Remorse & Rejoicing

I have friends from some years back who all are doing very well in the world, including finding some public recognition for what they are doing. And my family never fails to remind me of this when I talk with them on the phone.

In my case, I was very much on track to “have it all” some years back, until the fall from grace which derailed pretty much every area of my life. Now, there is not much left to find any sense of accomplishment in, and also not much of anyone here to take any sense of accomplishment on.

Seeing the success – in many areas – of my friends, there is typically a mix of remorse and rejoicing that comes up. One first, depending on where I am at in the moment, and then the other.

There is remorse for everything I lost, in so many areas. And there is sincere rejoicing in their happiness.

When I allow it all in, fully being it all, I see that it is all part of a more open heart. The pain, grief and sadness is mixed with the happiness and joy. It is all there. Nothing is excluded. And it seems that it is all there without any particular triggers. It is more as if they are all there, just waiting for something to come along to use as a way to come more into life and to the foreground.

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