It’s a wrong choice -> It’s a right choice

 

This is a common set of thoughts for us humans:

I made a wrong choice.

It’s a wrong choice.

It’s possible to make a wrong choice.

What do I find when I explore one of these, keeping a specific situation in mind?

It’s a wrong choice.

TA: I am a wrong choice.

When the idea of “wrong choice” is held as true, there is identification with that view, and “I” become that view.

In that sense, I am – I am identified with the idea of – a wrong choice, that it’s possible, that it happened, that it may happen again, and all the things it means to me.

TA: It’s a right choice.

If it happens, it’s because it seems right to me. It may come from wisdom, love, guidance, or it may come from beliefs and being caught up in fears, and yet it feels like the right choice in the moment.

Life allows it to happen. It’s life itself appearing as that choice and its consequences, so it cannot be so inherently, absolutely “wrong” that it’s not possible.

It gives me feedback. If I act from beliefs and being caught up in fears, the (inner/outer) consequences gives me feedback and invites me to take a closer look at these beliefs.

TA: It’s not a wrong choice.

I cannot find the idea of right or wrong choice outside of my own images of it. People may say it’s a right/wrong choice, my thoughts may say so, and yet I cannot find it outside of my own images and ideas of it. It’s not inherent in the world itself (if we can even talk about that).

It gives me feedback. It’s “right” in that sense.

Innumerable causes – stretching back to the beginning of time and to the widest reaches of the universe – has led to it. Who am I to argue with the whole of existence? (And I notice I don’t want to use that as an excuse for acting from beliefs and unloved fears.)

Mini-Inqiury: She should do inquiry

 

She should do inquiry.

TA: I should do inquiry

I doing inquiry is what will benefit me.

I can find my own resolution.

TA: She shouldn’t do inquiry

If she doesn’t, she shouldn’t.

She is not there now.

Life is not supporting it now.

TA: She should do confusion

If she is, she should.

It may show her what’s painful, how not to live.

It triggers me and takes me to inquiry.

Contraction and expansion

 

Sometimes, there is is a sense of contraction here. Mind gets identified, and “I” and my world begin to feel very small, isolated. Other times, there is a sense of expansion, of no separation, of my world feeling large and spacious.

And is that true? Is it true there is contraction? I find a situation where I experienced contraction (two nights ago when fear, wounds and heartache came up). Is it true it’s a contraction? No. What I imagine as a contraction, the image I have of contraction, happens within spaciousness. It happens within and as awareness. Mind was identified with/as contraction, and at the same time, there is awareness of spaciousness, and of it happening as awareness.

Is it true there is expansion? I find a situation where I experienced expansion (the day after). Is it true, it’s expansion? No. It’s happening within and as awareness. It’s not expansion. What I imagine as contraction and expansion both happen within and as awareness. It’s not really contraction or expansion.

I can look at this a little closer.

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Inquiry: It’s suffering

 

As with so much, this is something that I assume is transparent if it resonates with your own experience, and appears opaque and mysterious – and perhaps even impossible or as wishful thinking – if not.

Any experience happens within and as what I am. It’s the play of this awakeness, and that which allows this awakeness and it’s play.

Any label on this experience is mind made, it’s created from images and thoughts. When mind identifies with these, the labels seem real and substantial. I see, feel and live as if they are true. And it’s also possible to take a closer look, to see these dynamics, and see what’s there behind the labels and images.

As I went to bed, something surfaced. Something that thought could label old wounds, old heartbreaks, childhood hurts, knots, unfinished business, primal fears, survival fears.

Thoughts also suggested it’s pain, it’s suffering. Turned around, the thought is it’s bliss. And I found that too. It’s bliss. That’s as or more true than that it’s suffering. I see how it’s all the play of awareness, of this awakeness. It’s made of the same as any other experience. It’s the play of awakeness.

If it’s bliss, if that label is genuinely fitting, why escape it? There is no need to escape it. No wish to escape it. Even what can be labeled an old impulse to escape, is this bliss. It’s the play of awakeness.

I also see it takes something – commitment, curiosity, kindness, grace? – to stay with this. In a certain sense, it goes against old habits. And that’s an image and a thought too. It’s just what’s here now.

 

 

Inquiry: My mother doesn’t love me

 

Situation: My mother shouting at me and blaming me for her breaking something in the kitchen while I was in the living room playing. I was four or five years old.

1. I am afraid of my mother because she is angry at me.

2. I want my mother to not be angry at me, to love me, to understand I didn’t do anything, to love herself.

3. My mother shouldn’t be angry at me, she shouldn’t shout at me, she should love me, she should breathe and calm down, she should find clarity.

4. I need my mother to love me, to love herself, to tell me it’s all OK, to tell me I am OK.

5. My mother is angry, confused, upset, afraid, hurt, blinded.

6. I don’t ever want my mother to be angry at me again.

Additional beliefs:

She is angry at me, and that means…. She doesn’t love me. She will leave me. I will be alone. I will be lost. I will suffer. I will die.

She is angry at me because…. There is something wrong with me. I did something wrong. I am not lovable. I should be punished.

(more…)

Generational suffering / dynamics

 

When I do inquiry, I see that whatever thought I am looking at, it’s universal. I imagine the same thought held as true by my parents, my brother, my wider culture, perhaps even most of humanity. I see it’s transmitted to me through my parents, my brother, my peers, media.

And it’s adopted by me in a very innocent way. It’s what others seem to do – taking this thought as true – so I do the same. In my innocence, I do it to fit in. Others seems to know something I don’t. It may help me somehow. I think it may help me find acceptance, approval, love, safety.

