Session with Barry


Some notes from a session with Barry:

Caught in a vicious loop. The core wounding becomes our identity. And the nature of identity is fear of nonexistence when the identity is threatened.

As it surfaces, it wants to be resolved. The ego knows it’s dying. It will hold its projections of its idealized future and life. If it gets those things, will (hopes/thinks it will) feel whole and complete. The seeking, grasping, keeps the circle going around and around.

Wounding and idealized life will go, dissolve. In the end, (there is) nothing external that we seek, or put anything on, that has any sense of joy or fulfillment, because it doesn’t exist.

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Session w Pamela


Here are some brief notes from my session with Pamela Wilson yesterday.

Questions for parts of me:

Notice where awareness is drawn in this moment. See if anything is asking for your attention.

For the heart:

Do you know your strength?

Can we honor that strength.

Natural strength is welcome here. Divine strength is welcome here.

How vast are you? How deeply rooted?

Let all the cells in your body be nourished by it.

For spaciness (contraction in legs, throat):

Thank you for your protection.

What is your concern? What service are you providing?

You are welcome here.

To me, what I am:

Uncontain yourself, so the numbness, the hiding program, can see who you are.

A restlessness:

Honor it. It’s not sharing in the resting.

It’s safe to rest.

These are services, functions, apps, created as a child. (Within the belief in and appearance of a separate I).

Hold satsang with them, invite them to notice what’s real now, to relax. (They are welcome, because need their strength.)

Honor the signal from the body.

Before, these protected us playing a role. Now, they invite us to become a sage.

Thank it for how quickly it can return to its naturalness.

Session w Barry on drama, tragedy, self-desctructive impulse


A brief summary of the most recent session with Barry:

Topics: A pull towards tragedy and drama, a pull towards self-destruction, has been brought more into awareness lately.

Belief: You will never have a good life. Nothing you can do will change it. You will not get what you want.

B: You have to go to the darkest places in human consciousness, cosmic evil, in order to walk in Christ consciousness on this earth. Once you can penetrate it, will open it up for everyone else.

B: Ask what you need to see about this. What is it about? What is it’s nature?

Me: (a) A point in the heart. Then whole heart, black heart. (b) This pull towards tragedy/drama/self-destruction is necessarily to create this whole illusion of a world, beings, separation, a key to make it happen. It’s a natural/inevitable consequence of mind taking images and thoughts as true. (c) Comes from hurt, incarnation, disappointment, victim, loss, wound, bitterness. Loss of what was most valuable to me, most beautiful. (A loss of this in the incarnation.) (d) Inviting Christ into it, the darkest and densest areas. See what’s there. It’s illuminated by a dark light (feminine aspect of Christ). (e) Throat, contraction, cut off communication. Calves, tight, cold, cut off grounding. Pressure on head. (f) Very self-enclosed, wrapped in on itself, disconnected, unaware of the wider world/reality. It depends on isolation from the rest of the psyche, rest of the world, reality. (g) My attitude towards it makes it cut off. See it as wrong, bad, fear it. This attitude holds it in place.

B: Is it time for it to evolve? (Yes, gently.) How is it when seen from beyond the dualistic view? How would Christ see it? (As itself, as just a small dark place cut off from the rest.) What happens if it’s embraced as part of life, creation? (Relief. Trust.)

B: It’s the essence of the dark feminine.

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The protection, devotion and love of fatigue, spaciness, desperation, identification


Notes from a session facilitated by Kiara:

There is a sense of (a) desperation, contraction, fear, and also (b) fatigue, spaciness. The two seem connected somehow (two ends of a polarity). The spaciness may come in to balance out the contraction. When awareness meets spaciness, when spaciness is revealed as presence, there is a sense of grounding.

Thank you, spaciness.

Thank you, fatigue/tiredness.

Thank you, desperation. Thank you, contraction. Thank you, fear.

Thank you for your protection of me, thank you for your devotion, thank you for your love, thank you for your strength.

How would you like me to be with you?

What do you long for? What would satisfy you forever? (To the desperation/contraction/fear, to the fatigue/spaciness.)

What do you protect?

Who are you really? What’s your relationship to presence?

Also, fatigue has a poor reputation in our culture. It’s often undervalued. It’s pure devotion, pure love. It’s presence. And we can include despair, contraction, fear, spaciness, numbness, identification and much more here.

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Session with Barry


Brief summary of parts of tonight’s session with Barry:

A sense of numbness, paralyzed, especially around relationships.

Behind that, sadness. (Staying with the sadness, there is a sense it was transmitted to me through my parents.)

Behind that, images from childhood. The young me felt isolated, didn’t feel completely at home, felt that something was missing and didn’t quite know what.

From Christ level, reaching out, enveloping him, touching his heart.

He becomes the Christ child, relating to others at the soul level, as souls (whether they are aware of themselves as that or not). It’s beautiful.

Also, a sense that this needs to reach back through all incarnations and into all future incarnations. Enveloped by Christ, heart touched by Christ, infused by Christ.

We ended with bringing in the new level of grace, enveloping me/us completely, working at a cellular level. (May write about more another time.)

Session with Barry: I can’t have what I want


I can’t have what I want.

If I try changing it, it will get worse.

It can’t change.

I have been in bed for a week with the flu, and some deep layers of hopelessness and despair surfaced. Behind this are the beliefs above.

I can’t have what I want.

I see that belief in my parents, especially playing itself out in their relationship. And I see it in my own life, and how I have lived it in my own life – missing out of the relationship opportunities I wanted the most, leaving the Zen center, and more, repeatedly losing or missing out of what I want the most, what feels the most right, what felt the most “on track” and aligned with my heart.

