Wordless inquiry

 

I am drawn to exploring a more wordless, felt inquiry these days, and I notice – not surprisingly – that it’s difficult to put it into words.

An emotion or contraction presents itself, or discomfort, or physical pain, or an image or thought held as true (triggering the emotion, contraction or discomfort, or amplifying the physical pain).

Attention is brought to and stays with it. This happens in a gentle way, as a feather.

It’s quietly and wordlessly noticed as one or more of the following:

An universal (shared human, impersonal) energy. An emotion, contraction, discomfort, pain, image, or verbal thought can all be seen and experienced as an energy, an impersonal energy.

Created from taking images or thoughts as true (if it’s an emotion, discomfort), or an image or thought held as true.

Devoted to me (being there for me, supporting me, wishing the best for me).

Love (worried love).

Awakeness.

There is a gentle welcome, appreciation, love.

There is a staying with it. Noticing what’s there, what’s revealed. (Some images or thoughts may be noted for later inquiry, using The Work).

How is it, what happens, when it’s noticed in this way? Gently and wordlessly welcomed?

 It’s difficult to talk about this partly because it’s a wordless, felt inquiry, and partly because it may require some familiarity with the terrain. I see how my experience with sense field inquiries, The Work, Voice Dialog, the Big Mind/Heart process, ho’oponopono, true meditation (Shikantaza), stability practice (stable attention), and other approaches all support and makes this simple, wordless inquiry available to me.  (more…)

Sensation facet

 

Again, very simple, and perhaps obvious both in a psychological and spiritual context. But also something I find helpful and fascinating just about every day. I often do this before falling asleep and after waking up, and also at times throughout the day.

I can explore what is here in sensation, either as an open exploration of the sense field.

Or if a specific symptom, emotion, mood, or anything else draws my attention, I can explore that.

What do I find when I bring attention to sensations? How does it show up in sensation? What is its sensation facet?

What is here as images overlaid on those sensations?

How do they combine? How do I experience the combination of the two?

(more…)

Head, heart, belly

 

Something else I keep coming back to…

There is a clear sense of awakening happening at the levels of head, heart and belly, even if those are only metaphors.

And as they happen separately and in different combinations, there is a clearer sense of the qualities of each one.

The head awakening happened for me in my teens, then combined with heart awakening and what I can only call “cosmic consciousness”. More recently, there has been times where there has been a clear head awakening on its own. The head awakening is a clear seeing of all as God. No separate I to be found anywhere. Ground awake to itself. Content of experience awakening to itself as a field, all as awakening, as no thing appearing as something, inherently absent of an I with an Other. This human self is living its life on its own, as everything is. There is no doer. No thinker. No chooser. No observer. No witness. Just the field.

The heart awakening is a love of everything as God. The love of God for itself, when all is recognized as God and this is lived through a human self. This love can be independent of content of experience (of feelings, emotions) and only appears as love when it comes out in actions. This is the love of the right hand helping the left, simply, effortlessly. In addition to this, it can also come out as content of experience, as a feeling, emotion, a bitter-sweet love. Bitter because of the suffering in the world. Sweet because it is love and it embraces whatever/whomever comes up, independent of its characteristics.

(more…)

Shift

 

Something I keep noticing….

When I feel a need to defend against a story, it is because it doesn’t fit with stories – and their corresponding viewpoints and identities – that I take as true. It creates a sense of having to protect and defend certain viewpoints and identities. A sense of separation. Tension. Stress. Reactive emotions. Precariousness. Making some stories true and other false. Making others wrong and myself right. 

When I instead find the truth in the story and allow it to sink in, there is a shift. I find specific examples of how it is true. I take time to feel it. I find appreciation for it. And there is a shift into a sense of fullness. Coming home. Receptivity. Curiosity. Connection. Deep relaxation. No need to defend stories. A sense of shared humanity, of all of us in the same boat. 

(more…)

A felt sense of all as God

 

Of the many flavors of awakening, here are three that are especially interesting to me…

To see all as God…. Recognize in immediate awareness all as awareness itself, as no thing appearing as something. And then let go of even that, leaving only the mystery. This helps reorganize and realign the view, so it is more fluid, less identification with specific perspectives and identities, easier to recognize the truth in any story, and easier to recognize stories as having temporary and limited practical value in specific situations only.

To love all as God…. An open heart that leaves nothing out, because it is all God. This helps reorganize and realign the heart to stay open, and makes it easier to shift into it if it is not.

