Dark nights of the soul & trauma

 

There are different varieties of dark nights in a spiritual process. In some ways, there are as many varieties as there are dark nights since each one is somewhat unique.

Still, there seems to be some general categories or facets of dark nights. One category or facet is a dryness or lack of meaning and enthusiasm. Another is an experience of loss of God’s presence or an expansive state. And one is where the lid is taken off of our unprocessed stuff and it emerges to heal and be recognized as spirit itself.

I imagine that each dark night is really an adaption to a new emerging phase, and it’s difficult to the extent we struggle against it and try to hold onto beliefs and identities not compatible with this new phase.

The type where the lid is taken off our unprocessed stuff is especially interesting to me. It seems that it’s mainly connected with trauma. A lifetime of trauma surfaces to be seen, felt, loved, healed, and for spirit to recognize it as itself. And it’s not only one lifetime of trauma, but several. Trauma from our ancestors is passed on through the generations (behavior and epigenetics) and our culture. Trauma may even be passed on from past lives. No wonder such a process can be intense and feel unbearable.

I find it helpful to think of it in a trauma perspective. It makes it more grounded and concrete and points to some ways we can work on it and ease some of the pain inherent in it.

It does seem that the process needs to run its course and lives its own life. And it also seems that we can work on certain elements of what’s happening and make the process a little easier on ourselves.

I have found the following helpful for myself:

Therapeutic tremoring (TRE) to release tension and trauma out of the body.

Inquiry (The Work, Living Inquiries) to support release of beliefs and identifications. (These create a struggle with what’s happening, and they are also what hold trauma in place.)

Natural rest. Notice and allow.

Heart centered practices. Ho’oponopono. Tonglen. Metta. Towards myself, suffering parts of myself, and others.

Service and work, as I am able to. (There has been times when all I could do was survive, and other times when service and work has been possible and very helpful for my own process.)

Body-inclusive practices such as Breema, yoga, tai chi, and chi gong.

Nature. Good diet. Herbal medicine. Supportive friends. Gentle exercise.

Understanding of the process. Guidance from someone who has gone through it themselves.

More recently, I have found Vortex Healing to be helpful for me in this process and in general.

Why does the trauma surface in this way, and sometimes in such a dramatic fashion? To me, it seems that life is impatient in clearing us and making us better vessels for whatever awakening is here. Any trauma in our system will prevent a deepening and stable awakening, and an expression of the clarity and love that’s recognized in the awakening. It’s also a very humbling process, which means that identifications are stripped off and we become a little more aligned with reality.

Note: When I wrote “categories or facets of dark nights” it’s because these characteristics sometimes seem to appear one at a time (categories) and sometimes several at once (facets).

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Testimonial

 

I just wanted to thank you for the great vortex healing sessions you have given me so far. I have experienced many different healing modalities in the past but nothing comes close to the vortex sessions with you. I found myself having big changes in one session that would normally take many sessions in any other healing work. I also thought your ability to tune in and fine tune so to speak what was going on for me was very helpful. Your natural ability as a healer is clear to me and I look forward to working with you again in the near future.

– Mike C.

Vortex Healing for animals

 

I have two Vortex Clients who happen to be dogs, and they both seemed to do much better following the sessions. Here is what a friend of mine wrote me after the session with her dog, Blossom.

Blossom has made a miraculous recovery ! 3 legs but barking and running and chewing bones . I think it was you. Thank you thank you.

And the following day:

Whatever happened with blossom is a total Miracle !!!!

– O.S.L

Vortex Healing woven into daily life

 

As I explore Vortex Healing (VH) more, I see how it can be woven into daily life.

When I do inquiry sessions for myself or others, there are times when VH naturally fits. For instance, to calm the mind and ground at the beginning of the session. As something comes up during the session, including body contractions (run VH on what comes up or the contraction). At the end of the session for integration and calmness.

