Giving it over to God

 

For the first several years after the initial opening, my practices were simple and heartfelt. They consisted of resting with what’s here, notice all as awakeness (Spirit, the divine, intelligence, love), gratitude for whatever happened, prayer, Heart/Jesus prayer, Christ meditation, tonglen, and giving it all over to Spirit. All of these happened very naturally.

Then, I got “sidetracked” by traditions and teachers with ideas of how things should be done.

And now, I am hoping to find back to a more natural and simple approach. For instance, giving it all over to the divine.

Notice. Notice what’s here – emotions, stories, the fear or wounds behind them.

Rest with what’s here. Take time resting with and as it.

Give it all over to Spirit. To the divine.

There is a beautiful simplicity in this. It’s a reminder that all is Spirit. And it doesn’t exclude any other approach or exploration.

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Giving it over III

 

When I give whatever is here over to God, it’s an invitation for a shift.

A shift of the center of gravity from beliefs and who I am, to what I am, and who I am realigning within that context.

Noticing that it’s all happening within and as what I am, there is a balance here too.

A balance between being a good steward of this human life, and recognizing it all as awakeness, presence, love and the divine.

Giving it over

 

Some ways I give it – whatever is here that’s untrue, that’s from beliefs – over to the divine.

I ask the divine/Christ how would you like me to be with you?

I hold satsang with the untrue (confused, wounded) parts of me, as they are here.

I fan the flame of my heart with attention, and bring myself and the untrue into the flame, allowing it to be seen through and burnt away by the divine, by it’s infinite love and wisdom.

I give it over to the divine/Christ, through intention and words. I invite the divine/Christ into the confused areas of my psyche, and to work on it from the inside.

I ask for support, guidance and willingness to invite in all of this, to surrender to it.

What’s really happening here is finding an intention to shift the center of gravity in how I relate to who I am and my life from the untrue – the beliefs, confusion, wounds, to what I am – to Big Mind/Heart/Belly. Another thing happening here is that I notice all of it, including the wounds and beliefs, as the divine. It was never not already the divine.

Writing it like this, it looks like I am very clear on this and consistently give whatever is here over to the divine. That’s not always the case. Sometimes, like the last few days, there is a lot of confusion here, and my willingness to give it all over to the divine is temporarily obscured. What I can ask for then is for guidance, support, and willingness.

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Giving it over to Christ

 

Giving it over to Christ. Experience what’s here and give it over to Christ.

That too is a form of inquiry, an experiment. What happens, what do I notice?

I notice some of the beliefs and fears not wanting to do it. The thoughts saying that something terrible will happen if I give it all over to Christ. I won’t be in control anymore. (And that I am in control if I don’t hand it over. That I can be in control. It’s possible to be in control.)

I notice the relief, the sense of coming home.

I notice I still function in everyday life as before, and perhaps from more heart and clarity.

I notice the relief in giving it all over, including what seems the most dense, and the most personal, the most like who and what I am.

I notice it’s a prayer, a meditation. It’s an intention to shift center of gravity from identified to non-identified mind, from being blindly caught up in beliefs to more clarity, from head to heart, from this human self to Christ. (And I notice how all those words seem very clunky, far from the utter simplicity and beauty of it.)

I notice it’s all already Christ, including confusion, frustration, dullness, brain fog, tiredness, anger, what mind takes to be mine, me and I. By giving it over to Christ, it’s easier to notice it’s already Christ.

I notice how it all – the whole field of experience without exceptions – seems more transparent, more alive as awakeness, presence, love.

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Giving it over, guidance, asking

 

During the initial awakening phase – the first ten years or so – it was easy, and in a sense inevitable, to…..

(a) Give it all over to the divine, to God, Christ: my whole life, any hangups, confusion, fears, identifications, and the present, past, future. This is really just setting an intention to shift the center of gravity from identification to that which is already not identified, from being caught in a very human confusion to shift into presence, love, awakeness.

(b) Follow my inner guidance, the quiet inner voice. This was strong, and I typically followed it in small and larger things.

(c) Trust in life, in Spirit, that what happens – however thoughts may label it – is the very best that possibly could happen.

(d) Being a good steward of my life. I studied  and worked very conscientiously, made a plan for my life, lived (mostly) in integrity, and so on.

Then, during the dark night of the soul, these went away. It all fell away and apart.

Now, there is an invitation to find back to it again, perhaps in a slightly different context. Less as a superman and more as an ordinary human being.

There may be another difference. Then, I said a very sincere “dangerous” prayer: Let me awaken fully, and live it fully in this life, no matter what it will cost.  And now, I wish for a more gentle and kind process, coming from a very ordinary kindness towards myself and those around me. And I also give that wish over to the divine.

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Invite God into what I thought was only mine

 

Another thing I keep noticing:

The relief when I invite God into what a thought (sometimes) says is only mine.

Into any sense of….. me and I, personal will, control, needs, desires, hopes and fears, memories, wounds, joy.

When I give this over to the divine, and invite the divine into it, there is a deep sense of relief, of coming home.

And it doesn’t mean I won’t do what seems kind and wise in my life. It’s just that the context around the sense of me and I and personal will etc. is different.

It’s held more lightly. It’s recognized as the divine. The divine – presence, love, awakeness – recognizes itself as that too.

Giving it over to the divine

 

A quick note about giving it over to the divine:

When I give it over to the divine – what’s here in experience, my life, body and mind, circumstances – there is a shift. I notice there is a release of the struggle. A feel for the divine qualities – Big Mind, Big Heart, Big Belly. There is a sense of transparency. There is a sense it’s processed within the divine, that there is a larger intelligence at work. There is a sense of trust, that it’s OK.

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Ho’oponopono

 

Over the last few days, I have explored ho’oponopono – or at least a practice inspired by it since I still don’t understand it very well.

Ho’o is a new and revised version of a traditional shamanic practice from Hawaii and other pacific islands, and as far as I understand, it’s essence is:

(a) to take complete responsibility for whatever happens in the world, and

(b) invite clearing of what creates it.

The recommended way of doing this is to find in myself what creates the situation, connect with it, and say: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.

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