To feel all as God… A felt-sense, in the body, of all as God. This helps reorganize and realign emotions, from reactivity to a sense of fullness and nurturing support, and also reflecting a basic felt-sense trust in what is, whatever it is.

(more…)

Turning it around to myself

 

At the bus today, I overheard a conversation where someone said what a dork. 

Whenever I hear descriptions about someone or something, I can turn it around to myself. I can find it in myself, befriend it right here. 

So in this case, I took the opportunity to first feel into that statement – what a dork – applied to me. There is some slight resistance here, then a shift into feeling and being it. There is a felt sense of openness in all directions. A felt sense of don’t know. A felt sense of a nurturing fullness. Healing. 

After staying with this feeling and these shifts for a while, I also look at how it applies to me. What are the different ways I am a dork? It is easy to find many different ways, including doing and writing about this – and this blog in general!

So here, in feeling and looking into it, there is a sense of nothing to defend. There is no “not-dork” identity to defend or prop up. There is a sense of openness in all directions. A sense of us. Recognition. 

And from here, a natural sense of gratitude and appreciation. Gratitude for finding it in myself, for a wide sense of us, for not having to defend an identity. Appreciation for finding it here and for the invitation to find it here. (Any statement about anything – and said by anyone – is an invitation to find it right here.)

(If I am caught up in the conventional and cultural programming around this, I may get hurt and want to defend myself if I am called certain things. But when I am familiar with this way of working with it, whatever I am called is gold. It helps me align myself more with reality, and find freedom from having to defend any identity. Also, since I am not called things all that often – that I am aware of – I can use whatever statements I hear or read about others and apply them to myself, and find the gold that way. Why let go of a good opportunity?) 

So for myself and my own sake, I find it right here and find that we are all in the same boat. I feel it. See it. And there is a genuine gratitude for it.

And sometimes, when appropriate, I can differentiate in all the conventional ways as well. Although that is for practical reasons only and usually very short term and specific to a situation. 

(more…)

Welcoming the fear behind beliefs

 

Another exploration I find interesting right now…

Notice a belief. A story that seems true. A fixed position. An emotional attachment.

What is the experience of that belief?

Where do I find it in the body? What are the sensations?

Quietly meet those sensations. Welcome them as they are. Allow them to be here, with a friendly interest and curiosity.

Is there a fear behind the belief or emotional attachment?

If so, quietly meet that fear. Welcome it as it is. Allow it to be here with a gentle interest and curiosity.

What happens to the impulse to create a belief or go into an emotional attachment? Does it stay? Fade? Fall Away? Whatever happens is OK. Just notice and stay with that too.

(more…)

Welcoming the feeling of a doer

 

I am enjoying a simple exploration these days…

Notice a sense of a doer – in whatever form it takes here now. (Observer, thinker, chooser, explorer.)

Where is it in the body? What are the sensations?

Quietly meet the sensations. Welcome them as they are. Stay with it. Explore with a gentle curiosity. Friendly interest. An appreciation for these dynamics as they are, and the mystery behind it. The beauty of it.

Notice if it shifts. Then stay with that.

(more…)

Allowing and felt sense inquiry

 

A simple way of combining allowing experience and a felt-sense inquiry:

What am I experiencing now? (Feel it instead of going to a story.)

Where do I feel it in the body?

Can I meet the feeling? Welcome it, as it is? (Take some time here.)

Are there any images or stories associated with it?

Can I find a belief? (A belief about what I am experiencing, or triggering it.)

Is it true? (Feel what happens when the questions is asked. Allow the question to sink in. No need to look for an answer within thought.)

What I find – right now at least – when I ask is it true? is a felt-sense of not knowing. Spaciousness. Open in all directions. Curiosity. Nothing to protect. No fixed positions.

Feeling beliefs and emotional attachments, and welcoming the feeling of fear behind them

 

By doing The Work, it is often quite clear how any belief – any attachment to a story as true – comes from fear. It comes from fear, and fuels fear. And is really just another expression of (confused) love.

Right now, exploring meeting experience with a focus on how it feels in the body, I find something quite similar. Behind the body-sense feeling of a belief and emotional attachment is the feeling of fear. A low grade fear in the background, which – when resisted – moves into becoming a belief and an emotional attachment. It is a protection. A way to feel safe. And a way to avoid feeling and welcoming the fear.

When this fear is felt and welcomed, there is a sense of quiet release. Spaciousness. No need or impulse to move into beliefs and emotional attachments.

And it is all happening within feeling, which helps it sink into the body and make it “real” at that level.

