During sitting this morning, there was another parade of “I” animals. A series of snapshots of how they mind – and in particular thoughts – functions when filtered through the belief in the idea of “I”.
Every single thought and impulse coming through seemed to have to do with bolstering a particular self-image, and the idea of “I” itself. Attention went to something, and right away there was the impulse of wanting and exploring how to make use of that to enhance and polish this self-image. How can I make advantage of this to look better than others?
And when I noticed that I noticed this, even that got included in this process. How can I make use of noticing this to appear better than others? It gives me another badge as a meditator. It gives me an upper hand in interaction with folks who don’t see this. And so on.
Not a pretty sight, And noticing this tends to deflate the process itself.
There is the process of using anything and everything to bolster a particular self-image – as better than others, special and so on. But this process itself is not particularly admirable, so noticing it tends to deflate the process. And noticing how this noticing is baked into the same process, using that as another way to be better and special, tends to deflate that attempt as well.
It may be that the process of bolstering a particular idea of self contains its own antidote. When it is noticed, it unravels itself (to the extent it is really seen).
Matter meets antimatter, and what is left is space and neutrality.