Uneasiness in inquiry

I sometimes notice a sense of uneasiness when I do inquiry. Specifically, a sense of tricking myself through it.

When I look in – when I inquire into this feeling – I tend to find that I have a goal in mind beyond discovering what is true for me in the present. I may want to be free from a form of suffering. I may want the outcome of the inquiry to include changed behavior or changed circumstances. In short, there is an aim besides or in addition to simply seeing what is true for me.

So the sense of tricking myself through inquiry is accurate. Initially, it may appear to be around the process itself, that inquiry itself is a form of trickery. But exploring it a little further I see that it is the particular way I am engaging in inquiry that involves trickery.

Seeing this allows me to come back to it in a more sincere way, doing it for just exploring what is true for me in the present.

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