Dream: Back in the town where I first lived

 

I am with my partner in Kristiansand, a coastal town further south in Norway. We are there for a workshop. We get separated briefly and I find an amazing bookstore for graphic novels, on par with anything I have found in the US. Walking down the main street, I start having recollections. I know this place. I then remember that I was born in this town and lived here until I was one. Behind some white arches, I remember there was a toy store I loved and was inside of a few times. I find my partner again and excitedly tell her that I remember living my first year in this town.

In waking life, I was born in Oslo, not Kristiansand. The workshop may have been a distance Vortex Healing class, with people from Norway gathered in the same place for the sake of community. The night before this dream, I looked at art made by a friend (FB) who grew up in this town, and I also passed by the town earlier this summer. The graphic novel store and toy store has to do with childhood and youth. My friend was someone I met as I transitioned to (some kind of) adulthood and he always had a youthful enthusiasm tempered with knowing what it takes to get things done.

The theme of this dream was healing (the class) and remembering early life. There was an excitement and sense of youthfulness in the dream.

When I explore my early life, one aspect is looking at situations that created emotional issues, and the other is reconnecting with youthful enthusiasm and the sense that the world is a wide open place.


Note: When I say “created emotional issues”, it’s more accurate to say “situations where my mind responded, in order to protect this human self, with creating what we call emotional issues”.

Dream: Solving a mystery in the basement of a church

 

I am in the basement of an old church with a group of friends. It’s open to the outside and a river runs by it. We are solving a mystery through what we find there, including some bones (not human) in the ground.

After this, I am driving an old truck with my friend Nick R. We see signs of a flood that has now receded.

Closer to center of town, I am with my partner in a room. She is trying out different outfits for a costume party: Rachel from Bladerunner, hippie, and she settles for a classic look.

The church is the oldest building in the area. We are in the basement, looking around, digging and finding things in the soil. And we are solving some mysteries. This may reflect me exploring and learning more about my own old issues from early in life.

I was with my partner and a group of good friends. It may reflect that I am in a kind of community when it comes to this type of explorations – with my partner and friends. And it may also reflect that an inner community is part of these explorations.

Nick R. is a friend I met through permaculture and was there in the two first segments of the dream. He is warm, earthy, spiritual, wise, and I consider him a good friend.

This is after a flood. Two days ago, I had a controlled meltdown where I allowed myself to be flooded – to some extent – with whatever emotions came up (hopelessness, anger etc.). Sometimes, it’s important to have these controlled meltdowns and I have felt more clear after.

My partner is trying on outfits and settles on something classic. This happened the day before when she looked at different dresses online and she / we settled on a classic one.

Dream: Robbed my famous Danish artists

 

I return home and see the door open and a group of Danes there. I realize they are robbing my place and talk to them and explain my situation. (My health situation, don’t have much income and only the most necessary belongings etc.) The ones I talk with seem to understand and they return some of what they have taken. After they leave, the neighbors over me say they recognized one of the men as a famous artist and the others as part of the community around him. I also talk to someone who recognized them because he has studied and written about their art. He tells me who they are but is not willing to testify. As he leaves, the art scholar points to a painting that hangs in a gallery across from my place. It’s large and is a kind of ice berg made up of colorful cubes.

Earlier in the dream, I live somewhere else than I do in waking life, perhaps somewhere in Europe. When I return home and find them in the process of robbing my place, it’s where I live in waking life. And when I talk with the neighbor and the art scholar and writer, it’s in Denmark, probably Copenhagen. The painting is good but not the type of art I resonate with them most.

My home is robbed by artists. They haven’t taken much, and they return some before they leave. They seem reasonable and friendly enough. I get the impression they have some anger against the ones they perceive as bourgeoisie. When I talk with them, they realize I don’t really fit into that category as they see it, so they soften a bit.

Also, it’s interesting that artists rob me since I was an artist in my late teen and early twenties, thought that would be my life path, and have some moments of slight discomfort when I remember and what may have been.

As I am about to wake out of the dream, I sense that it’s the artist parts of me that are resentful because they are rarely in use in my life now. They rob me to get attention. I didn’t get the sense that they robbed me because they needed to. It was more out of resentment of the person they thought I was – more bourgeoisie.

I wish to bring the artist parts of me more out and in use. And I am aware that I appear more bourgeoisie – in clothing and otherwise – than I am.

When we are authentic, we natural straddle the conventional and the more unconventional and even radical.

Dream: Grant Imahara

 

I am at a builders fair and stand in line to talk with Grant Imahara. He recognizes me since we worked together on Mythbusters, and smiles. (I was a writer/researcher on Mythbusters.) After greeting each other, I tell him I have an adopted son, we would like to get into robotics, and I ask him for advice for how to best start. He tells me about a good starter kit. As I leave, I see he is visibly moved and I see a tear falling from one of his eyes. I wonder if he is moved because he recently died. Later, I buy the kit with different small robots that can be rebuilt and programmed, and realize it’s easier to get started than I thought.

This is an odd dream, although dreams often are. I obviously never worked on Mythbusters, although if I did it probably would be in that type of position. I like Grant Imahara and identify with him in some ways, and he did recently die. And I don’t have an adopted son, although I sometimes have wanted children and that kind of family life. In the dream, Grant is moved and I see a tear, and I wonder why he is moved. It may be because he died.

The dream may be a reminder of appreciating my life even more. From the perspective of one who has died, this life is amazing. From the perspective of someone who has died, my life is amazing, even if it’s sometimes difficult and I sometimes wish it was different.

That seems to be one essence in the dream. The dream-maker in me may have used him since he recently died and I can see myself in him, and the setting may have been to make sense of meeting him and he having a connection with me.

All parts of any dream is created by my mind and represent parts of me. So what does Grant Imahara represent? To me, he has a childlike enthusiasm and friendliness, and this is a part of me that I feel I somewhat lost connection with because of my recent health and life situation, and the way I have responded to it. This part of me has died, but is somehow still alive, and may be sad because I lost connection with it.

The son may be a new part of me that I am going to teach something to, or learn something with.

I’ll stay with the the dream and see if something else comes up.

Pandemic dream: out among people as before and thinking I need to be more careful

 

I am out among people, talking with them, and being physically close to several. During these interactions, I keep thinking to myself: It’s a pandemic, I need to be more careful. How is it possible that I am so close to these people and none of us seem to remember the pandemic precautions?

I remember two or three of these types of dreams since the pandemic precautions started in Europe in March. I haven’t written them down here since they seem relatively self-explanatory.

In waking life, I am cautious about preventing spread of the infection, and the dream reflects some natural cautiousness and slight worry in me around it. It seems similar to the classic going-out-of-the-house-without-pants type of dreams.

Although the dream itself is perhaps not so interesting, I thought I would write it down here in case someone after the pandemic is curious about pandemic dreams. Or perhaps someone out there now or later is searching out pandemic dreams for some research purpose! It would be an interesting topic for research.

Dream: adventures with my partner

 

Gailynn is teaching a two or three day language class. It’s in Oslo and I am attending it with Ale – my partner – and a small group of others. At some point, Gailynn sits down with me to show me something.

