Dream: Selling a large Tolkien collection

 

I have sold a large collection of Tolkien items, including several original notebooks and manuscripts. The buyer can’t believe his fortune and seems uncomfortable because he feels I sold it for a much too low price (a steal). I am content and happy on his behalf, but at the same time wonder if he may be right. Perhaps it would have been better if the exchange was more balanced.

This reminds me of two patterns in my life. One is that I often offer my time, presence, energy and services for free or a very low cost. (Which sometimes makes others uncomfortable and I lose out of a more balanced exchange.) The other is that I recently, over the last few years, have lost most of what I owned, including a large book collection (spirituality, ecopsychology, mysticism, nature etc.).

The second is, in many ways, a relief. But I do need to consider my wish for generally a more balanced and fair exchange.

The day before this dream, I read an article about Tolkien which is one of the seeds for the dream.

Dream: Innocent fascination with a revolver, and gradually reminded of all the things connected with it

 

I am in the US, in a country store selling a variety of different things. I see some beautiful old-west revolvers and rifles and am fascinated by them. Especially one revolver is exactly the classic style and I find it beautiful with its silver metal, ivory (or polished bone?) shaft, and soft leather holster. It’s $90 and not very expensive. I have an innocent fascination with it, its beauty, and it’s all connected to my innocent childhood fascination with the old US west.

I start wondering if I should buy it but am reminded that I have to bring it back to Norway. I am not sure if I am allowed to import weapons to Norway, or if I need a permit in advance, and the taxes may be very high in any case. Also, I’ll need to take it to the police to have it registered, and they’ll probably want to interview me and ask why I would want to own a gun.

I decide to get it anyway since it’s such a good match with my innocent childhood fascination with the old west, and I go to the counter to pay for it. The man behind the counter makes me hesitate and I am reminded of the ugly gun-loving culture in some parts of the US. I also see some beautiful stickers and fridge-magnets, with very ugly (bigoted) sentiments written on them.

In the end, I decide to not get it. There are too many ugly associations with it. The reality of these guns is very far from the innocent fascination I initially had for them.

This dream reflects a topic that’s been on my mind my adult whole life, and also recently: there is sometimes a big gap between innocent fascinations and reality.

In this case, it’s the gap between my innocent childhood fascination with the old west and the ugly reality of European settlements in North America (genocide) and the equally ugly reality of the current gun culture in the US.

It also came up in a conversation where I mentioned the Thank U, Next song. I see the lyrics as wise and kind and am grateful that such a song became number one on the lists. My conversation partner was much more skeptical and focused more on the (very unhealthy) images and ideals in the video, and so on. My innocent enjoyment collided slightly with all the ugly things around it, which I had been aware of but chose to set aside or disregard.

I also see how I do this with people. An innocent fascination sometimes collides with a different reality, and I may chose to follow the innocent fascination for a while instead of fully taking in the reality.

I assume we all do this in different ways and different areas of life. It seems to be part of how the mind works, and resolving the difference between the innocent fascination and other sides of reality is part of growing up and aligning more fully with reality.

Our innocence is natural and a part of us our whole life, and we can find where it naturally belongs in our life. For instance, an innocent fascination with the world, innocent awe and wonder, innocent excitement in exploration and expression, and so on. And we can recognize when the innocent fascination is placed on specific objects (including people) in the world and needs to be balanced with a dose of reality.

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Dream: Adya speaking gibberish

 

I am with Adyashanti and a small group of people. At some point, he sits down and asks me if I have a question. I explain my situation with the long-lasting illness (chronic fatigue) to him, and ask what the divine asks from me. He starts speaking gibberish.

The night before, I prayed for my situation with the chronic fatigue to transform me deeply, and for the divine as me locally support this process. I remember having the question of whether the divine (as the fullness of existence) asks something specific from me or if I (as the local divine) can decide, or if there is a middle ground and dialogue.

In the dream, as Adya starts answering my question, I am aware it’s a dream and that I – my mind – need to put words in his mouth. I am also aware that I don’t know the answer. That is perhaps why he starts sputtering and speaking gibberish as a faltering Westworld robot. If I think the divine has a specific request or plan for me, I don’t know and cannot know what it is. I cannot provide the answer.

The answer is more that it’s a dialogue between the divine as the wholeness of existence and the divine locally as me. We together find the answer. It’s a process. An ongoing discovery happening within the One.