When I walk, drive, rest, before falling asleep, or after waking up, it’s easy to do some VH on whatever issues are current for me or whatever the intelligence behind it sees as highest priority.

Whenever something comes up in daily life – emotions, deficiency stories etc. – I can take some time to use VH on it. I can ask to be shown what it is about, and also for healing.

Vortex Healing and how it’s experienced by giver and receiver

 

I have been experimenting with Vortex Healing (VH) after doing the basics course, and one of the first things I noticed is the difference in experience between the giver and the receiver. As the giver, I tend to experience strong energies running through me and it can be quite intense. The receiver experience whatever quality of Vortex is channeled, which for instance can be deep peace and centering. It seems that unveiling peace can require a lot of energy!

 

Vortex Healing & Inquiry

 

Here are some simple ways of combining Vortex Healing (VH) and inquiry.

Use VH to settle the mind, center, nurture, find peace. This is a good starting point for inquiry.

Use VH on an issue and then follow up with inquiry. VH tends to break down the density of the issue, making inquiry easier.

Use VH on a body contraction to help dissolve it and bring the issues related to it to the surface. This can then be explored further with inquiry.

Any of these can be done during a session. I did an inquiry session today where I used VH to help settle the mind, and then on the particular issue and body contraction that came up during inquiry. There are often periods of resting with what comes up, and especially sensations and body contractions, and that’s where it’s relatively easy to bring in VH.

As I continue to explore Vortex Healing, I am sure I’ll find more ways the two go hand in hand.

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Vortex Healing

 

I have had three vortex healing sessions since last Thursday. I initially dismissed it because of the new agey name and terminology but decided to try it based on testimonials. After the first session, I changed my view.

Here is a brief report on each session with the most recent on top. I may add more here as I do more sessions.

Basics course April 12-17, 2016

Prior to the workshop: A lot has come up over the last few weeks leading up to the course. I have also felt the VH energy work in different areas of my body at times (or so it seems). Both the VH people I know says that this is not uncommon. It’s the energy preparing me for the course.

What I have noticed the most is mostly two things: (a) Heartbreak, fear in the heart connected to a sense of abandonment that’s wordless and agonizing. And (b) the energy at times working on my frontal lobes. I have noticed that this area has felt “off” energetically since I got the strong CFS/PTSD and has been in need of healing. (The “off” sense and need for healing may be related to the diksha I received just before all this happened.)

Day one. The energy was quite strong through my body and also moving between areas (especially head). I walked a lot today to get fresh air and movement.

Day two. The vortex wheel was operation by the end of the afternoon so I spent a couple of hour in the evening running different types of vortex lights, and running vortex for different issues. The energies were quite strong, in different areas of the body depending on the issue, and the different vortex lights had very different qualities. I slept well and through the night for the first time in weeks, perhaps because I used the dream blue vortex before falling sleep.

Day three. A deepening from the previous day. I went on a long walk in the evening (from Rudramandir in Berkeley to where I am staying in Rockridge) and ran vortex on a self-destructive pattern I have noticed in myself. (This self-destructive pattern came in or was amplified when I went against my guidance on a major life issue. I was very much aware of it and struggled with myself since I wanted to follow what was so clearly right but was unable to do so. I was paralyzed by fear and conditioning and unable to break free from it until I finally was able to.)

Day four. I received a 10 minute session from Gailynn before class on trauma and a hyperactive/hypervigilant nervous system. (This takes a lot of energy and takes the form of sound sensitivity, discomfort when I am in noisy places or places with lot of people.) She said I had the energy of a soldier whose been to war, and that’s my experience as well. It’s possible this is from “being pushed into war” in past lives, as she said, or there may also be things from this life. She also gave me and another student a mini-session on Lyme. And she pointed out that I have a depleted energy system, which I am very aware of (the kidney energy is especially low), and that it will be good for me to use Vortex to energize my system (which I am doing and plan to continue with).

