Preoccupation & Release

I notice a subtle ambivalence in me in several related areas.

I am in a phase where I am not sure what my role in the world will be in the near/medium future. One part of me want to push ahead, and the rest realizes that it is probably more wise to wait. Any avenue I am aware of is blocked one way or another, and my experiences in the past tells me to wait. Something will open up. Just be receptive, have a clear intention. I will know it when it comes.

A related one is between being preoccupied with my own process and wanting to be more engaged in the world. Of course, these are not mutually exclusive but the center of gravity is currently definitely in the former. And this bothers me some. I seem to need this time of focus on my own process, of clarification and healing, and it may be of benefit to others later. Still, I would rather be more fully engaged in the world – more other-focused – right now. Of course, this is an organic process so – again – just go with what is. It will change. Life is more wise than I am when it comes to where to place attention. I am still not released from this particular focus.

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