Pesky I

In my sitting these days, I look for whatever looks like an “I” and allow it into awareness. It seems that this in itself allows the knot to (begin to) unravel.

Objects in space

Whenever sensations, feelings, emotions or thoughts come up, I bring attention to them and see that they all unfold as objects within space.

They unfold within me, as the space & awareness that holds it all.

And as objects I see that they are not really any different from any other object arising, such as sounds of the traffic, the wall, a tree outside the window and so on. These are all objects arising at different points throughout space, within the field of space. Any label of “I” and “other” is superimposed on this immediate experience.

So exploring it this way, it becomes pretty clear that there is no inherent “I” in any of these objects arising in space, whether they are a tree, sensations, sounds of a plane, thoughts, clouds passing through the sky, the light through the window and so on. They all just happen within the field of space.

A center

What is left as a possible “I”? For me, it is often a sense of a “center”, an observer and a seer, somehow located somewhere in/around this physical body.

I explore this sense of center, and find that it is quite nebulous. I look for it, and it shifts. I try to find it as somehow “solid” and it is revealed as space.

Also, I recognize that this center is merely a segment of what is. It is exclusive, just an aspect of the field of everything happening as the present. When I look at this wide open field of everything happening, the “center” is revealed as (most likely) just another superimposition. Something added to what is.

There is just this field of all that is happening, and any sense of contraction, center, condensing, is added to it through a layer of abstractions. It is just a consequence of a belief in a thought.

And allowing all this into awareness – all these objects, centers, contractions and so on – allows the knots to unravel, revealing just the plain field of what is. It reveals the tapestry of all that is happening as the present, with no parts especially privileged or bunched up.

Dancing space

Last night and during sitting this morning, there was a clear experience of everything as space. I brought attention to something within the field of what is happening, and it was just space which happened to take on a temporary appearance. There is a deep sense of stillness and quietness in this. A dark autumn night, as they say in Zen (although which one I don’t know, they have several).

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