(more…)

Flavors of allowing

 

I find it fascinating to explore the different flavors of allowing experience: Shifting into Big Mind or headlessness. Choiceless awareness. Asking myself can I be with what I am experiencing right now? Shifting into gently and quietly meeting experience as it is. Bringing in a sense of kindness and the heart. And so on.

When I shift into allowing experience, I see, feel and love it as it is, for its sake. And the emphasis on each shifts between and within each form of allowing.

In Big Mind, headlessness and choiceless awareness, it seems that the seeing of experience is in the foreground, with feeling it anywhere between background to foreground, and the possibility of loving it is there are well – coming and going.

When I intentionally bring in the heart, the love for experience as it is comes into the foreground.

And there is also a way of being with experience where the felt sense is in the foreground. The sensations are invited in center stage, and welcomed there as they are.

Each one has its own flavor, and each one can be a helpful and valuable exploration. What happens when experience is resisted? What happens when it is allowed and welcomed? What happens when the seeing of it is in the foreground? The felt sense? Love and kindness?

In each case, a shift from (being caught up in) resistance to allowing is a shift from a sense of separation to that field which holds it all. When the felt sense is brought in, I “get it” with the body. I feel the difference. When love comes in, there is a sense of appreciation and gratitude for experience, as it is and for its sake.

And in terms of healing and maturing as who I am, this human self, that seems to be invited in when the felt sense and kindness is in the foreground.

A felt sense of allowing

 

There are many flavors and slight variations in shifting into allowing experience.

One is a gentle and simple meeting of what is here, with the bodily sensations in the foreground.

What do I experience now? Where do I experience it in the body? What sensations are there? What happens if I meet it? Welcome it? Notice if it changes. Can I meet and welcome that too?

As with any of these explorations, it can sometimes be helpful to have someone else provide the container and ask the questions.

What does this exploration do? Well, if there is a habit here – even a slight one – of resisting experience, this is an antidote. It is a help to try something different, gently meeting experience as it is and see what happens. To feel what happens when there is resistance (caught up in resistance), and what happens when experience is met, as it is.

And when the felt sense is in the foreground, I feel the difference between resistance and allowing. I “get it” with the body. It sinks in a little deeper.

(more…)

A felt sense of all as God

 

To shift into a seeing of all as God is not difficult. Especially not a partial seeing of it through the Big Mind process, headless experiments or choiceless awareness practice.

But how is to to feel all as God? To bring it into the body, allowing the body and emotions to reorganize within this new context?

I find it helpful to first shift into seeing all as God, through one of the pointers above. And then bring attention to the felt sense. How does it feel in the body when there is a seeing of all as awareness? (God, Big Mind.) What happens with the body and emotions? What is different? How would it be to live from this felt sense? Can I invite my body and emotions to reorganize within this new context of all felt as God?

When I do this, I notice a few things…

There is a deepening and felt-sense trust. In nothing in particular, or in life/existence independent of how it shows up. There is a deep relaxation and sense of being home. There is a sense of nurturing fullness. (Which seems to replace the tendency of emotional reactivity.) Emotional attachments releases. In general, there is less drama, distractions, and kicking up dust, and a relaxed trust and clarity.

All of this makes it easier for what I am to notice itself.

And it also invites who I am, as this human self, to heal and mature. Before awakening, this healing and maturing makes it easier to be who I take myself to be. After awakening, it allows the awakening to be expressed in a more healthy and mature way.

(more…)

Feel awareness

 

Some teachers emphasize to feel awareness. It may sound funny, but there is a deep wisdom behind it.

When I shift into Big Mind, finding myself as what I am, feeling awareness is an invitation to bring attention to what is happening to my body. I bring attention to the felt-sense, to what is happening with my felt-sense when what I am notices itself.

(I can invite this shift in through the Big Mind process, headless experiments, exploring the sense fields, allowing experience/choiceless awareness, or by following a number of other pointers. And the noticing of what I am can be more or less clear. But the felt-sense will still shift along with it.)

What I notice is a deep relaxation of the body. When it is no longer taken as an I with an Other, it is free to release the tension that comes from being taken for an I with an Other.

Bringing attention to the body, in the context of what we are noticing itself, is also an invitation to the body to reorganize within this new context. It is an invitation to deepen into the felt sense of what we are noticing itself, and to allow the body – and our human self as a whole – to reorganize within it.

And if the heart is brought in, there is a whole new flavor to it, and the relaxation and reorganization goes even deeper.

I shift into Big Mind, invite in Big Heart, a kindness and well-wishing towards anything within form, bring attention to the body and embrace the body, and allow the body – and my human self as a whole – to deeply relax and reorganize within that awareness and love.

