Spirituality can refer to many different things.

When I look at the type of spirituality I am most familiar with, I find three facets. And one, two, or three of them can be present at once, in any combination.

First, there is fascination. We can be fascinate by many things, including the idea of what we may get out of spirituality (awakening, healing, peace, good rebirth), our own path and experiences (insights, dreams, glimpses), the stories in the tradition (cosmology, teaching stories), the teacher (personality, what they represent), more peripheral aspects such as reincarnation, supernatural powers, and auras, or even more peripheral things such as astrology, foreseeing the future, reincarnation, and also anything unexplained and weird such as UFOs, crop circles, ghosts and so on.

Fascination can be very helpful. It can make us feel good, hopeful, and inspired. It can help us stay with a path. It can be a needed temporary escape from problems. And it brings up projections, inviting us to find here what we see over there.

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I pass by a wise old man, and he delivers a string of sayings and pointers. One is “the cosmic is the cure for the mature human”.

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There are many reasons why I wouldn’t be a good teacher, at least not of the traditional type. Apart from not being qualified in any way, not being trained, and not enjoying projections coming my way, I often feel that traditional spiritual teachers play a cruel game with their students.

There is a reason for that cruel game, of course, and it is a quite innocent one. When there is an awakening, it is natural for many to want to share it. And when there is an absence of awakening here, combined with neediness at a human level, it is natural to seek something that will fill that hole, and spirituality can be one of those things.

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As the previous “level-headed” post was quite unfair and one-sided, I thought I would be a little more inclusive here. It is also more interesting to me.

If we make the distinction between who and what we are, we get three ways to meet our human and spiritual longings.

We can meet all human and spiritual longings with spirituality tools. We can meet them with psychological tools. Or we can meet them at their own levels.

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messy draft of an - most likely - unfair post…..

I am quite comfortable with approaches that place a mostly equal emphasize on who and what we are, our human self in the world and what we really are - that which experience happens within and as.

After all, growing up in this western culture I am familiar with the who part through psychology, health and well-being and personal growth, so when the what part surprisingly revealed itself, it was natural to combine the two. And even more so since there is a wide range of tools that address both areas, such as inquiry.

It is also easy for me to appreciate a more exclusive focus on the who part. It is what takes care of our usual knots, neediness, wounds and so on, helps us find more meaning and satisfaction in our lives, and live in a way that is more aligned with the larger whole. If there is still a quiet longing for God, truth or reality, then the what part comes in.

Yet, it continues to be difficult for me to find appreciation for an exclusive emphasis on the what side. I can easily appreciate it in other cultures, and also in a traditional western monastery setting. It is easy to see the beauty and appropriateness of it there.

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Essensual is not a new word, but I just recently heard it.

It captures the juicy combination of awakeness and a human life beautifully.

Essence comes in at least three flavors.

It is that sense of wholeness, contentment and meaning that is here when I notice myself as the whole that embraces and includes body and mind.

It is that sense of profound meaning, kindness and wisdom that is here when the soul level is alive, when the alive presence is here in and around the body and everywhere else.

It is what I really am and everything is, the play of awake emptiness as form.

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There are many answers to the question what is it all about?

And here is one simple answer: it is about living in integrity.

What does it mean to live in integrity?

For me, it means to live according to relative and absolute truth. The ordinary truths on my ordinary human life, and also the truth of what I am and everything is.

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The spiritual path looks quite different depending on where we are coming from.

When there is a glimpse of what we are, the spiritual path becomes a process of clarifying and living from it. It is a process of examining the veils that may cover it up again, make ourselves familiar with the dynamics, and also recognize more clearly that what we are is already independent of veils or clarity, confusion or awakening.

This glimpse can come at any point on the path, including before the path has started, and it can come repeatedly before it stabilizes, or be quite stable right away. No rules here, it seems.

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The actor and role analogy is appropriate for both psychology and spirituality.

In psychology, the analogy refers to the roles we play as humans in the world, at different times in our lives and in different situations. The actor here is our human self.

And in spirituality, the analogy includes the roles we play as a me (human being) and I (doer, observer). The actor is what we are - that which all happens within and as - taking on all these temporary roles.

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What we are seems weird only because of expectations, our habit of taking ourselves to be a human being, an object in the world with identities and roles.

