A big avalanche went down a steep mountain side, and I and some friends go down its path. It is steep and far down. We are guided by a Tibetan Buddhist teacher on our way up, and use a rope ladder most of the way. At the very top, someone has inadvertently blocked where we need to go, I talk with him, and he removes the obstacle. We are back in civilization, with a large city surrounded by smaller towns. (more…)
A series of three people show up on my doorstep, one after the other, thinking I can help them. (They have read my blog, for some reason thought I could help them, and figured out my address.) I tell them I can’t help them. I brush them off. I don’t acknowledge them beyond that. The last one is persistent and follows me and my wife as we are go to set up for a meditation session in the evening. When we arrive, a meditation is in progress and the person following me thinks I have lied to her. I take time to explain the situation to her, and as I do so, a shift happens for me. My heart opens.
A dream image: I move a knife easily through a dense block of intricately folded paper. There is a sense of great receptivity and of the path of the knife shifting to adapt to the consistency of the block, receptively finding the path of least resistance.
The experience of the dream was of a great receptivity and being finely tuned with the knife moving through the block, easily finding the path of least resistance. The block is large, dense and made of paper folded in intricate ways when wet, and has now dried.
This block of densely and intricately folded paper is similar to the veils and layers of beliefs and resistance I am exploring.
This dream image is quite similar in feel to the shifting staircase dream, and it also reminds me of the Taoist (?) analogy of a butcher cutting through an ox easily, allowing the knife to find its way around the bones.
I am part of a group of people with a warm connection. Everyone has similar age to myself, and we are all partly working on becoming familiar with ourselves. We each have houses representing ourselves, and my house has stairs that are in different locations each time I move among the floors. I intuitively find the path quite easily as I walk, although I never know in advance where they will be.
Well, this is one of those almost literal dreams.
The house represents me, I am familiarizing myself with it, and the paths between the levels of the house are in different locations each time. Still, I am able to quite easily find it as I walk, intuitively knowing where they are, although I intellectually don’t know in advance where they are. This is similar to what I experience in daily life when I explore my human self and myself as awakeness, moving along the different “levels”. The dream may be telling me that I am not as aware of this as I could be.
The sense of everyone sharing this work, and the warm connection, may reflect how I experience it when I am in Norway. For me, there is a sense of a soulfulness here that is shared by many, and also encourages a deepening into our humanity.
I am in a small restaurant or cafe relatively high up a building. It is open to the outside. F. is there, a successful artist friend of mine I haven’t seen in a while, but he doesn’t recognize me at first. He then comes over to my table, asks me a question, and recognizes me. I notice some shame for not having used my talents fully, as he has. He then wants to climbto the top of the building, along a live scaffolding going up around the building to the top. I stay, explaining that I have been to the top a few times, so I can do it, but have a fear of heights.
A man approaches me, says he also used to have fear of heights, and then talks about some other things. I am amazed by his insights and flair, and tell him that I usually am only mildly interested in what people have to talk about and teach, but with him, I find a deep fascination. His insights and experience goes far beyond what I have found anywhere, and far beyond my own horizon. I realized that he approached me because he knew we would work together, learning from each other, and that I would be an apprentice to the insights he has.
He then asks me to choose among several different smaller objects carved out of wood. I hesitate. The one I am draw to has “god” in its name, and it seems to presumptious. He chooses it for me. It is golden, shaped as a fat cigar.
I am with a group of people doing healing work, most of them from Breema. I talk with a small group of men, and one of the points out how life is inevitably wounded, and the perfection in it. It is God experiencing itself as wounded. There is a very strong atmosphere, similar to what happens in Breema intensives. It is rich, full, deeply nurturing, joyful, free.