Free from the tension and stress of being taken for an I with an Other, and within being seen, felt and loved as it is, here and now.

Embodying turnarounds

 

I went to a Process Work class today with Arny Mindell, and noticed again how important it is to embody whatever insights come up, to feel it in the body, to act from it, to discover how it moves and talks, to become it with all of me.

And then realized that I can do this with the turnarounds in The Work too. I find a turnaround and take some time finding the truth in it (as usual). Then, I shift into and become the figure (voice, subpersonality) that has that turnaround story, the one who sees the world in that way, and feel how it is to be it, to move as it, to speak as it.

I can also explore what it has to say. How does the world look from that perspective? What insights does it have? How can it help this human self? Does the human self listen to what it has to say? How would it be if this human self lived from it? And finally, after going through all of the turnarounds, shift into the place (figure, voice) that holds all of them, and use each one freely. What does this one have to say?

It may be helpful to go through all of the turnarounds first, in the usual The Work way, and then take the most juicy ones and explore them in this way.

This is an interesting, and possibly useful (or not), way of combining The Work (the four questions and the turnarounds), Process Work (the embodiment, with movements, voice and more), and Voice Dialog/the Big Mind Process (speaking as it, explore questions as it.)

This combines some of the strengths of each: From The Work, its simplicity, its clear structure, and how easy it is to find stressful beliefs to work with. From Process Work, how deeply it is felt. From the Big Mind process, the refinement of the questions and the diverse and in-depth exploration that can take place.

Felt sense

 

The last few days have reminded me of the importance of inviting in the body when there are shifts in view. Staying with the shifts in view, taking the time to allow the rest of me to realign too. Feeling it with all of me.

Most recently, these shifts have happened through dreams, on topics I have investigated in terms of view earlier. I have explored the beliefs around it, and now, invited in by the dreams, the body followed. The felt-sense of it shifted as well. (And continues to shift and deepen as I stay with it.)

In terms of the three centers, the view shifted first (head), then the feeling of it (belly), both inviting in an opening of the heart.

And it can of course go any of the other ways as well. The shift can happen first at the heart, then the view and belly. Or the belly, followed by the view and heart.

(more…)

Belly center and nurturing fullness

 

From the previous post:

If the head and heart centers awaken, it gives a clear seeing and loving of all as Spirit, and if the head center is fully awakened, a realized absence of any separate I anywhere. But if the belly center is not, there is no deeply felt-sense of all as Spirit, and also no deep reorganization of the emotional level. There will still be fears and so on triggered by the usual situations, only now seen and loved as Spirit. So it is of course OK, although still limited.

This was the situation here following the initial awakening – a nearly full awakening of the head and heart centers, but definitely not of the belly center. There was a clear knowing that it was missing as well, that it could be quite different. And when the early belly awakening happened last fall, a knowing that this was one of the missing pieces of the puzzle.

Two things that seem to allow for this reorganization of the emotional level is the belly awakening itself (invited in this case through Breema and then shaktipat), and also The Work – allowing beliefs to unravel through the system including the emotional. I am sure there are many other out there, but these are the two I have found so far.

When the belly awakening runs its course and the emotional level is reorganized, the old patterns of (emotional) reactivity unravel with it. Fear, anger, sadness and so on are not triggered in the same way anymore. There is just clarity (head center), love (heart center), and a sense of nurturing fullness (belly center).

In short, the emotional reactivity which is still there when only the head and heart centers are awakened, is exchanged with a felt-sense of nurturing fullness when the belly center awakens.

It is still possible to trigger any of these old emotions, although now in a conscious way and arising as wisdom energies.

I should also add that the awakening of the three centers can happen (relatively) independent of each other. If there is only an awakening of the head center, there is a clear seeing of all as Spirit and an absence of any I with an Other, but it also feels a little cold and arid, lacking empathy. If only a heart center awakening, then a loving of all as Spirit, but less of a clear understanding. If only a belly center awakening, a felt-sense of all as Spirit, but missing the seeing and loving, at least in a more fully unfolded way.

And before a more full awakening of each center, they can certainly awaken to different degrees. In terms of the belly awakening, Breema seems to be a good way to invite in the sense of nurturing fullness, and The Work is great for unraveling beliefs throughout the system, taking emotional reactivity with it.

Three centers and Buddhas

 

laughingbuddha.gif

I wrote another post on this a while ago, but wanted to revisit it (as with some many topics here) to see what comes up now.

