Dream: An invasion


There is an invasion of sorts. A German (or Russian?) soldier comes into my house and tries to be friendly although I get the sense he wants something from me. I am polite back and am not giving it to him. I look over to the neighbor’s house and see that a soldier is there too.

I am now a different person and am hiding up in the mountains, in a small village (in the Alps?). I have amnesia but know I am a foreigner and in hiding from the soldiers who are mostly in the lowlands. A local man comes with a newspaper, and there is a picture of me on the back. I look quite handsome, and it turn out I am quite well known where I am from.

I don’t often have these types of dreams, although it has happened. There was a sense of mild confusion throughout it all, from not quite understanding what was happening in the first dream, and from having amnesia in the second. This does reflect my day experience right now. There is a sense of feeling a little “lost” in terms of my “inner” process, even if I do have tools and hold satsang with what’s coming up. I also feel somewhat lost in my life in the world, mostly from the cf and not quite knowing what my next steps will be (and some fear around it). There is also a sense of “amnesia” since the “dark night” phase seems to have wiped out much of who I was and my memories of my earlier life has less of a sense of “me” around them. Both of these dreams were observed from a third person perspective, and the main character is not who I am in waking life, but also clearly “me” in the dream (as everyone and everything really are).

Recurrent childhood dream: Falling into a witch’s cauldron


I had a recurrent dream as a child.

I climb up the ladder to the attic in our house. As I get high enough to see into the attic, the ladder and floor disappear. I fall through darkness for a while, until I see that I am about to fall into a cauldron stirred by a witch.  She looks up at me and grins.

Since whatever shows up in my dreams are clearly me, I can have satsang with this witch  (and any other element of the dream) as I would any other part of me and my experience.

You are welcome here.

Thank you for protecting me. (I can assume she is here to protect me, even if I am not sure exactly how yet.)

What would satisfy you forever?

Who are you really?

And some beliefs:

Something terrible will happen. I will die. She is evil.

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Dream: Marathon in San Francisco


I join some friends in running a marathon in San Francisco. I aim at finishing at a good time, and also enjoy the experience. On my way, I meet four school mates from elementary/middle school who are having lunch at a restaurant. I sit down with them for a few minutes.

I feel good running this marathon, which is an interesting experience after some time with chronic fatigue. I also enjoy being relaxed and free enough to sit down with some friends in the middle of it. San Francisco is probably the place in the world I feel the most at home, and the most with “my tribe”.

Waking dream: Chamber with silver and gold


I wake up early and notice the effects of having had sugar last night.

As food reactions so often do for me, this one brings up some old wounds, fears, regrets, and beliefs. It shows me some of what’s left.

After some initial struggle and resistance, there is a shift into remembering what I wish for myself: Recognize it all as God (as awakeness), notice how it’s all already allowed and welcomed, find in me where I – as a human being – welcome it, notice it’s from worried love, notice my love for it.

I am still quiet in bed, and drift off into a dream state. I am in a quite beautiful stone hall. The stones are very light grey with a level surface. A chamber under the floor reveals itself to me. It’s beautifully ornamented, from the Italian Renaissance, and contains a large amount of silver, some gold, and some jewels.

As there is a shift from identified mind (resistance, struggle, caught up in images and beliefs) to non-identified mind (noticing it’s already welcome, it’s awakeness, it’s worried love, it’s loved), a treasure reveals itself.

Dream: Couple moving on


I am hosting a couple travelling through. They are here for a few days, and I notice I like them, admire them, and would like to stay in touch. As they leave, they let me know they don’t want connection with me later on.

This reflects some situations in my waking life, and brings up some thoughts/beliefs in me to look at:

They don’t love me. They don’t like me.

I need their love. I need them to like me.

It’s better if the want to stay in contact.

They don’t want contact, and that means….

They don’t love me. They don’t like me. They see me as weird. They are uncomfortable around me. I make them uncomfortable.

They don’t love me, and that means….

I am unlovable. I will be alone. I will suffer. I am a failure. I will die. I will die alone.

