I am spending time with Byron Katie at a large gathering, only the two of us. She sees a core belief in me, and tries to help me see it as well. I am touched by the interest she is taking in nudging me to see it for myself. After a while, just as she is about to leave to do something else, I glimpse a part of what it is about: I have a felt-sense of everything happening outside of this human self as God and God’s will, but not what is happening from the inside of this human self… thoughts, feelings, choices, actions. And this split paralyzes me to some extent. She acknowledges that this is true, but also only a part of what wants to be seen. 

The evening before, I was at a diksha/oneness group potluck, and talked with a friend of mine about The Work and also transformational breathwork. I am looking forward to a breathwork session with her scheduled for this coming week as I know I have frozen layers to work through, especially related to the bodily felt-sense of life (fear vs. trust, etc.).

I live in a society where the ruling system is very pleasant and works well on the surface, but there are strands of corruption running through it. Something is hidden, and they want it to remain hidden. I am with a small group set to expose and topple this system. In the beginning, I am relatively passive, but then take on a more active and engaged role and become one of the leaders. I may also be the only one with conclusive evidence for the corruption, and this evidence will be the catalyst for a deep shift.

Over the last few days, I have seen more clearly the thread of suffering running through my life. Things are fine on the surface, yet there is still this faint thread of suffering running through it. And I have habitually escaped from it, even in apparently subtle ways. Now, after seeing this more clearly, there is a willingness to more wholeheartedly be with this thread of suffering, as it is, to fully allow it, and see, feel and love it. It has been there long enough, so why not.

Although it is a relatively subtle shift, it may also be a significant one. And this dream may be telling me just that: it may shift the whole ruling system.

I dreamt about a wolf which looked very real, but turned out to be a knitted wolf, made of yarn. This is another analogy similar to the traditional one of a snake being revealed as a rope.

In the beginning, it appears very real, as a vicious and dangerous animal of flesh and blood. Then, it is revealed as just a knitted animal, or a rope.

Some ways to explore the vicious animal…

• Being with whatever we are experiencing, in a wholehearted and heartfelt way. By doing this, which in my experience feels like a gentle and soft docking, the content of experience changes. When resisted, emotions for instance seem very real, solid, substantial, and clearly definable as fear, anger, grief, and so on. But when there is a soft docking and a heartfelt being with whatever is there, it changes, often into a sense of fullness and sweetness that is not easily definable. The bloodthirsty wolf is revealed as a cute knitted wolf.
• Labeling the sense fields, and differentiating them clearly in our own experience. In this way, we see what is there in each of them, and how they combine to create appearances of gestalts which are solid and real in themselves. For instance, when the components of fear are not differentiated, fear appears very much solid and real. But when it is clearly seen as just sensations and a story about these sensations, the gestalt becomes transparent, ephemeral and may even dissolve.
• Inquiry into beliefs is another way to get to know the vicious animal. When there is a friction between our stories about what is and what should be, it inevitably gives rise to various emotions such as fear, anger and so on, and if we try to squash (awareness of) it, then maybe depression. Again, the gestalt of beliefs and emotions seem very real, very substantial, in the beginning. But when we investigate the story, we see how attaching to it as true creates the gestalt, we see the clarity and spaciousness when there is no attachment to it, and also find the grain of truth in its reversals. All of this invites the attachment to the belief to release, revealing the wolf as only a knitted animal.

This dream image may have come up since I delved into some new layers of beliefs and fears before falling asleep last night, again seeing how they appear as real and dangerous when resisted, but are revealed as something quite different when there is a heartfelt being with of whatever is there.

I notice identification being released in layers, first from the body, then the identities of this human self. It is different this time, and I realize that this human self is dead. I look around, and see someone else in the house dead as well, and then the folks out on the street dead. It seems that everyone is dead in some sort of calamity. All there is, is pure awareness and whatever is arising.

Hm…. the experience was of headlessness, Big Mind, etc., with identification being released gradually and softly, layer by layer (as I tend to experience it these days). But this time, it was different. This human self was dead, and every other one dead as well, it seemed. There was a sense of no going back, because the anchor for a sense of separate self (this human self) was gone.

Someone is receiving transplants for just about every organ and body part, in continuous rotation. He even receives a transplant for his head, which makes me slightly uneasy as I realize that there is no fixed identity there. Even the gender changes. It is all OK as he takes a research approach to it, studying the effects of the continuous transplants.

The little guy is having every part of him replaced, continuously, including the head and sexual organs. There is no fixed bodily identity possible. I am a little uncomfortable seeing this, but then realize that it is OK since he uses it as a research opportunity, including how it is to live with an absence of (an easily) fixed identity.

After waking up and staying with the dream, I realize that this is a very clear representation of my experience of myself… of seeing any identity in flux, always changing… both in terms of the conventional identity itself such as masculine, feminine, physical appearance, smart, not so smart, and so on, and in terms of the identification with any of these identities. It is all in flux. Nothing stays the same. And I see this here now, and also how it changes over a day.