I had this dream the first night on my visit to Norway, after having noticed the family patterns quite clearly the night before. Strangely enough, I experienced it more as an outsider, and didn’t take it so personally. I can see the lack of belly center fullness, and also how this has shifted for me since the last visit. There has been a deepening into it, and a sense of that nurturing richness, fullness and trust that comes with a fuller and more open belly center. And this has happened, at least partly, through Breema. I can see the wounded patterns in my family, and find freedom from being caught up in it, including wanting it to change for them, and instead find sincere appreciation for it. It is one expression of the inherent woundedness of human life, and it is beautiful. (Especially since I have found some freedom from it myself.)
It is life exploring and temporarily experiencing itself through one flavor of woundedness. It is God, experiencing itself as wounded.
I watch a documentary about signs of oriental medicine in medieval Scandinavia. At the beginning, the narrator says that since this documentary was made, new discoveries indicate that oriental medicine was known in Scandinavia centuries, if not millennia, earlier than initially thought. I am surprised I have heard nothing about it. The documentary shows, among other things, exquisitely carved figures of animals and people with cutaways showing the meridians running through the bodies.
This happened as a short segment of a longer string of dreams. I am first surprised that I had not known about oriental medicine in medieval Scandinavia, especially since the documentation seemed so solid. And then, that they found signs of it hundreds or possibly thousands of years earlier. There is a sense of depth and richness of culture, mixed with oriental wisdom. I am not sure what this is about, but will explore it further (active imagination and process work).
A young man and woman from two Irish clans/families want to get married, in spite of a long standing feud between their families. They know they can expect trouble and possibly violence due to their union, and their only hope is to receive the blessing of the unofficial leader of the Irish community. Few if any would go against his wishes, and if they did, it would be to their peril. So the young man goes to the pub owned by him, and even if their relationship is strained as well, the patriarch reluctantly gives his blessing. He then gives advice for what to do on the wedding day for good luck, including placing a pocket watch inside a slit in the fabric of the ceiling of the carriage.
This is an Irish community outside of Ireland (not sure where, maybe London, Norway or the US). “I” am sometimes the young man in the dream, and sometimes a friend of his. There is a sense throughout the dream of a difficult and gritty situation, which is workable with a great deal of effort and getting things aligned a certain way. First, the feud situation is taken care of as much as possible, through the blessing of someone the members of the community do not want to cross. Then, the luck situation is addressed. The family feud affects both, so both need to be dealt with. I assume the dream reflect a union or intimate connection of parts of me there has been a feud between, although I haven’t explored that further yet.
I am loosely associated with a group targeted with the police, and everything I say or do is filtered through the expectations of the police. I am arrested and ticketed three times for completely innocent actions, including humming.
This reflects what happens when I get into an irritable mood: just about anything anyone does is seen as a crime or a potential crime.
Also, the dream also mirrors a slight shift that sometimes happens when I do The Work: any thought is suddenly suspect and possibly criminal.
When I was a child, I had a Big Dream about a black panther, and I realize later that it was very similar to shamanic experiences and connections with a spirit animal. In the dream, there was a connection with the panther as long lost friend, and someone who had immense wisdom, insight and ability to guide me.
The world is a mirror of what is inside of ourselves, and animals can be especially helpful in mirroring and evoking certain qualities in us.
When we journey - whether in dreams, shamanic rituals, active imagination, through using the whole of us as in process work, or even through voice dialog - we are often guided to exactly those qualities that wants to come into our lives more fully. Those that may have been disowned, or just temporarily forgotten. There is an infinity of sources for reminders, including animals.
What comes up is what is needed here and now, so will change over time. But some may have to do with longer term processes, unfolding over decades, and the black panther for me seems to be one of these.
For me, the black panther evokes a beautiful combination of polarities, maybe especially a natural confidence and relaxation, and alertness and explosive activity, depending on what the situation calls for. It is firm and gentle, cute and vicious, and follows its path with receptivity yet in a non-nonsense way and undistractedly. Its velvety blackness reminds of the fertile blackness and awakening of the belly center, which nurtures each of the qualities listed above.
