Being halfway selfish is painful.

I eat something my tongue says is good, and my body feels bad. I keep something for myself, and others notice and keep things to themselves. I try to protect myself through a white lie, and experience stress and tension.

In short, I act on a very limited notion of what is good for me and who I am in the world.

It is much better to be 100% selfish.

When I am completely selfish, I take the bigger picture into account. I think longer term, and in terms of my relationships with others and the wider world. I ask myself, what is really good for me? What will meet my most essential needs? I act in ways that meet my own needs, and also the needs of those around me, and even for the larger social and ecological whole, because I know there is no separation there.

(more…)

And that is sometimes a good thing!

Three layers of alright.

(more…)

Working with projections can be seen as a the universal “cure all”.

It helps us heal, by dislodging us from stuck (victim) positions. It helps us mature, by enriching our view and stories about ourselves and the world. It widens our circle of care, concern, and compassion, and circle of “us”. It reveals the world – the me, I and the wider world – as a seamless whole.

And it helps us notice what we really are.

One of the ways it helps us notice what we are is through projections of the me and I.

We project the “me” out on others. They are humans in the world with certain characteristics, roles, activities and so on.

And we project the “I” out on others as well. There is an “I” there somehow operating that human being. Pulling the strings. Making choices. Acting. Observing. Experiencing.

So how do I work with these projections?

(more…)

What do I see in Don Quixote? I see – among other things – someone who is at odds with reality, fighting imaginary enemies.

How do I find that in myself? I do the same whenever I take a story as true. I identify with a particular viewpoint, so am necessarily at odds with reality. Reality is not limited to my stories about it.

What happens when I am at odds with reality? There is stress. Discomfort. A sense of unease. Sense of separation. Tension.

(more…)

Spirituality can refer to many different things.

When I look at the type of spirituality I am most familiar with, I find three facets. And one, two, or three of them can be present at once, it seems, and in any combination.

First, there is fascination. We can be fascinate by many things, including the idea of what we may get out of spirituality (awakening, healing, peace, good rebirth), our own path and experiences (insights, dreams, glimpses), the stories in the tradition (cosmology, teaching stories), the teacher (personality, what they represent), more peripheral aspects such as reincarnation, supernatural powers, and auras, or even more peripheral things such as astrology, foreseeing the future, reincarnation, and also anything unexplained and weird such as UFOs, crop circles, ghosts and so on.

Fascination can be very helpful. It can make us feel good, hopeful, and inspired. It can help us stay with a path. It can be a needed temporary escape from problems. And it brings up projections, inviting us to find here what we see over there.

(more…)

When I get a small rock in my shoe, attention goes there allowing me to notice it and do something about it.

And that is an example of a much more general pattern. Attention goes to what bothers me, so I can notice it and do something about it.

Sometimes, I do something about it in the world, like removing a pebble from my shoe. Other times, I notice and inquire into a belief. Or there is a combination.

So why does attention to go what bothers us?

In an immediate sense, it is easily explained. Something feels off, so attention goes there so we can do something about it. If it is resolved, attention moves on. If it is not resolved in a satisfying way, attention will tend to return.

(more…)

I pass by a wise old man, and he delivers a string of sayings and pointers. One is “the cosmic is the cure for the mature human”.

(more…)

There are many reasons why I wouldn’t be a good teacher, at least not of the traditional type. Apart from not being qualified in any way, not being trained, and not enjoying projections coming my way, I often feel that traditional spiritual teachers play a cruel game with their students.

There is a reason for that cruel game, of course, and it is a quite innocent one. When there is an awakening, it is natural for many to want to share it. And when there is an absence of awakening here, combined with neediness at a human level, it is natural to seek something that will fill that hole, and spirituality can be one of those things.

(more…)

As the previous “level-headed” post was quite unfair and one-sided, I thought I would be a little more inclusive here. It is also more interesting to me.

