Awakening is just the beginning. It is the most important turning point in our evolution because it marks the potential to live more purely as Essence in the world and less as ego. However, for most people the ego isn’t gone after awakening and can resurrect at times or operate surreptitiously. Ego-identification still occurs after awakening, but when it is happening it is usually recognized quickly, and so it doesn’t last long or have the power to cause suffering that it did before awakening. Most people’s egos are intact after awakening, but because there is a realization of who you really are, the ego is seen for what it is and recognized to be not who you are. When ego-identification happens, it’s more like you are watching yourself be identified, while you continue to be aware of yourself as Essence. There is a much greater capacity after awakening to not identify with the ego and to remain as Essence, which is an easeful experience of being in the flow that includes love easily flowing from you toward everyone and everything.

From an excellent post from Radical Happiness on What Happens After Awakening.

It is a good to see that so many teachers acknowledge the grittiness of the awakening process. The different things that may happen before and within an awakening, and how it may look on the ground.

At the same time, it is helpful to do so in a way that does not set up too many specific expectations and assumptions. One way is to emphasize that it can happen in many different ways: quick or drawn out, easy or difficult, with preparation or without. Assumptions equals a plan and can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And as the article mentions, if we are experienced on the path and relatively mature and healed, the process may be smoother, and if we are less prepared and less mature and healed, then it may be a more bumpy ride for a while. So no matter what, and no matter where you are in the process, it is a good thing to work on growing up as well as waking up.

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The spiritual path looks quite different depending on where we are coming from.

When there is a glimpse of what we are, the spiritual path becomes a process of clarifying and living from it. It is a process of examining the veils that may cover it up again, make ourselves familiar with the dynamics, and also recognize more clearly that what we are is already independent of veils or clarity, confusion or awakening.

This glimpse can come at any point on the path, including before the path has started, and it can come repeatedly before it stabilizes, or be quite stable right away. No rules here, it seems.

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A shifting refuge….

First, we take ourselves to be a me. This human self and its body, identities and roles in the world. There is an inside and outside, and it all seems real and substantial.

Then, we may notice that the me is content of experience, it comes and goes as any other content of experience, and it is not what I am. There is a softening or release of identification with the me. This process can appear as a dark night of the senses, called so since there is a release of identification with the senses. The temporary outcome is an absence of a sense of inside and outside, a recognition of all as awakeness itself or God, and possibly insights, clarity, bliss, a clear inner direction and so on.

The remaining refuge here is the separate I and the spiritual joys mentioned above.

Finally, we may notice that the separate I is content of experience as well. The doer, thinker, chooser, owner, observer - all of those - are content of experience just as anything else. That too comes and goes. That too is not what I really am. As I keep noticing this, maybe first in formal practice and then in daily life, there is the possibility of a softening and release of identification out of these. This process is called the dark night of the soul, experienced as a death of the core of what we take ourselves to be.

When identification is released out of the separate I, what is left is doing without doer, thinking without thinker, observing without observer and so on. Everything is as before, although now all content of experience - including the doer and observer - is recognized as living its own life. The center falls out, and the bottom or ground falls out.

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I don’t have much perspective on kenosis, the wearing out of remaining identifications. A wearing out of taking stories - and their viewpoints and corresponding identities - as true, and as what we are.

But here are a few things I notice from my own experience, and that of some others….

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Adya has a good way of talking about awakening and enlightenment, if I understand it correctly.

Awakening is a glimpse of what we are, or of what we are noticing itself. It can happen more or less clearly, and for shorter or longer periods of time. (Non-abiding awakening.)

Then, there is a process of clarifying and embodying this awakening. To clarify what we are, and to reorganize and realign our human life within that new context.

Eventually, the last bits of identification with stories may wear out and identification shifts (back) into what we are. (Abiding awakening.)

And before and after that happens, our human self continues to realign and reorganize. To heal, mature, develop skillful means. Live more and more in integrity.

At some point on the process, quite late, we paint ourselves into a corner.

There is a sense that whatever this “I” is doing is not going to do it. It can’t touch what I am and everything is.

And there is also an acute sense of the irony of this “I” trying to get rid of itself.

In both cases, this “I” is only spinning its wheels. And gradually wearing itself out.

This “I” as a doer/observer is a gestalt, a fabrication, and it is wearing itself out. (Or more accurately, wearing identification with it out.)

And it is completely innocent. A part of the play of God.

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It is fun for me to hang out at the edge of confusion and reality. It is a rich place.

Sometimes, reality shifts into the foreground. If its volume is high, it is clear that I am that which experience happens within and as, and sometimes any sense of a separate I falls away. When the volume is lower, I can still notice all as awake no thing appearing as something, including this sense of a separate I located in/around the head area.