My life is worthless. I am worthless.

Dream: Skull and hole


I have removed my skull and apply heat to it in an attempt to make it stronger. A doctor is quite concerned and recommends against it. I return the skull to it’s place. It was quite clear the whole time that this was a futile attempt.

I am in a Spanish speaking town or neighborhood, and unable to get back to where I am staying. It’s getting late, I am slightly concerned for my camera and wallet, so try to find a safe place. I go down a set of steps into a shaft or basement of some sort, realize I won’t be able to get up until dawn, and also that it’s not safer than anywhere else.

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Dream: Young woman


 I met a young woman and we find a beautiful connection the first day. Then we lose connection, and find each other some time later. She has an injury.

I didn’t write down more after I woke up, and as I write this- some days later – I don’t remember more details. What I do remember is a beautiful soul connection, and that we reconnected. She had an injury, and it had no impact on our beautiful connection. It’s of course what happens when (a) I consciously connect with an aspect of reality or a part of me, one that brings up a sense of soul connection, (b) then “forget” that connection, and (c) rediscover it. And that’s a quite familiar process to me.

Dream: The world is ending


Everyone knows the world – or at least our lives – will end in a few days. Many people are out in the streets with family and friends, enjoying themselves. It’s a relaxed and sober atmosphere. I am on my own, and decide to visit B.K. & P. W. who I haven’t seen since Wisconsin. It turns out they live in a quite beautiful and interesting intentional community, created by an Indian guru. I see some Buddhist texts there.

The world will end in a few days, and everyone knows it. The atmosphere is relaxed, sober, and people enjoy themselves and spend time with family and friends, mostly outdoors so they also can experience sun, wind, air, the red and yellow fall leaves. I knew BK and PT from my sustainability work in Wisconsin, and experienced a deep sense of community there and with them.

The world will end. Does it mean that my world – as it is now – will end? Will something shift so my world, as I know it now, will end? The dream may be a reminder that this is already happening anyway, or it may point to a more obvious shift. In the dream, there is a shared knowing that the world will end, and people are relaxed and spend the remaining time with people important to them, enjoying everyday life for the few remaining days.

For the second part of the dream, I notice a longing for community, for the one I had in Wisconsin, and for some of the ones I have visited (Findhorn, Vækstcenteret) and know about .

Day residue: A conversation about projections and apocalyptic scenarios, and looking at a book including intentional communities.

Dream: Do you really think God can be defined by theology?


I am attending an outdoors Church event, and as part of a ceremony we all have brought cards with Christ-related imagery. Afterwards, a guy comes up to me and tells me that the image on my card didn’t fit his theology. I ask him do you really think God can be defined by theology? and then move on.

I am not sure what this dream is about, other than showing me more direct and outspoken than I sometimes am in waking life. Normally, I would listen politely, thank him, and move on. In the dream, I listened briefly, said what was on my mind, and then moved on. I didn’t say all of what I thought – that it’s absurd, and a bit childish, to think that God can be defined by or confined within the limits of any theology, this was reflected in how I said what I did.  Thoughts create boundaries and generalize, and reality is more than and different from anything a thought can point to.

The theology enthusiast also reflects me, of course. Whenever I hold onto a thought as true, I create my own theology. I even worship that thought as a god. In my mind, reality – including me – is confined to what fits the thought, and whatever doesn’t fit is ignored or explained away.

Dream: Hey, cut it out


Dream 1:

I am with a group and we go to a new ageish bookstore in an old caste. It’s a form of a gathering or party. I see two strong guys ganging up against another, bullying him. Many sees it but don’t seem to want to get involved. I shout hey, cut it out, knowing the bullies may turn against me. They look at me.

Dream 2:

I speak out against a powerful and wealthy man. He had hoped to have me join his group, instead I was honest, said what I saw, and spoke out against him. He set his people on me with the intention of beating me but I was able to escape. His men came after me a second time, and I again tried to escape.