Shamanism is probably the earliest form for psychology, and from the little I know about it, it can be every bit as sophisticated as any contemporary western psychology. Judging from the earliest examples of rock art, it is a form of psychology that has been with us since before the dawn of civilization, which is humbling and also gives a sense of connection across time and universality.
I have worked with the black panther more lately, bringing its qualities into my daily life, and have found it a great support.I may find the black panther qualities in myself through images and movements, or just ask myself what would the black panther do?
I am many others travel the oceans on one breath, effortlessly. We travel under the surface and on the ocean currents, around the whole world. We belong to a group biologically different from others, with an ability to travel within the oceans, and meet to play and enjoy this.
Following this, I talk with two making batteries, with factories across the world. I give my best The Natural Step talk, and one leaves while the other stays to listen. We find a mutual respect and admiration, and we see that we both want the same for his business: success and efficiency, in a way good for life. There is a sense of intimacy, engagement and authentic communication. As if a time lapse movie, I see his battery manufacturing business transform worldwide from toxic to life-supporting.
Both dreams share several themes…
I can find two pieces of day residue (influences from the day before)…
Other things that come up…
I am back in the town where I grew up, and walk on a pedestrian path up a steep hill with my kicksled. It felt a little funny to be back doing what I had done so many times as a kid. The hill is icy, and I am unable to get up the last 20 meters or so. It is almost vertical and pure ice. Two people are on the side of the path. I notice they are Swedish, sister and brother, in their mid twenties, and dressed in winter sports clothes. They ask me if they can help me up the last bit of the hill. I hesitate as I imagine they may play a prank on me and send me sliding down the hill, but then remember that I cannot get up on my own, so wouldn’t lose much by sliding down either. I accept their offer, and they help me up effortlessly.I have had several dreams over the last year or so on this same theme: almost getting to the top of a hill but unable to make it all the way up, and then being helped up the last stretch.
It seems to reflect the process of doing some work on oneself, and then grace allowing the shift. The work prepares the ground for and invites the shift, but does not cause it. The shift itself is grace. This seems to be true for many areas, such as The Work where I inquire into a belief, and grace allows attachment to it to fall away (or not). When I do the work of deciding to wholeheartedly be with everything alive in my experience, and grace shifting how it appears (or not). When I do the work of headless experiments, and grace allowing a shift into headlessness (or not). Or any other practice for that matter. I do the work, and grace allows for the shift, or not.
(It is of course not really like that. If I look more closely, I see that this “I” the appears to do the work is just an idea of a separate self placed on top of thoughts, decisions and activities, and it is easy to place a sense of separate self on top of these because they tend to be in the foreground of attention. Similarly, what appears as Grace appears as Other because these are dynamics that tends to happen outside of attention. In reality, they are just two aspects of one seamless whole, life manifesting, the activities of the manifest world.)
And it also reflects a dynamic in my daily life. I notice I am in the grips of certain patterns, and am not quite able to get out of them. I admit it to myself. And I ask someone in my life: I am in the grips of this pattern, can you help me? I procrastinate, can you ask me by 8pm if I have done this task? When we go to the store, I want to make sure I don’t get that sugary stuff, can you remind me to not get it? Can you hold me accountable? I do most of the work myself, and also ask for help from others for that last little bit. (Much like a twelve step process.)
Other aspects of the dream:
The number 20 came up twice in the dream, first in the distance to the top and then in the age of the siblings. And they are two, so there is that number again. I am not sure what that is about yet.
The siblings had a freshness and innocence about them that I associate with (some) Scandinavians, and also a great deal of maturity, heart and skills.
I am also not sure why this was in my childhood town. Maybe I am revisiting old patterns established back then, and now am in a position to “get over the hump” with them.
I am participating in a group receiving the Munay-Ki rites. It is led by a Tibetan Rinpoche, who is one of several Rinpoches seeing the effects of the rites as very helpful for themselves and anyone else open to receive them. (John Cleese is there as well, and I talk with him briefly.) The Rinpoche tells us that although we only have received one or two rites so far, the changes have taken place and are available for us to use. We are already released from old patterns, even if we haven’t quite noticed it yet, or trust it enough to live from it.