If we make the distinction between who and what we are, we get three ways to meet our human and spiritual longings.

We can meet all human and spiritual longings with spirituality tools. We can meet them with psychological tools. Or we can meet them at their own levels.

(more…)

messy draft of an – most likely – unfair post…..

I am quite comfortable with approaches that place a mostly equal emphasize on who and what we are, our human self in the world and what we really are – that which experience happens within and as.

After all, growing up in this western culture I am familiar with the who part through psychology, health and well-being and personal growth, so when the what part surprisingly revealed itself, it was natural to combine the two. And even more so since there is a wide range of tools that address both areas, such as inquiry.

It is also easy for me to appreciate a more exclusive focus on the who part. It is what takes care of our usual knots, neediness, wounds and so on, helps us find more meaning and satisfaction in our lives, and live in a way that is more aligned with the larger whole. If there is still a quiet longing for God, truth or reality, then the what part comes in.

Yet, it continues to be difficult for me to find appreciation for an exclusive emphasis on the what side. I can easily appreciate it in other cultures, and also in a traditional western monastery setting. It is easy to see the beauty and appropriateness of it there.

(more…)

Essensual is not a new word, but I just recently heard it.

It captures the juicy combination of awakeness and a human life beautifully.

Essence comes in at least three flavors.

It is that sense of wholeness, contentment and meaning that is here when I notice myself as the whole that embraces and includes body and mind.

It is that sense of profound meaning, kindness and wisdom that is here when the soul level is alive, when the alive presence is here in and around the body and everywhere else.

It is what I really am and everything is, the play of awake emptiness as form.

(more…)

There are many answers to the question what is it all about?

And here is one simple answer: it is about living in integrity.

What does it mean to live in integrity?

For me, it means to live according to relative and absolute truth. The ordinary truths on my ordinary human life, and also the truth of what I am and everything is.

(more…)

The spiritual path looks quite different depending on where we are coming from.

When there is a glimpse of what we are, the spiritual path becomes a process of clarifying and living from it. It is a process of examining the veils that may cover it up again, make ourselves familiar with the dynamics, and also recognize more clearly that what we are is already independent of veils or clarity, confusion or awakening.

This glimpse can come at any point on the path, including before the path has started, and it can come repeatedly before it stabilizes, or be quite stable right away. No rules here, it seems.

(more…)

The actor and role analogy is appropriate for both psychology and spirituality.

In psychology, the analogy refers to the roles we play as humans in the world, at different times in our lives and in different situations. The actor here is our human self.

And in spirituality, the analogy includes the roles we play as a me (human being) and I (doer, observer). The actor is what we are – that which all happens within and as – taking on all these temporary roles.

(more…)

What we are seems weird only because of expectations, our habit of taking ourselves to be a human being, an object in the world with identities and roles.

From within awakening, it looks different. Here, what is weird is that we (temporarily) take ourselves to be just that, and can stand to live with all that comes with it. (Reactivity, isolation, a closed view and heart, a lack of trust in existence.)

(more…)

Live up to your attainment with care.
- Sixth Patriarch

A few more things about this….

I can use a more yang or yin approach to live up to my attainment with care. A yang approach may be: don’t not allow yourself to fall into old patterns. (Don’t think you are absolutely right, protect a viewpoint etc.) While a yin approach may be to simply notice the symptoms of identifying with a viewpoint, and then find what is more true for me. Can I find the freedom to use one or the other, or both, depending on what seems most helpful in the situation?

Also, living up to your attainment means to live with integrity, to live from absolute and relative truths. When I live from relative truths, I live in ways that seem the most sane, mature, wise and kind, even in a conventional sense. And living from absolute truth is to remind myself of what I really am, and that there is no absolute truth inherent in any story or viewpoint. I use stories as practical guidelines for attention and action, chose the stories that seem the most helpful and appropriate in the situation, in the context of don’t know.

(more…)

Say that reality awakens to itself, and there is identification as reality awake to itself….

