Byron Katie: The mind establishes itself as a victim

 

The mind establishes itself as a victim only to get what it doesn’t want.

– Byron Katie

Why does the mind establish itself as a victim?

At one level, it’s a way to try to protect the self. It’s the mind’s reaction to fear that’s unloved and unexamined.

Apart from that, what do I find I want to get from taking myself to be a victim? To answer that, I am looking at a specific situation, and I find…. I hope for sympathy. Allies. Support. Love. I hope taking myself as a victim will help protect me, including through being prepared for future victimization. I wish to not be surprised by life again so I victimize myself before life does it.

What does Byron Katie mean when she says “only to get what it doesn’t want”? What is it about all of this that I doesn’t want?

I find that I don’t ultimately want sympathy, support, etc. from others. What I really want is to give it to myself, and if it comes from others as well that’s a bonus.

What about protection? When I look, I see that protection is ultimately not possible. I would rather be open to life. (While being a good steward of my life in all the ordinary ways.)

What about not being surprised by life? Life surprises me always anyway, and I know that anything can happen at any moment. Again, what I really want is to be open for it.

And victimizing myself to nip life’s victimization in the bud? I don’t really want to victimize myself, it’s not ultimately a comfortable position. Also, life doesn’t victimize, I do it to myself anyway. Here too, I would rather be open to life.

So yes, I can find that what I get and hope to get from victimizing myself is what I don’t really want.

What else do I get from victimizing myself? I get to feel like a victim of life and the world. I get to live in fear. I get whatever reactions I get from others when I present myself as a victim – from pity to unsolicited advice to avoidance. (None of which I really want.)

How is it true that I am not a victim? The idea of victim is our human idea, it’s not inherent in life. I make myself into a victim, and it’s all from an idea. In my specific situation, I still have a lot of freedom in how I relate to situations and live my life. I have tools to work with beliefs and emotional issues.

How is it true I am a victimizer (opposite of victim)? I victimize myself. I make myself into a victim, in my own mind. Also, I am sure I have acted in ways so others saw themselves as a victim. (When I act on fear, and when I am absorbed in my own issues so I lack concern for others.) I can find specific situations.

By examining this, preferably much more thoroughly than I have done here, I get to see the idea of victim more clearly. I get to see it’s something I create for myself. I victimize myself. There is no victim in herent anywhere in life. And what I hope to get from it are things I ultimately don’t want.

Victim and victimizer

 

I am briefly revisiting this topic:

When we explore identities, it’s helpful to explore both ends of the polarity.

For instance, if we have chronic and bothersome issues in our lives, we may also have a victim identity connected with it. It’s helpful to explore this identity and perhaps find healing for it. At the same time, we have a victimizer part in us. We couldn’t have a victim part without the victimizer part. They depend on each other to exist, and they hold each other in place. If we only address the victim part, we only do half (or less) of the work and the release will be partial.

An example from my own life is the victim identity connected with the chronic fatigue (CFS). Yes, there is a victim identity and it’s helpful to inquire into it and invite healing and release for it (through inquiry, TRE, Vortex Healing etc.). But that’s less than half the picture. The rest is the internal victimizer that creates and holds the victim-identity in place. This one may be more difficult to notice since we tend to see it mostly “out there” in life, circumstances, or others. But it’s equally, or really, in here, in me. And that’s where I need to explore it if I wish to find more freedom around the whole victim-victimizer dynamic.

The freedom and relief that comes from this work makes it worth it in itself. And, who knows, it may even impact my physical health. The release may support my body in healing itself better. So it’s definitely worth the time and investment required to find some healing around this and many other identity-sets.

Note: When I have worked on my own internal victimizer using Vortex Healing, I have found it helpful to approach it from slightly different angles. For instance, intending to work on the victimizer, the bully, the self-cruelty, and more, one at a time.

Also, when I say that working on just one of the pair of parts or subpersonalities, it’s because there is the other half, and there is also the awareness and exploration of the dynamic within the pair. So if we work on just one of a pair, it’s less than half of what we need to explore to find a fuller release.

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