I had this dream during our trip to Eastern Oregon, after we had spent our first evening at Crystal Crane Hot Springs in the desert near Burns, and sharing the facilities with a bunch of cowboys and gals on motorcycles.

I noticed that there was a continuous shift for me between having an identity as different from them (and experiencing separation) and finding a shared identity with them (no separation), and a slight discomfort in both cases… first, due to the sense of separation, then, due to finding myself as the same as someone I habitually have seen myself as different from. The discomfort in the dream was similar or the same as this one. A sense of having no solid ground to stand on in terms of identity. It fluctuates with the situation, and also in terms of what attention focuses on.

First, I see myself as a liberal city-dweller, different from these cowboys and gals in many ways. And then, I see how we are no different… we all enjoy the food, the water in the hot springs, good company, we all have hopes and fears, dreams and nightmares, we all take care of those within our circle of concern, we all do the best we can, we all try to live up to certain ideals and follow certain guidelines in our lives.

The essentials, the shared human qualities, are all the same. At most, it is only the superficial strategies that are slightly different, but even here not so much.

And in falling into this, and the sense of no separation, there is a slight sense of discomfort, of disorientation, since the old habitual identity has temporarily fallen away or far into the background of attention.

I am in a Native American village, and have a close relationship with the village elder who is about to die. He has deep wisdom, compassion and humanity, and is also very familiar with the spiritual realms and Ground. He chooses me and another young man to take care of his body and perform the rites after he dies, which involves removing the skull and treating the remaining skin of the head in a particular way. This is also a test of seeing what is clearly, without overlay of stories and attachments to them. There is a sense of deep belonging, humanity, compassion, wisdom, earthiness and familiarity with the spiritual realms throughout the dream, and in my human self’s relationship with the village.

This dream shares many elements with the previous dream, where I led a village in the Middle East (Kurdish village in Iran?). This time, the village elder and I share a very close relationship, and I am chosen to take care of his body, perform the rites, and then set up to continue his role in the village, possibly with the other man.

The way we take care of his body brings up some beliefs in stories in me and a discomfort with dealing with the bodily remains in such a matter-of-fact way, yet there is also a clear seeing in the midst of it.

The wide embrace, wisdom, compassion, earthiness, familiarity with the spiritual realms and Ground, are all very similar to the previous middle-eastern dream, as is the theme of leadership and of taking over after the village elder who is either incapacitated or died.

I view Native Americans and Sufis as groups that are more likely to embody this earthy spirituality - which includes all three centers and individuality & community, so it is no wonder they both show up in my dreams on these themes.

The dance dream a few days ago also shared these same qualities of earthy spirituality and individuality & community, although then without the leadership theme…. Earthy spirituality, individuality & community, then leadership forgetting about the real leader, then leadership being passed on in a more conscious way.

I am in a middle-eastern village and have the role of a leader - coordinating community projects and much more. The village is rustic and has an earthy quality. After a while, I remember that the real leader of the village is still alive, although he is very old and is being taken care of at another location. He is not capable to lead the village, so I have taken the role. There is an uneasiness about having forgotten about him.

The village has an earthy spiritual quality which I associate with Sufism. In the dream there was a parade of projects and situations that I coordinated and led in a way that seemed natural and relatively effortless. There was a sense of natural strength and receptivity combined with authority.

At some point, I realize or remember that I am not the official leader of the village.

The old man is, even though he is absent and not capable of leading. I feel uneasy and ashamed over having forgotten about him. It seems out of place, a lack of humility, a lack of respect of the hierarchy of the village, and a lack of appreciation for him and how he has governed the village over many years with a great deal of wisdom (far more than me, since I am still relatively young.)

The dream feels significant, although the meaning of it is still not quite clear.

(more…)

A space-shuttle type vehicle needs to be more lean and simple for an upcoming mission. It goes from a crew of four or five down to one (me), and the size is reduced as well, although there is still room for the passengers.

To me, it seems the Earth can easily be an image of the full human self (centaur, Jung’s Self) and outer space what is beyond the human self. (Hameed Ali talks about this in “Spaceship Inquiry”.)

In this case, there is a functional space shuttle, but it is too complex and elaborate for the next mission. It needs to be simplified and made smaller and more lean. Only one crew member is left, although there are still passengers on this mission, and quite a few of them as well. They are apparently essential to the mission, although I don’t know, and don’t need to know, anything more about the mission at this point.

I am visiting an old friend in Norway (JGH), someone I haven’t seen for many years. He lives in a nice apartment in Oslo, and there is a dance there in the evening. Lots of people come over and the dance is something I have never before seen or experienced.

It is a group dance, but also individual. The group moves almost as a school of fish, with one person initiating a slight variation of the moves and many or all of the others following. The new patterns ripple through the group in a very organic and playful way, and it is clear that everyone is enjoying the dance deeply - both what comes up for them individually and what moves through the group in such a seamless and playful way.

I am struck by the atmosphere which is intelligent, playful and soulful at the same time, and which allows such an individuality yet also forms such a seamless flow of patterns on a group level.

