Seeing In Me What I see In Him

Any quality I see in the wider world is also there in my human self.

And the way I relate to each of these qualities is equally expressed in how I relate to it in others and myself.

So what can I learn from our recent housemate woes?

  • I saw anger in him, so where is the anger in me?
  • I saw lack of coping skills in him, so where is this expressed in my life?
  • I heard lies from him, so where and how do I lie?
  • I heard manipulation from him, so where and how do I manipulate?
  • I experienced (psychological) blackmailing from him, so where and how do I blackmail?

Anger comes up for me in many situations, even (or maybe mostly) in apparently silly ones. There is anger coming up (often in the form of resentment or irritation) when someone is overly noisy – when they flip the pages of a newspaper too noisily, when they eat noisily and so on. There is also anger coming up when I see world leaders making decisions out of blind duality, (apparently) benefiting only a small group while bringing suffering to far more people and beings. There is anger (in the form of resentment) when my partner behaves in a way I don’t particularly like. And so on. The list could be very long.

There is definitely lack of coping skills in my life, in many areas. There are many situations I don’t deal with as well as I could, especially in my words and actions in the world. It may be OK inwardly, but there is much room for improvement in the outward expression of it.

Where do I lie? Maybe the question is where do I not lie? Whenever I believe in a though or abstractions, it is a lie. Whenever I think I “get” it, it is a lie. Whenever I think I know how something is, it is a lie. Whenever I think I am right, it is a lie. My life is a lie, and that is OK and I can bring this more into awareness. I can hold the seeing of the lies and the lies.

How do I manipulate? Probably in infinite ways, most of which I am not even aware of. Whenever there is resistance to what is, I try to manipulate life. And as there is probably always at least some resistance, I continuously try to manipulate life. And that too is OK, and something I can bring gradually more into awareness.

Where do I blackmail? Whenever I try to make a deal with myself or others, and there is a sense of pressure behind it. And this too pervades my life, and is something I can bring more into awareness.

And then there is of course the confusion, compassion and humanity which I am more familiar with in myself.

None of these are “bad”, not even if they are not brought into awareness. But if they are not, there is suffering. And if they are, there is a release from this suffering. To the extent I can see what is and align myself with what is, there is liberation.

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