Fear protecting beliefs, wounds, trauma

 

Our beliefs, identifications, emotional issues, wounds, and trauma are systems. And as all somewhat lasting systems, they have protections in place that keeps them going for a while. Until something happens that invites in a shift to something else, for instance, release, resolution, healing etc.

And within that protection is often fear. And not just any fear, but fear that’s unmet, unfelt, unloved, unallowed, and unquestioned (the story behind it).

This fear can take a few different forms. It can be fear of meeting the issue. It can be fear of what will happen if the issue is no longer there. It can be fear of meeting the fear itself, the fear protecting the issue.

So when we address a belief, emotional issue, or trauma, we’ll need  – at some point – to address this protecting fear. Often, that means to address it right away. That tends to bring some ease into the overall process.

And this also includes finding genuine appreciation for the fear. It’s there for a reason. It’s there to protect the self. It’s from kindness and love. And there is often some wisdom behind it. It’s there so we are less likely to enter traumas – small or large  – without necessary skills and experience.

It doesn’t need to go away. It just there with an invitation to meet it, allow it, find appreciation for it.

Rational in its own way

 

When we act, perceive or feel in ways that seem irrational – either to others or ourselves – it may still be rational in its own way.

Believing a certain thought leads to perceiving, feeling and acting in certain ways, and it may not look rational to someone who believe another set of thoughts. Even to ourselves, it may not make sense if we consciously  believe on set of thoughts, and at a deeper level believe another. (Which is sometimes the case.)

Here are some other ways of saying the same:

When words and images seem “welded” to certain sensations (velcro), these appear real and solid and we act, feel and perceive as if they are real and solid. Again, if we have a conscious view that’s different, this may appear irrational even to ourselves.

When there is identification with a certain identity, we’ll act to protect and support this identity. This too may appear irrational, although it’s quite rational in the context of wishing to protect and enhance the identity. After all, it will feel like who we are, so protecting this identity may well feel like a life and death situation.

When there is trauma, we may act from anger, desperately seek company, isolate and so on. Again, it may seem irrational and yet be understandable and seem rational in the context of the particular trauma. (It’s possible to see beliefs, velcro and identifications as forms of trauma – sometimes very mild and sometimes stronger. They are all ways to try to protect the imagined self. And it tends to feel like a life and death matter, either mildly or strongly.)

So it may be understandable and rational within its own world. It may be kind, and come from a wish to protect the (imagined) self, and come from love for this imagined self.

And it’s often also slightly misguided, from a larger perspective. It’s not what makes the most sense, if we are more clear and healed.

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Ways my mind protects me

 

My mind protects me in many different ways. Or, more accurately, the mind protects the image of me and I in different ways.

Sometimes, when I intentionally meet parts of me that other parts think of as dangerous to meet and befriend, there is sleepiness. Other times, mind goes into abstractions instead of meeting what’s here, or looking at a belief as it happened in a specific situation. And in daily life, mind sometimes protects the image of me and I by rehearsing and amplifying stressful stories.

I see that going into any story can be a protection. A protection against (a) being with/opening to what’s here, for instance the sensations that goes with )what a thought may label) an emotion, feeling or physical or emotional pain. And a protection against (b) identifying and inquiring into the beliefs, as they show up in a specific situation.

This protection comes from devotion to the image(s) of a me and I, and from love for the images of a me and I. It’s worried love. It’s innocent. It’s quite beautiful. And in seeing this, there is a love for this protection. There is a love for identified mind. And that allows identified mind to relax just a bit.

Through seeing that this is all already allowed, getting more familiar with the dynamics, finding what’s more true than the initial thoughts and images, and finding it all as love and finding love for it, these dynamics – these parts of the psyche – may relax. They may find their own liberation.

They may find liberation from being struggled with, pushed away, held onto for dear life.

 

 

Insight as protection

 

Insight can be used as protection against experiencing what’s here.