Day five. I am getting a better sense of how to connect with the Vortex wheel etc. (ask for it), the different qualities available, and how to use them. I also started doing VH on myself at different ages, which has been an interesting experience. (I assume it heals any wounds left in me from what happened at different ages from before conception and up.)

#9 April 9

A session in person with NW in Oakland. He worked on subtle energy pathways since that’s one of the things that needs to be done in person. Apparently, there were some blocks in the heart area. He then worked on draining the manifesting energy behind the Epstein-Barr virus. For the rest of the session, he worked on me feeling undeserving of a good life and a self-sabotaging dynamic. (I have a pattern of getting close to what feels deeply right to me, or even having it, and it then falling apart and away within a very short time. This dynamic came gradually more to the foreground after I went against my clear inner guidance on a major life decision some years ago.)

My “homework” is to recognize the undeserving dynamic for what it is: Created by the mind. Inherently without substance. Made up by energies and imaginations.

Mini session April 8

On and off for at least a couple of weeks now, I have had an energy/sensation in my heart area that’s familiar to me. As mentioned below, it feels preverbal (from infancy?) and as a matter of life-and-death. The sensation itself is not so strong, but it’s what my mind does with it – the stories it attaches to it – that makes it seem almost unbearable. I asked my friend KD to do a brief VH session on it, and he agreed. The session lasted about 15 minutes. I noticed that the uncomfortable sensation in the heart area disappeared and/or shifted almost right away. The VH energy then seemed to go down to the solar plexus and finally up to the frontal lobes.

After the session, KD said there was some fear in the heart, he did a few things to transform it, and also some repatterning of the consciousness.

#8 Sunday April 3 

Sixth session with NW. This was focused on a deep abandonment issue that comes up for me now and then. (It seems preverbal and almost as a matter of life-and-death, and it may be from infancy.) He did all the steps of the protocol, and said it was a straightforward session. I noticed a (comfortable) burning energy in my head, moving down to the heart, moving down legs to the feet, and then a warmth at the solar plexus.

NW also explained that in the month leading up to a basics/foundations class (which I am doing in about 10 days) the energy will work on and prepare the participants. That may explain why my sleep has been unusually fragmented for the last few weeks. I had a sense it had to do with the VH energy.

Update the following day: I woke up this morning and my first impression and thought was that something was missing from me. Then I remembered the session the night before.

I also have had a sense of the energy/intelligence working on me before and after sessions, sometimes for days, and that may be true. It does fit what NW said about the energy/intelligence working on participants of the basics course starting a month or so before the course. (I know this sounds woo-woo to many, but it does seem accurate based on my own experience.)

Update some days later: At times, it seems that the VH energy is working on me quite strongly on its own accord. Right now, mainly in the head and forehead area. (With the CFS and PTSD, I have for a while had an energetic sense that the frontal cortex has especially needed healing.)

#7 Monday March 28 (1/2 hour) 

Fifth session with NW. He focused mostly on the remaining Epstein-Barr viruses and said they were about 95% gone at the end of the session. (Most or all of the active infection gone, the dormant left.) He also strengthened the immune system and made it more alert to the remaining EPV.

#6 Monday March 21

Fourth session with NW. This was mainly focused on the Epstein-Barr virus (EPV) infection. He said the EPV is cleared about 70% so far. He also finished the main steps for working on the brain fog, although there is more that can be done. And he spent a few minutes energizing the kidneys. (I have noticed a weak kidney energy since my twenties.)

I didn’t notice that much effect of this session, perhaps because it mainly focused on an infection already “knocked back” to some extent with herbal medicines.

#5 Monday March 14

Third session with NW. He first focused on the Epstein-Barr infection and “knocked it back” although need more work to eliminate it completely he said. He also removed some conditioning around the brain fog. And strenthened my kidney energy (which I have known/felt is weak for long time) and improved the chi flow through my cells. As I was curious, he checked and said I have about 22 karmic knots.