In both cases, I spoke up against bullies, and in both cases I knew and was willing to take the possible consequences. It was worth it. In both cases, the dream also ended before anything happened. And the second dream was more of a third person dream, where the main character is someone else (although a bit similar to me in age and personality), and there is no “I” in the dream apart from the “camera”. Both dreams had quite similar themes, and were quite rich, detailed and vivid, as a well made movie.

Dream: Cleaning up the dirt


I and a few friends move down a stream and clean it up. Among other things, I use a hose to flush away cat and bird poop. At one point, the pressure on the water is a bit low, but it still works and it picks up again.

In the dream, it’s clear that this a job we want to do. It feels right. It’s unpleasant at times, and yet it feels good to do it. I have an image of how the stream will be after it’s cleaned up, the water flows more freely, and plants and animals return more fully. It’s quite beautiful, refreshing, and full of life.

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Dream: Ladder or staircase


I am one of several guests in a large, old and quite distinguished house. Somehow, it seems to belong to my family and partly me. We are there for a gathering over a few days, which includes socializing and food. My room is on the second or third floor, and as I descend the stairs, I notice and comment that they seem a bit creaky. The next day, they are closed for repair and our only way down to the ground floor is through a large hole in the floor and a rickety ladder. I remember my fear of heights, and it’s OK, I still use the ladder. Later in the day, I stand on the ladder gathering some things of mine on the floor of the second level. Several people wait to descend, get impatient, and start using the ladder. I climb down, a small boy climbs onto the ladder above me, and the ladder with us on it falls to the floor. There is a sharp sound as the boy falls to the floor. I am OK, walk over and ask the boy if he is OK, and he says yes. I then go to my hosts and tell them that this is not working. Either they repair and open the stars again, give me a room on the first (ground) floor, or I will leave.

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Dream: Old car


I am looking at an old car participating in a race. It’s from the early 1900s, may be a bit modified, and runs on coal. The assistant leaves, and the driver encourages me to take over for the rest of the race. I agree, and discover there are only a few lumps of coal left in addition to a portion of smaller wood pieces. It’s enough to keep us going, but not as fast as if we had coal. We stop by a large and old stone building where there is a large group of people I have a connection with, and I ask if any of them have coal. Several go off to get some. We proceed with the race before they have returned.

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Dream: Tibetan teacher


I am with two friends of mine who attend a teaching by a Tibetan master. He has a clarity and depth I have rarely seen in anyone. Afterwards, he comes up to me. I get the sense he sees something in me, assume I do the same, so he doesn’t need to address it verbally or even nonverbally. After we talk for a bit, there is a sense that he sees us as the same, cut from the same piece so to speak, and is slightly surprised when he realizes I don’t recognize it the same way. To him, I – at one level – pretend to be confused and in pain, and it’s just a temporary confusion. He refers to a couple of books he has written, out of a set of six. He then says: There is a fear among us Moby Dicks that the pain of contraction will be too much.

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Dream: Seven in one


I become friends with a young man, and he says he wants to tell me something he hasn’t told anyone before. He takes me aside, and does a very impressive performance that involves yoga and other movements. He then reveals – to my astonishment – that he is made up of seven little people. They each make up parts of the body, are hidden under the clothes, and have practiced their whole life in making up one person. They then repeat that I am the first one they have revealed this to, and say they sometimes appear as two female twins as well.

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Dream: Growing an onion


I stay at a beautiful co-housing community oriented towards sustainability and eco-spirituality. John Seed, the Australian deep-ecologist and rain forest activist is here to hold a workshop over a few days. At the beginning of the workshop, we are all given an onion in a jar filled with nutritious water, and we are to plant it in a larger pot. I see that some only use the nutritious water and others add soil. I ask a woman next to me about it and she says we can add soil if we feel we need or want more grounding. I add several handfuls of moist, dark, crumbly soil.