During a break, Ale takes me on a tour of Oslo. It’s amazing and we have a very beautiful time together. She takes me to small interesting markets and stores, and then two rides that go high up and then down again, one inside of a beautiful library.

Although I thought we were just on a long lunch break, Ale informs me with a smile that the class has ended.

I thank her for taking me to do things I would never have done on my own.

At some point, I realize I have lost my messenger bag and wallet, and have trouble remembering when I last had it and where I have been.

My partner sits down and makes me several small drawings. They are amazingly beautiful and I am very touched.

Then I realize I somehow have my bag and wallet. I am not sure if I lost them and they came back to me, or if I never had lost them.

Gailynn is a Vortex Healing teacher and my partner and I did take a class with her a couple of weeks ago. This class is a language class, but it’s not a regular human language. It’s a class about learning a different way to communicate.

For some reason, Ale seems far more familiar with Oslo and its hidden gems than I am, even if I have lived there for a while and she has not. She takes me on an amazing tour.

In waking life, I have some fear of heights. Ale takes me on two rides – kind of elevators – that go high up and then down again, one inside of a beautiful library. We go up in a small cabin with a few other people, it goes up perhaps 10-20 meters inside the large main space of the building, and as we go down my sight shimmer and shift. I realize that although I have some fear of heights, I enjoyed the ride immensely. I am grateful for my partner for taking me on these rides I would have done on my own.

My bag is missing, and then refound – or perhaps it never went missing. She makes a series of small drawings for me, and I am amazed how quickly she did it and how beautiful they are.

Some of themes here are: learning a new way to communicate, being taken on new adventures, shared and beautiful experiences, refinding something valuable to me I thought was lost, and being given a very beautiful, personal, and soulful gift.

Dream: A spiritual guide and joining the inner and outer

 

A spiritual guide is with my partner and I. He or she shows us what’s in us that we see in ourselves, what’s in us that we see in the world, and how we can see all of it in ourselves. We see a symbol with an outline of us, and two circles in each of us, one representing what we already see in ourselves and the other what’s in us that we see in the world.

This is one of the dreams that spells things out quite clearly. We each have two circles in us, one representing what we see in ourselves and “own” as our own, and the other representing what we see in the world that’s also in us but we may not be aware (yet) as being in. The guide helped us see both in ourselves.

Why would I have this dream? At a conscious level, I know it’s this way. And yet, last night I got caught up in some inner drama where I “forgot” it. The situation I had a struggle with mirrors something in me.

Why is the dream about me and my partner? Perhaps because the situation that triggered me last night also triggered her in a similar way, and it’s a shared situation for us. In a sense, the dream is for us both.

The stories I have about this outer situation also fit and describe me, and it helps me to examine it more in detail and find specific examples of how it’s true. I can use the outer situation to find in myself what I see there.

In my dream, the spiritual guide was a large figure without any clear features, and it was neither female or male and also had characteristics of both.

I should also mention that this is an example of the more explicit dreams I have written about before. During the first few years when I was really into Jung (in my teens and early twenties), I would have typical Jungian dreams. Then, I asked the dream-maker in me to sometimes skip the symbolism and make the dreams more explicit, and that’s what largely happened.

Dream: Taming a tiger

 

I am supposed to tame a huge tiger roaming around in the corridors of a hotel. It’s being filmed for a TV show and I am one in a series of people tasked to tame it. When I see the regular hotel guests going about their business and not worrying about the tiger, I start to wonder if it’s not as dangerous as I initially thought.

I have had several strong dreams over the last few days, perhaps because I have been in Vortex Healing classes, although I only remember fragments.

In this dream, I am supposed to tame and capture a huge tiger roaming around in a hotel, and then realize the guests are not worried about it so perhaps I also don’t need to worry too much. The tiger may represent something primal, vital, and powerful in me, which I am scared of and then realize I don’t need to be.

Update

Later in the day, my partner sent me this without realizing it was connected to my dream:

The beast is instinct. Nothing more than that. To let the beast act is to let instinct work. What relationship do you have with your instinct, how do you relate to your instinct, what does your instinct ask of you? Our instinct is Divinity itself.

In the dream, the tiger represents my animal side and instinct, and it showed me that there is nothing to fear there. It’s powerful, beautiful, and easily co-exists with people.

One of the last dream images is of a small woman needing to enter a door, the tiger was inadvertently blocking the door, so she unceremoniously pushed it away and went through the door. She was obviously not concerned, so why should I?

I was much more connected with my instinct in my late teens and early twenties, and when I got married there was less place for it. I abandoned it, which was traumatic for me. And now, it’s time to connect more wholeheartedly with it again.

Dream: On a stage, forgetting everything

 

I am on a stage with several others, and we will take turns leading a large group of people in meditation or healing or both. I have forgotten everything and I feel uncomfortable and a bit scared.

Then I realize that what I can forget is the techniques and phrases. What this is really about is what I am and what we all are, and that’s here and not forgotten. If I notice and trust that, I am OK.

All I need to do is helping others notice it for themselves.

Also, it’s OK to just be myself as I am, I don’t need to pretend or try to live up to an image. Healing and awakening is about being who and what we are – as we are.

One part of this dream interprets itself. In my daily life, and when I write or talk about these things, how would it be to rely less on memory and techniques and more on what’s alive for me here and now? Both will be here, so why not shift a bit more in the direction of relying on what comes to me and is alive for me?

It doesn’t need to look like it has in the past.

It helps to remember that healing and awakening is about noticing what’s already here. I don’t need to invent anything. I don’t need to convince anyone about anything. All I need to do is help people discover it for themselves. I serve as a reminder and pointer, and that’s all that’s needed.

Also, how is it to remind myself that it’s OK for me to be as I am. I don’t need to live up to an image. Sometimes, I stop myself from going into certain roles because I feel I don’t have the charisma or official credentials or whatever else I imagine is required. But it’s not that way. Who we are, in addition to some experience and empathy and intellectual honesty, is often sufficient.

Another thing was clear to me in the dream. I felt I didn’t have much to contribute and didn’t feel comfortable up in a stage telling people what to do. Apart from working on this as an issue and identity, there is a similar solution.

When I remind myself that all I can do is help people notice what’s already here, and what they already are, it’s simpler. I am not telling people anything they need to take my word for. I am inviting them to find it for themselves.

This dream also reminds me how my dreams have changed over time. In my teens and early twenties, when I was immersed in Jung and his apporach to finding wholeness and working with dreams, I had typical Jungian and archetypal dreams. (If I had been into Freud, perhaps I would have had more Freudian dreams.)

At some point, I asked the dream-maker in me to make the message more clear and explicit in my dreams, and the dreams since have tended to be more simple, clear, and explicit.

Dream: Swimming underwater indefinitely in a deep and clear pool

 

I am with my partner in a small town. It’s a place where I used to live, perhaps in Devon (?), and it’s fun to revisit places I knew and see how some have changed and some have not.

We are then in a very large swimming pool. It’s perhaps fifty meters deep and the water is crystal clear and filled with a clear light and sunshine. I realize I can be underwater indefinitely. I swim twenty or thirty meters below the surface and see the others closer to the surface or on the surface. After a while, I decide to come up so they won’t wonder what happened to me. A swimming instructor is impressed and happy on my behalf.