I also notice how there is a wide open field embracing and going deep into polarities such as individuality and group, receptivity and initiation, slow and fast, rhythmical and playfully breaking of rhythms, sensuality and intelligence, and much more.

It is clear that this is a mature group, and one that is intimate with themselves, each other and life, in a way I have rarely or never seen before.

I realize that what is different is that they move, in a mature, intimate, playful and effortless way from the three centers and with an emphasis on the belly center.

It is completely different yet also intimately familiar, as something I have for a long time been looking for, yet had not thought I would find. A deep gratitude comes up for me, and a longing and desire to stay and join in on their weekly gatherings.

During the dance, someone mentions that there are groups doing this form of dance in New Zealand, Australia and Europe, but not in the US because it doesn’t fit into their culture.

Afterwards, my friend shows me a book called “God as WE” and asked me if I know of other authors on that topic. I see that it is an anthology with writings by Adi Da, Andrew Cohen, Saniel Bonder and others, and realize that this is an area that is close to my heart yet has been neglected over the last period of time. The only other author I can think of is A. H. Almaas.

This is a big dream as Jung called it, one that made a big impression and seemed to have more significance than most dreams. It is a dream that shows me a whole new different realm of being and life.

A being and living, in a mature, playful and effortless way, from and as the three centers, and especially the warm nurturing felt-sense fullness of the belly center.

The atmosphere in the dream and the dance was very similar to Breema, yet also more dynamic, playful, and with ripples of patterns at a group level I am not used to.

It is a bringing of the belly center qualities into the group level, in a more mature way. It is God exploring itself as WE through an inclusion of all three centers, and especially the belly center.

There was no coincidence that the dream was set in Oslo since the qualities of this dream were more alive for me when I lived there… the soulfulness, playfulness and intelligence all together at a group level, with my friends there.

In the dream, someone pointed out that there were groups doing this form of dance in New Zealand, Australia and Europe, but not in the US because it didn’t fit into their culture. This reflects my ambivalence about living in the US, enjoying many things here but also longing for the intelligent and playful soulfulness I find more easily in Europe.

There was also a synchronicity here: At the end of the dream, I talked with a woman for a while. I remember the quality of her presence and looks, but not the content of the conversation. This morning, a woman came over to look at a room we are renting out, and she was a very close math to the person in the dream. (Not many are.)

I am in the Alps, and somehow see the whole mountain range at once. It is beautiful, with ragged tops and snow, and I see how just about every part of it has been well-explored, with many ski-tracks criss-crossing up the peaks and even more going down along the valleys. The number 10 also comes up.

This is another of those wide-embrace dreams, of a wast landscape that is well-explored, where every part of it is familiar.

When I explore the number ten, I see that it is a combination of zero, nothingness, the void, and one, which is the oneness of all form, of void and form (void taking the form of form!), and also of this one human self functioning in the world. It is what already is, but also what can be when the void is awake to itself while functionally connected to a particular human self, and this human self then lives its life within this context of void awake to itself.

Beyond this, I noticed a concern after waking up: isn’t it self-delusion to think that a landscape has been explored to such an extent? My conscious attitude is that whatever I have explored so far inevitably is only a scratching the surface, no matter how much has been explored. Maybe the dream is telling me that, yes, that may be right, but there is also a point here the landscape, in this case of the mechanisms of samsara, is relatively well explored and understood. In my case, the overall landscape may be relatively familiar, although there is certainly a lot more to get familiar with.

At some point, even if everything may not be revealed in all the different ways it can be revealed, there is more of a readiness to leave identifications behind, because they cannot exist when seen through, in real time and in a more finely-grained way.

I have a daughter from some years back, and have neglected her (in fact, I had completely forgotten about her until she came back into my life and was shocked over how I could have forgotten). She desperately needs and wants my love, connection and attention, and I promise myself to include her more fully in my life. She was nurtured and happy early on in her life, but has been neglected for several years.

I have recently worked more with the heart-felt being with of whatever comes up at a human level, and especially any reactiveness and emotions (such as frustration, irritability, sadness, anger)… and this dream seems directly connected with that. This heart-felt seeing was a natural and important part of my life for several years during my initial awakenining (which was a head and heart center awakening), but went out the window during the dark night phase.

This daughter represent vulnerable parts of my human self, which used to be nurtured, but have been neglected for a while now.

During the day, her presence has stayed with me and I have dialogued with her and committed even more clearly and strongly to be with her and be there for her, in a heart-felt way. It has been a very nurturing process.

A friend of mine and her partner has recently bought a piece of land in a rural area, and have a general store and a small farm. The area is full of rednecks and some of them are in the store, ready to be offended by anything my friends may say or do. As they try to trigger a confrontation, my friend’s partner behaves in an unusual way - singing fragments of odd songs and mumbling in a not very coherent manner - which confuses the rednecks and diffuses the situation. They leave, and my friend’s partner now becomes a smart and coherent person again. I realize it was a trick and one of the few strategies that may have worked to diffuse the tension. The rednecks had strong beliefs, were not open for any genuine exchanges or conversations, and were ready to be offended by even the most innocent remark or behavior.