Dream: Unmusical ghosts


I am at a place that’s similar to a traditional Japanese temple complex. I have been there for a while, studying and enjoying myself, and as not many others are there I have played music while studying outside and inside of the different buildings. I realize that since there are several ghosts there, I would like ask them what type of music they would prefer to listen to. I ask a small group of ghosts in conversation with each other, and they don’t seem to pay much attention to me. I even list a few of the categories – classical, Native American, pop – to invite a response. Then I move on, asking more ghosts, but none seem very interested. I get the impression that they are used to being ignored, so when I initiate contact and ask for their input, they just continue whatever they were doing without paying much attention to me.

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Dream: And fresh celery


I told someone about ho’oponopono.  She came back to me a few days later, very excited, and said it worked great. She really enjoyed saying the simple sentences:

I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. And fresh celery

I realized that after telling her about ho’o, I had mentioned I was dropping off some fresh celery for a friend, and she must have thought it was part of the practice.

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Dream: Selling off my books


I realize that my brother is selling off most or all of his comic books and regular books from his childhood and teens, and has included many of my books as well. I am slightly disturbed and begin saving some of them for nostalgic reasons, and also realize I haven’t read or missed them since my childhood and teens.

I wonder if this has to do with my inquiries on my childhood and teens? There is a sense of cherished stories about that time falling away simply because they are revealed as not true. It’s also interesting that I am not selling them off, someone else does, and that’s the experience in inquiry as well.

Day residue: I am going to a flea market this morning, and may buy some comic books (Tintin).

Christ with a sword


I sense that this really powerful aspect of the Christ, the one that carries the sword is the next really powerful archetype that is about to unfold for the collective.
– from an email from Barry responding to my dream about the white wolf.

Here is something very simple that comes up for me around the white wolf and Christ with a sword:

Through Tension/Trauma Release Exercises (TRE), tension and trauma is released from the body. A facet of this process is a reorganization of me at all levels – mental, emotional, energetic and physical – in a way that is more natural and healthy, wise and kind. And this more healthy and natural functioning includes (what appears as) the most primal aspects of me, the ones that have an earlier evolutionary origin.

Through inquiry, there is more clarity around thoughts, and this also opens up for a more natural, healthy, wise and kind functioning. Some of these beliefs are very basic and form my perception about life and death, me and the world, survival and so on. And these and any other beliefs create my whole world. They filter, label and interpret perception. They create emotions, the appearance of instincts, and even what appears as the most primal impulses. So when there is more clarity around these thoughts, even what appears as most primal in me is more aligned with reality (Spirit). It functions in a more healthy and natural way, in a way that looks more kind and wise. The primal aspects of me are more aligned with reality, and – in a certain sense – are more in service of reality awake to itself.

So the white wolf can be seen as the primal impulses aligned with reality. And Christ with a sword can be seen as Christ functioning through a human self where more of the most primal is more aligned with reality. (I use the word “more” since I assume it’s an ongoing process for anyone, even – or perhaps especially – for those where there is more clarity.)

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Dream: Cross country skiing


I am attending a long-distance cross country skiing event with a team. I go for a while, then rest in a comfortable vehicle while others on the team go. It’s night. I shift between feeling overwhelmed by thinking of the very long distances we are going, seeing it’s been OK so far, and suspecting the feelings of overwhelm and exhaustion may be created by my thoughts about it being exhausting in the future.

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Dream: White wolf


I am invited to be the guest of the king and queen of Norway for a few days, and we enjoy a good connection. As part of the visit, I am invited to a Sunday morning church service. It’s a small and beautiful church. I arrive early. As I look for the toilets, I see a large mirror on a wall and a white wolf appears in it. It moves around in the mirror looking at me very intently, as if it wants to convey something to me. I get the sense that it has been expecting me.

The image of an old woman with white hair replaces the wolf. She grimaces at me. Another church goer comes up next to me, also on his way to the bathroom. He has been coming to the church regularly and is familiar with the woman. She now appears in the form of white smoke up under the ceiling, still scowling and grimacing at us.

I decide to find a seat, and three class mates (A., T, S-E) from elementary and middle school comes and sit down next to me. Only I and S-E sing.