A friend told me about the Munay-Ki rites a couple of days ago. They are offered where I live, a new cycle start in a few weeks, and it comes from a tradition I have been interested in for a while (Four Winds Society, Alberto Villoldo, Inka shamanism), so I decided to participate. It is similar to shaktipat, energy transfer serving as a catalyst for awakening or healing, which I know works from my experience with Waking Down, Diksha and some other flavors of it. And the differences just makes it more interesting.
In their typical pragmatic and inclusive way, the Tibetan Rinpoches in the dream see the value of the Munay-Ki rites, and use them with their students and anyone else interested. My associations of John Cleese is of a slightly cynical person with a big heart, so him participating may mean that even cynical aspects of myself are on board with it. And the release from patterns may reflect something already happening for me, or something that may happen through the rites, or, most likely, both.
The terrain dream followed this one.
I am back where I grew up, and realize that although the geography is the same, my experience of it is very different. I see whole new patterns of connections between places, which allows me to get around in ways I didn’t conceive of back then. My experience of the area is very different, even if I realize that the basic geography must be the same.
Hmm. Not much to say about this dream. The basic elements of my experience is similar to how it was early on in my life, but the patterns and connections between them are revealed in quite different ways. There are new and very different ways of orienting and moving around. The basic terrain may be the same, but it is revealed completely differently.
I am spending time with Byron Katie at a large gathering, only the two of us. She sees a core belief in me, and tries to help me see it as well. I am touched by the interest she is taking in nudging me to see it for myself. After a while, just as she is about to leave to do something else, I glimpse a part of what it is about: I have a felt-sense of everything happening outside of this human self as God and God’s will, but not what is happening from the inside of this human self… thoughts, feelings, choices, actions. And this split paralyzes me to some extent. She acknowledges that this is true, but also only a part of what wants to be seen.Â
The evening before, I was at a diksha/oneness group potluck, and talked with a friend of mine about The Work and also transformational breathwork. I am looking forward to a breathwork session with her scheduled for this coming week as I know I have frozen layers to work through, especially related to the bodily felt-sense of life (fear vs. trust, etc.).
I live in a society where the ruling system is very pleasant and works well on the surface, but there are strands of corruption running through it. Something is hidden, and they want it to remain hidden. I am with a small group set to expose and topple this system. In the beginning, I am relatively passive, but then take on a more active and engaged role and become one of the leaders. I may also be the only one with conclusive evidence for the corruption, and this evidence will be the catalyst for a deep shift.
Over the last few days, I have seen more clearly the thread of suffering running through my life. Things are fine on the surface, yet there is still this faint thread of suffering running through it. And I have habitually escaped from it, even in apparently subtle ways. Now, after seeing this more clearly, there is a willingness to more wholeheartedly be with this thread of suffering, as it is, to fully allow it, and see, feel and love it. It has been there long enough, so why not.
Although it is a relatively subtle shift, it may also be a significant one. And this dream may be telling me just that: it may shift the whole ruling system.
I dreamt about a wolf which looked very real, but turned out to be a knitted wolf, made of yarn. This is another analogy similar to the traditional one of a snake being revealed as a rope.
In the beginning, it appears very real, as a vicious and dangerous animal of flesh and blood. Then, it is revealed as just a knitted animal, or a rope.
Some ways to explore the vicious animal…
This dream image may have come up since I delved into some new layers of beliefs and fears before falling asleep last night, again seeing how they appear as real and dangerous when resisted, but are revealed as something quite different when there is a heartfelt being with of whatever is there.
I notice identification being released in layers, first from the body, then the identities of this human self. It is different this time, and I realize that this human self is dead. I look around, and see someone else in the house dead as well, and then the folks out on the street dead. It seems that everyone is dead in some sort of calamity. All there is, is pure awareness and whatever is arising.