From within awakening, it looks different. Here, what is weird is that we (temporarily) take ourselves to be just that, and can stand to live with all that comes with it. (Reactivity, isolation, a closed view and heart, a lack of trust in existence.)

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Live up to your attainment with care.
- Sixth Patriarch

A few more things about this….

I can use a more yang or yin approach to live up to my attainment with care. A yang approach may be: don’t not allow yourself to fall into old patterns. (Don’t think you are absolutely right, protect a viewpoint etc.) While a yin approach may be to simply notice the symptoms of identifying with a viewpoint, and then find what is more true for me. Can I find the freedom to use one or the other, or both, depending on what seems most helpful in the situation?

Also, living up to your attainment means to live with integrity, to live from absolute and relative truths. When I live from relative truths, I live in ways that seem the most sane, mature, wise and kind, even in a conventional sense. And living from absolute truth is to remind myself of what I really am, and that there is no absolute truth inherent in any story or viewpoint. I use stories as practical guidelines for attention and action, chose the stories that seem the most helpful and appropriate in the situation, in the context of don’t know.

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Say that reality awakens to itself, and there is identification as reality awake to itself….

Is that what I really am?

If reality is free to show up as delusion or awake to itself, is what I really am anything other (or less) than that freedom? What is already free to show up as either?

If delusion and reality awake to itself comes and goes, is what I really am either of those?

And when that freedom is lived through a human self, and it is lived in a sane, mature, wise and kind way, how does it look? Can I find what I really am as inherently free to show up as delusion and reality awake to itself, yet seeking clarity out of compassion?

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We must be completely normal people, who have our feet firmly planted on the ground, but ever aware that while we live in this world, we are not of it.
- from an introduction to an interview with Zlatko Sudac

This is another pointer that can be very helpful.

How sane, mature, wise and kind am I in a conventional sense? How do I appear to others? If they see something in me that is not sane, mature, wise or kind, what is the truth in it? Can I find it for myself?

Is there any reason to not appear sane, mature, wise and kind in this situation?

If something looks weird, what is going on? Am I acting on a belief there? Am I acting on a fixed viewpoint, identified with a role or identity?

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At a CSS talk, one of the questioners used the term spiritualization of matter. I don’t know much about how it is ordinarily used, but it seems that it can be talked about in a couple of different ways.

All is already awakeness, and that includes all appearances, overlay of stories, identifications, sense of I and Other, doer, observer and so on. What we label matter is already Spirit so no need - or even possibility - to spiritualize anything.

To explore this, I can chose something that seems very much material and physical, for instance a cup. How does it appear in each sense field? Through sensations, sight, sounds, images? What is its appearance in each sense field made of? Is it awakeness itself? Can I find what stories label “matter” outside of these sense fields? Can I find “matter” outside of images and stories? Can I find it as anything else than awakeness? (The very ordinary awakeness we are all familiar with, which is here independent of context of experience and identifications.) This may sound very naive, and I suppose that is one of the reasons we usually don’t explore things this way.

Awakeness can awaken to itself, notice itself, and identification shift out of stories. Our human self will then reorganize within this new context, and this can be called spiritualization of matter. Our body, energies, emotions and views shift and reorganize within this context of what we are awake to itself. Our human self heals, matures and develops in this new context, and does so in ways that appears sane and mature in a conventional sense as well.

This reorganization can also happen before such an awakening, through practice and at least to some extent.

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I enjoy noticing the different flavor of auras, especially since they tend to mirror experience.

For instance, when what we are is awake to itself, the aura is uniform throughout (no center-periphery difference), the aura is infinite (as it is for all of us), and all areas of the field are awake to itself. And this mirrors the experience of center dropping out, infinity, and awakeness awakening to itself throughout the field.

When what we are is not awake to itself, there is a clear center-periphery difference in the field, and many areas - including and especially those more in the periphery - are as asleep, dormant, not awake to itself.

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They showed Jesus a gold coin and said to Him, “Caesar’s men demand taxes from us.” He said to them, “Give Caesar what belongs to Caesar, give God what belongs to God, and give Me what is Mine.”
- Gospel of Thomas, verse 100, and the New Testament in Matthew 22:15-22, Mark 12:13-17, Luke 20:20-26.

This famous verse can be taken in a relatively straight-forward way.

Take care of your life in the world as a human being. Live an ordinary life and take care of the obligations that comes with the roles you are playing. Give Caesar what belongs to Caesar.