About five days ago I set the intention for deep beliefs to be resolved. Beliefs that sit in the body, below the level of my usual attention, giving rise to a sense of pride and inferiority, a sense of separate self, etc. Every night since then, there has been a long string of dreams with a nightmarish quality, indicating that something is definitely being sorted out at a deeper level. This is the first one where I remember some of the content.

The rednecks in the dream were irrational, strongly wedded to their beliefs, not willing to engage in any real conversation, and looking for any opportunity for a fight. And that seems to reflect how those deep beliefs function… ready to be triggered, outside of what it is normally possible to dialog with. The dream may also indicate a little more consciousness in that area, since my friend (who is a friend from real life, and someone who would do just such a thing) and her partner had recently bought land there and set up a store, and they apparently are smart and skilled enough to make it work.

I am spending a good deal of time buying book treasures from used book stores, mostly on Buddhist and art subjects. I also belong to a Buddhist group and discover, to my horror, that they are selling these books to the public at give-away prices. I had intended only some books to be sold on, and the rest to be kept. Some of the books are rare finds, and may not even be appreciated by those buying them. Even as I try to explain the situation to the people selling them, more are sold.

This dream had a nightmarish quality… spending all that time identifying and buying book treasures, and then having them all sold off to the general public for next to nothing…!

The dream parallels two things in my life:

First, the giving away of my insights and skills freely, without asking for anything in return (including having volunteered a large number of hours for NWEI, and giving away a large number of Breema sessions for free).

The other, more specific to this retreat, a surrendering of conceptualized insights… seeing them for what they are, only thoughts. Only images and sounds created by the mind, arising and dissolving from and into nothingness.

Surrendering is inherent in the process of just seeing thoughts as thoughts, arising from and dissolving into nothingness.

There is an infinite blackness beyond a porthole. I can stick my arm through and pull some of it back as a treasure that has great value. I also notice how much I enjoy the situation, being safe on this side of the porthole and being able to receive treasures from the infinite blackness. I know I have to (will?) go through the porthole and then dissolve into the blackness, but fear is coming up.

After I woke up, I continued with active imagination:

I stay with the infinite blackness and the fear, and the infinite blackness becomes everything… all space. I find myself as a piece of black, rectangular fabric, gradually unraveling within - and into - the blackness.

This dream is from the second day of the retreat.

I am going from one area of my life to another, and one period of my life to another, with stories playing themselves out at each location before moving on to the next. Each is distinct, but there is also a seamlessness and short distances between all. I only need to walk a few steps and there is another location or time period. There is also some mixing, as for instance some people from Center for Sacred Sciences were at the Zen center helping with some construction there.

Another one of those “wide embrace” dreams… this one including any aspect of time period of my life, each one distinct, yet also with very short distances between any one. Everything is at different specific locations in a wide, rich, varied and somewhat fluid landscape, with short distanced between each one. This seemed to be a long dream with many distinct chapters, one after another. The only story I remember is of F. from CSS working along with the people at Kanzeon on a repair or construction project.

I am in the mountains with a group of other people. The landscape is amazingly beautiful… rolling forms of brilliantly white snow, a sky that is blue with streams of silvery luminous clouds at the horizon, a silvery sun lighting up the landscape in a brilliantly clear light… it is as if the silvery brilliantly clear light is shining from within the landscape and the sky.

But I am not able to enjoy it fully. Something feels a little off… not with the landscape, but right here. Something is not quite resolved.

This dream, as simple as it is in content, has stayed with me since I woke up. It has a numinous quality. In a way, it is a (small) Big dream, as Jung called it. As I started writing it down, I found it difficult to describe the silvery, brilliantly clear, luminous, velvety soft quality of the landscape and the sky… and as the words started coming, I realized that the quality of the landscape is that of the shift in my experiences of air, water, and tactile sensations… The dream is reflecting that shift. It seems to be another phase of the endarkenment… silvery as the moon… brilliantly clear as mountain air… velvety smooth, full and rounded…

I am not quite able to enjoy it. Something is off… and that is an experience that was especially clear yesterday. And in that sense of something is off, there is a deep felt sense that it is completely perfect… as it should be… there is absolutely nothing wrong with it… a deep felt sense that this is absolutely perfect as it is… as anything is, but beyond that, as part of this process.

(more…)

I am in a new place, and am going to be there for a few years. It is beautiful, rural, with rolling hills and relatively sparse population. Its most characteristic feature is its many spiritual centers, each one representing the best of a particular spiritual approach, presented in a very clear way. I have time to explore each one, including the one of realized selflessness. It is clear that if I stay with that one, which I am about to, the shift will happen.

I had this dream during an afternoon nap, after a visit to the Center for Sacred Sciences library… a place that is much like the village in the dream. In general, being alive today is a great deal like the dream, having the best from many traditions available.

