There is a sense of my heart opening again, gradually deepening. There has been many years of a closed off heart, and with it any enthusiasm and passion. And before that again, there were years of a naked heart – full of passion, joy, pain, bliss, suffering, compassion, rejoicing and a sense of sweetness and vibrancy of life.
And this is coming back, gradually and in waves. I am reconnection with Christianity as well, through many readings by and about Christian mystics and Jesus. This evening, I am reading Beyond Belief by Elaine Pagels, about the Gospel of Thomas. It is amazing to me how profoundly I experience a connection with the early Christians and the mystics up until today.
In reading The Second Birth yesterday, about Waking Down awakening stories, I found many connections with my own experiences. One that was striking was in the story by Linda Groves where she experienced all the pain in the world within her. Last year, following a fall Breema intensive, I had two or three days where I went through something very similar. It was as I – not as a human being but Big Heart – experienced all the pain and suffering in the world within me. As Big Heart, I was the pain of the world. Raw, naked, richly, with a tinge of bliss and joy in it as well.
It seems that for me, an opening of the heart means an opening of anything and everything of the heart – joy, pain, bliss, suffering, intimacy, compassion, rejoicing and much more. It is all there, simultaneously – and deepening.