At first, the dream seemed a little disappointing. After all, instead of answering my question, Adya sputtered nonsensical sounds. And now, I see that’s the perfect answer. In my dream, I have to provide his answer, and I cannot. If I think the divine “out there” asks something specific of me, I cannot know for certain what that is. The answer is more that it’s a process, a dialogue between the divine as all there is and the divine locally as me.

This is not new to me. But I see that when I recently prayed for my situation with the fatigue to profoundly transform me, I had in mind that the divine asks it of me and has something specific in mind for me. Almost as if it’s a test, and when I more fully allow the transformation, my health may eventually return. These were not very conscious assumptions, which is perhaps why my mind (the divine locally) produced this dream, allowing me to see more clearly these assumptions and that they are not so helpful.

It’s more helpful to see it as a dialogue and an ongoing process, and as happening within the One.

Dream: My father has lost his faculties

 

I speak with my father, but his words make no sense. He seems to have lost his faculties.

I have had concerns about my father for the last few weeks. He has had several serious infections and appeared far more fragile almost overnight. (His mind seems as sharp as ever.) That may be one of the seeds of this dream.

Another seed may be that I have done The Work (inquiry) on my father, and I have seen how he doesn’t speak up about certain dynamics between my mother and him. (He even asked me to not speak about it when I would bring it up as a kid.) These dynamics seem uncomfortable, persistent, and potentially not so difficult to clear up.

By avoiding this topic and talking about less vital topics (or not saying much at all), his words are, in a sense, gibberish.

I see the same in myself. If I don’t speak my truth in a relationship, I feel a bit lost, disoriented, and off track. I become as I experienced him in the dream. I lose my faculties, to some extent.

Own Dream: Finding new spaces

 

I am visiting a family in Australia (?) and am given the only room on the top floor, which is nice although small. As I spend time there, I keep finding new and interesting additions to the room and it’s much larger and better than I initially thought.

These days, slightly rootless dreams are common for me. In this case, I am visiting another continent and staying in the house of someone I know (although not in waking life). The room seems small although I am happy to be able to stay there. And as I get more familiar with the place, I keep finding new spaces, additions, and rooms, and it’s much larger and more beautiful than I thought.

The rootlessness is what I feel to some extent in waking life, although don’t pay attention to as much as it perhaps asks me to. I do have a place to live, and I feel at home here, but it doesn’t feel like a real or lasting home.

There is a deeper root to this rootlessness. Several years back, I left my guidance in one major aspect of my life (where to live) and that led to me gradually feeling more and more off track and lost in life. It may even be what led to the chronic fatigue returning much stronger than it did in my teens. I left much of what was most important to me in life and I left my guidance which quietly and persistently told me to stay on the path I previously was on. (I got married and left my friends and community, my studies and career, a place I deeply loved, and more in order to support my wife in her studies.)

Ultimately, the rootedness I am asked to find is a rootedness in myself, and especially through consistently and faithfully following my guidance in smaller and larger things. As I did in my twenties before I left it as described above.

Finding new spaces is what happens through the healing and inquiry work I do. I keep finding new, beautiful, larger, and interesting spaces – in myself and life.

That I live in the top level of the house may suggest that I still tend to be a little intellectual and live in my head. Although I am quite aware of my body and bodily sensations, it’s not the center of who I take myself to be as a human being.

The Australia part of the dream may have come from listening to a podcast with two Australians before falling asleep. (The Unmade Podcast.)

Follow-up to Earth Day dream

 

My Earth Day dream earlier this year marked a shift in me.

In my dream, I am at the cabin, on a cruise ship going around the lake. I learn it will remain on the lake and keep taking people on cruises, and I realize the destruction it will cause over time. The lake and the forest around it will die. I feel it as if this natural area is my body, and as if my body is this natural area.

Since then, I have felt these types of things – the suffering of people and destruction of nature – in a far more visceral way. I feel it in my bones.

It’s a good shift. Where I before could hold it at an arm’s length distance, I am now unable to. I feel it as if it’s happening in my own body, and as if Earth now is my body. It’s not abstract. It’s immediate, apparently inevitable, and very visceral.