I am friends with a friendly, mature and insightful older man, who also happens to be very wealthy through running his business in a skillful way. His life used to be quite frugal and spartan, but he now shares his wealth more freely, and find great enjoyment in it. One of the ways he shares is through making a wide range of quiet and fast vehicles - on land, sea, and in the air - available to friends, relatives and anyone else who is interested in experiencing them.

The old man is of course me, possibly representing something that is emerging. During the dark night phase, and especially during the last few years, I have been very frugal (not always by choice) in many different ways, not the least in terms of sharing whatever I can offer (through activities and words). At some point, it will shift (unless this human self dies first!), and there the free sharing will come more to the foreground. And the sharing may include a sharing of some of the fast vehicles I have explored, such as The Work, headless experiments, Big Mind process, etc.

The man in the dream had a lot of lived life behind him, a wide embrace of life, and a natural wisdom and insight that comes out of a lived life. This is another theme that has come up for me in dreams recently, over the last few months.

Intention is one of my staple practices, in different forms. One is to ask to be shown (by life) what I am not seeing, what I need to see, what stands between me and Big Mind, and so on.

I did this before falling asleep the second night at the Crater Lake trip, and I got exactly what I had asked for…

The trip up until then had been very comfortable, easy and enjoyable, with a sense of headlessness and no separate self coming and going and never far away.

That night, a storm came through and the temperature dropped significantly (in itself fine since I have a good tent, wool underwear and a mountaineering sleeping bag), the air went out of my thermarest, and my body heat got sucked into the ground. Normally, all of this would have been fine and workable, but instead, old and ingrained patterns of resistance got triggered and came right up to the surface… resisting it all, being annoyed with everything, everything feeling wrong… and then, after having resolved the cold issue, the dream about my relatives being insane and believing their own stories, just as I had done that night.

I got exactly what I asked for. I got to see patterns that are still there, although often not triggered or so mild that I don’t notice or can easily brush it off. It is sobering and humbling, and although I was certainly not grateful when it all came up full force and I was completely in the grips of it, the gratefulness came up later on. There is nothing more precious than seeing where I am still stuck… Seeing where the gold is, behind the ugly facade.

Someone I know from some years back recognizes me on the street, and wants me to give feedback on a project she is working on (possibly for a university class.) She shows me a map of everything in the universe, organized according to alchemical symbols and processes. Nigredo, albedo and rubedo are there, with lines going from one to another, and so are innumerable other processes. Among all of these are listed galaxies, planets, molecules, many different spiritual traditions and so on. I am speechless for a while as I try to process it, and also try to find a kind way to say that the mapping attempt is far too simplistic.

Although it was a noble and brave attempt at mapping everything, it was far too simplistic. First, the different alchemical processes cannot be thought of as one necessarily leading to another… for instance, calcinato (fire, heat) is a part of any phase of the overall process, not just happening once as the map indicated. And also, the different parts of the universe do not correspond to just one area of the map… Buddhism is not rubedo and Christianity is not albedo.

Of course, I am the one who made that map. It is far too simplistic in relative terms, and needs more work and to continue to develop and mature. And if I take it as anything else than a relative truth, with limited and only functional value (at best) then that too is far too simplistic. What stays with me after this dream is the necessity to put in more work in the mapping process, if I am to engage in it in the first place.

The person in the dream is someone I know from real life from some years back. I admire her as a person and see her as very intelligent, receptive, open hearted and mature, but also as someone seeing this from the outside, as an academical exercise and an intellectual game. And that too represents me. I am the one who places myself outside of it, and get caught up in the enjoyment of moving symbols around making them fit together on paper, without doing the work of having the map conform to the terrain more closely.

The map sometimes becomes primary and the terrain secondary, rather than the other way around.

The dream invites me to see how I am doing this in daily life. And as many insights into what is going on, it is sobering and humbling… and liberating as well, liberating from a too simplistic and false view.

I also see that this it not only applies here and now, but probably always will apply as well… Any map can always be more closely aligned with and in service of the terrain, placing the terrain as primary and the map as secondary. And any map is always only a relative truth, with all its reversals also containing grains of truth. There is always the temptation to make the map primary and the terrain secondary, and to make the map into an absolute truth, even in subtle ways.

Two male relatives of mine are literally insane. They make up big stories from nothing and act as if they are true.

Well, another humbling truth. I am those two male relatives, making up big stories and act as if they are true. Every situation is inherently neutral, seen from both the emptiness and form sides… anything beyond this is made up… it is a story arising, and taken as true. And I certainly do that as much as anyone else. We are in the same boat there. It is a form if insanity, although one that is so common that it is usually not seen that way.

I am related to the crown prince through marriage, and we are in the same room. Nazi WWII soldiers come and occupy the house we are in, and the town as well. I am passive in the dream, faced with a situation I don’t seem to be able to do much about.

Well, this is a typical shadow dream, with the shadow taking the form of one of the favorite bad guys in European culture - WWII Nazi soldiers. Knowing that showed me that there are shadow elements in my life now that “wants” to be made conscious (not a big surprise) but didn’t tell me much more, so I decided to use active imagination to explore it further.