As Barry said, this layer in me feels thick and sticky, as a trance, and it’s good to notice the tendency in me to go back into it, because it’s familiar. It’s an identity, it feels like who I am, how it is, how my life is.

Is it true? Is it absolutely true? 

How do I live my life with that belief?

How would my life be without it?

And ask for help, pray, ask for God to shine light on it, for it to transmute completely.

I also notice fear around this, a deep fear. It won’t change. It’s hopeless. I’ll be stuck in it forever.

And I invite the divine to shine it’s light on that too, for that too to transmute and resurrect.

Session w Barry – #5 in new series


Notes from my session with Barry last night:

p: some things that’s come to me the last few days

(a)(i)  idealized images of people and places from my early twenties, during the initial phase of the awakening, painful to hold onto these, now more disillusioned in a good way, let go of and be open for what’s here, also (ii) idealized image of awakening from the early phase of the awakening (held onto at emotional level, conscious view was different), bells & whistles, images made up of a mix of ground/Spirit awake to itself + specifics of what happened in content of experience, now what’s here as it is, relaxing into what’s here

(b) images of Christ/the divine formed during the same time which don’t seem to fit anymore (head, heart centers w/out belly center), now they need to include the softness of the belly center, the deep restfulness of coming home, of reality coming home to itself, silence meeting itself

(c) the part of my mind/brain that hasn’t quite “clicked in” yet in recovering from cf  all fit what’s called executive functions and may be related to the same brain area(s)

b: (invites me to visualize connection from my heart down to center of earth, center of galaxy, origin of matter, then heart up, ask to be led, be shown what i need to see)

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Session with Barry – #4 in new series


I did a session with Barry last week, where we invited in the presence of Christ, resurrection etc.

Here is a brief recap of some of the highlights:

I notice something descending on me, enveloping me. It’s an experience of being held. What’s enveloping me is white, soft, gentle, loving, silent, creative, intelligent.

I notice it seeping through me, suffusing me, my body and mind becomes this soft, gentle, loving presence.

There is a large golden ball of light beneath me. It ascends, up to my arms, then enveloping me.

There is a shower, as if a shower of golden sparks on me and through me.

Barry experienced the same at the same time as I did throughout this session. He asked, and was told this is the first mantle of Christ, described on page 51 in the e-version of his book We Are the Awakening Christ. This is where Christ takes us on and commits to bring us home. The second mantle is where we commit our lives to Christ, all of it without exceptions (I am not quite there yet, during this turn of the spiral).

Since that session, I have experienced this soft, gentle, white – or light golden – presence of Christ through and in me, in my heart area, and I have stayed with the flame in the chest and brought anything that comes up – resistance, fear, hesitation, wounds etc. – to it, knowing the flame knows what’s needed for it to resolve.

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Session with Barry – #3 in new series


b: something we haven’t done, go into the subconscious, meet the different selves, subpersonalities, and find out their stories, they try as best as they can, and love is behind it, they realize that what they are doing is not the most helpful thing, then ask if they would like to be integrated, be part of the soul again, some part of the psyche that didn’t get developed  got split off, distorted and warped, didn’t get the chance to develop into their intended soul function, reintegrate into the soul, become what they were supposed to be, their originally intended nature,

b: you are in a process where the process outside is mirroring the process inside (somewhat fragmented, confusing), and as you come back together, the outer life reflect that, will embody what you really need,
b: consecrate this time, bring forth your whole complete self, your highest nature into a full complete embodiment in human nature, then all these difficulties (in your life situation) will disappear
b: breathing, feeling, witnessing in the space above the heart
b: ask higher aspects to take over the process, guide it, those higher aspects become fully integrated, complete human embodiment
b: surrender it, quiet space, see what arises

Session with Barry – #2 in new series


Notes from a recent session with Barry:

b: experience lack of mental clarity, confusion, age regression, when gets back to pre-verbal states, the whole mind goes back to pre-verbal states, it just needs love, safety, all the things it didn’t get then, then it can heal and redevelop, it was very helpful for me to see at the time when i went through it, the more developed parts of my mind knew things that transcended where i was having to go, then realized it doesn’t apply, got to go where that mind is

go back to places in the wounded child consciousness, penetrate those places that have been locked off, (see that they come from love, they are not an enemy)
they are doing their best, doing it out of love, just misguided
i wish i had understood more about love then, the importance of love, a much more effective and gentle way to deal with these things, Christ tried to get through to me
a place that wants love to, the place that feels totally hopeless
what is next, all you can do is stay with what is next, life is always attempting to bring forth more life, is bringing you what you need to experience to heal, so in time you’ll flower again, you had to go down to the roots of your being, deep deep healing, die back, die back, so it can begin to unfold again, an organic process, sometimes you feel stuck, and that’s just another step in the process, where that takes you, you can be assured that if you face it, embrace it, hold it all in love, something magical happens, love is the alchemical agency that heals everything

Session with Barry – #1 in new series


Notes from a recent session with Barry:

b: reestablishing re-connection with the divine – the light of god, love, fire. (Lost when moved to Wisconsin, clear inner guidance to leave / move back to Utah or Norway, didn’t follow it, closed down inner guidance/heart, sense of numbness of the heart, off track etc.)

b: when that presence is alive, fills your auric field, everything is in your essential nature, when it’s radiating out, the world orders itself to reflect that divinity
b: you continue to look at the stuff (beliefs etc.), which is important, beliefs limiting you, important to empty of patterns mind of limitation | also, simultaneously when full of divine love, then shift in a big way, something blocking the realization, the spark, once you connect with the divine, merge with it, bringing ones awareness, energy consciousness to it, the presence builds, opens the space of the auric field, the frequency goes up, radiate who you are | if you don’t do that, blocks in the subconscious, some parts of you may keep you from going there