And at the same time, know what you really are. Give god what belongs to God.

Don’t neglect one in favor of the other.

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Show me the stone which the builders have rejected. That one is the cornerstone.
- Gospel of Thomas, verse 66.

Again, there are many ways to look at this. And maybe the simplest is that it refers to what we are.

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If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.
- Gospel of Thomas, verse 70.

Some simple ways of looking at this…

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One line is my sins, and another line is forgiveness for these sins. Mostly the music has two vocies. One is more complicated and subjective, but another is very simple, clear, and objective.
- Arvo Pärt, interviewed by Björk. 

A beautiful description of who and what we are. As who we are, this human self, we are complicated and subjective. We are conditioned in a particular way, experience life through our own set of filters. As what we are, we are simple, clear, objective. Either one is beautiful, and the real beauty comes from both together, from one existing within the context of the other. 

As a human self, I sin. I make mistakes. I am confused. I am not aware of the impact of my actions in the world. 

As what I am, there is already forgiveness. 

And all of that is reflected in Arvo Pärt’s music, in a beautiful way.

Adya has a good way of talking about awakening and enlightenment, if I understand it correctly.

Awakening is a glimpse of what we are, or of what we are noticing itself. It can happen more or less clearly, and for shorter or longer periods of time. (Non-abiding awakening.)

Then, there is a process of clarifying and embodying this awakening. To clarify what we are, and to reorganize and realign our human life within that new context.

Eventually, the last bits of identification with stories may wear out and identification shifts (back) into what we are. (Abiding awakening.)

And before and after that happens, our human self continues to realign and reorganize. To heal, mature, develop skillful means. Live more and more in integrity.

Another way to talk about always & everywhere is to say that enlightenment is retroactive. (From Joel at CSS.)

When we find that we are capacity for whatever is happening, as they say in the headless world, we also find that it is always like that. There has never been a time it wasn’t like that already, it is just that we didn’t notice. We took ourselves to be a portion of what we are capacity for. (This human self, a doer, observer, etc.) So in that sense, enlightenment is retroactive. It is all already Buddha Mind, the Divine Mind, the play of God.

But there are also other aspects to it.

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This is a common observation: the awakening process seems to stitch together what and who we are.

It brings what we are into the foreground, maybe first as a glimpse or not completely clear. Then our human self into the foreground, allowing it to reorganize within this new context. Then back to what we are, maybe in a more clear way. Then back to our human self for more realignment and reorganization. And so on. Often, the dips into the human self can be quite tough since what needs to reorganize is everything, including the shadow, and every last belief and identification eventually needs to go, often through being worn out through the grittiness of daily life. The more resistance, the tougher it may seem.

It is not always like this, of course. At times, both may be there at once and there is not the sense of shuttle going back and forth. And the process can be quick or slow, experienced as difficult or easy, and is always different - either obviously so or in the details.

People may tells us what will happen, we may be familiar with any number of maps, something may have happened for us in the past, but the truth is that we don’t know until we go through it, and often not even then! As Byron Katie says, expectations is a plan, and when we have a plan, we may resist what doesn’t fit, and do our best - sometimes without noticing - to make it into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The value in this particular story is that it can help us resist swings less, if they happen, and even support the reorganization of our human self - for as long as that is possible. It can make it a little easier for this human self.

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I can find wholeness as who and what I am.

As who I am, this human self, I can find wholeness by noticing here what I see in the wider world. I can see, feel into and eventually find appreciation for it, whatever it is. The world is my mirror.

And when what I am notices itself, I find that there is already a wholeness there. It is that which all happens within and as.

To the extent I find the first form of wholeness, there is less neediness, less looking for something to complete me, less being caught up in attractions and aversions. This is an ongoing process before and within what I am noticing itself.

Life as is invites such a reorganization, it invites us to grow up. And when what I am notices itself, the invitation is even more pronounced.

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It is common to hear folks say you are not your thoughts or emotions, or anything within experience. (Well, at least common among people interested in those things.)

And this is a good illustration on how teachings are pointers only, or medicine aimed at a specific condition. In this case, it is aimed at the condition of (blindly) identifying with thoughts, emotions, or content of experience in general.

As with any other statement, it is a pointer and a question. As any other teaching, it is medicine aimed at a specific condition, helpful in some situations and not other, and without any inherent truth. And as any other story, there is a grain of truth in its reversals.