The three centers – heart, belly and head – each filter Spirit, Existence, life in different ways…

The head center is the seeing of all as Spirit. When the view is split, it reflects and creates a dualistic experience centered around a sense of I and other. When the view is of all as Spirit, it reflects a more nondual realization.

The heart center is the loving of all as Spirit. When the heart is split, it too reflects and creates a dualistic experience of I and Other, us and them, the situations and beings our heart opens to and those it closes to. When the heart recognizes all as Spirit, the circle of care, compassion and concern effortlessly leaves nothing and no-one outside.

The belly center is the felt-sense of all as Spirit. When the felt-sense is split, there is a sense of comfort and relaxation in some situations, and discomfort and (emotional) reactivity in other situations. In general, there is a lack of basic trust in existence and life, a lack of feeling deeply nourished and held by life. When there is a felt-sense of all as Spirit, of all as God’s will and God itself, then there is that deep feeling of being held and nourished by life, independent of circumstances.

An awakening (even an early one) of the head center reorganizes the view, from rigid and dualistic to more receptive, inclusive and reflecting a more nondual realization. An awakening of the heart center reorganizes the heart from being often closed to being more receptive and open in any situation. And an awakening of the belly center reorganizes the emotions from reactivity and unease to being deeply nurturing and a deeply felt sense of trust in life, independent of how it shows up.

There is also a mutuality among the centers. The movement of one in the direction of a deepening split, or of reflecting all as Spirit, tends to be reflected in a similar shift in the others. For instance, when there is reactivity in the belly center, the view tends to become more rigid and deepen the sense of I and Other, and the heart closes down. When there is a deeply felt sense of nurturing in the belly center, the view tends to be more receptive and inclusive, and the heart more open.

In terms of practices for each center, inquiry works well for the head center, revealing what is already more true for us. Heart center practices include gratitude practices, rejoicing in others fortune, well-wishing, tong-len, heart centered prayers, and so on. And the belly center practices include any body-inclusive practices, and maybe especially Breema which seems to very clearly open for a deeply nurturing felt-sense of trust in life, and all as Spirit.

And each of these centers also have Buddhas associated with them, as an image reflecting their qualities when all is seen/felt/loved as Spirit.

For the head center, Manjushri Buddha. For the heart, Avalokitesvara. And for the belly, Hotei, the laughing Buddha.

(For some reason, the belly Buddha is often left out in Buddhist teachings, as the belly center is often – although certainly not always – left out in spiritual teachings in general.)

Hotei is a particularly good image for the belly center.

He has a big belly, drawing attention to that center, and also reflecting the sense of rich, full, nurturing abundance experienced in the belly center when it is more open, when there is a felt-sense of deep trust in life. (He sometimes has a big sack that never empties, reflecting the same sense of abundance.)

And he laughs… when there is a deep felt-sense trust in life, independent of how it shows up, and there is a deep sense of a nurturing fullness and richness coming from the reorganized emotional level and the belly center, it is naturally expressed in an heart-felt laughter.

Hotei is often seen as a more folksy and naive representation of Buddha and is left out of the more formal teachings in the different Buddhist traditions. But, at least in the context of the three centers, the image of Hotei is as profound and significant as those of Manjushri and Avalokitesvara.

Heart-felt being with

 

I just finished a bodywork intensive, and will write down a few things that came up over the last few days. One of the themes lately has been heart-felt seeing of what comes up at the human level, or a heart-felt being with. This is a being-with where the three centers are all included… the head (seeing), the belly (felt-sense) and the heart (loving, empathy).

Yesterday and today, a sadness came up, and if I try to push it away it becomes an “other” that is unpleasant and uncomfortable, an apparent hindrance. But if there is a heart-felt being with it, it is revealed as a sweet tenderness, which is also experienced as a nurturing fullness. From being an unwanted and uncomfortable distraction (when pushed away) it becomes a sweet nurturing supporting fullness.

Beyond this, I can of course explore the beliefs behind the sadness (my life should be different, in a specific way), tracking the process behind it, and so on.

A felt-sense of all as God

 

The belly center has to do with a felt-sense of all as God… a sense of deep full nurturing, of all as safe, a trust in life and existence, and the emotional level reorganizing in this context.

At the relative level, all is of course not OK for the body… it can be temporarily OK, but disease, accidents, and old age are just around the corner. The body is doomed. So to say that it is all OK in this context does not make sense, other than as a temporary state.

But at the absolute level, all is OK… we find ourselves as awake void and whatever arises, free from an exclusive identification with anything arising in content, including the body. And within this context, freed from being identified with and taken as a separate self, an I with an Other, the body can deeply relax, find a deeply nurturing fullness, find a felt-sense of trust in life and all as OK, God’s will, and Spirit itself.