There is a small stream in me that is despondent from this more visceral experience. And another movement responding to it finding a deeper and equally visceral trust in the larger whole. In the inherent wisdom of the processes of the Earth, life in general, and the divine as all. The two go hand in hand.

Note: As I write this, I am at the cabin, sitting outside looking over the lake. Feeling the breeze. Hearing the sounds of the waves hitting the shoreline.

While I have been here this summer, I have experienced a mix of concern over the loss of life here (fewer insects, missing ant hills, far fewer swallows nesting, fewer birds in general, no bats at night and so on), I have felt the loss in my bones, I have experienced the immense value and divinity of even the smallest forms of life, I feel the small stream of despondency in me, and the deepening felt trust in life – no matter what happens.

There is a very real possibility that we, and Earth as a whole, is heading for major disasters. Climate change, combined with general loss of natural ecosystems and biodiversity, combined with toxins throughout nature and our own bodies, combined with economic and social systems inadvertently designed to destroy nature, combined with our own inability (or lack of will) to do what’s needed, does not bode well. Already, large parts of nature are dying off, and significant parts of humanity are impacted by it. And humanity may be the next to experience such a die-off. We don’t know.

What we know is that we need to redesign how we have organized all parts of society to take ecological realities into account. We can do it. We know how to do it. We have faced major challenges in the past, eventually – when avoidance is no longer possible – made it a priority, and found solutions. The question is at what cost? What will our delay cost? What will it cost us, nature, and future generations?

And what will we gain? Will we become more aware of Earth as, literally, our own wider body? Will designing systems that take ecological realities into account become second nature? Will we find a deeper sense of connection with all life? Will we include the interests of ecosystems, non-human species, and future generations in our decision making?

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Dream: Cruise ship by the cabin

 

I am on a cruiseship on the lake by our cabin, which I find odd since it’s a relatively small inland lake. It seems to be a family gathering. Towards the end of the outing, people wash their hands and good deal of soap is released into the lake. I comment on it, but others don’t see it as a problem. I realize the ship will stay in the lake and continue taking people on tours. They are very focused on selling things, and they will continue to release oil, soap, and more into the lake. I realize it will destroy the lake but the others say it won’t be that bad. I see them as being in denial.

I wrote an initial response to this dream which you can read below. I didn’t publish it at the time since I felt something was off or missing. And now, several weeks later, I feel ready to rewrite my response and publish it.

This dream is about a lake in the forest south-east of Oslo where our family cabin is located. I spent a good deal of time at that cabin growing up and it is an important place in my life.

I had this dream just before waking up in the morning, and later the same day (at a Vortex Healing practice group in San Francisco), I learned it was Earth Day.

This dream seems to have represented a shift in me in how I experience the destruction of nature. I have always taken it seriously and even worked in sustainability for several years, but I have also held its impact on me at an arms-length distance. In the dream, there was very much a viceral experience of the destruction of the lake. It felt as I was the lake and the nature in that area. I felt it in my own body. There was no separation. And, somehow, that’s how it’s been since. I now feel these things viscerally, in and as my own body. It’s a welcome change since I knew the distance was artificial. It was created by my own mind as a protection. And it seems that’s no longer needed. For whatever reason, there must be a readiness in me to have a more visceral experience of what’s happening with Earth these days.

I have spent a few weeks at that cabin since the dream, and I notice a renewed and deeper appreciation and gratitude for all life there. Even the smallest insect is sacred and gives me joy.

A small footnote: I was at the cabin last week, and on the path to the outhouse I saw something resting on top of a shrub. It was a loose collection of feathers and fur, and I suspect it may be a wolf’s shedded winter fur a bird collected for a nest and then dropped. Somehow, it felt like a nod from nature. We are on the same side. I am on the side of the wolves and the birds. We are all part of nature. In a very real sense, and in a very visceral sense, I am that forest, those animals and plants, and that lake. The photo above this article was taken at that trip, just before midnight one night in the third week of June.

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Dream: Bob Dylan concert ☑

 

I am in a small town in the US and someone says Bob Dylan has a small, informal concert in a house nearby. I go there and listen to him play. Since I am not a big Bob Dylan fan, I thought to myself “at least I can say I have heard him play”. I wake up, and realize I can’t even say that since it was just a dream.

