Natural Rest, Love, and Healing

 

I am healing – from CFS, brain fog, (what looks like) PTSD, and many losses – and see that the next step for me is to meet what’s here with love. Meet the symptoms with love. And meet my reactions to it – mainly fear – with love.

I can do that through natural rest. Resting with the sensations, and the images and words. Allow and notice. And notice it’s all already allowed. This is a form of love. I can also ask simple questions about the sensations, images, and words, to clarify that that’s what they are, and clarify what they are not. This may support resting with what’s here.

I can do it through ho’oponopono with the symptoms and the fears.

I can do it through holding satsang with them. You are welcome here. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your love for me. What would satisfy you forever? What are you really? 

Waking up vs healing

 

Again, this is perhaps obvious, but also worth to notice and explore.

There is a difference between waking up, and healing.

Waking up is a recognition of what we are, that which this experience happens within and as. It can happen as a major and obvious shift, and it can happen in smaller ways over and over, and sometimes one and then the other. This awakening can happen through simple inquiry, or prayer, or different forms of meditation, or another practice, or even out of the blue.

Healing is a healing of who we are, this human being. This healing can happen through all of the ways we are familiar with…. therapy, bodywork, trauma work, and more. Mainly, it happens through love, often supported by some form of inquiry.

Awakening can support healing, and healing can support awakening.

Awakening can make it easier to find love for ourselves, and for our experience and life as it is.

And healing can make it easier for what we are to notice itself, since there are less wounds and trauma being triggered which easily brings in re-identification.

And awakening without healing, or healing without awakening, will always (?) feel a little incomplete.

Awakening without healing may still mean a life where wounds and trauma comes up, are triggered, and even lived from in a reactive way.

Healing without awakening may leave a sense of something missing, because something is missing. The recognition of what we really are, is missing.

Touch

 

Touch can be very comforting. We all (almost all?) know that from personal experience.

Touch – with presence and kindness – can not only support healing of emotions and the mind, but also physical healing.

This touch can be from an animal, another human, or even from ourselves in a pinch.

I was reminded the comfort of touch today during my first experience with oral surgery. It was a bit stressful, and I noticed my breath got deeper during the most intense phases. The nurse probably noticed the same, and put her hand on my shoulder during those times. It was very comforting, and my body and breath relaxed. It almost seemed that the body responded on its own, without going much through the conscious mind.

I have experienced and seen the same during TRE (Tension and Trauma Release Exercises) sessions. Here too, the body seems to relax when touched by someone else. Often, it’s just a hold on the shoulder or the feet. And the touch-relaxation connection seems to largely go outside of the conscious mind.

It’s similar with Breema. Here, the touch is deeply nurturing, and allows me – whether I am a practitioner or recipient – to find a deep sense of full, healing wholeness. A wholeness of myself and existence. This touch is guided by Breema’s Nine Principles, which – I assume – is an important reason why it’s so powerful.

Touch conveys our mental and physical state, and the recipient picks this up. That’s another thing I have noticed through Breema. Sometimes, almost any touch can feel welcome. And almost always, I definitely prefer touch that comes from a sense of presence, kindness, and a grounded, relaxed wholeness.

Regression

 

During the darkest phase of the dark night, there was a sense of going back to earlier periods of my life – all the way to infancy and before incarnation. Later, my system seemed to revisit childhood and teenage years. Memories, impulses, wounds, unlived wishes, all surfaced. Not surprisingly, I also acted on some of them – which sometimes was enjoyable (playful impulses), and sometimes painful for me and others (wounds, trauma).

For me, this has happened in the form of phases – of weeks or months or even years – where I have felt, and sometimes acted, like an infant, or child, or teenager. These days, I feel like I am in my late teens and early twenties. For others, I know that this may come in a gentler or less  all-consuming way.

In one sense, there is a regression any time we are caught in wounds, trauma, beliefs or identifications. We “go back” to when these dynamics were initially created. We feel, and sometimes act, as if we are five years old (or any other age when these dynamics initially were created).

Also, it seems that we can go back to earlier times in our own life as part of a healing process, or as part of a kundalini process.

And, really, there is no “regression” or going back in time. It’s all happening here and now, including any memories of the past, and any emotions, wounds, traumas, or unlived healthy impulses. Stories of regression can be a useful shorthand to communicate something, and it can also be misleading since it’s all here now.

(more…)

Love is the universal healer

 

Love is the universal healer.

If it doesn’t heal the situation (an illness, circumstances), it heals our relationship to it. And that’s the healing we all deeply crave.

Love can be a feeling, and this can be found through practices such as prayer, loving kindness, tonglen, ho’oponopono, Heart Prayer, Christ meditation, heart flame visualization, and more.