Is that what I really am?

If reality is free to show up as delusion or awake to itself, is what I really am anything other (or less) than that freedom? What is already free to show up as either?

If delusion and reality awake to itself comes and goes, is what I really am either of those?

And when that freedom is lived through a human self, and it is lived in a sane, mature, wise and kind way, how does it look? Can I find what I really am as inherently free to show up as delusion and reality awake to itself, yet seeking clarity out of compassion?

(more…)

We must be completely normal people, who have our feet firmly planted on the ground, but ever aware that while we live in this world, we are not of it.
- from an introduction to an interview with Zlatko Sudac

This is another pointer that can be very helpful.

How sane, mature, wise and kind am I in a conventional sense? How do I appear to others? If they see something in me that is not sane, mature, wise or kind, what is the truth in it? Can I find it for myself?

Is there any reason to not appear sane, mature, wise and kind in this situation?

If something looks weird, what is going on? Am I acting on a belief there? Am I acting on a fixed viewpoint, identified with a role or identity?

(more…)

At a CSS talk, one of the questioners used the term spiritualization of matter. I don’t know much about how it is ordinarily used, but it seems that it can be talked about in a couple of different ways.

All is already awakeness, and that includes all appearances, overlay of stories, identifications, sense of I and Other, doer, observer and so on. What we label matter is already Spirit so no need – or even possibility – to spiritualize anything.

To explore this, I can chose something that seems very much material and physical, for instance a cup. How does it appear in each sense field? Through sensations, sight, sounds, images? What is its appearance in each sense field made of? Is it awakeness itself? Can I find what stories label “matter” outside of these sense fields? Can I find “matter” outside of images and stories? Can I find it as anything else than awakeness? (The very ordinary awakeness we are all familiar with, which is here independent of context of experience and identifications.) This may sound very naive, and I suppose that is one of the reasons we usually don’t explore things this way.

Awakeness can awaken to itself, notice itself, and identification shift out of stories. Our human self will then reorganize within this new context, and this can be called spiritualization of matter. Our body, energies, emotions and views shift and reorganize within this context of what we are awake to itself. Our human self heals, matures and develops in this new context, and does so in ways that appears sane and mature in a conventional sense as well.

This reorganization can also happen before such an awakening, through practice and at least to some extent.

(more…)

I enjoy noticing the different flavor of auras, especially since they tend to mirror experience.

For instance, when what we are is awake to itself, the aura is uniform throughout (no center-periphery difference), the aura is infinite (as it is for all of us), and all areas of the field are awake to itself. And this mirrors the experience of center dropping out, infinity, and awakeness awakening to itself throughout the field.

When what we are is not awake to itself, there is a clear center-periphery difference in the field, and many areas – including and especially those more in the periphery – are as asleep, dormant, not awake to itself.

(more…)

They showed Jesus a gold coin and said to Him, “Caesar’s men demand taxes from us.” He said to them, “Give Caesar what belongs to Caesar, give God what belongs to God, and give Me what is Mine.”
- Gospel of Thomas, verse 100, and the New Testament in Matthew 22:15-22, Mark 12:13-17, Luke 20:20-26.

This famous verse can be taken in a relatively straight-forward way.

Take care of your life in the world as a human being. Live an ordinary life and take care of the obligations that comes with the roles you are playing. Give Caesar what belongs to Caesar.

And at the same time, know what you really are. Give god what belongs to God.

Don’t neglect one in favor of the other.

(more…)

Show me the stone which the builders have rejected. That one is the cornerstone.
- Gospel of Thomas, verse 66.

Again, there are many ways to look at this. And maybe the simplest is that it refers to what we are.

(more…)

If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.
- Gospel of Thomas, verse 70.

Some simple ways of looking at this…

(more…)

One line is my sins, and another line is forgiveness for these sins. Mostly the music has two vocies. One is more complicated and subjective, but another is very simple, clear, and objective.
- Arvo Pärt, interviewed by Björk. 