Other times, confusion is more in the foreground. I get caught up in stories, take them as true for a while, work with inquiry and/or allowing experience, and so on.

And altogether, it is a very rich place. I get to see the shifts from one to the other. I get to explore some of the characteristics and dynamics of both and the shifts.

But at some point, there is a readiness for reality to take over. I am honestly not sure if I am there yet, but I am ready for inviting it in.

A few different flavors of disidentification from own (as always quite limited) experience…

The object of identification falls away, and with it - over time - the identification with it. It wears off.

I may see myself as an athlete, have a serious injury, and the identification with that identity falls away. (Usually replaced with something else.)

Or I may have a oneness experience, maybe for a long time, which then falls away and with it the identification with that state. (Here is the opportunity to recognize what I am independent of any states.)

The object stays, but the identification with it falls away. The identification with a story, an identity, falls away. This can happen - maybe most easily - through different forms of inquiry, such as exploring the sense fields and The Work. It tends to be a gentler process than the previous one.

Also, the object may come and go, so there is a recognition that I am not that. For instance, the sense of a center/I-other may come and go, and I recognize it in either case as awakeness itself.

In all cases, the disidentification is really with a story. And the amount of drama/struggle/suffering is proportional to the resistance to the process of disidentification. When the object falls away, there may be a good deal of drama. And it may be a little gentler if the object stays and we explore identification through inquiry. And even more gentle if the object comes and goes, and there is a natural recognition - over time - that I am not that.

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It seems that at some point, most people find that their usual psychological/spiritual tools don’t work anymore. 

And it seems - from my own very limited experience - that this can happen in at least two ways. 

One is when I engage with the tools, and there is no shift. It is life itself telling me that these tools have limited use, which is good to know. More importantly, it is an invitation to notice what I really am - already free from any states and shifts. That which any state and shift and any content of awareness happens within and as. 

The other is when whatever shift happens is seen clearly as not getting me what I really want. It may give a shift into a sense of ease, OKness with what is, a quiet joy and so on, but that is not what I really want. It is not satisfying anymore. Nothing is satisfying, apart from noticing myself as that which any shift and experience happens within and as. 

In this case, there is usually also a noticing of the whole dynamic of being caught up in wanting as coming from not noticing what I really am. There is an identification with wanting content of awareness to be different, and even if it this content shifts, it still doesn’t quite do it. There is still a sense of an I with an Other, a separate I within form, a sense of separation, of precariousness, of something missing.

And the very activity of engaging with wanting to change content of experience, for the sake of trying to find what I am missing, is a distraction from noticing what I already and really am. 

Road maps for the awakening process can be helpful in a few different ways.

They can help us see that what happens here is shared, common, nothing unusual about it.

They can give us pointers for how to work with what is happening, if anything besides our usual practice can be helpful.

They can give teachers and people researching these things pointers for how to teach and practices to suggest.

But that is about it. They are sometimes helpful, in a practical and quite limited way. And there are of course many of these road maps, each one helpful in some circumstances and not in other.

And if either of these road maps is made into an expectation - by either students or teachers - it gets pretty weird, as usual. It ends up as yet another struggle with what is.

As they say, if 6.7 billion people awaken, there will be 6.7 billion different awakenings.

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It seems that an awakening goes from special to ordinary in a few different ways.

In the beginning, it may be special in one’s own experience. Partly because it is unfamiliar, and partly because there may still be a trace of I-Other, or residue patterns of wanting to be special.

It may also be special in other’s experience, because the awakening may bring about a marked shift in behavior, and it may be expressed in flashy ways.

Later on, it becomes ordinary in one’s own experience. Partly because there is more familiarity with it, partly because we know that whatever happened is a common and shared pattern, and partly because all - no matter what it is - so clearly is the play of awareness itself.

The content of the play - including awakening and delusion - is secondary to it all being a play of awareness. The human self has also had more time to reorganize and mature within this new context, including a full and heartfelt embrace of all that it is.

And it also becomes ordinary in other’s views, because they see someone who appears quite ordinary, living an ordinary life, and taking themselves as quite ordinary too.

This is the case whether we work on our human self or on discovering what we are: it is a process of pulling the rug out from under ourselves.

It is a process of going outside the familiar. Allowing what appeared as true for us to go. Be willing to be wrong. Allowing familiar identities to go. Exploring the truth in the reversals of our habitual beliefs and identifications.

We pull the rug out from under ourselves, find what is already more true for us, stay with that for a while, getting more familiar with it, and then repeat.

At our human level, we discover and embrace disowned sides, embracing more the fullness of the evolving wholeness of who we are.

As what we are, we notice ourselves through inviting beliefs and identifications with stories and identities to fall way, revealing ourselves as what we always and already are.

I am appreciating more and more the play at the edge of a sense of separate self, and shifting into the field, absent of an I and Other.