The first part of this dream is similar to other recent dreams of being part of and exploring a community that’s interesting and has a rich feel to it. Here, I am visiting a place where I used to live.

The pool is deep with crystal clear water and a clear light shining through it. There isn’t really any sense of up or down in the pool. It’s all just water and I feel completely at home. I can swim under water indefinitely without any problem.

This second part of this dream is very similar to another recent dream.

I wonder if these dreams have to do with feeling comfortable going deep in the emotions. That has been a focus for my explorations recently. Especially recognizing the physical aspect of the sensations as flavors of the divine, bringing Divine Mother / Divine Father into it, and exploring it through dialog and Living Inquiries.

I wrote more about this in the comments about the previous dream so won’t go into it here.

Some associations:

When I woke up, I remembered the spacious crystal clear light I now sense where I live. Two days ago, a senior Vortex Healing practitioner put a Divine Door in the place, and it has brought in a sense of crystal clear spacious light very similar to the dream.

I also remember an experience in my waking life when I was around ten or twelve years old. I swam underwater in our local public swimming pool, and noticed I could keep swimming back and forth in the lane without needing air. At some point, after swimming for several minutes, I got up since I thought it was weird I could just keep going without breathing.

And one of my favorite movies several years ago was The Big Blue (Le Grand Bleu). I still love much about it and free-diving has always been a fascination for me and something I want to dive into more fully.

Dream: Interesting gathering

 

I am with my partner at a very interesting festival, perhaps in San Francisco. It has many different areas with very different focus and feel. One is like an old English village with many small speciality shops, including an amazing bookstore. A man shouts my name and it turns out to be a well-known Norwegian newscaster who was a friend of my father. We have a warm and good conversation and I bring my partner to introduce her to him.

The newscaster is a real person but, as far as I know, not a friend of my father. He is someone I perceive as warm and knowledgeable.

This is a typical dream for the last several months for me. Fun, interesting social gatherings that feel more like a community than a gathering of strangers. I guess it has something to do with my inner community. Perhaps they are all gathering and mingling more and feel more like a community.

And perhaps it also feels rich, interesting, multifaceted, and alive, as this and many other similar recentish dreams.

Dream: Old friend is now a Zen teacher

 

I am back in Salt Lake City where I lived at Kanzeon Zen Center for a few years in my mid-twenties. There is a new center there now, in the same tradition. I see someone I knew back then who is about my age. We talk and it’s clear we have the same realizations and insights. It turns out he is now the teacher at the center and he is leading a retreat.

I am seen and treated by the others as a beginner. Both he and I go along with it without saying or doing anything to change that impression.

My friend in the dream is a generic composite of several I knew back then.

This dream reflects some familiar experiences for me. I see people who started with things when I did, and continued within the system and have risen within the system while I left and did not. It’s familiar to me to be treated as if I have no experience when I join a new spiritual group, and I have experienced that what I say is interpreted within that context. It’s familiar to me to feel not seen, understood, and included.

All of these are relatively normal experiences, and for me they are connected with some issues. After waking up from this dream, I explored the issue of feeling not seen, understood, and included.

And behind that is the issue of fearing being seen, understood, and included. This feels more core. There is a fear of being acknowledged and for people looking to me as an authority and for answers.

That’s one reason I often don’t speak up or say or do things to change the impression people have of me.

Exploring that, I was brought back to a very vivid dream I had during the initial awakening process in my teens. I was a man in his late 30s or early 40s in Russia, well dressed, and with a genuine passion for art, literature, philosophy, and how we organize our society. My home was in a town near Moscow (?) and the time was the 1850s, ’60s and possibly ’70s. My family was wealthy so I spent months or years in Paris in the art circles there. As far as I know, I was not a professional artist myself but I loved the Parisian art scene.

I was also an anarchist and belonged to an anarchist group in the Moscow area. Some wanted to use violence to create the society they wanted, and as I was pacifist, I strongly opposed this. Perhaps unwisely, I stood up and said I would stop them by any means necessary, including going to the authorities with names and what I knew about them.

Instead, they stopped me. In the dream, I am running through a field a frosty winter morning, the pale sun is barely visible through the haze, and I know I am assassinated later that morning. I will be shot through the head. (When I shaved my head some years ago, I noticed I have birth marks where the entry/exit holes would be. According to people who do reincarnation research, it’s not uncommon to have a birth mark where a physical injury led to the death of the previous incarnation.)

I had a sense or knowing that this was my most recent incarnation, and others with good sensing abilities later confirmed that this looks like a real incarnation and my most recent one.

Who knows but the themes definitely make sense. I have a fear of speaking up and being seen, understood, and even taken seriously. If I was killed in a past life for doing that, those fears make sense. And if not, the Russian anarchist dream still makes sense as a reflection of these themes in my life.

I notice I feel slightly embarrassed and ashamed sharing this here. And that shows that this is an issue – or an issue complex – it’s good for me to continue to explore. Embarrassment and shame shows I haven’t quite found peace with it and that there is further to go in finding healing for the issue itself.

Notes: In waking life, a friend of mine (DT) is in the process of becoming a Zen teacher in that lineage. I assume the dream didn’t use him because I do feel seen by him.

We are all beginners in an important sense. We are all exploring and discovering. What we think we know we don’t really know. It’s very helpful to approach anything with receptivity and grounded humility. At the same time, in a conventional sense, we do have some experiences, skills, insights, and so on. And it’s good to acknowledge that as well – within the context of being a beginner in a more fundamental sense.

Dream: Swimming in the ocean for as long as I want

 

I am swimming in the ocean, mostly under water, and I am completely comfortable. I can stay as long as I want, even if the water is cold and there are large waves.

A child is here too. She is alone. Did she get lost from her parents? I decide to look after her until she finds her people. She is feisty and strong but I see that it covers a vulnerability and fear.

Water and the ocean often represents emotions. This dream may suggest that I feel comfortable swimming in and exploring my emotions, and that feels mostly accurate. Perhaps it’s telling me I am more comfortable with it than I consciously realize?

The girls seems lost. As many of my inner part feel lost because I abandoned them. I decide to look after her. I do it in a relaxed way but am very aware of where she is and am ready to step in if she is in danger or needs me for any reason.

Writing this, I wonder if this reflects the light touch approach I find helpful when joining with my inner parts and especially the lost ones.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Dream: Asian neighborhood

 

I am in Oslo, although it feels more like a larger and more bustling and diverse city like San Francisco or London. I am in the Asian neighborhood, with Asian stores and restaurants. I am partly on my own and partly with friends, exploring the neighborhood, including a large library and/or bookstore. Towards the evening, I am walking with a group of friends to a restaurant to celebrate the new year. As we turn a corner, we see a lot of blood flowing out from a Korean restaurant.

This dream had a feeling of embracing the bustling activities and experiences of a larger group of people, and perhaps all of humanity. In the end, including violence and tragedy. There was a sense of it all being part of the wholeness, fullness, and richness of human experience.

I had this dream after receiving healing for a central childhood issue the night before. It may have brought a lot up to the surface for me, expressed through this dream.

I am not sure why the restaurant was specifically Korean.