Love can also be independent of feeling, through a falling away of delusion, and Spirit recognizing itself as all there is. This love is a lived love, independent of fleeting feelings.

(more…)

Fixing, love, allowing, noticing

 

Some ways of relating to what’s here:

Fixing & Healing

I can wish to fix it, heal it.

This can come from a wish to avoid feeling what’s here, which in turn comes from assumptions about what’s here and what it means.

Or from love and noticing what’s here.

Love

I can find love for what’s here.

This is a medicine for a habit of resisting what’s here and see it as bad. Some tools include metta, tonglen, ho’oponopono, and the heart prayer.

I can notice it’s already love.

This is a medicine for not noticing what’s here as love. Any beliefs and reactive emotions are innocent, come from love, and are love. Also, consciousness and it’s content is love.

I can find myself as love, loving presence for what’s here.

A shift into finding myself as love, and the loving presence it’s happening within and as.

Allowing

I can allow what’s here.

A shift into allowing what’s here.

I can notice what’s here is already allowed.

It’s already allowed. It’s effortlessly here. Is it true it’s not already allowed? (Even this resistance?)

This can shift into finding myself as the allowing and what’s allowed.

This third option is what happens when the images, words and sensations making up an appearance of a doer and observer are recognized as images, words and sensations, and identification is released out of it and back into consciousness and all of its content. It’s a shift from relating to what’s here, to being it, being the whole field of consciousness. Or, more precisely, from appearing to be an observer and doer relating to what’s here, to the whole field of consciousness and it’s content noticing itself as just that.

(more…)

Love your enemies – as medicine

 

But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. – Matthew 5:44.

But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you. – Luke 6:27.

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. – Luke 6:35.

Love your enemies. It sounds like a should, but it’s really medicine. It’s a prescription for finding wholeness and well being of myself, which in turn benefits those around me.

Who or what are my enemies? It’s anything in my world I don’t like. Anything I see as undesirable, bad, that shouldn’t be there. It can be an emotion, pain, discomfort, a person, an illness, war, delusion, a political party, noise, or anything else.

How do I find love for it? I have found these helpful:

I wish you love. I wish you ease. (Loving Kindness, Metta).

Tonglen. Ho’oponopono.

Holding satsang with what’s here. (You are welcome here. Thank you  for protecting me. Thank you for your love for me. What would satisfy you forever? What are you really?)

All-inclusive gratitude practice. I am grateful for…. (Anything in my life, including and especially that which I don’t at first like.)

Placing myself in the heart flame. (When it’s something in me I perceive as an enemy.)

Christ meditation. Visualizing Christ at the seven points (in my heart, above and below me, in front and back of me, either side of me.) I sometimes also do this for others, and the Earth.

Inquiry into anything – any stories, perceptions, assumptions – that I use to close down my love for myself and others. Any stories of enemies. Any stories of love not being here. Any fearful stories about love.

What’s the effect of finding love for my enemies? For me, it’s a sense of wholeness and love for myself and others. A sense of coming home, and of deep well being and nurturing.

Why does this work? If life is love already, and we are life and love, then this is a way for us to come home to ourselves.

In a very real sense, love may be the medicine we are all looking for. If we had a choice, would chose to be free of a particular situation or illness, or find deep and genuine love for it? Perhaps a healing of our relationship to ourselves and the world is the healing we really wish for. (It’s not one or the other. We can find deep love for an illness, and still go to the doctor and follow her prescriptions. We can find deep love for a person, and still not allow him to hurt others if we can help it.)

Finding deep and genuine love for what’s here may even open up for our natural fearless wisdom and intelligence, allowing us to act with more kindness and clarity in the world.

(more…)

Highly sensitive

 

As part of a spiritual emergency, it’s common for people to be highly sensitive – to the energies of other people, places, the land, food and more.

I have certainly experienced my share of it.

There is a gift in this sensitivity, since it provides us guidance (what to do, what not to do), it can give us insights and inspiration (for writing, art), and it can help us help others.

It can also be very challenging – and even painful – at times.

Here are some things I have found helpful:

 Recognizing the difference between the sensitivity, and my reaction to or relationship with it. The sensitivity itself is OK. It’s my reaction to it that sometimes is stressful and painful (and it comes from my own wounding and unexamined assumptions).

Inquiring into my stories about what’s going on, including the trigger and what’s triggered. Help myself see more clearly what’s really going on.

Finding in myself what I see as “out there”. Owning it. Embracing it. Healing and finding my own wholeness as a human being.

Taking care of myself. Allowing myself to leave situations that feel uncomfortable, if that seems the most kind choice. (And owning that I am doing so at least partly because I am not quite healed and whole yet.) For instance, if I sit next to someone on the train whose energy triggers something in me, I give myself permission to stand up and go somewhere else.