(a) I become good friends with the king and queen. We enjoy an easy connection and have much in common. (b) The white wolf in the mirror was beautiful, strong, and had a fierce determination. There was a clear sense that it had been expecting me and wanted to convey something to me, although the time wasn’t quite ripe yet. This was an initial contact. (c) The old woman replacing the wolf brought up some fear in me. She was a ghost, and appeared as white smoke in the room when the other man came. He and the other church goers were used to it and unshaken. (d) My three school mates arriving was a surprise to me. One (A.) was/is (?) an atheist. I am not sure if T. is or not. And S-E had/has a good heart so I was less surprised to see him there. We are the only two who sing along to the hymns. The church itself was small and very beautiful, a jewel of a church.

After waking up, I explore the image of the white wolf. It feels powerful and important, and is somehow very moving for me. The white wolf is strong, independent, primal and with a fierce determination. I get a sense it’s a primal aspect of Christ – fierce and completely at home in the body. It feels a bit overwhelming, and I wonder if the old woman appearing to replace it represents my fears. I used to be quite afraid of ghosts as a child, and that fear surfaced  in the dream again. There is a sense that the white wolf is there only for me (at this time), and the ghost is familiar to everyone.

Beliefs about the white wolf, the fierce primal aspect of Christ fully at home in the body:

It’s too much. It’s overwhelming. I am not ready. It will demand too much of me. My life will change too much. I don’t know how to bring it in/live from it. I need to know how to bring it in/live from it.

Beliefs about the ghost:

I need to know what/who she is. She is scary to me. She can harm me.

Childhood beliefs about ghosts:

They are scary, unknown. I don’t want to meet them. They can harm me. They represent something dark.

Day residue: I read about The Quest for the Unicorn a few days ago, and thought about it again last night, especially how unicorns often represent Christ. Before going to sleep, I listened a bit to chapter 15 of The Order of the Phoenix where Sirius Black’s mother appears in a picture, screaming.

Dream: Conversation after death


I am a man in my 50s or 60s in a small town in the mountains near the west coast of Norway. My younger brother, another man I don’t know very well, and I are having a cup of coffee, something to eat and a good conversation. I tell the new man about the village and the nature around here, about some fishing trips and other things. As I am about to leave, I find myself still sitting there. I remember I am dead (I drowned the summer before in a mountain lake while out in my rowboat). I also notice that my brother is about to laugh since I intended to leave but still find myself sitting there, and that the new man may scare himself as he realizes I am dead. A little while passes. I am not sure what to do, so I say “boo”.

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Dream: Ladder to Heaven


I am at an art gallery in Oslo with an artist friend of mine and another person, and we are having a good conversation. A woman who manages the gallery is upset with us and tells us to climb down. I look down and realize I am on the top of a ladder which symbolizes the steps to heaven. The top steps are quite delicate and the bottom ones larger and made out of silver with some ornamentation on the lower part. As we reach the floor, the woman realizes we are with the artist who made the ladder and apologizes.

I am at the same place, playing a game with friends. I wander off briefly, get distracted, and they are gone when I return. One has left a message that she is upset with me for getting distracted by something else.

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Dream: Father of a son


I am at a public event where I am about to speak. Someone tells me my son is there and would like to speak with me. I am shocked to realize I have completely forgotten about him. He is rightly quite upset with me for neglecting him for so long, and I commit to be a better father. He is quite small and amphibian, perhaps from lack of attention from my side.

When I explore this through active imagination, he grows taller and quite beautiful through receiving attention and love. He seems to be a part of me that connects with spirit or God in a more intimate and personal way. This was alive for me prior to my time at the Zen center, and now may be returning. He may be amphibian since we all are, in a sense (aquatic animals), during gestation. I notice that this unfolding of the active imagination seems a bit too “nice” so I would like to revisit it.