There are several ways into this…

One is through inquiry, allowing identifications with identities fall away including with the body. As long as the body is taken as I, there will be a sense of unease and tension in the body, it is guarded. The emotions and behaviors are, at least in some areas, reactive. As this identification falls away, there is a deepening sense of comfort, relaxation and alertness, and of a stable nurturing fullness from the emotional level.

Another is through body inclusive practices, such as Breema, where we drop into this sense of deep nurturing fullness and support from the hara (belly area) and the emotional level. We have a taste of it, and as we continuing practice, it deepens and becomes more and more stably available. Through this process, the identifications with body etc. gradually seems to wear off.

So we can allow beliefs to fall away, revealing the inherent nurturing fullness of the body to surface. Or we can drop right into it, allowing identifications to wear off over time.

As we explore this, we see an apparent paradox: no matter what happens with the body at a physical level, there can be a deep felt-sense of all as OK, a nurturing fullness, an absence of emotional/behavioral reactiveness, a stable support from the emotional level, a felt trust in life and existence, and a felt-sense of all as God’s will and Spirit itself.

Of course, we still do what we can to take care of the body, with less drama and probably more effectively than when it is identified with. But even if it is going through disease, pain, old age, dying, there is still the felt-sense of all as OK, of a trust in life as it is, of all as God.

And this is far beyond what we can make any conscious decision about, or what our conscious thinking-mind and beliefs can even touch. It has to come from genuinely seeing through the identifications, or certain body-inclusive practices, or both.

Ragged guests

 

Sometimes the guests that come through are pretty ragged… (Guests here meaning any content of experience, including emotions, reactivity, wounds, etc.) And if we try to push them away, ignore them, call the police, pretend they are not there, or end up wailing or running frantically around with them, they stay ragged.

The other option is to be with them in an heartfelt way, to allow whatever comes up from them, listen to it, feel into it, and even love it. That is how people in our life often can heal, and that is often how these guests can heal as well.

Again, nothing new here. We know it from our own life… seeing it in the world of humans and other beings, and the inner world of emotions, reactivity, wounds, and so on. At our human level, the outer and the inner mirror each other.

We can explore it quite simply in this way… just being with what comes up, in an heartfelt way. And we can also explore it more in detail through for instance voice dialog or the Big Mind process. Listening to disowned voices, the ones that are hurt in different ways, allowing them as they are, not needing them to change, not using them as something to manipulate or as a gateway into something else. Being interested in who they are, their history, being receptive to them, respecting them as they are, seeing and allowing them, feeling into what they say, and even loving them as they are. Even shifting into Big Heart and embracing them from Big Heart.

In terms of the three centers, there is receptivity at the head center (seeing), belly center (feeling, felt-sense), and heart center (love)… in short, a heartfelt seeing.

When we resist them (identify with the resistance), we not only rehearse the (apparent) split between I and Other but the guests also stay as they are, in misery, coming back later wanting to be let in.

Compassion includes guests in any form and shape, whether they show up in flesh and blood or in the form of emotions, reactivity, frustration, grief, sadness, anger, irritability, restlessness, wanting to be somewhere else.

Three centers

 

These are some things from preliminary explorations of the three centers… or rather, how Spirit is filtered through the three centers, and then in turn filtered through this human self. (As it is alive in immediate awareness.)

How Spirit is filtered through each…

  • Heart… as alive presence. In general as a field of alive presence, in the heart region as the indwelling God, this alive presence specifically for this individual.
  • Head… as awake luminous void, and all form as this awake void, inherent absent of an I with an Other.
  • Belly… as smooth velvety round full luminous blackness.

Each of these are a field… what form arises within, to and as. Each one, transparent to the Ground, and no other than Ground itself. Each one, impersonal and personal (specifically for this, and any, human self) at the same time. Each one, infinitely loving, intelligent, receptive, and responsive to this (and any) individual.

When these centers are awakened, even in an early phase, it allows for a seeing (head), loving (heart) and feeling (belly) of all as Spirit (Big Mind, Brahman, Tao). It is Spirit filtered through each center, and then seeing/loving/feeling itself through them.

At the human level, an awakened (even partially) center, allows for…

  • Heart… receptivity, seeing myself in others, recognition, empathy, sense of intimacy, no separation.
  • Head… receptivity, seeing stories as only stories, seeing the grain of truth in all the reversals of any story, revealing the inherent neutrality of the situation.
  • Belly… a felt-sense of deep trust, safety, allowing for a deep reorganization and healing of the human self, especially at the emotional level.