Spending time in nature. Healing physically and emotionally. Finding nurturing environments, people, activities etc. Find grounding psychologically (healing, wholeness) and energetically (nature, gardening, tai chi etc.). Allowing the soul level to work on me – through prayer and meditation – infusing my human self and inviting it to heal and find its own wholeness.

Healing and forms of healing

 

I read some books by Matthew Manning in my teens, and they – along with other books by Fritjof Capra, Jes Bertelsen, Ken Wilber, Jung and others – helped shift my conscious worldview from a conventional atheistic and materialistic view to one that’s more open and embraces more.

Yesterday, I went to a healing circle with him in the neighborhood. It was powerful, and I still notice the effect in me.

Some things I noticed:

It seems that his healing happens mostly (?) in the part of the spectrum that’s closer to the physical. I saw and sensed a very strong (non-physical) light in and around us, and in me even now. He seemed very clear and straightforward, was clear that it may or may not work for any one person, and admitted that he doesn’t know how it works, and also that he doesn’t need to know.

It also reminded me of what’s available to me here. I see energies and auras. I can often pick up what’s going on medically with others. And I can invite in healing. For me, the healing seems to happen more towards the “Spirit” end of the spectrum, perhaps at the blueprint level. (That may be why, for me, distance doesn’t matter and it’s often easier to do it at a distance.) And that’s not any worse or better than any other form of healing.

Also, since my teens there has been a question for me here. I am most drawn to finding love for what’s here, and recognize it as love and Spirit, no matter what’s it’s called and how it appears in a conventional view – whether it’s what a thought may call illness, pain or something else. That is the real “healing”. And at the same time, not everyone is interested in it, and a temporary relief is also very valuable. And that means that inviting in healing in a conventional sense is beautiful too, especially when done with respect, after asking the person if it’s OK, and giving it all over to Spirit.

So, in a sense, there are several forms of healing.

(a) One is the healing of perception. It’s a healing of identifying with images and words. A healing of our tendency to identify with images and words. A finding of genuine love for this tendency. (Which releases identification.) Seeing through the dynamics of this tendency. This is addressed by any spiritual tradition, and also some forms of meditation and inquiry.

(b) Another is the healing of our stories of what’s going on. A healing of perception of wrong. This is addressed by different forms of inquiry, including the Living Inquiries, The Work, cognitive therapy and more.

(c) And yet another is healing of what may initially appear as the problem, the problem “out there”, such as physical illnesses, life circumstances and more.

Each of these have their place. They fit together. They address the apparent problem at different levels, and none is really more or less important than the other. It’s all a matter of what we are drawn to. For me, the two latter are not enough, so I am naturally drawn to include the first one. And for others, it’s sometimes the same, and sometimes different. And that’s OK. It’s all part of life’s diversity. It’s all part of Life (Spirit, God, Buddha Mind) exploring and experiencing itself in as much diversity as possible.

(more…)

Basic orientation and levels of healing

 

Nothing new here, but a meeting I was at a couple of days ago reminded me of it.

There are two basic – and often complimentary – orientations to healing:

(a) Removing or changing the apparent problem, such as an illness or situation in life. (Most medicine and some psychology.)

(b) Changing how we relate to it. (Some psychology, and practices such as yoga, Breema, meditation, inquiry etc.)

And there are – crudely speaking – three levels of healing:

(a) Treating symptoms.

(b) Treating intermediate causes. (Most psychology and medicine is here.)

(c) Inquiry into the dynamics and nature of the mind, eventually allowing identifications with parts of the content of awareness (images, thoughts) to release. (Some forms of meditation and inquiry.)

Jeff Foster: The trauma of healing

 

All healing involves trauma, the re-opening of old wounds. Healing does not always look or feel good, pretty or kind.

One of the most dangerous myths we have inherited is that healing is supposed to ‘feel good’. No. Sometimes our pain actually increases as the darkness emerges into the light. But the pain actually indicates that the healing process is intensifying, not stalling.

There is such a tendency in our culture to avoid suffering, distract ourselves from it, label it as ‘wrong’ or ‘negative’, meditate or medicate it away, prevent the experience of it (and of course there is great intelligence in this too!). Much of our Western medicine is geared towards the removal of symptoms, the calming of disruption, the numbing of chaos and the journey towards some socially acceptable idea of ‘normality’.

But sometimes, friends, we no longer have any interest in ‘returning to normal’! The ‘normal’ was the problem, not the solution! The status quo needed to shift. It was unstable and false.