As where any two ecosystems meet, it has three zones.

There is the sense of a separate self, and anything that goes with that, including the drama. I get to explore that, experience it, live it. There is a great deal of juiciness here. And I also get to explore it through various practices, such as labeling of the sense fields, journeying, the Big Mind process, The Work, Process Work, and more. (Any of these can be used when there is a sense of separate self, at the edge, or even when awakeness is noticing itself more fully, and each one offers  a different flavor to it.)

There is the edge itself, where I get to explore the mechanisms of samsara more in detail. I have a foot in both world, which allows me to live the dynamics of samsara, yet within the context (intuition, glimpses or direct awareness) of headlessness or Big mind, or awakeness noticing itself and all of its content as itself.

Then there are the shifts into awakeness noticing itself, which includes exploring the dynamics of the shift itself. Noticing how an exclusive or enhanced identification with certain sensations (for me in the throat/mouth/neck area) is released. How these sensations now are just content of awareness as anything else, an object rather than an (imagined) subject. How the field of awakeness and its content notices itself as a field. How the sense of a separate I, a center and periphery, and so on comes just from a thought, and that those thoughts may still be there but are now seen as just a thought, not filtering perception anymore (the sense of inside and outside went a long time ago).

In some ways, it is so enjoyable that there is no desire to move on. Exploring these three are more than sufficiently rewarding and interesting. But most likely, after a while, when the mechanisms of samsara has been seen through enough, the hooks for a sense of a separate self falls away on its own time. Leaving just awakeness to itself, in its great aloneness and infinite diversity.

I am reminded of how The Work and its effects appears differently depending on where we are coming from, and specifically what appears as real to us.

If we take the conventional world as basically real and true, accepting that we are separate individuals going about our business much as everyone agrees on, then The Work helps us find release from attachment to one particular perspective, and a fluidity among perspectives. We can see our situation from many different angles, and find the limited validity in each one. This in itself is a tremendous relief, and releases a great deal of energy and attention previously wrapped up in a far more narrow perspective and its struggle with life. We find a new clarity, freedom and engagement in our life.

This requires a willingness to let go of the idea that one perspective is right and the other ones wrong. But even if we still hold onto this to some degree, there can be a relief here. At least, we can question the things our worldview allows us to question, and that in itself is helpful to us. To take a crude example, I may believe that the Bible is the word of God and should be taken at face value as much as possible. That is fine, and I can still question other things, such as the idea that life should be fair and so on.

If there has been glimpses beyond taking any stories as real and substantial, The Work takes on yet another flavor. I may intuit or have glimpsed myself as awakeness and all its content as this awakeness, in whatever way I interpret or talk about that: all is Buddha Mind, Big Mind noticed itself as Big Mind, there is nothing but God and the Divine Mind, and so on. Here, I know to a certain extent, from experience, that the way things appear to us is just that, an appearance. It is all the play of God, and it is all inherently OK as it is. Any idea of something being not right comes from seeing something as not God. Within this context, The Work becomes a way of exploring the mechanisms of samsara, the ways attachment to thought filters what happens to make something look solid and not-God.

Finally, if awakeness has noticed everything as itself, inherently free from the overlay of thought including the sense of I and Other, center and periphery, and so on, this human self can still do The Work. It is still a way to explore the mechanisms of samsara in fine detail, and now to understand and possibly help others better. Also, as Byron Katie says, we are only awakened to a thought or not, and any story of that continuing into the future is just a story.

If we want to put this into some sort of developmental model, the whole process may go from a more fundamentalist context, to modern, to post-modern, to mystical glimpses and intuitions, to oneness, to nondual. But that is just another story, and it is rarely as clean-cut as that. Life is already free from those ideas.

The beauty of The Work is that it works with us exactly where we are. I have a belief, it creates friction with my story of what is, I experience stress, and I can inquire into it. It is a process that guides - and eventually undoes - itself, unfolding at its own pace and one step at a time.  It works with us wherever we are.

When I was a child, I had a Big Dream about a black panther, and I realize later that it was very similar to shamanic experiences and connections with a spirit animal. In the dream, there was a connection with the panther as long lost friend, and someone who had immense wisdom, insight and ability to guide me.

The world is a mirror of what is inside of ourselves, and animals can be especially helpful in mirroring and evoking certain qualities in us.

When we journey - whether in dreams, shamanic rituals, active imagination, through using the whole of us as in process work, or even through voice dialog - we are often guided to exactly those qualities that wants to come into our lives more fully. Those that may have been disowned, or just temporarily forgotten. There is an infinity of sources for reminders, including animals.

What comes up is what is needed here and now, so will change over time. But some may have to do with longer term processes, unfolding over decades, and the black panther for me seems to be one of these.