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I am that. You are that. All is that.

Or as in the Bible, I am that I am. (Taken as a story reflecting something here now.)

It is one of the most profound pointers, and -  depending on how it is received, as with any teaching - one of the most helpful ones as well.

And as with any statement, it is a question and an invitation to explore for ourselves.

What am I really? Am I what I take myself to be? When I look here now, what do I find that I take myself to be? Is it in content of awareness? Is it something that comes and goes? Is what I really am content of awareness? Can it be? Is it something that comes and goes? If I am not what I take myself to be - this collection of sensations, sounds, sights and images - what am I then?

First, these may be insights coming from contemplation, from within stories. Then, as we explore what is here in immediate awareness, we can have genuine glimpses of what we are not, and what we are. And after a while, after getting more and more familiar with it, the center of gravity of our identity may shift from content of awareness and into what it all happens within and as - either gradually and slowly, or suddenly, or both.

In addition to sparking curiosity and exploration, it can also spark a desire to know, it can help us form an intention for inviting what we are to wake up to itself. And that too can be immensely helpful.

A simple pointer that came up in the CSS practitioner group….

When we take ourselves to be an object in the world, our experience may be of many beings and one world. There are lots of different beings - humans, animals, plants and so on - and they all share the same world, this planet and universe. 

Yet, when what we are notices itself - and it doesn’t have to be a completely clear noticing - it all shifts. Now, it all looks like many worlds and one being. It is all awakeness itself, and each human, animal and plant is their own world, filtering awakeness and its forms in different ways. 

Maybe we can say that in a modern worldview, there is one world and many beings. In a post-modern worldview, there are many worlds and many beings. And for mystics, there are many worlds and one being. 

And this too is just a pointer, an invitation for inquiry. How is it for me? What are the practical consequences of each view? How would I live differently if there were many worlds and one being? When I explore, can I find many worlds and one being in immediate awareness? What happens if there is a shift into Big Mind or headlessness?  

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We already know. 

We know what we are because we experience it throughout the day, and it is right here now in immediate awareness. 

We may not notice, recognize it, or take it seriously as something to investigate, but we still know. 

We know that we are not content of experience, because content of experience comes and goes and something - what we are - does not come and go. 

We know stories are not true. They are not true in a conventional sense, since their reversals always have truth in them and entierly different stories may make more sense to us than the ones we are familiar with. And they don’t - and cannot - touch what we and everything are. 

We know all this. We know we are that which experience happens within and as, because it comes more to the foreground throughout the day, whenever identification is relaxed out of content of experience. 

Yet, we don’t always notice it. We don’t always recognize it as what we are. We don’t always take it seriously and as something worth investigating. 

And when we do notice, recognize and investigate, it may take quite a while to become familiar with it. To trust it. To allow ourselves to reorganize and align with it. 

It is all too easy to grasp onto identifications, because that is what we are used to and what seems safe. And some of those identifications may be with stories about exactly these things, stories about what we are which may be as true as stories can be. But we are still identifying with content of experience, holding onto the bank of the river when we are invited to let go and trust. 

We are so used to take ourselves as content of experience that it may take a while to learn to trust. To let all identifications go and relax into and as what we - and everything - already are. And then allow this human self to reorganize, function and mature within that new context. 

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Saying that God is longing to know itself is, as anything else, only a pointer, an invitation to exploration. It is not true or not true, apart from in the most limited sense, and the reversals are equally true. 

So how is this a pointer? In what way is it a helpful teaching? What is it a remedy for? 

The most obvious may be as an invitation to explore our own longings. I can take any longing in my own life, however mundane and unspiritual it may seem, and trace it back. What is it really a longing for? What is more genuinely true for me about it than its surface appearance? 

I have a desire for food. What is it about? I find that it is about survival, avoiding suffering, and finding some happiness. It is innocent, and a way to take care of this human self. 

I have a desire for success. Here too, I find that it is about survival, avoiding suffering, and finding some happiness. Again, it is innocent, and it is love filtered through stories. 

I have a longing for connection. Again, I find the same things. 

By exploring this, I find that my longings - the ones I have looked into so far - are all innocent, and they are love filtered through certain stories. The longing is always genuine and innocent. And the strategies to fulfill those longings may or may not make sense after I investigate them. If they don’t, there is always room to try something else. 

There is a relaxation here, a relase of struggle with myself. 