This is a good example of the interplay between dream and wake consciousness. In the dream, I think “at least I can say I have been to a Bob Dylan concert”. It’s a ticked box on my list of things I have done. When I wake up, I realize I can’t even say that since it was a dream. And it helps me notice this in me. I do this in life, to some extent.

I have a mental list of ticked ✓ boxes of things I have done and experienced. And although it helps to remind me of the richness of my life (any life is rich in this way), it also feels a bit hollow. If I do it for practical memory purposes, that’s fine. But I seem to do it partly for feeling better about myself.

And although that’s fine too, it can be a pointer to something that’s not quite healed in me. A part of me feels not good enough, and uses this list to feel a little better. It’s very human, very universal. And it’s good to explore a bit, and meet that part. Feel the sensations there. Notice the beliefs it’s coming from. Notice, allow, and rest with the sensations and then the thoughts. Find appreciation for it (it’s there to protect me). Thanking it for protecting me. Listening to what it wishes me to hear and know. Investigate the belief. Notice my earliest memory of having it. Invite in healing for this part of me. (These days, I tend to use a combination or inquiry, dialog, and Vortex Healing for this.)

So the dream in itself wasn’t the most helpful. It was the interaction between the dream and waking up. The initial disappointment of not being able to say “I have heard the legend Bob Dylan play live”.

Dream: Gentleman and radical fool

 

I am in England and go for a walk with the father of a friend on mine (AH). He has the appearance and demeanor of the perfect older English gentleman. It turns out we have a great deal in common and we have a long and very interesting conversation. (We talk about topics relating to transpersonal psychology, spirituality, nature spirits, Jung, Ken Wilber and more.)

This older gentleman is the perfect gentleman and a radical fool. He is, in some ways, my ideal as it has been since my teens. On the outside, he is what society expects of a respectable person and good citizen. On the inside, radical and completely nonconforming. It’s what I was on solid course to become, and the dark night of the soul put a (temporary?) stop to. I am still respectable in my appearance and demeanor, but some mainstream identities were shot down due to illness.

The dream is a reminder that this image – of respectability combined with a radical orientation – is still very much alive in me. It may be good for me to look more at it. And if I move more fully in that direction again, to do so with more freedom and ease around it.

Day residue: I recently came back from London which may be why the English theme came up.

Note: When I call him a radical fool, it’s in the best possible sense. It’s just weird in terms of mainstream views. Not according to what many perceive as more real. The phrase came to mind also since it’s in the Starlight Scene lyrics by Yello.

Dream: Interviewing Bernie Sanders

 

I am interviewing Bernie Sanders and although it’s going well, I am not satisfied. There is no new information or angles and I notice I feel bored.

He has a beloved pet cricket, and it comes to me that his relationship to his pet cricket perfectly represents a healthy and sustainable relationship to nature, each other, and future generations.

I chose to focus on that parallel and now feel alive and engaged in the interview.

I am not sure what this dream has to tell me. Maybe to pay attention to how my relationship to what appears insignificant mirror my relationship to myself, others, nature, and life?

I do see Sanders as the type of person we need if we are to create a more life-centered and sustainable society, and as an inspiration for myself.

Dream: Blinking out of existence

 

I am blinking out of existence and then come back.

I have the thought I died….!

I am not sure what exactly this was. It may have just been a dream, but it felt quite real as well. It may have to do with all the Vortex sessions I have received over the last few weeks, and perhaps also the inquiry work I have been doing (the two go hand in hand). My best guess is that it was or reflects some sort of readjustment or realignment.

Dream: Adventure travels

 

the_adventures_of_kathlyn

Three people, two women and one man, are traveling on trains and planes. It’s the 1920s. They are dressed in very fashionable clothing, and out on adventures in South America and the Middle East.

This is one of those dreams that almost seems more like a movie than a typical dream. I don’t think “I” was in the dream, apart from as an intimate observer and experiencer of what was happening. There were a lot of details in the dream, especially in the interactions between the people, that I don’t remember. I only have a memory of the richness of it.

Now and then I have dreams like these. Most of my dreams have an “I” as a dream figure. These other ones are more movie like, although no less rich and intimate.

Dream: Bette Midler

 

I am a friend of Bette Midler’s daughter. We are in Oslo. I have spent the day with my friend, and we meet up with her mother and drive to a place to have dinner. We drive through an area where several old friends of mine have painting studios.