Dream – Guest Blog

A dream a friend (R.W.) of mine had about me about a year ago.
There was a computer on a stand which I was sharing with people I’ve known from different times of my life. It was busy with people coming and going, checking their email, etc. Next to the computer stand was a staircase that led to an open trapdoor into Italy. People dressed in flamboyant colors and styles, talking and laughing loudly, were coming up and down the stairs. I saw P. in the room~he looked very young and lithe, as if he were in his twenties, although he was his current age. We greeted each other and sat down on a sofa to get caught up on our lives.
 “I’m so happy about this staircase to Italy,” P. told me, “since I now have three Italian girlfriends!”
Three?! ” I said. “Do they know about each other?”
“Oh yes, they certainly do,” he said, smirking. “And here, let me show you what it’s like!” He began shaking violently, rocking the sofa and causing me to shake, too.
When he was finished, he said to me intensely, “Rachael, you’re only visual and mental in your perceptions of the world. There are so many other ways to experience being alive!”
I became angry and yelled “Oh, quit your new-age bullshit, P.! The visual and mental are perfectly fine ways of experiencing the world.” By now many of the others in the room had turned around to watch.
It’s a fun synchronicity that the dream involves (a) shaking and (b) finding youthfulness, aliveness and coming more into the body, and that the dream happened about the time I first heard about TRE and a few weeks before I had tried it. I had not mentioned it to R.W. at that time. I also enjoy and resonate with what I said in the dream, and that she stood up for herself!

Dream: Elevator


I live in an apartment building and am about to take the elevator down. It’s an open paternoster elevator. A woman waits with me and steps out too soon so she falls down. I am certain she will be killed. My fear of heights surface. She then floats up safely, only to be nearly crushed by another elevator. A small group of people appear and one of the pushes the red stop button for the elevators. It seems it was all a test to see how I would react, and I see I froze due to my fear of heights and also because of frozen parts of me here and now – initially frozen in childhood. 

Some beliefs to look at:

I will fall. I will die. It’s terrible to die. If I die, it means something is wrong. I will miss out (of life, experiences) if I die now.

I am responsible for helping. I should have done something. She expected me to help her.

It’s safer to be numb/frozen. I am safer if I hold back/am passive. I am safer if others don’t see/notice me.

Dream: Reviewing, remembering a life


I am interviewing, getting to know, and reviewing the life of an amazing person, who is me and not me. He or she works with a number of other people on research projects relating to art, art history, photography, architecture, sociology, biology, ecology and sustainability. I am shown their research projects, which are very familiar to me and yet not.

About to review a turning point in this person’s life, I pass a lake I swam in often as a child. The water is there, and yet not. Initially, I walk on the bottom of the lake and look up. It’s beautiful with clean sand, and I can see the fish swimming and the plants on the bottom and floating on the surface. Then I swim under water, as if there is water there while it’s also not. I don’t need to surface to breathe. This is apparently how this person functions, and it’s very familiar while also not. It’s my life, and it’s as if I am just reminded of it.

Going back to a turning point in this person’s life, I see that he is a man and his life has stagnated a bit. He has done art and much more, and the zest has gone out of his life. A woman comes, who is partly physical and partly not. She floats as she arrives. She is partly him and partly not. They were originally one, then had separate lives, and now she returns. He had forgotten they were one, and also now remembers. They are now one and not, and benefit from their combined experience and abilities, and do amazing work – both inner work and in the world. As she arrives, she reminds him how she can benefit him by touching a woman who is his client, and supporting her to be comfortable in a way he was initially not able to. This person has had and will have an amazingly rich life, both inner life and in the world, physically and not, as man and woman and both and neither. There is a fullness and richness here as rich as the world, and a freedom in that richness.

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Dream: Obstacle Course


I easily and quickly pass through a large public obstacle course. It’s early in the morning and few others have started. On the other side, I decide to return and go through it the other way. I realize the obstacle course is far more difficult and challenging than I first thought. About half way, looking down at a tall vertical wall, I decide to take a break. I find some friends there and get into a different adventure with them (inside of an old mansion part of the course). And there is the awareness that I can just leave the obstacle course. I don’t have to go through it again either way.

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