Note: When I looked at the news after writing this, I saw that Kim Jung-Un – the leader of North Korea – may be seriously ill. This has been contradicted by South Korea. So perhaps it’s not much of a synchronicity.

The photo is from San Francisco’s Chinatown a few years back.

Precognitive dream

 

When I was in my late twenties, I had a cat. He was a rescue cat and we developed an unusually strong connection and bond.

One morning, I dreamt he was hit by a car and died. Most dreams have the processing-inner-material quality and this was different. This one felt like a precognitive dream. One that showed something that would or could happen. I have had some dreams like this, and this clearly felt like it was in the same category.

The cat was an indoor-outdoor cat and was good at taking care of himself. But following this dream, I decided to keep him inside for a while.

After a week, I let him out. On that same day, he was hit by a car and died.

It can sound like a “downer” story but I am very grateful for the time we had together. I still feel that strong bond with him. And it was a reminder that some dreams can be precognitive, and they tend to have a distinct quality to them.

Dream: China as the post-pandemic superpower

 

I dream that in the post-pandemic world, China emerges as the undisputed world power. The strength of Europe and the US has crumbled because of lack of inner cohesion.

This is what many have predicted for a long time already. China is the next superpower. US have overextended itself and its time as an empire is over, and this is hastened by inner polarization – encouraged by Fox News, Trump, and so on. And lack of inner cohesion is also weakening Europe, exemplified and hastened by Brexit.

And yet, the dream had a different quality. It felt like a certainty. It felt like the few real premonition dreams I have had. And the dream also didn’t include me as regular dreams do.

It felt pretty terrible. Not because Europe and the US had lost their power and influence. But because of the authoritarian and undemocratic regime of China. In the dream, they used their power to influence the policies of other countries – away from an open and democratic process – for their own benefit.

Of course, any dream reflect what’s going on in us. And anything we see in the world mirror ourselves. How are parts of me like China? In general, any time I react to fear, my inner world becomes authoritarian. It wants to control and suppress dissent (the fear and what it has to say). And when I soften into the fear, bring presence into it, and hear what it has to say, there is more of a democracy. The night before this dream, I had gone into reacting to fear instead of meeting it.

Day seeds: Reading articles about how China is helping other countries with the pandemic, and how this sows seeds of discontent. For instance, in Italy where they don’t feel helped by EU (which is not true) and that the help is coming from other places. A more cynical view says this is a deliberate policy by China – and Russia – in order to continue to weaken Europe and the US and strengthen their own position.

Dream: Traveling lightly

 

I am traveling lightly and only with things I can (easily) afford to lose. I feel light, it feels good, and I am happy.

This dream was more of an image or a simple scene. It may have been triggered by upcoming traveling plans and wanting to travel very lightly.

Of course, although it’s nice to travel lightly in a literal sense, it’s perhaps even nicer to travel lightly in a metaphorical sense. As our metaphorical baggage – identifications, beliefs, emotional issues etc. – lightens, we can travel lighter through life.

Why this dream? One answer is that I had thought about it the day before. Another is that the dream reminds me of how good it feels to travel lightly – in a literal and metaphorical sense. And yet another is that I am currently working on deep and core emotional issues from childhood, that lightens my system, and my dream may reflect that back to me.

Dream: Creature impersonating people

 

A friend of mine (BH) is visiting and we are having a good conversation. At some point, I notice that her face has morphed and although she has the same voice her face is different. I suspect something is going on, and ask what her name is. She says “Wendy” which is not the correct name. I realize I am talking with a creature that is impersonating people. The creature then disappears into a shelf in the room. I tried to catch it.

The creature is similar to some in the Harry Potter universe.

Over the last few days, I have been very aware of the fake part of me and felt it right on the surface of my inner world. I have partly taken it personally and felt ashamed, and partly seen it’s universal and a way for us to protect ourselves.

It’s innocent although it can hurt ourselves and others. And the creature in the dream also seemed innocent.

The night before, I had a deep conversation with my partner relating to this. Times when I have been fake (deceptive) out of fear, and hurt myself and others in the process. It’s normal and understandable, and yet I want to notice, be honest about it with myself and others, and be more real even and especially in scary situations.

Dream: Magic psychoactive potion

 

I am in a small rural town in England with a group of people. Adam S. and another are making a psychoactive drink. I hold a cup of it in my hands. Aware I am dreaming, I notice thinking that is not the same for my mind to imagine I am taking it as it is to actually taking it, and then remembering that it’s my mind creating the experience in either case.

I am on a train, on my way to the circle of the first part of the dream. Some bandits are on the train. I tell a friend it’s best we pretend to sleep and hide our faces so they don’t recognize us. (They know us.) He agrees but is relaxed about it. I pretend to sleep and they take a pillow, my sweater, and a bag of food. I run after them to get some of my food back since I need it.

Adam S. is a senior Vortex healer who gave me many sessions when I was new to Vortex Healing. He lives in Totnes, Devon, where I also lived for a six months some years back. The first part of the dream may have been set there – a little outside of a small town in a very charming part of England.

There was again, as in so many dreams these days, a sense of being part of an Earth-centered community. The psychoactive drink was made of a fungus from a tree. It comes from an unbroken ancient tradition. The purpose of the community and drinking it was for profound healing and supporting awakening and embodiment. And doing so with the help of the plant spirits and in a way difficult to do any other way.

The second part of the dream seemed to happen before the first part. I and a friend are on our way to the gathering, and some people with no good intentions are on the train. They know us so we find it best to hide our identity as long as possible. One of them steals my food which – in my waking life – is essential for me to avoid crashing. So I run after him to get some of it back.

Synchronicity: Walking on Hampstead Heath later in the day, with my partner, I see a tree-fungus on the side of the path. It’s the same type of fungus they made the psychoactive potion from in the dream. The photo is of this fungus.

Note: This is a dream. As far as I know, this type of fungus has no psychoactive properties in waking life.

Dream: Climbing up a tall building resting on the mountainside

 

I am in the mountains in Norway, in a beautiful valley surrounded by beautiful mountains. I am with a relatively large group of people and it feels like a community. My little group decide to go skiing up the mountain. They go ahead as I have something to do first, and I will then catch up with them.

As I have put away my phone somewhere else, I use a paper map and ask for directions (from a very beautiful woman). A little higher up the mountain, I catch up with my group. We then climb up the stairs of a very tall building that’s resting along the almost vertical mountainside. It has many opening to the outside and beautiful views, and there are also many small rooms along the way with many small interesting things to look at.

A few things stood out to me during the dream and as I woke up:

As with so many dreams these weeks, I am in a community and it feels very good. We have a shared orientation and purpose and there is a quiet mutual understanding and support. It’s not explicit in the dreams but it feels like these communities have to do with mutual support in living in a more life-centered way.

I have intentionally left my electronics. I want to just use an old fashioned paper map and asking people for direction. (This reflects a conversation the night before about using my phone and computer less, and not so often listening to a podcast or audiobook while falling asleep.)

Climbing a building is an image of “going high” in a mental or spiritual sense, and can mean being ungrounded or unstable. In this case, I climbed a very tall building which was also completely grounded since it rested on the side of the mountain. The building also had beautiful views and many small rooms with interesting treasures. (Again, the treasures reflect a conversation the day before about enjoying exploring little treasures that we or others have collected.)

