Pamela Wilson: When you see your body and thought as your devotees, you have a completely different relationship with them

 

Ramana used to say, “I would follow a devotee into hell if need be.” So when hell or agitation arises in the body, it’s luring the satguru out of the heart. Everything is an invitation for the Buddha to awaken and bring peace, even to the body. It calls for the laying on of hands, the welcoming and soothing. Even doubt is asking for your love. Doubt is talking to you, saying, “Master, is this true?”

When you see your body and thought as your devotees, you have a completely different relationship with them. Where else are they going to go for truth?

– Pamela Wilson

What’s surfacing in me of old wounds, traumas, and emotional issues are surfacing to be seen, felt, understood, loved, and met with kindness. As Pamela says, they are like devotees seeking the guru, and the guru is me and the kindness, understanding, and awakening that is here.

These parts of me were created from separation consciousness, and they seek a consciousness that’s a little less separate so they can be welcomed, included, and perhaps join in this less-separate consciousness.

It may not be “perfect”. I may know of others who can do this from more kindness, wisdom, understanding, insight, and awakening. And yet, whatever is here is enough. It’s enough for these parts that were created, mostly, a long time ago and from a much stronger and denser separation-consciousness. They live in a stronger contraction than my current global consciousness.

As long as I meet them with some receptivity, curiosity, and wish to relate to them as devotees – or perhaps scared children or animals – that’s more than enough. That, in itself, is healing. That, in itself, is transforming.

This is the beginning of self-compassion, and it’s a beautiful and transformative journey. And I am doing it not only for myself but also for my ancestors (who may not have been able to do it for the patterns that were passed down through the generations), for future generations, and for humanity and Earth. Even a little drop has ripples that may go out further than I know.

This not only transforms our relationship to ourselves and the pained parts of us – it also changes our relationship to our body, animals, nature, and other people. We also transform our culture, even if it’s only the culture we carry with us, and that tends to ripple out too.

Session w Pamela

 
Here are some brief notes from my session with Pamela Wilson yesterday. Questions for parts of me:

Notice where awareness is drawn in this moment. See if anything is asking for your attention.

For the heart:

Do you know your strength?

Can we honor that strength.

Natural strength is welcome here. Divine strength is welcome here.

How vast are you? How deeply rooted?

Let all the cells in your body be nourished by it.

For spaciness (contraction in legs, throat):

Thank you for your protection.

What is your concern? What service are you providing?

You are welcome here.

To me, what I am:

Uncontain yourself, so the numbness, the hiding program, can see who you are.

A restlessness:

Honor it. It’s not sharing in the resting.

It’s safe to rest.

These are services, functions, apps, created as a child. (Within the belief in and appearance of a separate I). Hold satsang with them, invite them to notice what’s real now, to relax. (They are welcome, because need their strength.) Honor the signal from the body. Before, these protected us playing a role. Now, they invite us to become a sage. Thank it for how quickly it can return to its naturalness.

Pamela Wilson: Fear is welcome here

 

What I notice in this feminine expression here is that I don’t see a difference between the absolute and the relative. I don’t see a difference between emptiness and form. After recognition, there was just this quiet openness, this “yes”. One day fear showed up, and I heard thought say, “Fear? What is fear doing here?” Then I heard wisdom say, “Fear is welcome here.” I went, “Oh I see, everything is welcome, everything.” […]

It may be that I am just projecting on all these emotions, but they all seem to want to come home. So I invite everyone to be that way inside, to be this kindness that we are. There is no one required to be kind because who we are is kindness.

– Pamela Wilson in Ordinary Women Extraordinary Wisdom

Sobering

 

I did my second session with Pamela Wilson last night, and again it felt deeply right and very helpful, also as a coaching session.

It was also quite sobering to see all these parts of me that tries their best to protect and support me, and do so using an innocently misguided strategy.

And as each surface, invite it to come closer.

You are welcome here. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your love.

And for some of them (heaviness, resistance):

I need your strength.

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Fatigue as protection and love

 

In my session with Pamela Wilson, fatigue, numbness (of the heart and brain) and brain fog came up.

You are welcome here. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for your love for me.

In what way is it innocently protecting me? Fatigue keeps me from being out there in the world, from meeting other people, from risking being hurt. And numbness and brain fog does the same.

Excited to find resistance

 

During my session with Pamela W. yesterday, I noticed resistance at some point.

Pamela guided me to notice the spaciousness in my chest area, and also the fiery sensation where the heart is.

Seeing this as a flame burning away anything unreal, anything untrue, I see an image of this body inside of the flame, allowing the flame to burn away whatever is created from confusion, misconceptions. There is resistance, so I see myself instead offering these things to the flame, and there is still some hesitation, some fear.

I thank the resistance for being there for me, protecting me, for it’s devotion for me, love for me. I let it know I don’t want it to go away, I need it’s strength.

I ask it why it’s there, what it is protecting me against. The answer is nonexistence. It’s protecting me against not being.

I see I want the same. Identifications may go, and yet something is still here. I let it know I want the same, and share that although identifications may fall away, something is still here. This body will still be here, for a while. This life will still be here.

The flame burn away anything that is created from confusion, misconceptions. It burns away identifications, wounds, trauma. It leaves what’s aligned with reality, it leaves awareness, love, functioning from kindness and wisdom.

Pamela guided me through some further explorations of this. After the session, I noticed that this was the part I felt most grateful for, and even excited about. I notice it’s genuinely exciting to find resistance. It shows me what’s left. I am curious of what may be revealed in it’s place, and how it will unfold in my life.

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Love and Worried Love

 

Pamela Wilson talks about love and worried love, and it fits my experience closely.

Love is what we already are, it’s what’s noticed when the blocks to notice it (beliefs) falls away. It’s what everything already is, independent of how it appears through our stories about it. Love is what’s revealed through question #1, #2, #4 and the turnarounds in The Work.

Worried love is anything that comes from beliefs. It’s what’s revealed through question #3 – What happens, how do you react, when you believe that thought? What I find is that the belief comes from fear, or rather an underlying and basic belief creating a sense of fear. And it’s is an attempt to find a sense of safety. Worried love is love pretending to be something else, such as fear, beliefs, anger, sadness or identification.