Feeling Tone

Looking back at the opening experience in my teens, I can see that it was a quite full blown awakening into Big Mind, and yet that I made a mistake from confusion.

I did experience the whole universe as consciousness, and I am that consciousness. Everything was God, in front and behind the eyeballs (for night and day for years).

At the same time, I attached to a feeling tone which went along with it at the time. Since I had no other experiences to compare it with, and no teachers, I associated Big Mind with this feeling tone. When I look back, I can see that I created a good deal of suffering for myself through that mistake.

Now, when I have a (far milder) taste of Big Mind, without the same feeling tone, I can differentiate the two. I see that the feeling tone was just another part of the Relative, another fleeting phenomena. I see that an awakening into Big Mind can be crystal clear – as pure and clean space in which phenomena arises.

And this is a huge relief. Whenever I notice an attachment to any feeling tone, I can come back to this crystal clear Big Mind – being released from it and releasing it, allowing it to be free to come and go, as it does anyway. This feels far more simple, comfortable, and there is a new sense of ease in it.

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