This dream may reflect my inner community and climbing “higher” in a sense while also staying earthy and grounded.

All the community dreams may also remind me how much I love these type of communities. The ones I had when I worked with sustainability in Madison, Wisconsin, and Oregon. The ones I don’t have so much right now, apart from perhaps online.

The photo is one I took at Sisters, Oregon, more than ten years ago. Although it’s Oregon and not Norway, it is similar to how the mountains looked in my dream.

Dream: Finding new close relatives (after healing work the night before)

 

I have found two close family members from a previously “blank” part of the family tree. One is a little older than me, the other a young man. They are both black. I experience a deep and easy connection with both. We are traveling together and are now in an art museum while we also talk and get to know each other better.

We talk briefly with another small group of people and I first assume they will think we are three generations out together. Then I remember they are black and I am white. And wonder how we can be as closely related as we are while looking – to others – so different.

I am now aware it’s a dream and I feel sad and disappointed that it is a dream. I tell the older man and he nods knowingly in agreement.

In the dream, I don’t find it odd at all that I am so closely related to a black family – until I am aware that others will assume we are not at all related. I have a, easy, strong, and deep connection with both, and especially the older man (who looks like a slightly older version of Pharrel Williams – of Happy fame). It seems that we are in the US but that doesn’t play much of a role in the dream.

A former blank area on my family tree is now filled. I have found my klan and I feel a deep sense of belonging. And they both happen to be black. (I am 80% Scandinavian and 100% northern European.) We could easily have been three generations of the same close family – grandfather, father, and son.

What do I associate with African (black) people and culture? Mostly, I associate an inner freedom, spontaneity, and connection with the body, nature and Earth. (I know this is not always the case. African cultures are very diverse and people of African decent living other places – and often with slavery in their linage – may be different. But this is my main association.)

The night before this dream, I received healing work (Vortex Healing for choice points) for some central family patterns. Specifically, for not speaking and standing up for myself, burying my inner warrior and beast, and not following my inner guidance. These are patterns mostly from my father and my father’s lineage, and my two new relatives in the dream are both men – one older (who could be my father) and one younger (who could be my son). These represent another way of being. New close relatives. People I feel a deeper resonance with.

As I wake up, I am sad that it was a dream and not waking reality. I then remember my partner next to me and that I have a similar deep connection with her. (And that she has a portion of black ancestry.)

Dream: Art exhibit and shamanic training

 

I have put together a large exhibit. It’s art created from all different materials and of all different sizes – made by an Asian female artist. The whole community is here admiring and interacting with the art and each other. It’s held in a large community space used for many different activities.

After this, I am with my partner Ale. There is a transparent torso filed with many different smaller and larger things – each one representing parts of us (all levels of our being). I rearrange sections of the pieces. It’s part of shamanic training and of the healing and awakening process.

The art pieces were largely made of wood and fabrics and threads of all colors, and the pieces in the torso were made of the same materials and had the same colors – only much smaller.

My dreams over the last few months have had a community feel to them. In the first part of this dream, the whole community was there to enjoy an exhibit I had put together. I enjoyed very much being part of the community and seeing all of them enjoying it and enjoying this aspect of the community.

I am not sure why the artist was a woman from Asia. Perhaps because I have – since my teens – felt a strong connection with different Asian cultures and forms of Asian spirituality (especially Taoism and the more shamanic Tibetan form of Buddhism). And I am drawn to the more feminine approach to spirituality to balance out the more mainstream traditional masculine approaches.

In the second part of the dream, I am with my partner. Inside a transparent torso is many different small things of all different colors and shapes. I rearrange sections and it’s part of my shamanic training and also the awakening and healing process. The different parts represent parts of our being at all levels – thoughts, emotions, energies, physical body and so on.

When I explore myself, this is the experience I have. I am exploring many different parts of myself and they all have different shapes and colors and go together in different ways. And I am exploring myself as all different levels. (Through informal and formal inquiry, energy healing, and more.)

In a way, the first dream was about an outer community and the second my inner community. The dream is a reminder that my outer community reflects my inner community, and how I relate to one reflects and influences how I relate to the other. This mirroring is highlighted by the art and the things in the torso being made by the same organic and natural materials and having similar colors.

In the dream, I was an active part of my outer community and I offered a community experience they very much appreciated and enjoyed. I then explored my inner community in the presence of my partner and in a sacred or shamanic context.

Dream: I am five years old, giving a message to people trying intimidate me

 

I am five years old and in our house with my parents. I know something that can be dangerous for some criminals. In the middle of the night, they come and pretend to be phantoms with lights and ghostly sounds. I shout at them and tell them I know who they are, what they try to do, and that it won’t work.

In my dream, I am myself at five years old. My parents are in the house and are the age they were when I was five. The house is different and is more spacious with a very tall ceiling. (The lights they use to scare me shine on the ceiling and on the top of the walls through windows up by the ceiling.)

While I dream this, I yell in my sleep, bark three times, and wake up my partner. (The barking may have been to scare off the bandits.)

This was the night after receiving a Vortex Healing session for my kidneys. They sometimes feel a bit cold, dry and shriveled up energetically, perhaps because of an Epstein-Barr infection (mono and then CFS) that lasted more than thirty years before I had the Vortex Healing tools to remove the virus. We both noticed that a lot of fear also seemed to release from the kidneys during and after the healing.

I slept very deeply and long, for almost twelve hours. I also slept restlessly with many dreams that all felt a bit foreign. It felt like my system was releasing a lot, probably from the kidney-healing just prior to falling asleep.

In the dream, I know what’s happening, is not very scared, and yell at the bandits that I know what they are doing and it won’t work. Also, my parents in the dream are whole and emotionally healthy. (In waking life, although they both are very kind and supportive they have some issues as we all do.)

It may be that fears that used to seem very real to me now don’t because I see through them. It may also be that I have healed – to some extent – my inner images of my parents. I have worked on parental issues in different ways, including through dialogue with them where I visualize all of us as whole, healthy, wise, and kind.

Dream: Working with Trump

 

I am the educational minister for Trump. He likes me. And I have sympathy for him even as I disagree with much of what he says and does. I am free to do as little or as much as I want.

This dream went on for a while and continued even after I woke up briefly. I did have a genuine sympathy for him in the dream and I noticed it felt peaceful, even if my views on what he says and does is the same in the dream as it is in my waking life. When I briefly woke up, I was aware that this was – in a sense – a shadow dream. It is a dream about befriending the shadow.

Trump does – to some extent – represent shadow material for me. I sometimes see things in him I don’t admit to in myself, at least in the moment. And this dream was a reminder that getting to know someone is often to understand and find sympathy for them even if we still may not agree with much of what they say or do.

Why educational minister? Perhaps because it’s a little less contentious than some other positions so it allowed me to get to know him in a more peaceful setting. And perhaps because this dream is an education of myself.

Dream: Slight sense of hopelessness

 

I am in Oslo with a group of friends, and there are many activities – buying a house, swimming, art and so on. Through it all, I notice a slight sense of hopelessness or even mild depression. It’s as if the future is a fog, and I don’t have the zest I like to have.