Sometimes our fragile ‘normality’ needs to break open into chaos, the pain needs to be felt more fully, the heart needs to break open more intensely. This is not to destroy us, but to destroy inauthentic modes of being.

Suffering is not a punishment from a judgemental god, nor a mistake in a broken universe, nor evidence of our failure and unenlightened ignorance, but a profoundly alive spiritual teaching. Witness Jesus on the cross. The device of his torture became his ultimate invitation to healing – the rediscovery of his own unbreakable Presence prior to his human incarnation, prior to time itself. The crucifixion was the invitation to the rediscovery of God itself.

We are all on that cross with Jesus! The cross does not discriminate!

Consider the possibility that within your suffering you are being invited to let go, to ‘put away childish things’, to wake up from the dream of normality and embrace life in all its brokenness and wonder. To fall in love with where you are. To be here, now.

Let the winds blow, let the tempests rage, let all that is false be purified, let all that is dead remain dead, let life explode where you are. You are only being invited to a deeper healing, even though it feels like pain, even though the heart is tender and raw, even though you cannot yet feel your tomorrows.

God is here.

– Jeff Foster

Healing and identification

 

I keep being reminded of this too:

When there is a wound here, a few things can happen.

(a) There may be a healing of this wound. I meet it in satsang, recognize it as coming from love and being love, and find genuine and deep love for it.

(b) It may be revealed as something quite different. (i) I invite it to notice what it really is, and it may find itself as (what a thought may call) love and awakeness. (ii) I inquire into the painful stories creating the (appearance of a) wound, and find that what I thought happened didn’t.

(c) There may be a release of identification with the wound. (i) I see that the wounded part of me is just a part, and it becomes an object for me rather than something I am. (ii) I meet it in satsang, and again it becomes an object to me rather than what I am. Instead of me feeling deficient and trying to fill the hole through people or situations, I can meet this part of me and give it what it really wants.

Each of these address a different facet of the wound. Each is valuable. Each offers something different.

Note: It’s possible to see these as different levels or stages. I use “facets” since it seems to fit my experience better. One is not neccesarily before any of the other. They all go hand-in-hand. They each address something slightly different. (a) If there is only healing, the underlying assumptions may still be unquestioned. There is still something unresolved, and the underlying beliefs are still there and may or will be triggered again later. (c) If there is only a release of identification, the wounded part of us may still hunger for love, and it may still not recognize for itself what it really is. (b) If there is only inquiry, it may actually include healing/resolution and release of identification. It’s the approach that may include or lead to the two other ones.

Healing my images of the world

 

When I do ho’oponopono, tonglen, hold satsang with what I see in myself, others or the world, or pray for myself or others, what I do is heal my images of the world.

I invite in healing for my images of myself, others and the world.

For instance, I see what I imagine is fear in another, and hold satsang with it. You are welcome here. Thank you for protecting (me, the other). How would you like me to be with you? What would satisfy you forever? What are you really?

I find it’s already allowed (by life). I find how it comes from love, and is love. I find it’s innocence. I find that it already is Spirit.

And in that way, my images of it are healed. My images align a little closer to reality.

(more…)

Jami Sams: When we heal ourselves

 

When we heal ourselves, others are healed. When we nurture our dreams, we give birth to the dreams of humankind. When we walk as loving aspects of the Earth Mother, we become the fertile, life-giving Mothers of the Creative Force. When we honor our bodies, our health, and our emotional needs, we make space for our dreams to come into being. When we speak the truth from our healed hearts, we allow life abundant to continue on our Mother Planet.

—Jami Sams, The 13 Original Clan Mothers

(more…)

Healing

 

Two basic approaches to healing is (a) to fix the problem “out there” in the world, in the body, in the mind, and (b) to heal our relationship with it, and these are complementary.

What I find interesting is that in healing for others (through prayers, visualizations etc.), these two approaches can also be used.

(a) I can ask for healing of a specific ailment. This is how I used to do it, through connecting and then inviting in healing and shifts. It worked, and yet didn’t feel quite right. It comes from an assumption that I know what’s best for the other person, me, and the world. This can be remedied by asking for the “highest good” or “Your will be done”, although it doesn’t necessarily change the basic assumption that I know what’s best. (Which I – as thinking mind, as personality – clearly do not.)

(b) I can heal my (and our collective, cultural) relationship to it in myself. So, in relation to whatever the ailment or problem appears to be, whether physical, mental, social, or in any other area, I can explore the following:

You are welcome here.

I am sorry for having pushed you away. I am sorry for having seen you as wrong.

I love you.

And if it’s in the psyche (distress, anger, grief etc.):

Thank you for your protection of [the person]. Thank you for your deep devotion to [the person]. Thank you for your deep love for [the person].

No matter what it is, I can invite it to a dialog:

How would you like to be met by me?