For me, the black panther evokes a beautiful combination of polarities, maybe especially a natural confidence and relaxation, and alertness and explosive activity, depending on what the situation calls for. It is firm and gentle, cute and vicious, and follows its path with receptivity yet in a non-nonsense way and undistractedly. Its velvety blackness reminds of the fertile blackness and awakening of the belly center, which nurtures each of the qualities listed above.

Shamanism is probably the earliest form for psychology, and from the little I know about it, it can be every bit as sophisticated as any contemporary western psychology. Judging from the earliest examples of rock art, it is a form of psychology that has been with us since before the dawn of civilization, which is humbling and also gives a sense of connection across time and universality.

I have worked with the black panther more lately, bringing its qualities into my daily life, and have found it a great support.I may find the black panther qualities in myself through images and movements, or just ask myself what would the black panther do?

Initial draft… 

We often experience previews of what can be, a dropping into a future way of being, which then invites a reorganization of our human self to both reflect it and also prepare for a more stable way of living it.

These previews are wonderful gifts, although they are not always taken that way after they are gone. They come, show us what can be - in a more stable way - in the future, and then go away again. If we don’t recognize them as previews and their function of inviting our human self to reorganize, we can easily go into a sense of loss and of something being wrong, while it is just a normal and expected part of the process.

I learned this the hard way, as I assume is how it is for many of us, and I am still in the process of really getting it.

So say there is an awakening into a nondual awakening, of all as the unmanifest manifesting as what is here now, inherently absent of I and Other. It seems stable when it is there, but there may also be a recognition that this human self is not quite able to fully and maturely live from it and express it in the world. The gap is actually pretty big. Then the awakening fades or goes away, but it has initiated a pretty radical reorganizing of our human self.

This reorganizing reflects, to some extent at least, Big Mind awake to itself, and it also prepares the ground for Big Mind awakening to itself in a more stable way, and expressing itself through this human self in a more full and mature way.

These previews may not only happen once. They can happen many times, each time triggering a further and different reorganization of our human self. And the previews may not be of a nondual awakening, they can equally well be of a soul level awakening (oneness, an I here one with all as God), or even a centaur awakening to the wholeness beyond and embracing this human body and psyche.

So although all of this is a natural process, and a wonderful gift, it can be taken in a very different way. It can be taken as a loss, as having something and then losing it, and we can get absorbed into whatever comes up when we tell ourselves we have lost it. And as usual, the more resistance to what is - in this case reorganization and loss of the preview - the more drama, stress and suffering. But that too, if it happens, is part of the process. After a while, when we learn to recognize the patterns of previews and reorganization, we learn to relax and trust the process a little more.

Although this is a pretty typical pattern, it seems that it doesn’t have to happen this way. For some, there is one awakening which stays and the human self reorganize within the awakening. But for others, including me, there are several previews followed by reorganization.

And why not? If something is possible within the habits of the manifest, then God is going to go there. God awakens to itself stably, and the human self it is functionally connected with reorganize within that. And God glimpses itself several times, and the human self reorganize following each glimpse.

It is all part of the overall richness of how God explore and manifest itself.

Many of the spiritual traditions are heavily goal oriented. There is a shorter term goal of living a life that works better for oneself and others, in terms of reducing suffering. And a longer term and over arching goal of Ground awakening to itself, at least in some parts of the traditions.

There is nothing wrong in this, but it is also only part of the picture, and can create some problems if taken as all there is to it.

For me, it is much more of an exploration process. I am curious about this life and existence in general, and am happy to explore whatever comes up and wherever life takes me. And a part of that wider terrain, which is formed as we go along, is Ground awakening to itself. But it is only one small part of the terrain, and not by any means any “goal” or end point. At most, it is something that happens in glimpses, and then as a more stable shift, and all the other explorations happens - in a conventional view - before and after it, and always within and as what awakens to itself or not.

Ground awakening to itself is not inherently better or more desirable than Ground not noticing itself. The only difference is that in one there is clarity and freedom from suffering, and in the other there is confusion and suffering, so when there is an identification with a separate self, there is naturally a desire for Ground to awaken to itself.

And eventually, when this confusion is thoroughly (or not so thoroughly) explored, when aspects of that terrain is familiar, there is a point where Ground cannot help but to awaken to itself. The sense of a separate self and its identities are so clearly seen as coming just from a thought, from imagination, that it loses any grip. And right there, Ground notices itself as inherently free from anything imagined.

Existence, universe, life, this always evolving form aspect of God, seeks (or, more accurately, moves in the direction of) diversity. And so too in awakening.

If we follow a set path, it is likely to work, at least to some extent. It has many benefits. And although it is a well trodden path, what is brought to it is always somewhat unique and different, so it will have its own flavor.