Hm…. the experience was of headlessness, Big Mind, etc., with identification being released gradually and softly, layer by layer (as I tend to experience it these days). But this time, it was different. This human self was dead, and every other one dead as well, it seemed. There was a sense of no going back, because the anchor for a sense of separate self (this human self) was gone.
Someone is receiving transplants for just about every organ and body part, in continuous rotation. He even receives a transplant for his head, which makes me slightly uneasy as I realize that there is no fixed identity there. Even the gender changes. It is all OK as he takes a research approach to it, studying the effects of the continuous transplants.
The little guy is having every part of him replaced, continuously, including the head and sexual organs. There is no fixed bodily identity possible. I am a little uncomfortable seeing this, but then realize that it is OK since he uses it as a research opportunity, including how it is to live with an absence of (an easily) fixed identity.
After waking up and staying with the dream, I realize that this is a very clear representation of my experience of myself… of seeing any identity in flux, always changing… both in terms of the conventional identity itself such as masculine, feminine, physical appearance, smart, not so smart, and so on, and in terms of the identification with any of these identities. It is all in flux. Nothing stays the same. And I see this here now, and also how it changes over a day.
I had this dream during our trip to Eastern Oregon, after we had spent our first evening at Crystal Crane Hot Springs in the desert near Burns, and sharing the facilities with a bunch of cowboys and gals on motorcycles.
I noticed that there was a continuous shift for me between having an identity as different from them (and experiencing separation) and finding a shared identity with them (no separation), and a slight discomfort in both cases… first, due to the sense of separation, then, due to finding myself as the same as someone I habitually have seen myself as different from. The discomfort in the dream was similar or the same as this one. A sense of having no solid ground to stand on in terms of identity. It fluctuates with the situation, and also in terms of what attention focuses on.
First, I see myself as a liberal city-dweller, different from these cowboys and gals in many ways. And then, I see how we are no different… we all enjoy the food, the water in the hot springs, good company, we all have hopes and fears, dreams and nightmares, we all take care of those within our circle of concern, we all do the best we can, we all try to live up to certain ideals and follow certain guidelines in our lives.
The essentials, the shared human qualities, are all the same. At most, it is only the superficial strategies that are slightly different, but even here not so much.
And in falling into this, and the sense of no separation, there is a slight sense of discomfort, of disorientation, since the old habitual identity has temporarily fallen away or far into the background of attention.
I am in a Native American village, and have a close relationship with the village elder who is about to die. He has deep wisdom, compassion and humanity, and is also very familiar with the spiritual realms and Ground. He chooses me and another young man to take care of his body and perform the rites after he dies, which involves removing the skull and treating the remaining skin of the head in a particular way. This is also a test of seeing what is clearly, without overlay of stories and attachments to them. There is a sense of deep belonging, humanity, compassion, wisdom, earthiness and familiarity with the spiritual realms throughout the dream, and in my human self’s relationship with the village.
This dream shares many elements with the previous dream, where I led a village in the Middle East (Kurdish village in Iran?). This time, the village elder and I share a very close relationship, and I am chosen to take care of his body, perform the rites, and then set up to continue his role in the village, possibly with the other man.
The way we take care of his body brings up some beliefs in stories in me and a discomfort with dealing with the bodily remains in such a matter-of-fact way, yet there is also a clear seeing in the midst of it.
The wide embrace, wisdom, compassion, earthiness, familiarity with the spiritual realms and Ground, are all very similar to the previous middle-eastern dream, as is the theme of leadership and of taking over after the village elder who is either incapacitated or died.
I view Native Americans and Sufis as groups that are more likely to embody this earthy spirituality - which includes all three centers and individuality & community, so it is no wonder they both show up in my dreams on these themes.
The dance dream a few days ago also shared these same qualities of earthy spirituality and individuality & community, although then without the leadership theme…. Earthy spirituality, individuality & community, then leadership forgetting about the real leader, then leadership being passed on in a more conscious way.
