Advice for Myself

An impulse arises in me in the form of a should

It may initially appear to be for someone else. It may be triggered by what someone else is doing. It may look like something they should change.

I notice that when I take it as being for someone else, it typically creates frustration, irritation, anger, hopelessness, and sense of separation. I try to place the gift of the impusle on someone else, and that does not work.

But when instead I apply the advice to my own life, I typically find a sense of relief – and an opening into a new clarity, depth, fullness, completeness, satisfaction and nourishment.


This came up during the intensive this last week. Several times, I had various impulses coming up in me while listening to the instructors. Usually in the form of he should speak more accurately, he shouldn’t use such broad strokes without including some differentiation, he shouldn’t talk down to the students, and so on.

If I see the advice as being for him, it only brings frustration and dissatisfaction. But if I apply the advice to myself, it brings a tremendous sense of relief – and of clarity, interest and insights. It allows me to explore how it could be said with more accuracy, more differentiation, more trust in the students.

Advice for myself

The impulse seems to come from life inviting me to find a deepening maturity as a human being. If I apply the gift to someone else, it does not work. But if I apply it to myself, it brings tremendous nourishment.

I find that the Byron Katie inquiry is a tremendous help in exploring this and turning it around.

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