But why not allow this process, unfolding here now, to lead us? To have an open curiosity, about where this path goes? It is always unique anyway, a unique expression of life and God, so why not allow it to be unique, to willingly allow it to add to the diversity of existence.

It does anyway, so we may as well embrace it, although when there is resistance to it, trying to fit into a tradition and set path, that is also part of its unique flavor.

For me, all of this leads me to embrace both ends of the polarity.

I follow traditional practices, because they work. But I am also very much aware of what can come out of too much of a goal focus… more clashes between stories of what is and should be, more stress, more struggle, and so on. There can also be too much of an expectation of the outcome of practices, which creates, in another way, resistance to what is and struggles with the process and where it wants to go.

But I also follow a more open exploration… I am willing to try anything that comes up, when it comes up for me to try it, like for instance diksha. And I engage in more open inquiries as well, where I have no idea where it will go, such as in Process Work and journeying or tracking. If there is any expectation, it may be surprise over what comes up. Sometimes, it is entirely new dimensions of existence beyond what my thoughts thought was possible.

So there is a more free exploration of any aspect of the always changing and evolving terrain. And as part of this, there is an exploration of what is so clearly mapped out by the many traditions, such as realized selflessness.

God, in its form aspect, evolves in an infinitely rich way. So why not consciously join the process? We don’t need to abandon the traditions, we only need receptivity to and curiosity for a terrain beyond them. This terrain includes what is covered by each of the other traditions, goes beyond this, and is also always unfolding and evolving in new ways.

Ouroboros, the snake eating its own tail, is a fertile symbol (metaphor, analogy, projection object) that can be understood in many ways.

One is as an analogy for the process of self-inquiry.

In the beginning, it appears that there is a separate self here inquiring, investigating, exploring and so on. But the process itself includes the annihilation of this sense of a separate self. Eventually, even that is seen as just something on the inside of a story, something that appears real only because it is taken as real, a thought placed on top of pure perception, filtering it into what appears as an I here and Other there.

The process of inquiry, and any spiritual practice leading to Ground noticing itself, is a process eating itself up. The separate self, the doer, that appears to initiate and engage in it, is revealed as never having been there in the first place.

When we deepen into who and what we are - notice more of the wholeness of who we are as individual human and soul, notice what we are as Ground (awake void), and work with this in our human life - it is also a process of letting go of identifications and beliefs. This takes many forms. We let go of…

• Being right. Or rather, seeing a particular story as inherently and absolutely true, and discounting the truths in its reversals. This helps us deepen into more of who we are as humans (detached from beliefs and identities, we can embrace more of who we already are), and also reveals Ground to itself more easily (not clouded over by beliefs, the field of awake void and form can more easily notice and recognize itself).
• Taking ourselves as content of awareness. This one is more obviously related to noticing ourselves as what we are, as awake void and all form as this awake void, without center anywhere and without any I with an Other. It also relates to deepening into who we are, since a release from taking ourselves as content of awareness - including as this human self - allows this human self to develop and mature without the drama, struggle and resistance that comes from being identified with.
• Drama. As there is a reduced attachment to stories, in number and degree, there is less identification with and production of drama. There is less sense of an I here as stories and the object of some of these stories (including this human self), so less of an I with an Other, so less friction with what is, so less drama.
• A center. With a reduction of identification with stories and some of their objects, there is a reduction in a sense of an I with an Other, so also a reduction in a sense of a center. There is a field of awake void (awareness) and form (whatever arises within, to and as awareness), and it is revealed as being inherently absent of a center anywhere. Again, this allows this field to notice itself more easily, without the obscuration of a sense of a separate self as a center of the field, and it allows this human self to mature and deepen into who it is, without the drama of identification and a sense of I here and Other over there.
• An I with an Other. When there is identification with stories, and content of awareness in general, there is automatically a sense of an I with an Other. I am this region of what arises, and the wider world is the rest of what arises. If I notice awake void (awareness), that too may be seen as Other, as something that comes and goes. As we deepen into who we are, we notice the wider world more and more as a mirror of this human self. What we see out there (qualities, characteristics) is something we can find in here, and the other way around. As we deepen into this process, there is less sense of being separate and different from others and the wider world, and more of a sense of no separation and being in the same boat as all humans and then all beings. There may still be a sense of a separate self, but one that is of the same piece as all of humanity, all of life, and all of Existence. And as we deepen into what we are, we find ourselves as awake void (awareness), and this void is void… including of identifications with any form. As we now notice all form as this awake void (anything arising as awareness), this field of awake void and form is now revealed as inherently absent of any I with an Other. This means that we now notice all form as arising and happening on its own, on its own schedule. And this goes for this human self as well. There is doing there, as before, but no doer. This human self and all its activities is just happening on its own, as anything else.
• Being better or worse. This is similar to the previous one. As we mature as who we are, and see in ourselves what we see in the wider world, there is less and less sense of being better or worse than others, or as what we were, could have been or may be. We are all in the same boat. Whatever arises here is universally human, with a particular flavor, and that is the same as whatever arises in anyone. Of course, we can still use conventional measures and see that someone is better or worse than others in math and other areas, but these have only a limited and practical value. As humans, anything in us is universally human and we are in the same boat. And, again, as we notice ourselves as what we are, as awake void, then anything arising is this field of awake void or form. Better or worse does not apply, except in a very limited and practical way in our human lives.
• A familiar terrain. We let go of identifying with a particular overlay of stories and identities, and the terrain these tended to keep us inside of (as an I here with an Other out there). In our human life, we go beyond what is defined by any fixed identity and beliefs. As awake void and form, we are inherently free from any stories and identities. In both cases, what is, is allowed to manifest and unfold more freely, without the drama and resistance that comes from identification with stories and identities. (Although here, we see that resistance is not really resistance. Resistance is truly futile, because all it does is kick up dust.)
• Closed centers. Deepening into who and what we are, is also an opening of the three centers, and a letting go of the ways they function when closed. At the head center, it is a letting go of fixed and rigid views, and an inability to see the truth in their turnarounds. At the heart center, it is a letting go of the ambivalence of the heart being open in some situations and closed in others. At the belly center, a letting go of emotional reactivity, both in terms of identification with it, and also (possibly) as a pattern in general as it is being replaced with a steady nurturing fullness.