This is close to the top of my list of issues to explore. A slight sense of hopelessness. A mild depression. A lack of zest.

It’s understandable considering my health challenges, the old traumas that surfaced over the last years, and leaving my inner guidance on a major life decision some years before that. And yet, it’s an issue that can be explored and it’s good to do just that.

When I say explore, I mean different things: Get to know, find some origins of (in my timeline and in terms of underlying issues), befriend, allow, change my relationship to, explore my fears around, and – over time – invite to heal.

I may have had this dream this morning since I have hoped to work on this slight background depression and lack of zest this weekend, including receiving a Vortex Healing session on its divine choice points (the divine decisions for this part of the divine – me – to have this experience for a while).

The dream was quite beautiful, rich, and interesting, and with this slight cloud of listlessness over my experience. It highlights an aspect of my daily life experience these days.

Own inquiry: The witch

 

Inquiry on a recurrent childhood dream. In the dream, I fall through darkness, look down, and see a witch grinning up at me while stirring a cauldron. I am about to fall into the cauldron.

Look at the image of the witch grinning up at you, stirring the cauldron. Look at the lines, colors, textures.

What happens? I feel sensations in the chest, throat, face. Not very strong.

Feel the sensations. Rest with them.

What do you notice? A contraction in the solar plexus area and also more in the middle of the belly.

Feel those sensations too. Rest with all of them.

What do you notice? I see an image of my mother when I was little. (The age when I had the dreams.) I see how she (sometimes) relates to my father. With contempt.

Is it an image? Several images? Two images, one of her, and one of her relating to him with contempt.

Look at both images, side by side. The lines, colors, textures, background. The space they are within.

What do you notice? I notice that in the image where she relates to my father with contempt, I see her as a witch.

Listen to the words “my mother is a witch”. What happens? I feel sensations all over the body. A heaviness. Pressure. Sadness. Grief. Fear.

Feel the sensations.

Do you notice anything? Yes, I feel trapped. I see a dark image and feel trapped within it.

Read More

Dream: Taking over a cabin

 

My parents, my brother, my partner and I go to my uncle and aunt’s cabin. The path there is overgrown and the cabin is in disrepair after they both died some years ago. We have with us 30 or so little helpers. They are small, sturdy, and almost like a small army of dwarfs. When we go inside and see how run down the cabin is – and overrun with mice – I feel overhwhelmed and hopeless about cleaning it up. I look around, and within a very short time, the little helpers have cleaned it all up. I am very happily surprised and we all see what a large and beautiful building it is. The helpers have already made food and set the table beautifully, so we all sit down. I want to sit on the side of the table but am shown to the head of the table. I am the new owner of the cabin, and head of the family. I understand that the helpers are here for all of us but mostly to serve and help me, and they will be with us from now on.

This is a very interesting dream and I don’t quite know what to make of it right away. The path (nature) and the cabin probably represent my body. It is run down after several years of illness (chronic fatigue). And somehow, it’s a place that I and my partner and family are taking over, with the assistance of the small army of little helpers.

I worked on my system with Vortex Healing the night before, and there is a sense of having (very powerful) assistance in cleaning up and repairing my body. I worked on my etheric body before falling asleep (which felt deeply nourishing and brought my system more “in focus”), and the dwarves almost seemed more like elemental (?) beings. Whatever they represent, they are very helpful, do almost all of the work, and placed me as the head of the cabin and family.

Why is it a cabin? It is in nature. It’s part of nature in a very real sense. Although a cabin is a place to visit and stay for a while, this cabin is large, beautiful, has all that’s needed for a good life, and I can easily and well have a good life there. My sense is I’ll be there most of the year, especially after it’s so well cleaned up and repaired.

In waking life, my uncle and aunt died some years ago, they did have a cabin, and they both loved and were immersed in nature, and loved being at their cabin. The cabin in the dream is larger and more in the wilderness than their waking-life cabin is (which has been taken over by one of my cousins).

I see that Jung saw dwarfs as representing natural wisdom, and that’s how they seemed in the dream. Primal wisdom and force, in this case wisely operating on their own in assisting and helping me.

I wonder if working on my etheric body before falling sleep is connected with the dwarfs. In the dream, the dwarfs repair, clean, and maintain the house. And my etheric body may play a similar role in cleaning, repairing, and maintaining my physical body and life. That feels true, but it also feels like the dwarfs in the dream represent primal wisdom and force in general and it’s role in maintaining my body and life.

The dwarfs in the dream were small and had shields, helmets, and leather clothing. The colors were mostly white and red. Perhaps representing purity in their service, and vitality and primal life force.

Later in the morning, I spend some time connecting with the dwarfs (and what they represent) and thanking them.

Dream: Planet Edible

 

I have my own publishing company and a series of books called Planet Edible. They are on a wide range of topics, and are a combination of written word and graphics, like a kind of graphic novels. The whole idea is to make important information “edible”. Ready to take in. Tasty. Digestible. Written and presented so people want to take it in, and so it becomes part of them. The books are especially aimed at younger people, but are for all ages. I have a great deal of energy, passion, and clarity, and the project is easy and moves fast. It’s successful and works as it says on the tin.

In the dream, I have a laser focus, confidence, passion, a knowing of what works, like I did before I got “off track” and also before the dark night. Although far richer and more earthy.

Dream: a female pixie

 

I am at a busy gathering of some sort. I lost my sleeping space to someone else and a young woman invites me to cuddle and sleep next to her. We have a very good connection and she is clearly interested in me. Early dawn, we get up and I talk with someone else for a while. I see her and she pretends to not see me. Someone says she decided I am not committed enough. I try to catch up with her but she disappears. (Literally, right in front of me, into some rocks and plants where there was no space for a human to disappear.)

She had a pixie character. She looked and felt like a pixie, and maybe she was, at least partly. Very close to nature and plants and flowers. A little skittish. Impulsive.

We slept on the side of a charming neighborhood street, on some flat rocks overgrown with plants. It’s the public side of a beautiful and very well kept garden. It has the feeling of wild nature but is also clearly planted and cared for. I understand it belongs to her or her family, and that she has been one of the ones taking care of it.

When we get up, there is still a gathering or festival and I talk with a random passers-by. I lose track of the young woman, and when she appears in the crowd again she pretends to not see or know me.

She had chosen me and wanted to connect with me, but left because I didn’t show enough interest. I was fascinated and committed, and I thought we had time. I hadn’t meant to act as if I took her for granted, but I understood she took it that way.

Towards the end of the dream, I realized the location is Eugene, Oregon, where I lived for about ten years. It all – the place, people – had a permaculture and community-oriented feel to it. In the dream, it all also had a very magical and nature-oriented feel to it.

I had read VH notes about the sister realm (nature, fairies, etc.) the night before, and I also started re-watching Hellboy 2.

What is the dream about? It may reflect a longing to some of the nature- and community-oriented atmosphere I experienced in Eugene. It was likely seeded by what I had read and watched the night before. And the theme – a woman interested in me who then decides I am not interested even if I am – is one that has happened in my own life more than once.

The main atmosphere in the dream was a beautiful sense of the magic of nature, and the young woman was perhaps half a pixie (or elf, fairy), or a nature spirit, or at least one very close to and intimate with nature. This is a part of me I would like to connect with more, and one that is perhaps a little skittish. She requires more steady attention and demonstrated commitment than I gave her.

