Inquiry :: They should understand me

They should understand me.

  1. Yes (Feels true. Seems it would be easier that way.)
  2. No (Cannot know it is absolutely true. Also, cannot know what is best for my and their’s paths.)
  3. What happens when I believe that thought?

    Frustration. Agitated. Ants in the body. Sense of separation from them, life, myself. I go into inner monologues and imagined dialogues. I find ways of making it appear as I am right and they are wrong. I tell stories to myself where I am the hero and they are the villain. I feel wronged. Unjustly treated. Misunderstood.

    I sometimes lump them all into one group, even those who I feel more naturally aligned with. I lose even my allies this way. Other times, I find allies and create an uncomfortable atmosphere by reinforcing the idea of me right, them wrong. I may do this in a subtle and apparently balanced and sophisticated way, but I don’t trick myself by it. I know it is not true. I know that I am just reinforcing a fragile story making me appear right.

    How do I treat others?

    I become distanced. Cold. Polite. Formal. Try to avoid them.

    How do I treat myself?

    I blame myself for blaming them. I know that the story of me right and them wrong is not true. I blame myself for being caught up in delusion, for being caught up in my hangups and not being able to get out of or beyond it. I beat myself up, in many different ways.

    When does it come up?

    When I strongly want to be included, to belong. It comes up when I encounter new groups that I want to belong to. Where it feels important to belong.

    What do I get out of it?

    I get to tell the story of how I am right, although I also know it is not true. I get to be agitated and create misery for myself.

    Is there a peaceful reason to hold onto this belief?

    No. I cannot find any peaceful reason.

  4. Who or what would I be without that thought?

    I would be free to enjoy myself, to be myself with them. Sense of deepening intimacy with them, life, myself. Playfulness. Spontaneous.

    >> Intimately engaged, even if they don’t understand me.

    I would enjoy their diversity. Able to see how each of them mirror me, in different ways. I would be able to see that through their diversity, I can find my own diversity. Through their richness, I can see, find and explore my own.

  5. (a) They shouldn’t understand me.

    That is as or more true.

    They don’t, that is the reality of it as I see it, so they shouldn’t.

    Also, they cannot. There is no way they can understand me. It is built into life. We cannot fully understand each other, not even in a realization of selflessness.

    I also see how they not understanding me helps me see where I am stuck, it helps me see where I attach to stories, where I am blinded by a belief in a story. It is a reminder to me to inquire, to see what is really true for me behind the apparent and temporary confusion.

    And the natural and infinite diversity that arises from us not understanding each other allows for an (apparent) outer diversity which helps me recognize, explore and eventually live more of my inner diversity.

    For all of these reasons, they should not understand me. I can see the beauty in them not understanding me.

    (b) I should understand them.

    Yes. I should understand that they don’t understand me. I should have understanding for them not understanding me. Through this, I would be more accpeting of them as they are and of myself as I am, of us all being different.

    (c) I should understand my thinking.

    If I did, I would be free from the original belief. How would this benefit me and others? It would bring intimacy, playfulness, freedom, fluidity. There would be engagement with intimacy, free from that resistance.

    (d) I should not understand my thinking.

    Yes, I should not understand my thinking, in the sense of not believing in them and take them as real. This is to be free from it. Like a child. I wouldn’t know anything. I am revealed as innocent. My thoughts are revealed as innocent.

    (e) I should not understand them.

    Yes, I should see that I don’t, and that I cannot understand them. I should allow them to live their own life. This brings freedom and liberation, to myself and them.

    (f) I should understand myself.

    I should find intimacy with myself, and take it seriously. If I do, I wouldn’t want to be understood by others.

  6. I am willing to not be understood by others. I look forward to not being understood by others.

    Yes, because it is a reminder for me to… See that the advice is for myself – I should understand myself. Inquire into beliefs. Notice my inner richness mirrored in the outer diversity.

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