I am still reading Bernadette Robert’s Path to No Self. She writes about the path better than almost anyone I can think of, especially in a Christian context.

At the same time, although what she writes about are elements in many paths to awakening, the sequence is clearly a reflection of her own. As they say, if there are 7 billion awakenings, then there are 7 billion different awakenings. Not everyone go through each phase, and not in the same sequence, and there are elements in other paths to awakening that is outside what she describes. When she writes, she gives the impression that there is one main pattern in the awakening process, and she does not seem to fully acknowledge the variability in her writings. Which is fine. Something has to be left to the reader to wrestle with and clarify for themselves, beyond what the writer explicitly mentions.

I can also see that my initial take on the dark nights was, as I suspected, a little off in terms of the Christian tradition.

In general, a dark night is any time beliefs and identifications wear off. It is a letting go of who we thought we were. And this can be gentle and easy if we didn’t quite believe it in the first place, or we use a process that is effective and gentle such as The Work. Or it can be a struggle if the attachment is stronger, and we resist the wearing off. As usual, resistance=suffering (resistance to experience, that is).

Then there are the specific dark nights of the senses and the soul, as St. John of the Cross writes about.

As I understand it, the dark night of the senses puts us on the path. It is a disillusionment with the world as being able to provide us with what we are looking for (essentially, lasting happiness, and freedom from suffering). We realize that being dependent on circumstances for our happiness is a precarious situation, and look for something else. It is a wearing off of beliefs of the world being able to provide lasting happiness, and identities related to that. (Not a full wearing off, just enough to put us on the path, and the wearing off continues on the path.)

The dark night of the soul leads us into the unitive life. It is a wearing off of beliefs and identities of being separate. There is still a sense of a separate self here, an I with an Other, but now an I that is one with the larger whole and God. It is an awakening at the soul level, to the alive presence, to all as God and consciousness. It is a relatively stable awakening.

For Bernadette Roberts, the transition into realized selflessness from here was more of a slipping into it. She didn’t need another (dramatic) dark night for it to happen.

As she points out, it is the torments inherent in the unitive life that wears off the last beliefs in and identification as a separate self. In the unitive life, there can be a great deal of bliss and joy, yet also torments in terms of (a) not being able to fully share it with anyone, (b) others not being interested in it, and (c) seeing how every experience and insight is still filtered through, and tainted by, this sense of a separate self.

These torments are, in a sense, a dark night happening within the unitive life.

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I notice that there is more emptying out going on… and it is all an emptying out of identifications with thoughts. And in the process, for a while, there is very little engagement with those thoughts, which is reflected here in very little references to what other writes about, the aqal framework, Buddhist philosophy and so on. What is left is only what is alive here now, and the thoughts needed to reflect them.

It is just one phase, and in general, if it all empties out, then it fills up again, and where there was an attachment to and identification with thought, there is now a free play with and explorations of these thoughts. There is a freedom to explore them without identification. (But what happens in this case is of course still in the future, and itself only a thought.)

It is a funny thing, how the process of disidentification with a story sometimes goes along with a temporary reduced engagement with the story itself and maybe even the object of the story. I guess stepping away from the story, and sometimes its object, allows for an easier disidentification with it. And when it has been released, there is the freedom of engagement again.