Dream: going with the Tibetan to find a treasure that will change all

 

I am at a royal country home or retreat. A group of family and friends are there, and the British queen comes by. We are waiting for a Tibetan man, and he arrives after having been on a long journey abroad. He continues on his journey almost immediately, and there is a choice for me to come with him or not. I run after him, and when I catch up with him, he sits down and says thank God you decided to come, I had to kill four [?] people in order to get here. He shows me the bloody remains of two he had to kill. He is going on the final leg of a journey to find something that will change everything. Something that will transform my life and give deep healing, awakening, and embodiment.

This is similar to the dream I had earlier this morning. I am going with a Tibetan to find something, a kind of treasure that will change everything. I sense or know it will bring a profound transformation, healing, and awakening. A lot of sacrifices would have been in vain unless I decided to come with him on the last leg of the journey.

The place we are in is a smaller and quite old home or retreat for the royal family, somewhere in the countryside in the UK. The Tibetan is someone who knows esoteric secrets and is also a man of action. He had to kill four (or a similar number) of people to finish the journey up until coming to this place. I got the impression they were (like?) WW2 Nazis. Everything had the feeling of an Indiana Jones movie, or one of the older fantastic tales about Tibet (Tintin in Tibet, Lobsang Rampa).

There has been a lot of losses, challenges, and sacrifices in my life, and – in a sense – it has been “wasted” unless I use it all for healing, awakening, and transformation. (Although nothing is “wasted”.) In both dreams this morning, I am slightly outside the center of actions which reflects a pattern in me of feeling others have “got it” and not me. And in both dreams, I am at the same time engaged and doing what’s required to get the treasure.

Dream: a contest to win a treasure

 

I am one of four (?) people in a contest to win a treasure. After a while, it’s only me and a Swedish man left. He gives it all and is a good way ahead of me but fumbles at the end. We are done almost at the same time, and he gives me the win since – as he says – he doesn’t need the treasure.

I don’t know what the treasure is, but I know it is very valuable and will make me wealthy. The contest was partly physical and I was surprised I could keep up as well as I did. It consists of making good choices and then put in a lot of physical effort (mainly running through alleys and fields and moving through obstacle courses).

This dream follows a day where I worked with Vortex Healing clients with my partner. My partner – and our partnership in healing, awakening and other aspects of lives – is an amazing treasure for me. As is the awakening and healing that comes through Vortex Healing. Just as in the dream, I have put in a lot of effort and knew it could happen but didn’t quite expect it.

The dream is a reminder that this is a treasure and not something to take for granted.

Dream: inviting the woman nobody likes to a party to celebrate her

 

I am organizing a potluck party with friends and colleagues. (At a university?) I realize that a woman nobody likes has her birthday that day, so I decide that the party will be a surprise birthday party for her. Most people have arrived and she is not there so I go to her office to remind her about the party. She is taking with someone about her new poetry collection which consists of angry, bitter poems about violence and abuse. She says she won’t come (most likely because she knows nobody likes her), so I tell her the secret, that the party is for her and it would be nice if she could come for at least a short while. She seems happily surprised.

I had this dream the night after I started working on an old pattern in me which comes from my mother. (It’s a nagging dynamic which sometimes is triggered when I am tired and/or stressed. I experience as an inner pressure, slight constant panic, and that nothing is right. And sometimes, I express it in my words and actions. It’s not something I am proud of, and it’s time to explore it and perhaps clear it now.) The woman in the dream is this part of me, which I invited to a surprise party in her honor. She, the one nobody likes (the other parts of me don’t like), is included and celebrated.

When I invited in healing for it last night, using Vortex Healing (Vortex Therapy, Angelic Heart, de-networking etc.), it felt like a deep welcoming of a part that has been exiled in me. The dream seems to reflect this welcoming and reminds me that it can even be a celebration.

Dream: Native-American Grandfather

 
I meet my Native-American grandfather. I had wondered how the Native-American percentage got into my 23andme ancestry analysis, and knowing that he is my grandfather explains it and feels right. He is older than me but not very old. It feels very natural and we enjoy spending time together.
In my waking life, I can’t explain the Native-American ancestry from the 23andme analysis. I am born in Norway with all Scandinavian / European ancestors, as far as I know. Most likely, it’s an error caused by likelihood analysis. The other side of this is that I have always felt a strong connection with native Americans, from as far back as I can remember. In the dream, it felt right when I realized my great grandfather was First Nations North American. I was content, and we were very comfortable with each other.

Premonition dreams

 

Sometimes, “premonition dreams” are coincidences. We have a lot of different dreams, and we experience a lot in daily life, so sometimes a dream we remember corresponds to some experience in the days that follows.

And yet, sometimes, dreams do seem like actual premonition dreams.

For instance, years ago I lived in Madison, Wisconsin, with a dear friend who happened to be a cat. One morning, I had a very vivid dream of him dying. Most dreams, including stressful dreams, are clearly just regular dreams. It’s the mind processing something. But occasionally, a dream feels different. This one was different. It had the distinct feel of a premonition dream. So my wife (at the time) and I decided to keep him indoors to keep him safe. We did so for a week. And on the first day we let him out again he was hit by a car and died.

It was obviously sad, but he did have a full and rich life and knew he was loved. And it did show me that some dreams may be actual premonition dreams.

Dream: Selling a large Tolkien collection

 

I have sold a large collection of Tolkien items, including several original notebooks and manuscripts. The buyer can’t believe his fortune and seems uncomfortable because he feels I sold it for a much too low price (a steal). I am content and happy on his behalf, but at the same time wonder if he may be right. Perhaps it would have been better if the exchange was more balanced.

This reminds me of two patterns in my life. One is that I often offer my time, presence, energy and services for free or a very low cost. (Which sometimes makes others uncomfortable and I lose out of a more balanced exchange.) The other is that I recently, over the last few years, have lost most of what I owned, including a large book collection (spirituality, ecopsychology, mysticism, nature etc.).

The second is, in many ways, a relief. But I do need to consider my wish for generally a more balanced and fair exchange.

The day before this dream, I read an article about Tolkien which is one of the seeds for the dream.

Dream: Innocent fascination with a revolver, and gradually reminded of all the things connected with it

 

I am in the US, in a country store selling a variety of different things. I see some beautiful old-west revolvers and rifles and am fascinated by them. Especially one revolver is exactly the classic style and I find it beautiful with its silver metal, ivory (or polished bone?) shaft, and soft leather holster. It’s $90 and not very expensive. I have an innocent fascination with it, its beauty, and it’s all connected to my innocent childhood fascination with the old US west.

I start wondering if I should buy it but am reminded that I have to bring it back to Norway. I am not sure if I am allowed to import weapons to Norway, or if I need a permit in advance, and the taxes may be very high in any case. Also, I’ll need to take it to the police to have it registered, and they’ll probably want to interview me and ask why I would want to own a gun.

I decide to get it anyway since it’s such a good match with my innocent childhood fascination with the old west, and I go to the counter to pay for it. The man behind the counter makes me hesitate and I am reminded of the ugly gun-loving culture in some parts of the US. I also see some beautiful stickers and fridge-magnets, with very ugly (bigoted) sentiments written on them.