The three centers are really one system… the deep felt-sense of trust from the belly center invites for a receptivity of the heart and head centers. The receptivity of the heart centers invites a receptivity of the head center, and also a deepening felt-sense of trust and safety. And the same goes for the head center.

The beauty of Spirit filtered through these three centers is how it allows for the impersonal aspects of Spirit and also the personal, the ones specifically for this and any other individual. It naturally and effortlessly seems to allow both into the foreground of awareness.

I also see how they each have come through in different phases of my life, allowing for an easier differentiation of each one. During the initial awakening, the head center awakened allowing for a seeing of all form as awake luminous void, inherently absent of any separate self anywhere. Then, the heart center awakened strongly, allowing for a loving of all as God, as Spirit. Then, over the last few months (partly through Breema, and partly through the endarkenment shift) the belly center, revealing all form as luminous blackness, velvety smooth, round, full, allowing for a deep sense of safety and trust for this human self, and a reorganization especially on the emotional level.

Heart center + head/belly flavors

 

I have been exploring how the heart center combines with head and/or belly centers for different flavors.

When the head center is included, there is the usual empty luminosity and clarity of the head center there. A very yang brilliance (compared with the smooth fullness of Spirit filtered through the belly center, it is stark, almost a desert quality).

And when the belly center is included, there is the smooth, round fullness of the belly center, which allows a felt-sense of the heart qualities.

And together, there is even more sense of fullness and richness… the love of the heart center, the empty luminosity of the head center, and the velvety smooth round fullness of the belly center. The loving, seeing and feeling of all as Spirit.

I also notice, as I did early on with the belly center awakening, that bringing in the head and belly centers together invites the heart in as well. Although it is certainly possible to start with any one, and bring either or both of the others in.

Of course, there is not really any “bringing in” of anything… all three are there, but it is possible to invite one or more into the foreground of awareness… shifting each one more into the foreground or background.

Hara area

 

Since the shift into endarkenment a few months ago, there has been a great deal of activity in the belly region, especially along the spine and in the kidney area. Since my teens, I have been aware of an energetic hole there which corresponded to a twist on the spine (L3-4). The twist (scoliosis) has gradually improved since then, and the energetic hole has filled up a great deal, partly through Breema and even more so through the endarkenment.

I have also noticed how the hara seems to be connected with a felt-sense of a basic trust in life and of being held by life and existence. The energetic hole seemed associated with a lack of this felt-sense, and as it is filling up, this sense of a basic trust in life and Existence is becoming more embodied, there is a felt-sense of it, the body knowing it in its cells.

The initial awakening was filtered through the head and heart centers. There was a clear seeing of all as God, as consciousness, beyond and embracing all polarities, and a loving of it all as well. But the felt-sense of it was not there, it was not (yet) filtered through the belly center. This made for a lot of stress happening on a physical level.

More in general, I see how this felt-sense of basic trust, of being held by life and Existence, allows for more fluidity of views, more receptivity of heart and mind, and more transparency of the sense of I and Other. Where a lack of this trust makes for rigidity of views, a closed heart and mind, and a deepening sense of I and Other, the trust allows for an reversal.

A felt-sense of the intimacy of opposites

 

The mountain dream still stays with me, in spite of its very simple content. There is something about the very intimate combination of opposites in it that reflects what is going on in general right now.

During the initial awakening, I saw clearly that what is, is beyond and includes any and all polarities (to the point of being completely unable to say or write anything about it for a while after it happened). But that is exactly it, I saw it… It was filtered through the head center (and heart center, which was also blown open) only. Not the belly center. The deep felt-sense of it was not there.

But now, there is a deepening felt-sense of it that I didn’t anticipate. I may have intuited that it was possible, but to drop into it is always different than just seeing it from a distance.

In the dream, the sun and the luminosity of the landscape had a smooth, round, full silvery quality to it. The brilliancy of the sun was combined with the coolness of the moon. The crystal clarity of the light and the mountain air, combined with the smooth, round, fullness of the velvety blackness. The empty luminosity of a head center awakening, with the smooth fullness of the belly center awakening.

And this is coming up in many other ways as well, including in the shift in experience of senses. Initially, I saw and dropped into, was held by, and found myself as the smooth velvety luminous blackness, but it was seen and experienced through the eye of the soul, to put it that way. Now, it has shifted into the physical senses. I literally smell, taste and feel it, with my ordinary physical senses. And there is nothing subtle about it… it is as if I am on a different planet… one with air and water that is velvety smooth round full brilliantly clear… and warm and cool at the same time when sensed over the skin.