I notice that I was relatively passive in the dream, but to engage with the soldiers I need to take on - and engage - with more strength. I talk to the soldiers, asking them who they are and why they are there. Initially, they don’t answer, but one sits down and smokes a cigarette nearby. I notice the strength in him. After puffing a couple of times, he starts talking and says that he represents an active attitude to life - strength, activity and engagement. I take on these qualities myself, and as I do, the soldiers fade more into the background and the situation shifts into becoming far more manageable and workable.

The dream is showing me something I have noticed in my waking life, but not taken all that seriously… it is nudging me to pay more attention to it, and to take it more seriously.

My conscious interest lately has been in surrendering identification with the content of awareness, including the different aspects of this personality. In theory, and when it happens more fully, this allows the whole of the individual to be expressed more fully, including its strength and active engagement in life. But before that shift happens, there is a tendency to disown the active engagement in the process of surrendering.

There is a lack of differentiation between surrendering identification with any content, and of the content itself, so there is a disowning of aspects of the content - in this case the active attitude.

My job then is to allow more fully the active attitude, and also surrender identification with it. And in my daily life, noticing headlessness seems to be the easiest way to do that.

Additional notes

When something is disowned, it is because our conscious attitude does not fully allow it. It is seen as “bad” one way or another. So when it shows up in dreams, it takes on an image which our culture tends to view as “bad” as well, in this case Nazi soldiers. As the qualities they represent are more fully, wholeheartedly and consciously embraced, their form typically change into something more benevolent. (In this particular case of active imagination, I consciously took on their qualities, and they faded away.)

And I still need to explore the presence of the crown prince in the dream.

I see a young Indian looking man by a table in a room, displaying a range of books. It turns out that the books are from an Indian tradition I have not heard about before. I recognize a man pictured on front of one video as someone I had seen earlier the same day in a different context, and get interested.

It turns out that this tradition is more comprehensive and clear than any other, and includes yet also goes far beyond practices and insights from other traditions. The title of the books say “adZeita” (!) which also turns out to be the name of the traditions.

I am shown a diagram which demonstrates how this traditions compares with the other ones: adZeita has 40+ books, Hinduism (including Adveita) has twelve or thirteen, Buddhism eight, Christianity three, and Islam one. The number of books indicates how comprehensive the approach is.

I ask more specific questions, and learn that this tradition emphasizes both Enlightenment (Big Mind awakening to itself) and also Self-Realization (deepening into the evolving fullness of who we are as human and soul), although Enlightenment is considered a quite early and simple shift in the overall process and more attention is put on the process of Self-Realization.

I tell the man that I am not looking for any traditions or practices right now, I am happy with what I have, but since adZeita is so clear and inclusive - including any practice I am familiar with - I have to look into it further, and maybe take it as my main guide from now on.

The name adZeita sounded like a slightly embarrassing misspelling of Adveita in the dream. Staying with it after waking up I see that it is a combination of Adveita and Zeit which is the German word for time. Adveita is the nondual and timeless, form as emptiness, and Zeit is the unfolding of form over time, emptiness as form. Together, it is Adveita embracing time and the evolution, development, maturing and unfolding of form over time.

As the dream made clear, this tradition includes any practices and insights from any other tradition, presented in a far clearer (and more contemporary) way, and also goes far beyond in its scope.

There was no secrecy around it, just simplicity and clarity. I was surprised I hadn’t heard about it before, but now had to acknowledge that I have to look into it further - especially as it already includes any practice I am familiar with.

The sense of clarity and comprehensiveness is one that has come up in my waking life in different ways for quite a while - more recently through The Center for Sacred Sciences, Almaas, Barry and Karen, and also (and maybe especially) through my own explorations.

The number of books in each tradition does not quite correspond with my conscious view, especially in placing Islam so far behind the others…!

Overall, the dream seems a little silly to my conscious view - both as it happened and now. At the same time, it seems to tell me to take this sense of clarity and comprehensiveness more seriously.

I return to a place where I used to live. It is rural and beautiful, and I go for a hike through the landscape. It is partly savanna, and partly deciduous forest. I then climb up a steep area which turns out to be a free climbing practice area. As I am about to pull myself up the last foot, a woman below calls out to me. I realize that I am 138 (?) years old, and she takes me to my old house and to meet a woman who is my god-daughter. She is now 84 and the only one still alive of the ones I used to know. Still, they all know who I am and I am warmly welcomed by everyone. I have lived a long, rich life, and feel as young as ever in spite of my age.

As the dream continues, I am young again. The strongest experience in the dream was the beauty of the landscape, the warmth of connection with the people - even if they didn’t know me personally, and a sense of having lived a long and rich life. This dream has the same quality of a wide embrace as some other recent ones.

A middle aged mulatto walks down by a river, and goes into the remains of a large wooden ship there. He is blind, but is somehow able to see perfectly well, and even better and more clearly than many seeing people.