For me, one of the stories that is being let go of is exactly this: that a process of letting go of identifications with stories does not need to involve letting go of the stories or the object of the stories. That too is just a belief, a temporary preference of this personality. Sometimes, that letting go of the stories themselves, and even the objects of them, seems to happen whether my personality wants it or not.

In shifting from taking ourselves as an object in the world to awake void & field of form (Big Mind), there can be many transition experiences, either as glimpses or more stable phases.

One way to organize these is by the three aspects of Big Mind: void, awake, and form. It works to some extent, but there are also lots of overlaps here (by necessity, since those three are really the same thing/no-thing). Also, what I list here are mostly things I am familiar with from my own process, so a lot is left out.

• Void… a sense of form as transparent, translucent, insubstantial, dream-like, absent of I and Other, absent of identification.
• Awake… a sense of the wider world (beyond the human self) as somehow awake, conscious, animated. (Leading to experiences akin to nature and deity mysticism.)
  
• Form… a sense of form as a seamless whole (from shifting the center of gravity into the witness, pure seeing), as transparent and insubstantial (from sensing it as void), and as awake or consciousness itself (from seeing it in its awakeness aspect).
  

And then a fourth area which comes up to different extents: the soul. It enriches the process tremendously, can appear as a stumbling block if taken as anything final or attached to for any other reason, and can also be a guide into an awakening of the void to itself.

• Soul… a sense of clear luminosity, of alive presence, of smooth, full, round, luminous blackness, and of this body and all form as void combined with any or all of these. (For instance, a sense of alive presence in and as this body, or the smooth luminous blackness as what all form arises from, within and as.)

More specifically, transition experiences can include a sense of no separation, of oneness (a vague I here, one with the wider world), of synchronicities (the content of form out there mirroring what is going on in here), of one’s inanimate surroundings as consciousness (and not really separate from this consciousness), and much more.

Eventually, it leads into a sense of a separate self falling away, and what is left is just the field of awake void and form, the form including this human self and its surroundings (whatever arises in the field of consciousness), and all inherently absent of an I with an Other. It is all just a field… void, awake and as form.

I have mentioned this before, and the previous post reminded me of it again… the gifts of blocks and resistance.

As awful as resistance can be, in terms of the stress and sometimes suffering created from it, it also has some great gifts.

One of the main ones is that it allows for an exploration of Spirit (in its form and emptiness aspects) one piece at a time, filtered in space and time into mostly manageable portions.

Resistance slows down the process, allowing for a more detailed and thorough exploration of each without it drowning in the immensity of the whole. In some ways, it functions as a magnifying glass, allowing for one piece of the terrain to be explored, in detail, at a time. It holds us in place for a while, inviting a more thorough exploration of that particular area of the landscape.

Our personality certainly does not like resistance and its effects, at least not right away. But with time, there can be a great deal of appreciation and gratitude even for resistance and blocks, for these and other reasons.

(Resistance here refers to resistance to experience, which comes from a belief in a story, which in turn creates a sense of I and Other, seeing of some experiences as undesirable, and then resistance to them, which then leads to a sense of drama, stress and sometimes suffering… which is just about all it creates. Spirit refers to all of Existence, in its form and emptiness aspects, including our daily human experiences.)

When I refer to deepening into who and what we are, what does that really mean?

Simply put, it is the individual at the human and soul levels that deepens into itself, as who it is. And it is Ground noticing itself, as what it is. And then, the individual reorganizing within the context of Ground awakening to itself.

And within that simplicity, there is a lot of wrinkles and complexity…

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I did a process work session earlier today, and started a process, which I continued on my way home, and then now. (In Process Work, the unfolding can be similar to what is described here, but they also include a more active exploration of the meaning of the process and how to bring it into daily life. When I do it on my own, it tends to unfold easily, but the meaning of it may not surface until much later if at all. Somehow, it still allows for a shift that is sometimes profound.)
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During fall and winter, I experienced a lot of (energetic) activity in the hara area, and specifically around the spine (L3-4)…

Since the initial awakening in my teens, I have been aware of an energetic hole that area. I also had scoliosis (side curve) right there, which since then has improved quite a bit with consistent work, shifting into a slight kyphosis (in-out curve).

With the endarkenment shift, there was a sense of a good deal of activity and work happening in that area. And now, the energetic hole is filled in and the area feels much stronger and more solid in general. The remaining alignment of the vertebrae has also improved (just a subtle in/out alignment left for a couple of vertebrae).

The area also seems connected with basic trust, in Existence, life, and ultimately God. The energetic hole seemed, even back in my teens, associate with a lack of basic trust (even in the midst of experiencing all as awake, empty luminosity, and as God). And now, with it filling up, there is a much deeper sense of basic trust… of being held… in and as the luminous blackness.