#4 Monday March 7 

This session was my second with NW from the Bay Area and we decided to focus on the victim identity. (An identity that has surfaced more strongly since the onset of CFS / PTSD.) I did notice some energies during the session, and especially in/around the head during the last 10 minutes.

I’ll spend some time exploring the victim identity more intentionally. Right now, I notice the energy that makes it up, and that it’s connected to stories giving it meaning. He did say that he sensed the particular flavor has to do with nobody helping, and that fits my experience. Especially during elementary school, I felt quite alone and that nobody (or very few) were on my side. I especially felt that nobody were consistently on my side, there were nobody I could lean on or trust to always be there for me.

I am writing this within an hour of the session so there may be more to report tomorrow morning and in the next few days.

Update: The vicitm identity came up quite strongly the following one or two days, but it was much easier to be present with it and see it more for what it is. (Created by images and thoughts without further reality.) It hasn’t come up much since. (I am writing this three weeks later.)

In general after the first three sessions

I have noticed a “high” from two of the three first sessions, and this naturally tapers off over a few days. What stays seems to be the deeper (structural?) changes, such as the healing of the 2nd chakra divine line (very noticable difference) and a deeper sense of strength following the third session.

Another change I notice, as mentioned below, is that I am listening to Arvo Part again, I do tonglen, and I do sitting meditation again.

#3 Tuesday night

A session over Skype with NW in the Bay Area. (Who happens to be a friend of friends of mine there.)

He focused mostly on strengthening my system. Again, I experienced some presence and energies during the session, and lasting for perhaps one or two days. I also did feel stronger when I woke up this morning and through the day.

After this session, I have experienced a good deal of energy running through my system and I have had several nights where I only slept 2-3 hours due to this. (I take it as a good sign. It may be that my system just needs time to figure out how to deal with and integrate it.)

I have also been inspired to do more formal sitting meditation again on my own, which I haven’t since I got the CFS some years ago. And I have listened to Byron Katie which I haven’t for a long time.

#2 Sunday morning 

A session over Skype with JC in England.

This was mostly focused on the Lyme infection. I experienced some energies during the session. About half an hour following the session I experienced a burning sensation through my body. This lasted for two or three days, and longest in the head area.

#1 Thursday night 

A session in person with KD.

During the session, I could feel a strong presence and energy in and around me, and a lot of movement in my belly.

Here are some notes he sent to NW in the Bay Area whom I did a session with a few days later.

  • fixed broken divine line in 2nd chakra (yay!)
  • put in most of the standard treatment structures available at Omega level (his system really liked the fascia alignment structures)
  • energized the system with All-Energetics wherever it was most needed (in his case, the sacral/lumbar spine)
  • broke timelines twice in P’s “gut brain”
  • broke timeline on how his system is still in the broad holding pattern of the chronic fatigue
  • checked to see if an infection was present and confirmed it was since I was able to run some tools on it, but for only 10 mins (I had limitations on time)
  • re-patterning and integration at the end

The broken (or blocked?) divine line at the 2nd chakra can apparently create a range of health, emotional, and life problems. I have certainly had my fair share of these since the sudden onset of CFS, PTSD and the darkest part of the dark night.

The morning after this session, I woke up noticing a significant change and thought “I have my old belly back”. The much more healthy belly than what I have experienced over the last 6-7 years (with CFS, PTSD etc.).

I also experienced the full and nourishing feeling I do after having a Five Element acupuncture session, although the energy this time was stronger and lasted longer.

After the session, I found myself drawn to music and practices that were an important part of my life before the onset of the strong CFS / dark night phase. Specifically, the music of Arvo Part and the tonglen practice. (During the strong CFS / dark night phase, I still theoretically appreciated it but found it very difficult to listen to the music or actually do tonglen. Something in me was not aligned with it.)

It seems that Vortex Healing is without the backlash that most energy healing modalities have for me. I suspect it’s because it’s guided by – as they say – divine intelligence.