I am in a middle-eastern village and have the role of a leader - coordinating community projects and much more. The village is rustic and has an earthy quality. After a while, I remember that the real leader of the village is still alive, although he is very old and is being taken care of at another location. He is not capable to lead the village, so I have taken the role. There is an uneasiness about having forgotten about him.
The village has an earthy spiritual quality which I associate with Sufism. In the dream there was a parade of projects and situations that I coordinated and led in a way that seemed natural and relatively effortless. There was a sense of natural strength and receptivity combined with authority.
At some point, I realize or remember that I am not the official leader of the village.
The old man is, even though he is absent and not capable of leading. I feel uneasy and ashamed over having forgotten about him. It seems out of place, a lack of humility, a lack of respect of the hierarchy of the village, and a lack of appreciation for him and how he has governed the village over many years with a great deal of wisdom (far more than me, since I am still relatively young.)
The dream feels significant, although the meaning of it is still not quite clear.
A space-shuttle type vehicle needs to be more lean and simple for an upcoming mission. It goes from a crew of four or five down to one (me), and the size is reduced as well, although there is still room for the passengers.
To me, it seems the Earth can easily be an image of the full human self (centaur, Jung’s Self) and outer space what is beyond the human self. (Hameed Ali talks about this in “Spaceship Inquiry”.)
In this case, there is a functional space shuttle, but it is too complex and elaborate for the next mission. It needs to be simplified and made smaller and more lean. Only one crew member is left, although there are still passengers on this mission, and quite a few of them as well. They are apparently essential to the mission, although I don’t know, and don’t need to know, anything more about the mission at this point.
I am visiting an old friend in Norway (JGH), someone I haven’t seen for many years. He lives in a nice apartment in Oslo, and there is a dance there in the evening. Lots of people come over and the dance is something I have never before seen or experienced.
It is a group dance, but also individual. The group moves almost as a school of fish, with one person initiating a slight variation of the moves and many or all of the others following. The new patterns ripple through the group in a very organic and playful way, and it is clear that everyone is enjoying the dance deeply - both what comes up for them individually and what moves through the group in such a seamless and playful way.
I am struck by the atmosphere which is intelligent, playful and soulful at the same time, and which allows such an individuality yet also forms such a seamless flow of patterns on a group level.
I also notice how there is a wide open field embracing and going deep into polarities such as individuality and group, receptivity and initiation, slow and fast, rhythmical and playfully breaking of rhythms, sensuality and intelligence, and much more.
It is clear that this is a mature group, and one that is intimate with themselves, each other and life, in a way I have rarely or never seen before.
I realize that what is different is that they move, in a mature, intimate, playful and effortless way from the three centers and with an emphasis on the belly center.
It is completely different yet also intimately familiar, as something I have for a long time been looking for, yet had not thought I would find. A deep gratitude comes up for me, and a longing and desire to stay and join in on their weekly gatherings.
During the dance, someone mentions that there are groups doing this form of dance in New Zealand, Australia and Europe, but not in the US because it doesn’t fit into their culture.
Afterwards, my friend shows me a book called “God as WE” and asked me if I know of other authors on that topic. I see that it is an anthology with writings by Adi Da, Andrew Cohen, Saniel Bonder and others, and realize that this is an area that is close to my heart yet has been neglected over the last period of time. The only other author I can think of is A. H. Almaas.
This is a big dream as Jung called it, one that made a big impression and seemed to have more significance than most dreams. It is a dream that shows me a whole new different realm of being and life.
A being and living, in a mature, playful and effortless way, from and as the three centers, and especially the warm nurturing felt-sense fullness of the belly center.
The atmosphere in the dream and the dance was very similar to Breema, yet also more dynamic, playful, and with ripples of patterns at a group level I am not used to.
It is a bringing of the belly center qualities into the group level, in a more mature way. It is God exploring itself as WE through an inclusion of all three centers, and especially the belly center.