What is your function?

Who are you really? (Inviting it to notice itself through it’s layers: as a label, sensations, devotion, love, presence, awakeness.)

It is, as Pamela Wilson says, as holding satsang with what’s here, in this case the appearance ailment or problem. Meet it with respect, appreciation, love, understanding.

Not needing it to be anything different from how it is. Not needing it to go away or stay.

And if something comes up in me as I explore this – any desire for it to change, any hesitation, any fears – then that can be met in this way too.

As I meet something and recognize it’s complete innocence and love, it doesn’t have to change. How I relate to it changes. And that, sometimes, allows it to shift and move on, within its freedom to stay or shift.

Scanning my body

 

In scanning my body, I notice….

My legs seems more “fuzzy” than the rest, perhaps because I haven’t paid much attention to my legs recently when I have scanned and invited in healing.

There is a sense of fullness and energy in my belly area.

There is a “break” in the energy in the diaphragm area, and less energy in the chest and higher up.

There is another “break” at the base of the scull/top two vertebrae.

My head, and especially the top of the head, feels almost absent energy wise.

In scanning, I notice what’s there, and invite in the divine/Christ to do what wisdom and love would do, invite in healing guided by the infinite wisdom and love of the divine/Christ presence. I sometimes also imagine/see the Christ presence inside of every cell and every atom and molecule, doing what infinite love and wisdom would do.

I also see that it makes sense that the head feels “absent” or “empty” energy wise. It’s temporarily “shut down” to bring attention to the belly.

The sweetness of images surfacing to find liberation vs ego coming back with a vengeance

 

After an opening or awakening, it seems common to have a phase where confused parts of us surface to align more consciously with reality.

More precisely, images and thoughts still held as true surface to find liberation from being taken as true. And thoughts may label what’s surfacing as wounds, hangups, neediness, trauma, and so on.

It’s a natural and beautiful process. And, depending on how it’s met, it can be sweet and relatively peaceful, or it can be experienced as confusing, dramatic, and painful. For me, as for many others, it’s one or the other at different times.

And how we meet it depends on how we understand or view what’s happening. It depends on what images and stories come up to help explain it, and how tightly we hold onto those stories.

I sometimes hear people talking about this process using words such as the ego is coming back with a vengeance, the ego is fighting for it’s life, and even labeling what surfaces as our human garbage. I understand how it can be seen that way. And for me, those stories feel quite painful if I try them on. If I hold onto these images as true, I make what’s happening into an enemy for myself, and there is struggle and discomfort. Something else is more true for me, and more peaceful. It’s a call for love.

(more…)

Reflections on inviting in healing

 

Since I have been graced with the gift of inviting in healing for others, and it seems to be quite effective, I have been curious about what’s going on here.

What’s been clear from the beginning is that it’s God that allows for the healing.

This can be done believing that there is a me and I here inviting in healing for another. Or it can be clear that it’s all happening within and as my own world of images, and as awakeness. (Some folks would say it’s God inviting in healing for itself, through the appearance of a human being here asking for healing for another human being.) It’s all happening within my world of images, it’s all happening within and as awakeness: The perceived problem, the asking, one person asking on behalf of another, the perceived healing.

Also, what’s the focus for the healing? One way is to invite the illness itself to heal. When I did this, it felt off. It rests on a series of assumptions, and these may not be as true as they initially appear. Another is to invite in healing for my relationship with the illness or perceived problem. Right now, this feels more comfortable.

When emotions or images surface in me, and I notice a tendency to push them away, I see that something else is more true for me.

(Can I find where it’s already allowed? Where it’s already welcomed by life, awareness? Can I find where I wish to consciously align with this reality? If so, then….)

You are welcome here. You are allowed to stay, as you are.

(Can I find where I have pushed it away? Where I have made it into an enemy in mind? If so, then….)

Please forgive me for having pushed you away for so long. Please forgive me for having made you into an enemy in my mind.

(Can I find where it’s devoted to me? Where it’s love? Where it’s worried love? If so, then….)

Thank you for being here for me. Thank you for your devotion to me. Thank you for your love.

(Can I find where it’s from love? Where it’s love? Can I find my love for it? If so, then….)

I love you. I love you for being there for me. I love you for your devotion for me. I love you, for no reason.

When I do this for what surfaces in me, I find that this is the love these parts of me seek. The welcome and love I find for what surfaces is the love I seek for myself. Something falls into place. And it’s all from seeing what’s already here.

So why not see if I can find the same when I see discomfort, suffering or illness in others? Why not meet that the same way?

Whether a thought says this is emotion or image is mine, or that illness and suffering is his or hers, why not see what happens if I welcome it. If I find where I am genuinely sorry for having pushed it away, made it into an enemy. If I thank it. If I find my genuine love for it.