A beautiful description of who and what we are. As who we are, this human self, we are complicated and subjective. We are conditioned in a particular way, experience life through our own set of filters. As what we are, we are simple, clear, objective. Either one is beautiful, and the real beauty comes from both together, from one existing within the context of the other. 

As a human self, I sin. I make mistakes. I am confused. I am not aware of the impact of my actions in the world. 

As what I am, there is already forgiveness. 

And all of that is reflected in Arvo Pärt’s music, in a beautiful way.

Adya has a good way of talking about awakening and enlightenment, if I understand it correctly.

Awakening is a glimpse of what we are, or of what we are noticing itself. It can happen more or less clearly, and for shorter or longer periods of time. (Non-abiding awakening.)

Then, there is a process of clarifying and embodying this awakening. To clarify what we are, and to reorganize and realign our human life within that new context.

Eventually, the last bits of identification with stories may wear out and identification shifts (back) into what we are. (Abiding awakening.)

And before and after that happens, our human self continues to realign and reorganize. To heal, mature, develop skillful means. Live more and more in integrity.

Another way to talk about always & everywhere is to say that enlightenment is retroactive. (From Joel at CSS.)

When we find that we are capacity for whatever is happening, as they say in the headless world, we also find that it is always like that. There has never been a time it wasn’t like that already, it is just that we didn’t notice. We took ourselves to be a portion of what we are capacity for. (This human self, a doer, observer, etc.) So in that sense, enlightenment is retroactive. It is all already Buddha Mind, the Divine Mind, the play of God.

But there are also other aspects to it.

(more…)

This is a common observation: the awakening process seems to stitch together what and who we are.

It brings what we are into the foreground, maybe first as a glimpse or not completely clear. Then our human self into the foreground, allowing it to reorganize within this new context. Then back to what we are, maybe in a more clear way. Then back to our human self for more realignment and reorganization. And so on. Often, the dips into the human self can be quite tough since what needs to reorganize is everything, including the shadow, and every last belief and identification eventually needs to go, often through being worn out through the grittiness of daily life. The more resistance, the tougher it may seem.

It is not always like this, of course. At times, both may be there at once and there is not the sense of shuttle going back and forth. And the process can be quick or slow, experienced as difficult or easy, and is always different – either obviously so or in the details.

People may tells us what will happen, we may be familiar with any number of maps, something may have happened for us in the past, but the truth is that we don’t know until we go through it, and often not even then! As Byron Katie says, expectations is a plan, and when we have a plan, we may resist what doesn’t fit, and do our best – sometimes without noticing – to make it into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The value in this particular story is that it can help us resist swings less, if they happen, and even support the reorganization of our human self – for as long as that is possible. It can make it a little easier for this human self.

(more…)

I can find wholeness as who and what I am.

As who I am, this human self, I can find wholeness by noticing here what I see in the wider world. I can see, feel into and eventually find appreciation for it, whatever it is. The world is my mirror.

And when what I am notices itself, I find that there is already a wholeness there. It is that which all happens within and as.

To the extent I find the first form of wholeness, there is less neediness, less looking for something to complete me, less being caught up in attractions and aversions. This is an ongoing process before and within what I am noticing itself.

Life as is invites such a reorganization, it invites us to grow up. And when what I am notices itself, the invitation is even more pronounced.

(more…)

It is common to hear folks say you are not your thoughts or emotions, or anything within experience. (Well, at least common among people interested in those things.)

And this is a good illustration on how teachings are pointers only, or medicine aimed at a specific condition. In this case, it is aimed at the condition of (blindly) identifying with thoughts, emotions, or content of experience in general.

As with any other statement, it is a pointer and a question. As any other teaching, it is medicine aimed at a specific condition, helpful in some situations and not other, and without any inherent truth. And as any other story, there is a grain of truth in its reversals.

(more…)