A part of the process of eroding beliefs and identities is how we compare ourselves to others, or rather how we compare our stories about our selves with our stories about others. For me, having always placed a great deal of value on being active in the world, and of service in different ways, it is difficult to now go through a phase of fatigue, rest and not doing much at all (apart from “inner” work, which seems to happen mostly on its own.)

There isn’t much sense of a choice here, even in a relative and conventional sense. At the same time, it may be helpful to explore how this is important and not, compared with other outward manifestations.

It is not more or less important, in an absolute sense. It is all the play of God. And it is all happening on its own, living its own life. It is not as if there is much of a choice locally…

It is less important, in a conventional sense, than many other activities… I can see that. Some folks help on a large scale in the world, either by relieving suffering, or by nudging people to awakening. I do neither, and that is OK.

It is more important, in a different sense, in that it is what is happening for me now. It is what life brings up for me right now to explore, experience, investigate, live. And also, it is an exploration of an awakening process, which is the final release from suffering, so in that sense also more important.

Again, in seeing all the different stories together, they tend to cancel each other out. What is left is just what is happening, here now, inherently neutral… prior to any story about it, and free to allow (and see the grain of truth) in any story.

Vince Horn has a good comment at Buddhist Geeks, under an interview about the Brad Warner vs. Big Mind controversy.

[...] Even the Buddha recognized that people could progress through the path in at least 4 different ways:
1) slow progress that is very difficult (probably what Brad is describing)
2) slow progress that is pleasant
3) fast progress that is very difficult
4) fast progress that is easy

Fast progress, and I’m talking extraordinarily fast, does happen. I’ve seen it happen for others, have heard of it happening, and have at times experienced it happening. My opinion is that as practitioners, no matter what point in the path we are, we need to hold this open as a possibility and respect and appreciate it when it happens. I suspect that not doing so only creates a disempowering air around enlightenment, and may actually prevent people (if they buy that one-sided perspective) from deepening in insight. [...]

It also seems that however it happens, it evens out in the end… in two ways.

When Ground awakens to itself, that’s it… and there is also the realization that it all, the whole human drama and drama of awakening, was no other than emptiness dancing… an appearance of a drama unfolding over time, all happening as no other than this awake emptiness, this timeless now.

And also, the long and/or difficult process has its own rewards. It gives a different depth and richness of experience for this human self, which can be very valuable in aiding others through the process.

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In the process of allowing beliefs and identities to go, there will be times when even the most beautiful ones go. The ones our whole belief system tells us are invaluable, and the ones the whole world tells us should stay. We have to let go of gold, because life wants us to move on… to allow even those beliefs to go.

In my experience, these are often the most painful ones… for me, of being successful in the world, being at the top of the heap, being on track to be well known and admired in different fields and so on… they all went out the window, in spite of my personality resisting and trying to hold onto them as well as it could (which equals nothing since life has a mind of its own).

An aspect of this is that the rest of the world tends to side with the personality here as well. I side with my personality, and the rest of the world does too. Which makes it even more difficult to allow it to go and find peace with it… unless we go to the core and investigate the beliefs themselves.

By doing that, we may see that a wide landscape opens up for us… the beliefs set up fences everywhere, making our playing field small. Without the fences, there is just the wide open landscape.

I thought life should be a certain way, and experienced discomfort when it didn’t conform. But now, at the other side of the belief, there is a genuine appreciation for all of it.

There are two ways to lose a belief, and they often go hand in hand.

One is through friction.

I have a belief telling me how life is or should be, and an identity telling me what I am and am not. In both cases, I split life right down the middle, allowing one region of the landscape and not the rest.

When life inevitably shows up outside of my belief or identity, there is a friction between my belief and life, which is experienced a uncomfortable… as stress, something being off, suffering, anger, fear, and so on.

This friction, if it continues, slowly wears off (and out!) the belief. Over time, constantly at odds with life, it has to go, in spite of even the most persistent resistance. It is just too obvious that life is more than my belief, and I more than the identity. My personality may not like it, especially at first, but there is not much choice there either.

The other is through investigation.

I notice the warning signs of holding onto a belief or identity (stress), I identify the belief or set of beliefs behind it, and investigate its effects, what would be without it, and the grain of truth in each of the reversals of the initial story. This too allows it to fall away, although it can be faster and less painful, even fun.

In the first case, I take the side of my habitual beliefs and identities, and it may be a drawn out and painful affair.

In the second case, I take the side of life inviting the belief to go, and it becomes more playful, have a sense of more ease, and can even be fun and enjoyable.

Although most of the time, there seems to be a mix of the two. There is the friction between life and belief, and the stress and resistance that comes with it. And there is the ease of the investigation, when that is finally engaged with.