It was a pleasant dream. I liked spending time with both of them, and we had a good connection. I was also happy to notice I didn’t feel star struck. (Which I have a few times in real life when I meet famous people.) There was some nostalgia coming up when we drove through the area where my friends had studios. Especially one friend came to mind in the dream, BB, which I haven’t been in contact with for a while. (We spent a lot of time together when we both lived in Oslo some years ago.) After waking up, I emailed her.

I am not sure what this dream “means”. There were strong artistic themes in the dream. I have set aside that side of my life for a while and miss it. I don’t really have much of a conscious connection with Bette Midler. Not even sure if I had heard her sing much. (She was very enjoyable company in the dream.) I just looked her up online, and see that she does have a daughter, and she looks similar to what she did in the dream.

Shouting while dreaming

 

In my dream I am on a boat in strong wind, heading away from shore. I see another smaller boat on the same course, and it’s just on my tail. I shout to the captain of the other boat to go back to shore since he has passengers with him.

Some say that dreams compensate for our conscious attitude (C.G. Jung among them), and mine is to not shout or raise my voice. I have shouted while dreaming before, in similar situations where I needed to communicate with someone far away or while it’s noisy. Maybe that’s why I sometimes shout while dreaming. Something in me wants balance.

It wants me to be able to raise my voice and shout, and since I am usually too much in control – and too self-conscious – to do it while awake, I do it while sleeping instead. It’s a bit embarrassing, and that may support me in taking a look at this and perhaps be more OK with raising my voice now and then.

What about the boat(s) and the storm? Why am I out in a boat in the middle of a storm? My life does feel like that these days. My external situation has been bumpy in some areas, the mid-future is uncertain, and there is still a lot coming up in me to be seen, felt, loved, and heal. In the other boat, there are passengers at risk who wants to go back to shore. Maybe the dream is telling me a couple of things: (a) This – my life now – feels more stormy than I am admitting to myself. (True.) (b) Parts of me are scared and wish for a sense of more safety and care. (True.) And maybe (c) some people in my life feel a bit uneasy by the storminess. (Probably true too.)

Dream: Astronaut

 

I am in a charming old wood house in a city or town, with a group of other people. We have astronaut suits, and I try one on, leave the house from the upper floor, and walk on the moon for a bit. My suit has a good helmet and jacket, but the pants and boots are almost like regular pants and boots. It still seems to work well.

I don’t have a good sense of what this dream is about. I was concerned about entering space and walking on the moon, but didn’t have any problems at all. Maybe that’s a hint. I wonder if it has to do with meeting what’s here – seeing the images and words, and feeling the sensations – and finding that it’s not nearly as scary as it initially seemed. It’s actually quite comfortable and fun as I get into it, and find trust through experience.

Dream of a future

 

I notice I have a dream of a future (or several dreams, related to each other) that still hold some charge for me.

My sense is that these dreams can be very helpful in our early life. It gives us optimism, hope, drive, excitement, a direction and more. It certainly did for me.

And as I have had my dreams crushed in different ways (sometimes after having lived them for a while), I notice I would like to take a closer look at what’s going on.

Is there a way to see these dreams more as they are, and still move through life in a way that’s satisfying and feels right?

How would it be to see the dreams more as they are, and see what happens? How is it to be more sober around my dreams? (Not to abandon them, or put them down, but see them more clearly.) How is it to instead, perhaps, live from my heart? My guidance? From what feels most alive here and now?

Is it possible that my dreams may limit the options I am aware of and see as possible for me? Do I limit myself if I hold onto my dreams too closely? If they have a role in motivation, at least for a while, may they also lead me to limit myself and my life?

For instance, as many others, I have a dream about a certain type of relationship (deep soul/heart connection, deep alignment, deep sense of rightness), and a certain type of life (from the heart, with love, in service, in joy, deep sense of rightness), and more.

I remember a situation where my relationship dream was activated. I see it as an image, and feel it too.

Look at the image. Take your time. Is that image the dream? (No, it’s an image.) Is that image the actual future? (No, it’s an image here and now.)

Feel the sensations. Allow them their space. Are those sensations the dream? (No.) Are those sensations the actual future? (No.)

More images, words and sensations may come up associated with this dream, including anxiety about it not happening, and I can look at each of these in a similar way. I get to see how my mind creates this dream. I get to see (and feel) some or most of what it’s composed of. There may be less sense of urgency, and more ease around it.