The “old” way of doing healing – perceiving separate beings and a problem out there to be fixed – doesn’t seem to work for me anymore. It’s not true for me, and never was. This approach feels much more peaceful for me, it seems to be the next step for me. And – so far – it even seems to “work” in terms of inviting in healing in a conventional sense. And it happens in a much more peaceful way, a way that feels more honest for me.

(more…)

Healing my relationship with what’s here

 

I’ll make this simple too:

It seems I have been gifted with the ability to identify – at least to some extent – what’s going on for another, and also invite in resolution and healing. And I haven’t used it much, other than in emergencies, because it’s always felt a bit off. And the reason it’s felt a bit off is quite simple: Who am I to say that what I see as healing and resolution is better than what’s here? Who am I to say it’s better than what we call pain, discomfort, illness?

So instead, why not find healing for my relationship to what’s here? Instead of healing what’s here, why not invite healing for my relationship to it?

Last night, I was asked to check in with a cat and possibly do healing, and today, I was asked to do the same for human belly cramps and headache. So instead of of I have done in the past – checking in, find curiosity for the path of resolution leading to healing, and inviting in and supporting that path – I did something else.

I checked in, got a sense of what was going on, and found where the following already is true for me in how I relate to this discomfort, pain, and illness:

You are welcome here. You are welcome here, as you are.

I am sorry for having pushed you away, for having made you into an enemy in my mind.

Please forgive me.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for supporting him (her). Thank you for coming from love.

I love you.

This comes from a recognition that all already is Spirit and Love. It’s God’s will, God’s love, and it is God and Love. And our discomfort and suffering comes from our relationship with what’s here, our struggle and making it into an enemy in our mind.

So by inviting in a healing of my relationship with it, something shifts. And, for me, the only comfortable way of doing it is to be very honest, very real.

Can I find where it’s already allowed, already welcomed (by existence, by God, by life, by awakeness)? Can I find where I genuinely welcome it?

Can I find where I am sorry for having pushed it away for so long? Can I find where I am sorry for having made it into an enemy in my mind?

Can I find where I genuine wish to ask for forgiveness?

Can I find where it – whatever I made into an enemy – comes from and is love? Where I am sincerely grateful for it being here?

Can I find my genuine love for it, as it is?

Inviting a shift in my relationship with the discomfort, pain, illness, may or may not be followed by a shift in the discomfort, pain, and illness itself. There are many reasons for this. Discomfort is created entirely from how I relate to it, from making it into an enemy in my mind. A significant part of pain is similarly created from how I relate to it, from making it into an enemy, holding onto my images and thoughts about it as solid and real. Even illness may shift as my relationship with it changes. As someone said, what we resist persist.

And if I notice a very natural impulse for the discomfort, pain or illness itself to change, can I welcome that too? Can I see where this impulse comes from love? Where it’s devoted to me, to my well being?

You are welcome here. Thank you for being here. Thank you for your devotion to me. Thank you for your love for me. I love you.

(more…)

Side effects

 

I usually don’t talk about the bells and whistles that may go along with a process of Spirit noticing itself through a human life. And I also notice it doesn’t feel right to always leave it out, especially since someone may go through those things, happen upon this blog, and benefit from knowing it’s not uncommon at all.

So I’ll say a few things about my experiences here.

Initial opening/awakening phase. During this phase, several things happened. First, for about a year, there was a sense of being absorbed into the witness. The center of gravity shifted into the witness and (seemingly) away from what was witnessed, the content of awareness. This was quite disturbing in a sense, since I had no idea what was going on. I was a die-hard atheist at the time with no interest in Spirituality or God. I even went to the doctor to have tests to see if we could figure out what was going on. (I was 15 at the time.)

Then, there was a shift into Spirit recognizing itself as everything there is, with no exception. Some time into this, I remember sitting in the garden reading a book, looking up at the sky and the trees, and noticing a shine around the leaves on the tree above me. For a while, I thought it was some sort of optical illusion, until I – reluctantly (!) – realized it must be the energy field or aura of the tree. I then saw it in and around everything – inanimate objects (a simple aura at the global level), plants (an aura reflecting the aliveness of the plants), animals (more alive/complex aura) and humans (again more complex). Seeing this energy field in and around everything was yet another reminded that all is Spirit, all is God, all is awareness/awakeness. Along with this came what I later heard was called medical intuition, and the possibility of inviting in healing (getting a sense of what was going on, where it wanted to move to find healing, and inviting in changes at the “blueprint” level of the organism or being.)

