Constructing a Self

My immediate experience is of all experiences arising in the same field – whether it is a seamless field or as separate fragments within space (both seem accurate).

I can find no inside and no outside. No boundaries (the temporary boundaries are defined by what arises furthest away in the present, and this always changes). No color. No form. Only capacity for the world as it arises in the present. And I find that I become whatever arises in the present. My identity is fluid, always new and fresh.

Within this field, I can make a functional distinction between the small self and the rest of the world. I know that I have a special relationship to this small self, as a vehicle in the world of phenomena. And yet when I look, there are no boundaries between this small self and the rest of the world of phenomena. The distinction is made within the context of the seamless fluid whole.

To construct a self, I have to attach to an idea of myself as only this small self. I have to somehow convince myself that this idea is reality, and ignore my own immediate experience of this boundless seamless field.

If I am successful in this, my view functions in a more dualistic way. From being capacity for the world, the space or “ground” in which it all appears, I am now an isolated object in a world of very many and unpredictable objects. I find myself with an exclusive and limited idea of an identity, which is always at odds with the current situation. From this limited idea of identity, which I need to constantly maintain, refine and defend, I create my own drama. And this brings up no end of dis-ease and suffering in all its many forms.

Remembering myself as the space and ground in which this all arises – inside and outside of the small self, I am relieved from this contraction and the suffering inherent in it. I no longer need to identify with only a small part of the field – the small self, but I become the whole field as it arises. I find a new ease in the daily life of the small self.

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