I also find that each longing is a longing for allowing what is, as it is, and for a full and rich human life. In other words, it is a longing for waking up - for appreciating what is, as it is, including the confusion, drama and mistaken identities, and also for releasing identification out of stories and identities, and the drama and resistance that comes from getting caught up in them. And it is a longing for growing up, for healing and maturing as a human being in the world. 

So the pointer God is longing to know itself is a way for me to clarify my own longings, my own intentions and desires. Not to change them, but to see what they really and genuinely are about for me. And I may find that they are innocent, and genuine desires to grow and wake up. There is a new sense of alignment when this is recognized, and it may happen over and over as I explore new longings and desires, or explore again the ones I have looked at before. It is always new. Fresh. Different. 

There are also other ways the hadith God is longing to know itself is a pointer. 

It is an invitation to see what is happening here now. To notice that form happens within and as awakeness, and not even that, just as the mystery no pointers can touch. This world of form, as it is, is God longing to know itself. It is no thing longing to know itself as (the appearance of) something, in always new, fresh and different ways. 

It is of course an anthropomorphism. There is no longing there. And yet, maybe we can say there is. The movement into form in itself can be seen as a longing for God to know itself as and through form.

Including as this universe, planet, plants, animals, humans, mistaken identities, awakenings, and whatever else is happening. 

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I was a hidden treasure and wished to be known, so I created that I might be known.  
- oral Islamic teaching. 

Everything can be seen as God longing to know itself. 

Everything is God manifesting, exploring and experiencing itself in always new ways. 

And that includes our human life and the longings in our human life. 

The quiet love for God and truth is God longing to know itself through waking up to itself. 

The impulse to seek and wish for anything is God longing to wake up to itself, and to experience itself in its richness. 

All of these are God longing to know itself, filtered through our human life. 

The quiet love for God and truth is there as soon as there is a sense of a separate I. There is - somewhere - a knowing of what we are, a sense of discrepancy between what we are and what we take ourselves to be, and a longing for what we are to wake up to itself. 

When there is a sene of a separate I, there is longing in the form of seeking, wishing, wanting and so on, and these are filtered through our identifications with stories and identities. 

Sometimes, it looks spiritual. It can take the form of devotion, prayer, meditation, selfless action.

Sometimes, it looks mundane. A search for knowledge, status, safety, approval, love, belonging.

Sometimes, it looks less than pretty. Domination. Cruelty. Suffering. Despair. (Love filtered through particularly strong beliefs.)

But it is all God longing to know itself. A longing to wake up, for what we are and everything is to clearly recognize itself. A longing for wholeness, for recognizing the wholeness that is always here as what we are, and for the sense of wholeness we can find in our human life. And a longing for living and experiencing fully and richly this human life. 

It is all included. It is all God longing to know itself, in always new ways. 

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In the context of what we are, the human psyche is minuscle. And we all know it, even if we don’t always recognize it or take it seriously. 

When identification is,  even to some extent, released out of content of experience, we find ourselves as that which experience happens within and as. And this is capcaity for whatever is happening. It has nothing to do with size, and yet has a taste of the infinite, and is also as big as whatever content of experience is here. 

Right now, it is as big as this room. When I go outside for a walk, it is as big as the landscape, the clouds and the wind. At night, it is as big as the furthest stars. 

And although this psyche with its thoughts and emotions is not located anywhere, there is also a sense of it being located in and around this human self. The mental field creates gestalts anchoring it to sensations and images of this body. 

So in the context of what I am, my psyche is minuscle. It is a tiny part of the whole field. What I am is awakeness and capacity for whatever is happening, it is this room as awakeness itself, the landscape as awakeness itself, the clouds, wind and stars as awakeness itself, and it is thoughts and emotions as awakeness itself, as a tiny part of this immensely larger whole. 

When I take myself to be the psyche, it can seem immense and fill up my whole world, leaving just a periphery to the wider world. 

When I forget to take myself as the psyche, there is a shift into what I am and the psyche is just a tiny part of the field. It does its own thing, living its own life, as it always does, but it is just a small player on the stage. 

And we all know it. We all experience it throughout the day when we are out in nature, relax, get absorbed into whatever activity we are engaged in, forget to get caught up in stories for whatever reason. We may not notice, or recognize it as what we are, or take it seriously and as something to investigate further, but it is there. 

It is not mysterious in that sense. 

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