Seeing auras has been helpful in seeing where spiritual teachers are at, how and in what way Spirit is awake to itself there. And I haven’t done much with the medical intuition/healing bit, mostly because I rarely talked about it so few asked for it, and also because it was clear that the cause/origin of illness or discomfort is at the level of how we relate to thought, so my interest instead went to different forms of meditation and inquiry.

During this phase, there were also a constant stream of synchronicities, often so others notice as well, and again as another reminder that all is Spirit. It’s a seamless whole, and movements within this whole appears as synchronicities. This too continues.

Diksha. I’ll mention another episode here that may be of interest. Some years back, I explored diksha. My memory of this is a bit fuzzy, so I’ll just mention a few things here. As I stood up after the initial session, there was a sense of something trickling from my head down the body, and of the body becoming translucent. This was followed by some days of a splitting and intense headache. A few days later, I walked in a forest (I was on a sustainability retreat) at night in the pitch dark, seeing the vegetation lit up and the path dark so it was easy to find my way (seeing all as energy was amplified). My companion could see anything and was surprised I could find my way.

A few days later, I was on my bed listening to the radio (Car Talk!) and my body started moving, twisting and shaking. The mechanism that connects intention and movement seemed disconnected, so there was just an observing of what was happening. This went on for 20 minutes or so. Again a few days later, “I” woke up in the middle of the night during a thunder storm, and there was just awareness and what was happening, with no awareness of anybody that this experience belonged to. After a few minutes, there was awareness of a body in the bed, and slowly and gradually, a thought that this awareness somehow was connected to this body, and then gradually a remembering that this was a human and more specific information.

During this time, attention became very stable during meditation. For instance, I would have on music to explore how thoughts tie together images of past, future and present, and it all fell apart. There was just sound, and not even that label, and nothing to tie images/memories of past, present and future sound into what could be called “music”. When I tried the indestructible crash helmet headless experiment, any sense of “I” fell away – apart from as an image not identified with anymore – and this lasted for about six months. My daily life went on as before, just without any possibility of identifying as an I. And this was followed by health problems and a quite dark dark night, showing me what was left at the human level.

Notes. These types of things seem quite ordinary and common in such a process. For some, it happens to a great extent. For others, almost not at all. And for most, it happens  during certain phases and less at other times. I suspect it’s just part of the mechanics of the process. Some of it – auras, synchronicities – is a reminder that all is Spirit. And some of it shows me what’s left. It brings up thoughts and beliefs, I get to see them, and can take them to inquiry. I may think it’s special, or that “I” am special, or it means something special. I may think that others will see me as weird, that it’s better to not say anything about it. I may think it means something is going right, or that something is wrong. And I am invited to question those thoughts, and find what’s more true for me.

Thrown out of paradise

 

 And the Lord God said, “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.”  So the Lord God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken.  After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.
– Genesis 3:22-24

Adam and Eve ate the apple, gained knowledge of good and evil, and were thrown out of paradise.

For me, an image (a memory, a flashback?) has come up since childhood from before incarnation. It was all love and a deep sense of contentment and home, and it was conveyed to me that it was time for me to incarnate again. I experienced it as being thrown out of paradise.

And, of course, I do it to myself. I believe thoughts, block awareness of love, and this is experienced as being thrown out of paradise.

The story from genesis reflects this quite accurately. There is a thought of good and evil, it’s taken as true, this blocks awareness of love, and I am – in my own experience – thrown out of paradise.

Healing and finding clarity is all about this for me now: Finding those parts of me, those situations, where I threw myself out of paradise, where I blocked my awareness of love. Find love there again, see it’s already love, was already love – feel it, allow it to sink in. And note and inquire into my thoughts at the time, the ones I took as true and which blocked my awareness of love at the time.

(more…)

Heartache

 

I have heartache coming up these days, and it’s been that way for a while. It may have been triggered by the TRE, inquiry and/or the dark night, or perhaps just a wish and receptivity for a deeper healing. In the end, it’s just life itself wishing it to be seen, felt and loved, seeking for old wounds to heal and beliefs to unravel.

It seems to come from very early childhood experiences. There is an image of lying in a crib, alone in a dark room, and beliefs such as nobody loves me, I am abandoned, I am alone, I am lost, I will die, something terrible has happened.

(more…)

Wholeness

 

Heal (v). O.E. hælan “cure; save; make whole, sound and well,” from P.Gmc. *hailjan (cf. O.S. helian, O.N. heila, O.Fris. hela, Du. helen, Ger. heilen, Goth. ga-hailjan “to heal, cure”), lit. “to make whole”

The meaning of the word heal is to make whole.

How am I made whole, in my own experience?

I find wholeness through noticing the wholeness that’s already here. I can ask myself, is it true the wholeness I am seeking is not already here? 

