter of context. For me, and also others it seems, an analysis of the role of context follows from some of the subquestions for question no. 3, as outlined under the first point. For instance, when we look at the question “when did you first have that thought” it is often clear how it came through culture, family, religion, or some other influence.
This isn’t to say that The Work completely addresses the Myth of the Given, nor that it has to. Also, maybe some additional subquestions, and different configurations of doing it, would make it more aligned? (One question could be “where did the belief come from”, although the answer to that one usually comes through the question “when did you first have that belief”.)
And even if The Work already addresses the Myth of the Given, through many of its subquestions and the turnarounds, why make it explicit? Why not let people discover it for themselves? If it is made explicit, it can too easily just be another myth, another belief, another “should”, another way to blind ourselves.
I also see that the Myth of the Given seemed so obvious to me initially, that we filter the world in innumerable ways, and that these filters are created by infinite causes. But it is apparently not that simple. I still don’t quite get how KW and others use it…
I found these beautiful inquiries by someone who, like me, appreciate the work of Ken Wilber and The Work by Byron Katie.
Here are a few excerpts:
Belief: The Work ignores intersubjectivity. I can turn this around right away.
- The Work considers intersubjectivity. I do the Work with my partner. I listen to her Judge your Neighbor worksheet on me and facilitate her doing the Work on me while I listen with an open heart. She does the same thing for me. I couldnâ€™t ask for a better mirror and if that isnâ€™t intersubjectivity what is? The Work can be done with family, friends, colleagues, enemies, anybody. I learn an enormous amount when I facilitate another â€“ about them and me.
- I ignore intersubjectivity. When I defend myself against criticism as a knee jerk reaction. As Katie often says, Defense is the first act of War. When I believe my thoughts about others without enquiry. When I do not question my thoughts about me (my multiple selves â€“ parent, child, adult).
Turnarounds to â€œThe Work does not take into consideration the evolution of consciousnessâ€:
- The Work does take into consideration the evolution of consciousness. The Work questions the lies/pathologies that surface at every structure stage of consciousness. In the process, the untrue beliefs are left behind and I am freed to evolve or not. As Katie says, there are only 3 kinds of business; my business, your business and Godâ€™s business. Eros is Godâ€™s business.
- I do not take into consideration the evolution of othersâ€™ consciousness. I believe that others canâ€™t evolve, that they are blocked or stuck believing their myths. I believe this about my partner, my friends and work colleagues. I tend to believe the worst about them. And yes, I believe that of some of the Greens in this forum! Sorry guys, my bad.
- I do not take into consideration the evolution of my consciousness. I often consider my problem to be hopeless. My understanding wonâ€™t get better. My fear wonâ€™t get better. My relationship wonâ€™t get better.
Turnarounds for â€œThe Work is limited by the Myth of the Givenâ€.
- The Work in not limited by the Myth of the Given. The Work (4 questions) investigates any myth (beliefs) that I take as given (true). For example I believe the myth that my father is dead when his genes are alive in me, his memory is alive in me, his image is alive in me. By investigating every story, the Work leaves me as what I am (truth) in the moment. As Katie says, the Work takes nothing away and gives nothing. Itâ€™s only 4 questions.
- I limit myself by the Myth (lies) that I take to be Given. There is no question in my mind that I was suffering from the myths that I believed. The energy that I use in holding on to beliefs that conflict with reality limits my creativity and action.
- I believe the myth of the other/(s) to be given. I project my thoughts (myths) on to others and think that my image of them is real (given). Who is an Other without my story?