In these days of pandemic isolation, I am aware of the part of me that struggles with being unable to do as much as I would like. This part of me has been a frequent companion since the chronic fatigue returned more strongly a few years back.
Yesterday morning, I noticed a shift in how I experience this struggle. In the past, I have experienced it as frustration. Now, I experience it as fear. I can connect with the fear behind the struggle, and that feels like a relief and – in a sense – a coming home. It’s more true that it’s fear, and connecting with the fear allows something in me to relax.
I also noticed that I already know the truth of the situation. For instance, that the frustration comes from “shoulds” in me and do not reflect reality. I can more easily align with this truth and don’t have to go into the frustration.
I enjoyed this shift and explored and stayed with it for a while. It didn’t seem to be connected with any particular or recent healing work so I assumed it came from a maturation that had happened mostly below the surface over time. (Which is certainly part of it.)
When I mentioned this to my partner in the evening, she said “I did the choice points for that issue for you yesterday, while you were asleep, but I forgot to mention it. Sorry!”. We had talked about doing the choice points for it the previous day although I assumed she hadn’t done it yet since she hadn’t mention it.
Her not mentioning it was perfect. It allowed me to see the effect of removing the choice points without being influenced by knowing it had been done. In this case, removing the choice points allowed me to connect with the deeper feelings and beliefs under the earlier surface expression, and it also allowed me to more easily align with the truth of the situation.
Choice points – as described in Vortex Healing – are energetic structures created when the divine decides to have a certain experience for itself. In this case, frustration over not being able to do as much as I would like. At higher levels of Vortex Healing, these can be unraveled in relatively short time.
I add a few words about what I have noticed about this frustration: It comes when the underlying fear is not noticed. It comes from beliefs and identities telling me I am not good enough as I am and that my value comes from my activities. There is a fear of not being good enough or valuable enough in the eyes of others, existence, and the divine.
And it’s innocent. It’s something I adopted from others early in life.Read More