I can also engage in activities that may help me notice the wholeness that’s here – a walk in nature, inquiry, Breema, TRE, a nurturing conversation with a friend.

Through this, I notice that the noticing or experience of wholeness can come into the foreground even in the midst of illness, unease or confusion. Wholeness can and does coexist with whatever is here.

There is also another way I can find wholeness, and that is through the “creation” of wholeness. I can take medicines, receive surgery, do therapy and so on, and in all these ways my body-mind may find healing and integration in a conventional sense.

The noticing of wholeness is at the level of what I am (that which all experience happens within/as) and also at the level of who I am (this human self). And the creation of wholeness/healing is at the level of who I am.

(more…)

The process is endless, so what happens when it’s identified with?

 

Healing, digesting, maturing, clarifying and maturing at the human level is endless, an ongoing process.

What happens when I identify with this?

There is an equally endless process of hope for resolution, struggle, disappointment etc.

How would it be without this identification?

It’s seen as happening on it’s own, it’s all the life processes unfolding.

(more…)

A visualization from Anthony de Mello

 

Suppose I return to a scene that causes me much distress. An event that brought me humiliation, like a public rebuke, or one that brought me great pain, like the death of a friend. I relive the whole event, in all its painful detail. I feel once more the pain, the loss, the humiliation, the bitterness. This time, however, Jesus is there. What role is he playing? Is he a comforter and strengthener? Is he the one who is causing me this pain and loss? I interact with him, just as I did with the other persons in that event. I seek strength from him, an explanation of what I don’t understand; I seek a meaning to the whole event.

What is the purpose of this exercise? It is what some people call the healing of memories. There are memories that keep rankling within us — situations in our past life that have remained unresolved and continue to stir within us. This constitutes a perpetual wound that in some ways hampers us from plunging more fully into life, that sometimes seriously handicaps us in our ability to cope with life. [….]

It is important for our personal growth, both spiritual and emotional, that we resolve these unresolved situations that keep rankling within us. When we relive them in the company of Christ, again and again, if need be, we will notice that a new meaning comes into them, that the sting goes out of them, that we can now return to them without any emotional upset; in fact, that we can even return to them now with a sense of gratitude to God, who planned these events for some purpose that will rebound to our benefit and to his glory. This form of prayer is good therapy and good spirituality.

An excerpt from Contact with God by Anthony de Mello.

(more…)

The cat’s purr

 

A quick thought:

As I become more familiar with shaking, I get to know through own experience how it’s one of the ways my system heals and restores itself. It shakes out tension, looses muscles and ligaments, restructures itself at the skeletal level, improves blood flow, and by reducing the tension level in the body allows a deeper relaxation, reduces most symptoms, supports healing and makes more energy available. Although I don’t experience it directly, I also assume it aids the function of the internal organs – through healing connective tissues and improving blood flow.

It’s comforting, feels good, makes me trust and become more familiar with the intelligence of the body, and shifts me into experiencing myself as an animal in a good way.

Other mammals shake out tension in a similar way, especially after stressful events, and I wonder if not cats have figured out an additional and similar way to heal themselves – through purring.

It obviously has a social function. It is most likely as comforting for the cat as it is for us when we experience it indirectly. And it may also have an important healing and restoring function for the cat, in the ways described above and more.

(more…)

Gentle exercise, and gradual capacity building

 

These days, medical doctors often recommend gentle exercise to support recovery after injury.

And that seems to be sound general advice, whether it is recovering from an illness or injury, healing psychologically from phobias or traumas, or developing skills in just about any area of life – including inquiry or meditation practice.

Use gentle exercise and gradual capacity building, gradually expand what you are able to do. Combine it with rest, and periods of more vigorous exercise when you are ready and find enjoyment in it.

(more…)

Healing and maturing beyond the mirror

 

Exploring the world as a mirror is a great way to invite in maturing and healing. I see dynamics or characteristics in others, and see, feel and eventually find appreciation for it in myself.

The next step – going beyond the mirror – is equally interesting, and takes the maturing and healing to another level.

I notice that my world is my own world of images. The overlay of images on pure perception that makes sense of the world. The overlay that filters, interprets, sets imagined boundaries, imagined labels and so on. That is what creates my world.

So maturing and healing has to happen there too, in that world of images. It is, in a quite literal sense, a healing and maturing of those images.

As I notice that – in immediacy, as it happens – there is already an invitation for healing and maturing.

And as I work with it further – through inquiry, visualization, prayer and so on – there is an invitation for even further healing and maturing.

And even an invitation for what I am to notice itself more clearly, to become familiar with itself, for the center of gravity of what I take myself to be to shift into what already is.

(more…)