In the end, I decide to not get it. There are too many ugly associations with it. The reality of these guns is very far from the innocent fascination I initially had for them.

This dream reflects a topic that’s been on my mind my adult whole life, and also recently: there is sometimes a big gap between innocent fascinations and reality.

In this case, it’s the gap between my innocent childhood fascination with the old west and the ugly reality of European settlements in North America (genocide) and the equally ugly reality of the current gun culture in the US.

It also came up in a conversation where I mentioned the Thank U, Next song. I see the lyrics as wise and kind and am grateful that such a song became number one on the lists. My conversation partner was much more skeptical and focused more on the (very unhealthy) images and ideals in the video, and so on. My innocent enjoyment collided slightly with all the ugly things around it, which I had been aware of but chose to set aside or disregard.

I also see how I do this with people. An innocent fascination sometimes collides with a different reality, and I may chose to follow the innocent fascination for a while instead of fully taking in the reality.

I assume we all do this in different ways and different areas of life. It seems to be part of how the mind works, and resolving the difference between the innocent fascination and other sides of reality is part of growing up and aligning more fully with reality.

Our innocence is natural and a part of us our whole life, and we can find where it naturally belongs in our life. For instance, an innocent fascination with the world, innocent awe and wonder, innocent excitement in exploration and expression, and so on. And we can recognize when the innocent fascination is placed on specific objects (including people) in the world and needs to be balanced with a dose of reality.

Read More

Dream: Adya speaking gibberish

 

I am with Adyashanti and a small group of people. At some point, he sits down and asks me if I have a question. I explain my situation with the long-lasting illness (chronic fatigue) to him, and ask what the divine asks from me. He starts speaking gibberish.

The night before, I prayed for my situation with the chronic fatigue to transform me deeply, and for the divine as me locally support this process. I remember having the question of whether the divine (as the fullness of existence) asks something specific from me or if I (as the local divine) can decide, or if there is a middle ground and dialogue.

In the dream, as Adya starts answering my question, I am aware it’s a dream and that I – my mind – need to put words in his mouth. I am also aware that I don’t know the answer. That is perhaps why he starts sputtering and speaking gibberish as a faltering Westworld robot. If I think the divine has a specific request or plan for me, I don’t know and cannot know what it is. I cannot provide the answer.

The answer is more that it’s a dialogue between the divine as the wholeness of existence and the divine locally as me. We together find the answer. It’s a process. An ongoing discovery happening within the One.

At first, the dream seemed a little disappointing. After all, instead of answering my question, Adya sputtered nonsensical sounds. And now, I see that’s the perfect answer. In my dream, I have to provide his answer, and I cannot. If I think the divine “out there” asks something specific of me, I cannot know for certain what that is. The answer is more that it’s a process, a dialogue between the divine as all there is and the divine locally as me.

This is not new to me. But I see that when I recently prayed for my situation with the fatigue to profoundly transform me, I had in mind that the divine asks it of me and has something specific in mind for me. Almost as if it’s a test, and when I more fully allow the transformation, my health may eventually return. These were not very conscious assumptions, which is perhaps why my mind (the divine locally) produced this dream, allowing me to see more clearly these assumptions and that they are not so helpful.

It’s more helpful to see it as a dialogue and an ongoing process, and as happening within the One.

Dream: My father has lost his faculties

 

I speak with my father, but his words make no sense. He seems to have lost his faculties.

I have had concerns about my father for the last few weeks. He has had several serious infections and appeared far more fragile almost overnight. (His mind seems as sharp as ever.) That may be one of the seeds of this dream.

Another seed may be that I have done The Work (inquiry) on my father, and I have seen how he doesn’t speak up about certain dynamics between my mother and him. (He even asked me to not speak about it when I would bring it up as a kid.) These dynamics seem uncomfortable, persistent, and potentially not so difficult to clear up.

By avoiding this topic and talking about less vital topics (or not saying much at all), his words are, in a sense, gibberish.

I see the same in myself. If I don’t speak my truth in a relationship, I feel a bit lost, disoriented, and off track. I become as I experienced him in the dream. I lose my faculties, to some extent.

Own Dream: Finding new spaces

 

I am visiting a family in Australia (?) and am given the only room on the top floor, which is nice although small. As I spend time there, I keep finding new and interesting additions to the room and it’s much larger and better than I initially thought.

These days, slightly rootless dreams are common for me. In this case, I am visiting another continent and staying in the house of someone I know (although not in waking life). The room seems small although I am happy to be able to stay there. And as I get more familiar with the place, I keep finding new spaces, additions, and rooms, and it’s much larger and more beautiful than I thought.

The rootlessness is what I feel to some extent in waking life, although don’t pay attention to as much as it perhaps asks me to. I do have a place to live, and I feel at home here, but it doesn’t feel like a real or lasting home.

There is a deeper root to this rootlessness. Several years back, I left my guidance in one major aspect of my life (where to live) and that led to me gradually feeling more and more off track and lost in life. It may even be what led to the chronic fatigue returning much stronger than it did in my teens. I left much of what was most important to me in life and I left my guidance which quietly and persistently told me to stay on the path I previously was on. (I got married and left my friends and community, my studies and career, a place I deeply loved, and more in order to support my wife in her studies.)

Ultimately, the rootedness I am asked to find is a rootedness in myself, and especially through consistently and faithfully following my guidance in smaller and larger things. As I did in my twenties before I left it as described above.

Finding new spaces is what happens through the healing and inquiry work I do. I keep finding new, beautiful, larger, and interesting spaces – in myself and life.

That I live in the top level of the house may suggest that I still tend to be a little intellectual and live in my head. Although I am quite aware of my body and bodily sensations, it’s not the center of who I take myself to be as a human being.

The Australia part of the dream may have come from listening to a podcast with two Australians before falling asleep. (The Unmade Podcast.)

Eating the witch

 

I climb up the ladder to the attic. As my head comes up high enough so I can see into the attic, everything disappears. I fall through darkness. After a while, I see a witch looking up at me, grinning. She is stirring a cauldron, I am about to fall into the cauldron, and she will eat me.

– Recurrent childhood dream

Recurrent childhood dreams often point to a central theme for our life, typically something we wrestle with. In this case, I suspect the witch is my mother. (I saw the witch especially in how she related to my father.) The dream highlights how I sometimes saw her, and also my relationship with her and perhaps more generally the feminine.

When I do The Work of Byron Katie on this, I arrive at this turnaround…

Initial statement: The witch shouldn’t eat me.
Turnaround: I should eat the witch.

This definitely feels truer. I should eat the witch. I should take charge. I should eat her to find out what she is about. I should digest her and make use of the nutrients in her.

In other words, I want to meet her, get to know her, see what the emotional issues connected with her are, and allow myself to be nourished by the nutrients in what I previously have avoided.

How do I do that? I have explored this dream through Process Work, done The Work on stressful beliefs from the dream, and also had some dialogs with the witch. More generally, I have worked on mother issues. And I plan to use Vortex Healing on whatever issue(s) is behind the dream, and continue the exploration.

Read More