There was no coincidence that the dream was set in Oslo since the qualities of this dream were more alive for me when I lived there… the soulfulness, playfulness and intelligence all together at a group level, with my friends there.
In the dream, someone pointed out that there were groups doing this form of dance in New Zealand, Australia and Europe, but not in the US because it didn’t fit into their culture. This reflects my ambivalence about living in the US, enjoying many things here but also longing for the intelligent and playful soulfulness I find more easily in Europe.
There was also a synchronicity here: At the end of the dream, I talked with a woman for a while. I remember the quality of her presence and looks, but not the content of the conversation. This morning, a woman came over to look at a room we are renting out, and she was a very close math to the person in the dream. (Not many are.)
I am in the Alps, and somehow see the whole mountain range at once. It is beautiful, with ragged tops and snow, and I see how just about every part of it has been well-explored, with many ski-tracks criss-crossing up the peaks and even more going down along the valleys. The number 10 also comes up.
This is another of those wide-embrace dreams, of a wast landscape that is well-explored, where every part of it is familiar.
When I explore the number ten, I see that it is a combination of zero, nothingness, the void, and one, which is the oneness of all form, of void and form (void taking the form of form!), and also of this one human self functioning in the world. It is what already is, but also what can be when the void is awake to itself while functionally connected to a particular human self, and this human self then lives its life within this context of void awake to itself.
Beyond this, I noticed a concern after waking up: isn’t it self-delusion to think that a landscape has been explored to such an extent? My conscious attitude is that whatever I have explored so far inevitably is only a scratching the surface, no matter how much has been explored. Maybe the dream is telling me that, yes, that may be right, but there is also a point here the landscape, in this case of the mechanisms of samsara, is relatively well explored and understood. In my case, the overall landscape may be relatively familiar, although there is certainly a lot more to get familiar with.
At some point, even if everything may not be revealed in all the different ways it can be revealed, there is more of a readiness to leave identifications behind, because they cannot exist when seen through, in real time and in a more finely-grained way.
I have a daughter from some years back, and have neglected her (in fact, I had completely forgotten about her until she came back into my life and was shocked over how I could have forgotten). She desperately needs and wants my love, connection and attention, and I promise myself to include her more fully in my life. She was nurtured and happy early on in her life, but has been neglected for several years.
I have recently worked more with the heart-felt being with of whatever comes up at a human level, and especially any reactiveness and emotions (such as frustration, irritability, sadness, anger)… and this dream seems directly connected with that. This heart-felt seeing was a natural and important part of my life for several years during my initial awakenining (which was a head and heart center awakening), but went out the window during the dark night phase.
This daughter represent vulnerable parts of my human self, which used to be nurtured, but have been neglected for a while now.
During the day, her presence has stayed with me and I have dialogued with her and committed even more clearly and strongly to be with her and be there for her, in a heart-felt way. It has been a very nurturing process.
A friend of mine and her partner has recently bought a piece of land in a rural area, and have a general store and a small farm. The area is full of rednecks and some of them are in the store, ready to be offended by anything my friends may say or do. As they try to trigger a confrontation, my friend’s partner behaves in an unusual way - singing fragments of odd songs and mumbling in a not very coherent manner - which confuses the rednecks and diffuses the situation. They leave, and my friend’s partner now becomes a smart and coherent person again. I realize it was a trick and one of the few strategies that may have worked to diffuse the tension. The rednecks had strong beliefs, were not open for any genuine exchanges or conversations, and were ready to be offended by even the most innocent remark or behavior.
About five days ago I set the intention for deep beliefs to be resolved. Beliefs that sit in the body, below the level of my usual attention, giving rise to a sense of pride and inferiority, a sense of separate self, etc. Every night since then, there has been a long string of dreams with a nightmarish quality, indicating that something is definitely being sorted out at a deeper level. This is the first one where I remember some of the content.