The belief is personal, since it’s happening here and operates in this life, and it’s impersonal to the extent it’s shared by larger groups of people. Some beliefs may be particular to my culture. And it’s underlying and more basic beliefs may be very ancient and shared by most of humanity.

It can be quite helpful to recognize this. What’s here is not just mine. It’s shared by my family, my culture, and perhaps most of humanity. It’s transmitted through the generations. I am doing the work not only for myself, but for my family, those around me, those who come after me, even for all of my ancestors who suffered through holding onto a particular thought as true.

And as with any thought, this one – about generational suffering and dynamics – can be stressful if held as absolutely true.

It’s generational suffering.

Is it true? No.

What happens, how do I react, when I take it as true? I feel it’s true. It becomes solid in my mind. It feels heavy. It becomes large in my mind, overwhelming. If it has been transmitted to me by so many generations, how can I expect it to end with me? I feel a responsibility of having it end with me, and it feels heavy. I think I may not be up to the task. I may transmit it to future generations, and be responsible for their suffering. I may fail in ending it here. 

Who would I be without that thought? I work on what’s here, free of stressful thoughts of it being ancient, of being responsible for stopping it here. I work on it more innocently. With joy, curiosity, interest. I feel more connected.

Can you find turnarounds? TA to self: I am generational suffering. When I have the thought of generational suffering, and take it as true, I am generational suffering. I feel the burden of my image of generational suffering. I experience the suffering of that thought. TA to opposite: It’s not generational suffering. I don’t know. It’s just a thought, an image. TA to opposite: It’s immediacy suffering. Yes, that’s more true. It’s here and now. Whatever my images of it, the suffering and the dynamics around the beliefs, happen here and now. I may have images of it being generational, or not, and it’s really  just here and now.

Mini-inquiry: My body is out of whack

 

My body is out of whack.

Situation: Yesterday, following dehydration.

#1 – Yes.

#2 – No.

#3 – I experience that my body is out of whack, it seems clear it’s true. I feel a victim of my body and circumstances.

#4 – Open, curious, relaxed. Going with what is. Noticing something is different, and it’s OK. Not in conflict with what’s here. Friendly towards myself, others.

TA: My mind is out of whack.

When I believe my body is out of whack, my mind is out of whack. It goes into resistance, victimhood, complains, tantrums.

TA: My thinking is out of whack.

My thinking – about my body – is out of whack.

When my thoughts create labels about my body (tired, fatigued, out of balance), when it goes into stories about what this means, and when these thoughts are taken as true, my thinking is out of whack.

– 0 –

Note

I explored these turnarounds as it happened, and could really see – and feel – that it’s true.

When my thoughts tell me my body is out of whack, and it’s taken as true, my thinking is out of whack.

–  0 –

Dark night inquiry

 

Why is the dark night the best for me, others, the world? 

For me

It helps me see what’s left.

It helps me see my wants, shoulds, needs – how I take (some of) them as true.

It’s an invitation for more of me to align with reality – through and through.

It’s an invitation to find comfort with all as guests – experiences, states, circumstances.

It helps me find comfort with this in myself, and so also in others. (Distress, loss.)

For others

I may be easier to be around, having looked at more of my beliefs.

I have more understanding for people in different situations.

(I judge them less, because I have been there.)

I find myself more as anyone else.

For the world

I have experiences and insights from this that may be helpful for the world.

(more…)

JYN: Alone in a crib in a dark room

 

Situation: Alone in a crib in a dark room. Infancy.

1. I am afraid because my mother abandoned me, she doesn’t love me, she is not there for me.

2. I want my mother to come and get me, let me stay with them, hold me, comfort me.

3. My mother should love me, be with me, make me comfortable, make me feel safe, make me feel secure, make me feel loved. My mother shouldn’t abandon me.

4. I need my mother to be with me, love me, care for me, be there for me.

5. My mother is absent, unloving, misguided, distracted.

6. I don’t ever want to experience being left alone again.

(more…)

Mini-inquiry: Life is unpredictable

 

Life is unpredictable.

–  0 –

TA: I am unpredictable.

(a) What’s next in terms of thoughts, feelings or actions is unknown to me.

(When I am honest, I see it’s a surprise.)

(b) I sometimes have a plan, and then decide to do something else.

(This has happened several times, especially in where I live and what I do.)

(c) Others may see me as unpredictable.

(I seem to surprise others, even people who know me well, when I tell them about phases from my past, or some of my interests and passions. I don’t seem to always conform to the images people have of me. Some that know me from Breema are surprised by my interest in science. Some that know me from sustainability are surprised by my interest in psychology. Some that know me from psychology are surprised by my interest in art. Some that know me from spirituality are surprised by my interest in space exploration. And so on.)

TA: Life is predictable.

(a) It’s predictable that I will say good bye to everyone and everything.

(I may not know exactly when, but I know I will say good bye.)

(b) When I have a belief about myself, others or life, I live as if it’s true.

(I view, feel, chose and act as if it’s true. And life will conform as far as it’s possible.)

(c) Whatever images I have about life, life won’t exactly fit into these images.

(People won’t conform to my images of them. Life won’t conform to my plans or expectations. The future will be different from how I imagine it will be. It may be slightly different or very different, but it will be different.)

– 0 –

The Biblical standards for marriage

 

I watched a BBC story on the gay protests at a US fast food chain, and a woman said she wanted to uphold the Biblical standards for marriage. Of course, the Bible mentions several different versions of marriage, and has no one “prescription”. (Even if it did, it came out of and was relevant to that time and culture.) Of course, these are very predictable views from my side since (a) I am from Norway, and (b) in general tend to take a liberal and inclusive angle.

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