It’s been a while since I did an “energy self-portrait”, so I thought I would do another one. These are most useful when taken as projections.
What I noticed while drawing it is that what’s below is far more interesting to me than what’s above, and I did the above-ground section as a much quicker sketch. This probably reflects my interest in and focus on working on deep emotional and physical issues these days, often using Vortex Healing combined with waking up the issues.
This is one in a series of posts with brief notes on healing, awakening, and personal things. These are more spontaneous and less comprehensive than the regular articles. Some may be a little on the rant side. And some may be made into a regular article in time.
THE HIGHEST ACHIEVEMENT: TO BE AN ORDINARY HUMAN BEING
I wrote an imagined dialog with someone who has lived for eons, and one of the things that came up – from all those lifetimes of experience – is that the highest achievement is to be an ordinary human being.
Many of us try to be someone special, to set ourselves apart – at least in our minds, and live up to a certain image of ourselves. All that is ordinary, of course. But to intentionally be an ordinary human being is different. This means to see through all these shoulds we put on ourselves, and allow them to wear off. And then discover who we are when we are a little more free from them.
It’s not so easy. It can take a long time to discover and see through these images and shoulds and allow them to wear off.
I thought I would do another energy drawing “snapshot”. It’s been three years since the last one and I was curious how it would look after getting into Vortex Healing. This one feels more clear and solid than the previous ones, which is also how I feel energetically. Other than that, it’s pretty similar.
Another energy drawing. As I have mentioned before, I don’t take these as “literal” depictions of my energy system (it’s also not possible to directly translate these things into the physical) but more as projections. This one feels quite open and energetic, while also more grounded. It feels like what’s behind the confusion that sometimes is on the surface of the mind these days.
I got the inspiration to make some energy doodles last week. As usual, I don’t assume they reflect anything you would actually find in the energy system. (Although it could happen). Mostly, I take them as projections telling me something about where I am right now. (Even if they did reflect something actually going on energetically, they would still be important and useful as projections.)
What I mostly see in these is an emphasis on the luminous dark below the body. A velvety luminous blackness, seen through and in everything, centered in the body in the belly, inviting in a healing at the emotional level and a felt sense of all as God.
A drawing from earlier today, which may or may not say anything about what is going on energetically, but at least reflects what is going on otherwise – as does anything we express, intentionally or unintentionally through movement, voice, music, drawing, or anything else.
In the interest of accuracy, I should mention that the strong/dark roots going down vertically were made mostly out of old habit, of a memory of how I used to make these drawings, and the rest were more immediate and reflecting what is alive here now. So in my mind’s eye, those vortex roots going down are either much reduced in dominance or not there.
From Sunday evening, after the diksha group and the additional activation of the three soul centers. I have experienced light below me quite strongly recently, since the endarkenment, initially as blobs of light (as in some of the previous drawings), and now as a very large field of light below me. I notice how the blobs above seem to merge and become larger.
Also from Sunday evening, with a little more color. It was made just before the other one, so it does not as accurately mirror what is going on as that one (but worth including because of the color).
From December 6, with the blobs of light above and below, more or less symmetrically. The drawing also has a clear differentiation between above and below, as there has been since the endarkenment shift.
The lines below reflect the sense of dark, fertile fullness of the endarkenment, centered in the belly. And the rays above, centered in the heart area, reflect the luminosity of the enlightenment, centered in the head. (Both are in a process of unfolding. There is still a slight sense of I, and there is no sense that there is an end to the endarkenment process.)
A drawing from November 30, similar to the December 6 one. Here too, the blobs of light above and below, and the differentiation above and below. I think this is the most beautiful one, although it represents only one (brief) phase and the light below is now far more expansive and luminous.
Here are the energy sketches I have posted in the past, each one reflecting either what is really going on energetically (don’t know since I don’t have anyone apart from myself to check it) or at least what is going on psychologically.
This one is from some years back, towards the end of the initial awakening (started in my teens and lasted for about ten years.) It reflects the intensity of that period, and the head centered awakening of emptiness and luminosity. Everything, including the physical body, was experienced as emptiness and luminosity during this phase. There is also a circle around the body (a mandorla), which may reflect the intensity of the reorganization of my human self that took place during that time. It may also reflect a remaining sense of I at some levels (not that mandorlas necessarily or even typically reflect that, that is just my sense in this particular case.)
What strikes me the most, looking at it now, is the burning intensity here. I was on fire during this period, in every way. Very ambitious, engaged in a large number of passions, even the nights were intense – with an experience of intense reorganization and work on my human self. I didn’t know how to turn it off (and then it happened on its own, during the following dark night phase.)
Here is another one from the same time. Notice how the above/below is relatively symmetrical and uniform, with with some indications of roots going down (but also up).
I didn’t do any drawings at all during the dark night phase, which happened a couple of years later. (Or any spiritual practices at all, apart from community engagement.)
This one is from six months ago, at the tail end of the dark night phase (which lasted for some years and is still not quite over), and a little more than half a year into the diksha process. There is still an above/below symmetry, reflecting a head centered awakening of emptiness and luminosity. There are also roots going down, but they seem a little precarious to me now.
This is from last week, after the enlovenment diksha and just before a conscious awareness of the shift into endarkenment and early belly awakening. There is much more above/below differentiation, and more fluid fullness and richness below. There is still the reflections of the head centered awakening above, emptiness and luminosity. And there is also a sphere over the head, which I remember from drawings I made while still in Norway which I don’t have here (some years before the initial one posted above). The sphere in this one is more expanded and alive compared to the small one six months earlier.
This is one or two days after the conscious shift into endarkenment, with above/below differentiation and more spheres above the head, probably representing chakras/energy centers outside of the physical body. (The yellow and red around the body is a little more muddy than seems right.)
And this one, one or two days after the colorful one. Simple, with clear above/below differentiation. Below, I see that in the drawing from six months ago, there are roots. The ones immediately after the endarkenment diksha have smooth flowing lines and roots. And this one has only the smooth flowing lines.
This is what came out after the endarkenment shift…
In these drawings, there used to be a circle around the body. The diagonal lines above continued below, creating a symmetry above and below. And the colors were mostly golden and light. All reflecting more of the head/enlightenment awakening. Of the circles above the head, only the first were strongly there, and the others absent or smaller.
Now, there is no circle around the body. There is clearly more differentiation above and below. The colors are more differentiated and stronger. And the circles above the head more emphasized and full.
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