He meets someone in the ship, they ask him a question, and he tells them about experiments that can reveal their connection with God. They are curious, and also surprised that experiments can lead in that way. They are also curious about this mulatto man, and invites him along with their buddies.

As the story unfolds, they give him several tests to see if he really can see as, or more, clearly than many seeing people. At one point, they give him a cigar and he has to mirror the sequence of one or two puffs of a man several feet away. He is somehow so intimately familiar with the terrain that seeing people are familiar with, and beyond, that the tests are no problem for him at all.

They gradually grow to trust him, and invite him to join their judo club. He learns the rules, and is about to do a match, which also is part of the landscape he is intimately familiar with.

There is a sense of clarity, solidity & emptiness, and a simple confidence and ease about him and throughout the dream. A sense of intimate familiarity with a vast terrain, including and beyond what most seeing people are familiar with.

The dream seems to be set in the early 1900s, in a simple working class neighborhood. The group of people the mulatto man befriends is a group of neighbors, but also almost like a gang (although friendly when they accept someone into their group.) The dream was very much like a movie: very coherent, clear, seen from the outside as in a movie, and going from one scene to the next moving the story line along. The temporary climax was going to be the judo match, although I woke up as they prepared.

The sense of being intimately familiar with a vast terrain, including and beyond what most people are familiar with, is one that has come up in waking life for me more recently, as a taste, a sense of how it can be. The seeing people in the dream represent familiarity with the human life only, and the blind man sees that and far beyond.

The mulatto in the dream was very similar to someone I met on the bus yesterday, a friend of the “green” friend on mine I mentioned in a previous post. He struck me as open, clear and grounded, with a sense of ease and confidence.

A voice says “a new human is born.”

Well, that is probably true in many different ways… Everything continually dies and is reborn as something else. Whenever I question and explore a belief, and find what is more true for me, a new human is being born. And it can also refer to the endarkenment and the physical changes happening, partly due to the diksha process. There is a sense of new embodiment. This dream reminds me of the dream a couple of years back of a new embodiment.

I see a snow covered mountain landscape with the snow on fire. A voice also says “snow on fire.”

I woke up from this dream image, and when I fell asleep again, it came up again, with the same voice saying “snow on fire.”

The snow covers the whole landscape, apart from some peaks, and is fresh and white. The flames are clear, calm, tall and stable.

This reflects what comes up in daily life these days: passion with a depth of clear calm peace.

This depth of peace is partly the void, ground, emptiness, which is the depth of anything arising, and it is partly the luminous blackness (two aspects of the same.) It is the nurturing peace of Spirit filtered through the belly center, balancing out the fire of the head center.

More about this:

After a long period of dryness and lack of passion during the dark night, there are now more moments of passion surfacing, a passion with a deep calm depth, beautifully reflected in the dream image of snow on fire. The passion is the fire, rising out of the depth of peace, void and stillness. (I am amazed of the creativity of what they in Process Work call the “dream maker”, the source of the dreams. This is an image I would not have come up with consciously.)

Exploring it more consciously, I see that the peace has two distinct (although closely related) aspects. One is the void, ground, emptiness, which is the depth of anything arising. The other is the fertile darkness (composting) and the luminous blackness, with the same void, ground and stillness, but also nurturing. Both allows passion to arise, with a depth of peace.

I am in a gathering of yogis, and a voice introduces a couple of people to the group, and then me as yogi rajma. The yogis are all mature and seasoned, and very familiar with the vast terrain of the divine human.

As I woke up from this dream, the name was opaque to me and didn’t ring any bells. I only thought it sounded vaguely like a (Sanskrit) yogi name.

What struck me the most from the dream was the depth of maturity of everyone there, and also that I - somehow - was not out of place at all. Nobody questioned by presence there, including myself, as it was obvious to all that we were all intimate and familiar with the same terrain. This is quite a contrast to my conscious view of myself which is (a) not at all a yogi (don’t practice any conventional forms of yoga), and (b) as not very seasoned or mature in it either. The dream may be telling me that this is yet another identity I use to box myself in with, and it is time to allow it to soften, to open for some other possibilities - at least in the future.

Although all of the yogis are deeply familiar with the same terrain, and are deeply intimate in that way, there is also a wide diversity in appearances, flavors and approaches. I am a wild Milarepa type yogi, or that was at least my background. I didn’t know what my flavor would be now or in the future.

I went to our monthly diksha group meeting (we are doing other things right now) and asked a Kundalini Yoga instructor there for help with the name, Rajma. She didn’t know either at first. I mentioned that I thought it may be a composite, Raj-ma. She then noted that raj means royal. And ma of course means mother. The Royal Mother. Or the divine feminine.

And this, of course, makes perfect sense. The divine feminine. The fertile darkness. The luminous blackness. Spirit filtered through the belly center. Yin. Feminine. Nurturing. Deep silence. The coolness to balance out the fire of the yang awakening, Spirit filtered through the head center. The nurturing and immanence to balance out the impersonal and transcendent.