Felt-sense of all as one

 

When I woke up from the detective (lila) dream, I took some time exploring the felt-sense of I and Other, and also what happens when I bring in quality of many as one – from the dream.

I went through a parade of people, from those I know personally to those I know from the media, and those there is an attraction towards and aversion towards. What happens if there is a felt-sense of the two as one, as one character playing many roles, as it was in the dream?

What I found was a physical and felt release of tension, of deep relaxation, of fullness, ease, a felt sense of one as many… appreciating the diversity, yet also knowing that there is only one I.

Including more of our being

Putting it in words, it may sound very similar to seeing all as Spirit, as in the Big Mind process. And that is one aspect of it. But to feel it, to have a felt-sense of it, bodily, is quite different.

There is a whole other realm of fullness here, of being it more fully, of the basement being included (the client & target from the dream was in the basement when I found him, maybe for that reason… It was all about the felt-sense, the body, the belly center, the first few chakras.)

Three centers

Through the head center, there is a seeing of all as Spirit. Our view is reorganized within a nondual realization. This is Big Mind in the Big Mind process.

Through the heart center, there is a loving of all as Spirit. Our heart is reorganized within all as Spirit, open to all forms independent of how they show up. This is Big Heart.

And through the belly center, there is a felt-sense of all as Spirit. Our physical body feels all as Spirit, and our body and emotions are reorganized within all as Spirit. This could be called Big Belly (Hotei). It opens up a whole other realm of fullness, depth, nourishing, substantiality, groundedness, lived reality of all as Spirit.

Vulnerable animal

It is our individual human self, the vulnerable animal, that is reactive, contracted, fearful, blinded, hopeful, lashing out, clinging on, fearing death, feeling a sense of lack and something missing… It organizes in this way within a context of a sense of separation. It is a vulnerable (and wounded) little animal, and reacts in all of these ways as all animals do.

And the felt-sense of all as Spirit allows it to reorganize, to relax, to soften. It allows the little animal to feel safe, to gradually heal, to feel nourished, a sense of fullness, of nothing missing.

All is Spirit, reflected in the physical body and emotions

Of course, even here it will take care of itself in all the common sense and practical ways, through food, exercise, getting out of harms way and so on. But it will do it within a felt-sense of all being OK, of nourishment, fullness, a deep safety beyond conventional safety and danger.

This felt-sense of all as Spirit, of nourishment, fullness, of being held, of all being OK independent of what happens to the individual, comes from Spirit – not from the individual. It is Spirit awakening to itself, reflected deeply in the individual, in the body and emotional levels of the individual. And if deepened in that way, then they are there, no matter what physically happens to the individual.

Head only, or including belly

If Spirit is filtered through the head center only (or head and heart), there is a conventional awakening. Spirit awakens to itself as the ground of seeing and seen, and there is no I anywhere (or all as I). The individual is reorganized in this context, to some extent, but may also have wounds and hangups left. These too are also recognized as Spirit… Spirit arising as wounds, so in an absolute sense, it is OK.

But when the belly is included, it allows this individual, this vulnerable little animal, to reorganize at a deep level… Deep wounds are invited to heal, all these wounds created from a sense of separation… All the fear, desire, longing, terror, dread, cruelty, hopes, wishes, clinging… All of the ways the vulnerable little animal reacts to protect itself, when it lives from a sense of separation. These are all invited to heal, in a deep way.

The wounds soften, melt, gradually heal, gradually reorganize to reflect a felt-sense of all as Spirit. And as this happens within form, there is no end to how far this can go. There is always one more bit to heal, one step further to go, new ways to reorganize within a felt sense of all as Spirit.

Taking care of what we are, and who we are

Another way to put it is that we not only take care of what we are, but also who we are.

When Big Mind awakens to itself, as awake emptiness and form absent of I anywhere, and becomes familiar with itself in this way, while still being functionally connected with an individual human self, we take care of what we are.

And when we allow our individual self to deeply reorganize within this new context, through the head, heart and belly centers, we take care of who we are. And this is an unending process, there is always further to go, a continuous deepening, healing, reorganizing, maturing.

It is a process of deepening into what we are, as Spirit awake to itself, and who we are, as an individual soul and human self, reflecting Spirit awakened to itself.

What we are offers the realization of selflessness, of an absence of I anywhere. And who we are offers the opportunity to live and explore this in and as form.