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Recurrent childhood dream: Witch

 

I am climbing the ladder up to the attic. As I reach the attic and look around, the ladder and floor disappear. I fall down through darkness. After a while, I see a cauldron and a witch looking up at me, grinning. I wake up.

This was one of my recurrent childhood dreams.

Some ways I can explore this:

I wish you love. I wish you ease. (To the witch, and myself in the dream.)

Tonglen. Ho’oponopono. (To the witch, and myself.)

Inquiry on my thoughts about her and the situation. (She is evil. I will die. Something terrible is happening.)

The Living Inquiries on the situation. (UI on her, me, the cauldron, death, fear. AI. CI.)

Active Imagination. Asking her who she is, what she can show me. What wisdom she brings.

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Dream: Invisibility clothing

 

I am with a group of people who have developed and demonstrate invisibility clothing.

This was a vivid dream, although I don’t remember many details.

It resonates with me in at least two ways:

I have been seeing a belief in me that it’s safer to stay invisible and small. It’s a belief that was formed in childhood, and perhaps especially in elementary and middle school. (I was a quite active and engaged child, and frequently raised my hand in class, and some other kids in class gave me “the look” and expressed their dislike of it and me.) This is something I want to explore more in inquiry.

Also, through the inquiry the awareness aspect of everything is more in the foreground. Whatever is here is awareness itself, including what may appear the most solid. In that, there is a sense of transparency to what’s here, which can be taken as a form of invisibility. It’s so transparent and ephemeral it’s almost not here. (Unless I get caught up in beliefs, then what’s believed seems solid enough for a while.)

So the dream may encourage me to (a) look at my invisibility assumptions (inquiry), and (b) notice the transparency even when things appear more solid.

Dream: A monster keeps me paralyzed

 

I am in bed. A monster holds me captured by keeping me paralyzed.

This is a good image of my experience right now. I am back in Oregon, and had the sense I would feel a bit paralyzed and drained of ambition after returning here, and that’s been my experience too. And a part of me does see whatever paralyzes me as a monster. I want to explore this further. What are the beliefs that paralyzes me? How do I relate to these beliefs and feeling paralyzed? What do I find when I take these thoughts to inquiry? What do I find through the Living Inquiries – on the scary monster, being paralyzed, being someone this is happening to? How is it to hold satsang with all of this – the monster, my resistance to it?

Dream: Train platform

 

I take the train from Oslo to Ski, and see that they have changed the location and layout of the train station. The station is now right by where my old elementary school is, and closer to where I live. It’s also set up as a series of wood ramps, and the last one is very steep and difficult to get up. I realize that for some people, including my parents, it may be impossible to use the ramps.

I grew up in Ski, and have often taken the train between Oslo and Ski. In the dream, I felt responsible for the difficult access. The dream may be connected with my childhood (elementary school), things appearing more difficult and convoluted than they need to be, and that I – my mind – is responsible for the unneeded complexity.

Witch: Thank you for protecting me

 

Holding satsang with the witch from my recurrent childhood dream, it’s especially interesting to notice what happens when I say thank you for protecting me.

There is a shift from my habitual way of thinking about the witch – that she is bad, evil, should go away, and that I need protection from her, to exploring how she is protecting me. I see that I am trying to protect myself through my image of an evil witch. I create that image in an attempt to protect myself.

Or, rather, my mind is creating an image of an evil witch in an attempt to protect the image of me. And it identifies with these images, hold them as true.

I also see it’s all innocent. It’s all from love.

Dream: The devil

 

I am in a quite large old American car, and a man in a blue suit is in the back seat. He has some sort of connection with the devil, and I know the devil will arrive shortly. Somehow, I am able to do something that prevents him from coming there and then.

This dream helps me see that I still see certain things as inherently bad and evil, and I wish to meet that too with love. It feels much more peaceful, more aligned with reality. What do I see as bad, wrong or evil? What in the world do I see as wrong, bad, evil? What in myself do I see as bad, wrong, evil? How is it to meet it in satsang, in inquiry, with ho’oponopono, with love? What fears come up? How is it to meet these fears in satsang, in inquiry, with ho’o, with love?

Dream: Ghost lady

 

I am in a large attic and know a white ghost lady is typically there. I call to see if someone is there.