Since this shift, there has been a sense of deepening or maturing in a different way - a beginning, with some glimpses of the depth it may lead to.

Right now - I am one led and guided by the divine feminine, the fertile darkness - allowing hangups and knots of this human self to be composted, and the luminous blackness shining from within everything.

Dreams often correct - or balance out, or expand the embrace of - our conscious view. And this dream certainly does so. It is very difficult to think of myself as a yogi, and even to think of myself as one guided, right now, by the divine feminine, is quite a stretch (in spite of everything I have written about here.) So the dream invites me to soften those old identities, and make my conscious embrace a little wider.

It is funny that I was a wild Milarepa type yogi in the dream. That part at least fits how I see it, as an unintentionally slightly wild guy not following any particular traditional path strictly. Although again, that is not what I consciously would have chosen for myself. I would be very happy and comfortable with a particular traditional path, if I only had found one inclusive enough, where I am located, and where the cultural gulf was not too wide… (I was happy at the Zen center, until a sequence of events was set in motion so I ended up - against my deeper wish - moving to another state.) But it is at least open for something else now, and in the future.

I am visiting a man who lives his life to the fullest, in abundance in every area of life.

His house is on the Northern California coast, facing the ocean, and there is only a thin strip of black sand between the french windows in the living room and the water. He is late middle age, in very good shape, youthful, an avid surfer and outdoors man, in addition to being engaged and sophisticated in society as well (possibly business and sustainability.) The house is beautiful and rugged, relatively small, cubic in shape, with a very tasteful and functional interior, and only the most basic neccesities. I notice how this simplicity allows him to bring energy to what is more important to him.

He takes me out the door, down the beach, and then out to where the ocean was just as few minutes ago. It seems that the ocean has receded, maybe several miles out. Our path takes us among some tall craggy rocks, and fear comes up. Will I be able to return to the beach and the house if the ocean returns? Somehow, I know that he is safe even if the ocean returns. He is so comfortable and familiar with it, so at one with it, that it cannot harm him. They are not two, so no harm is possible.

This dream is similar to the swelling ocean dream from May last year, although in this dream, the ocean has retreated (before possibly returning.) The man reminds me of Paul Hawken who I see as someone who lives a life of abundance in many areas, including being engaged in creating a more life-centered society, focusing on business practices that are life-centered at many levels (profitable, good for earth and society.) His life - and house - is simple, yet beautiful, reflecting his personality and interests. He takes me out on the ocean floor, where the ocean was only minutes earlier. And it is clear that the ocean will not harm him. He is so at one with the ocean that there is no Other there to harm him. But there is still the question about what will happen with me if the ocean returns.

This theme is the same as from the May dream. This is what I wrote then:

… what stays with me from this dream is how I already know how to deal with the swelling and dramatic ocean - I know how it functions from the inside, there is no separation between us yet there is also room for distinction, I know how to flow and roll with it, yet also taking care of myself and others. I am fluid enough with it to even save others within it…

The dream also seems to be about death (and rebirth). In alchemical terms, this particular phase is the solutio, a dissolving, a temporary return to a fluid state, which can be experienced as a death, as being swallowed up, even drowning. This brings up fear as (parts of) what I know myself as will die. Yet, the man in the dream is a guide out into it, and also shows me that it is possible to be so fluid and familiar with the process that there is no fear.

In practical terms, it means to notice beliefs and identities (two sides of the same coin), their consequences, and then allowing the identification with them to relax. The stronger the initial identification, the more it will be experienced as a death. (It is a death of the identification, but since we are, yes, identified with it, it is what I take myself to be that dies. The experience is of “I” dying.)

The black sand may have to do with the endarkenment. Vast luminous blackness, a fullness, nurturing, deep silence. That which all form arises within and as, and which is inside of all forms. It holds all experiences in its soft embrace, including fear, and death, and even rebirth.

I am in Kirkenes in Northern Norway, north of the arctic circle. I am shown that I am to be the guide on a pilgrim circuit, linking together several new churches and science centers. Everything has a sense of clarity, luminosity and beauty… the landscape, the wildlife, the people, the buildings. There is a sense of new inner clarity, maturity, depth and responsibility, reflected in my new outer role as a guide for those in the region, as well as visitors from other areas.

The name Kirkenes means Church peninsula. And while I have rarely been in the arctic regions, I have always been attracted to the stark beauty and the clear light.

In the dream, I lead groups on a pilgrimage circuit connecting several new churches and science centers, the two main realms of human knowing… spirituality and science. There is a sense of the seamlessness of the two… a church, then a science center, then a church.. as beads on a string. Exploring existence from different angles, informing each other, applying scientific methods in spiritual practice, studying the effects of spiritual practice through science.

There is also a sense of it all being new, unspoiled, virgin… the buildings, the settlements, the landscape, the climate. All new, luminous, clear. And with it, this sense of new depth, solidity, maturity, responsibilities… emerging from the inside, reflected in my role in the outside.