The rednecks in the dream were irrational, strongly wedded to their beliefs, not willing to engage in any real conversation, and looking for any opportunity for a fight. And that seems to reflect how those deep beliefs function… ready to be triggered, outside of what it is normally possible to dialog with. The dream may also indicate a little more consciousness in that area, since my friend (who is a friend from real life, and someone who would do just such a thing) and her partner had recently bought land there and set up a store, and they apparently are smart and skilled enough to make it work.
I am spending a good deal of time buying book treasures from used book stores, mostly on Buddhist and art subjects. I also belong to a Buddhist group and discover, to my horror, that they are selling these books to the public at give-away prices. I had intended only some books to be sold on, and the rest to be kept. Some of the books are rare finds, and may not even be appreciated by those buying them. Even as I try to explain the situation to the people selling them, more are sold.
This dream had a nightmarish quality… spending all that time identifying and buying book treasures, and then having them all sold off to the general public for next to nothing…!
The dream parallels two things in my life:
First, the giving away of my insights and skills freely, without asking for anything in return (including having volunteered a large number of hours for NWEI, and giving away a large number of Breema sessions for free).
The other, more specific to this retreat, a surrendering of conceptualized insights… seeing them for what they are, only thoughts. Only images and sounds created by the mind, arising and dissolving from and into nothingness.
Surrendering is inherent in the process of just seeing thoughts as thoughts, arising from and dissolving into nothingness.
There is an infinite blackness beyond a porthole. I can stick my arm through and pull some of it back as a treasure that has great value. I also notice how much I enjoy the situation, being safe on this side of the porthole and being able to receive treasures from the infinite blackness. I know I have to (will?) go through the porthole and then dissolve into the blackness, but fear is coming up.
After I woke up, I continued with active imagination:
I stay with the infinite blackness and the fear, and the infinite blackness becomes everything… all space. I find myself as a piece of black, rectangular fabric, gradually unraveling within - and into - the blackness.
This dream is from the second day of the retreat.
I am going from one area of my life to another, and one period of my life to another, with stories playing themselves out at each location before moving on to the next. Each is distinct, but there is also a seamlessness and short distances between all. I only need to walk a few steps and there is another location or time period. There is also some mixing, as for instance some people from Center for Sacred Sciences were at the Zen center helping with some construction there.
Another one of those “wide embrace” dreams… this one including any aspect of time period of my life, each one distinct, yet also with very short distances between any one. Everything is at different specific locations in a wide, rich, varied and somewhat fluid landscape, with short distanced between each one. This seemed to be a long dream with many distinct chapters, one after another. The only story I remember is of F. from CSS working along with the people at Kanzeon on a repair or construction project.
I am in the mountains with a group of other people. The landscape is amazingly beautiful… rolling forms of brilliantly white snow, a sky that is blue with streams of silvery luminous clouds at the horizon, a silvery sun lighting up the landscape in a brilliantly clear light… it is as if the silvery brilliantly clear light is shining from within the landscape and the sky.
But I am not able to enjoy it fully. Something feels a little off… not with the landscape, but right here. Something is not quite resolved.
This dream, as simple as it is in content, has stayed with me since I woke up. It has a numinous quality. In a way, it is a (small) Big dream, as Jung called it. As I started writing it down, I found it difficult to describe the silvery, brilliantly clear, luminous, velvety soft quality of the landscape and the sky… and as the words started coming, I realized that the quality of the landscape is that of the shift in my experiences of air, water, and tactile sensations… The dream is reflecting that shift. It seems to be another phase of the endarkenment… silvery as the moon… brilliantly clear as mountain air… velvety smooth, full and rounded…
I am not quite able to enjoy it. Something is off… and that is an experience that was especially clear yesterday. And in that sense of something is off, there is a deep felt sense that it is completely perfect… as it should be… there is absolutely nothing wrong with it… a deep felt sense that this is absolutely perfect as it is… as anything is, but beyond that, as part of this process.
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