This is similar to several other dreams I have had the last one or two years or so. Someone is there – as a shadow, sometimes just outside of my view – and I sense that person has some importance to me. I call out for the person to identify him or herself. I want to know the person.

This may represent sensing or knowing subpersonalities I previously didn’t know, and calling out to it to get to let it know my intent of getting to know it better. There is often a mixture of fear and curiosity there, and also sincere interest.

Dream: Someone whistling back to me

 

I am in a beautiful two story wooden house in the countryside. A couple of other people are in the house as well. In the evening, I whistle a melody as I walk around and do my things. Early in the morning, after I got up, I hear someone whistling the same melody outside the house.

Hearing the same melody whistled near the house is slightly unnerving, and also exciting and curious. I wonder who it is, and sense that whomever is whistling has a connection to me and has something to share with me or offer me.

Dream: A machine became sentient

 

I install a small piece of software in a computer and turn it off. When I turn it on a few days later, it has developed intelligence – a kind intelligence that’s more childlike at first. I have a sense it will develop and mature.

I had done some quite deep processing with a friend the night before, using the “trail of crumbs” approach (bringing attention to the densest sensations in the body, breathe, notice and inquire into beliefs) and holding satsang with parts of me. It went into areas I have been aware of and where there is more to feel, love and see. The dream may reflect that what was automatic (a part of me operating from a belief) now is starting to become sentient, a little more wise and kind.

Dream: A friend of mine has a second house

 

I am visiting S., a friend of mine in England, at her house. She then takes me to her second house which is very large and well tended, and has a garden that is more of a well groomed park. I am surprised since she hasn’t mentioned it before, and it somehow also feels natural and expected.

This dream was vivid and felt very real, and even upon waking it seemed this was a place I could visit. A simple way of understanding this dream is that there is more to her than I have seen or known before, and that this – of course – reflects what’s in me. It is me.

Dream: An invasion

 

There is an invasion of sorts. A German (or Russian?) soldier comes into my house and tries to be friendly although I get the sense he wants something from me. I am polite back and am not giving it to him. I look over to the neighbor’s house and see that a soldier is there too.

I am now a different person and am hiding up in the mountains, in a small village (in the Alps?). I have amnesia but know I am a foreigner and in hiding from the soldiers who are mostly in the lowlands. A local man comes with a newspaper, and there is a picture of me on the back. I look quite handsome, and it turn out I am quite well known where I am from.

I don’t often have these types of dreams, although it has happened. There was a sense of mild confusion throughout it all, from not quite understanding what was happening in the first dream, and from having amnesia in the second. This does reflect my day experience right now. There is a sense of feeling a little “lost” in terms of my “inner” process, even if I do have tools and hold satsang with what’s coming up. I also feel somewhat lost in my life in the world, mostly from the cf and not quite knowing what my next steps will be (and some fear around it). There is also a sense of “amnesia” since the “dark night” phase seems to have wiped out much of who I was and my memories of my earlier life has less of a sense of “me” around them. Both of these dreams were observed from a third person perspective, and the main character is not who I am in waking life, but also clearly “me” in the dream (as everyone and everything really are).

Recurrent childhood dream: Falling into a witch’s cauldron

 

I had a recurrent dream as a child.

I climb up the ladder to the attic in our house. As I get high enough to see into the attic, the ladder and floor disappear. I fall through darkness for a while, until I see that I am about to fall into a cauldron stirred by a witch.  She looks up at me and grins.

Since whatever shows up in my dreams are clearly me, I can have satsang with this witch  (and any other element of the dream) as I would any other part of me and my experience.

You are welcome here.

Thank you for protecting me. (I can assume she is here to protect me, even if I am not sure exactly how yet.)

What would satisfy you forever?

Who are you really?

And some beliefs:

Something terrible will happen. I will die. She is evil.

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Dream: Marathon in San Francisco

 

I join some friends in running a marathon in San Francisco. I aim at finishing at a good time, and also enjoy the experience. On my way, I meet four school mates from elementary/middle school who are having lunch at a restaurant. I sit down with them for a few minutes.

I feel good running this marathon, which is an interesting experience after some time with chronic fatigue. I also enjoy being relaxed and free enough to sit down with some friends in the middle of it. San Francisco is probably the place in the world I feel the most at home, and the most with “my tribe”.