I tell myself I know what’s going on, I have a map, I have an understanding, I have clarity. Mind identifies with these positions. And this creates a protection against confusion, pain and sensations and images a thought says are unpleasant or dangerous.

Mind takes refuge in a belief in clarity (insight), telling itself it’s a way to not experience what’s here.

One sign of this happening is that mind becomes very fascinated with its own insights and understanding, instead of wordlessly experiencing what’s here. And there may be a slight sense of fear or dread in considering wordlessly experiencing what’s here.

How would it be right now if there wasn’t this belief in clarity?

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Upsides and downsides of energetic and soul level buffering

 

There are many ways to invite in a form of buffering at energetic or soul levels, being held energetically or within the alive presence in ways that helps us get less caught up in reactiveness.

We can fill up the hara through Breema and other practices. We can receive different forms of energy transmissions, such as the bands of power munai-ki rite, that serves as a buffer, filter and protection. (I am noticing the effects of that one right now, which is what prompted this post.) We can invite in the soul level, the alive presence, through prayer and other practices. And more.

The benefits are pretty obvious. Our lives at a human level typically becomes far easier. Fewer things bug us. There is a sense of not being touched by what we previously got caught up in. It makes it much easier to be who we take ourselves to be if we are identified with stories, and it makes it easier for this human self even if we are not. We get a sense of how it is to live released from being in the grips of stories and identifications. We see that something else is possible.

Our human self may also reorganize and stabilize within this new context, releasing identification more and more over time. It may even lead into what we are noticing itself, finding itself as awakeness, and this field of awakeness and form inherently and always free from an I and an Other.

But there are also some possible drawbacks. We can get complacent, happy with being protected by the buffer, not taking up the invitation to explore more in depth the hooks and rings of identification and beliefs in stories. And that is exactly why any buffer is only temporary. It is within the realm of form, it is content of awareness, and as any form and any content, it will change. When it fills, it only does so to empty. And when it empties, it does so only so it can in turn fill.

It is cyclical, as anything else, and throughout it all is the invitation for us to investigate the hooks and rings more closely. An invitation for what we are to notice itself.

Any buffer is a buffer or protection for who we are, for this human self. And the invitation for what we are to awaken to itself is there independent of buffers or not.

Three centers and nothing to protect

 

As there is an disidentification with our human self, and then finally with the belief in an I with an Other, there is also less and less sense of any beliefs or identities to protect. Ultimately, it leads to an absence of even needing to protect this human self, because that too is something that is just happening as anything else… as the clouds, sounds, trees… with no I placed on it.

At the same time, there is no stupidity here. In the space between awake void awake to itself, and this human self that this awakeness is expressed through, a natural love and wisdom comes up, and this wisdom and love is expressed as a care for any life including that of this particular human self.

As there is a falling away of identification with stories, there is less need to protect particular beliefs or identities. But there is still a protection of life, of living systems at any level from beings and up to ecosystems and planets, even while seeing that there is no separate I anywhere in all of it, that it is all fluid form expressions of the awake void.

This is expressed at each of the three centers. At the head center as an disidentification with any particular stories and objects of these stories, a seeing of stories as just stories and a fluidity among them, a recognition of all as awake void and form absent of any I with an Other, and a seeing of how there is temporary identification with stories and forms which creates a very real sense of suffering. At the heart center as love for all that arises, as the form aspect of this awake void, as the temporary form manifestations of God. And at the belly center, as a deeply felt-sense of trust in life independent of how it shows up, a felt-sense of all as the form aspect of God (and the emotional level as a steady nurturing fullness instead of reactivity).

So on the one hand, disidentification and a seeing/loving/felt-sense of all as God. And on the other hand, a recognition of the suffering that happens through temporary misidentification, and a natural impulse to alleviate the suffering… even if that too is just one of the temporary form aspects of the awake void, God’s play.

And the alleviation can be temporary, in helping changing circumstances for someone, or go more to the core, in guiding them to find what is already more true for them – helping the awake void wake up to itself through them.