I did a process work session earlier today, and started a process, which I continued on my way home, and then now. (In Process Work, the unfolding can be similar to what is described here, but they also include a more active exploration of the meaning of the process and how to bring it into daily life. When I do it on my own, it tends to unfold easily, but the meaning of it may not surface until much later if at all. Somehow, it still allows for a shift that is sometimes profound.)
- There is a long-standing relationship issue that I realize I have been avoiding (although I have been aware of it, and even talked about it a few times) and it is connected with the dark night phase.
- I go into it, and sense a heaviness and hardness around it. It takes the form of a big round boulder in the belly area. The boulder is medium gray and has a rough surface, although it is also almost perfectly spherical. I stay with it.
- Now, the image of a woman in black clothes comes up. She is a black Madonna, with a black cape and head covering. There is a vast depth to her, a deep soft velvety round quality. She becomes fluid or liquid and pours in through me, in and over the rock and then down… I am drawn along, down. I realize that this is the movement and invitation of the dark night, being drawn down with and into this velvety smooth blackness… the womb of the ground of all form… the earthy fullness that is also transparent to Ground. The black Madonna guides, and also has an infinite compassion for me, which touches me deeply.
- I also notice a hard object in my heart area. Another rock, much smaller, and harder. I don’t know what to do about it, and realize my only option is to completely surrender and allow the black Madonna and the luminous darkness to work on it. [end of what we did during the session]
- My attention goes back to the large rock in the belly area. I see a rocket or an explosive devise attached to it, and it blows up in a big explosion. It fills my whole belly area. Now, there is a spherical cloud of debris there, of smaller rocks and dust. It floats around for a while, then start rotating. It becomes a spiral galaxy, organizes in spiral arms and starts to light up with a silvery brilliant light interspersed with luminous golden areas. Now I see a whole range of colors in it… luminous streams of silver, areas of a soft golden light, smaller areas of brilliant blues and greens. It is beautiful within the velvety smooth luminous blackness.
- Attention goes to the smaller, harder rock in the heart area. I see a small luminous sphere there, silvery white. It hovers close to the rock, is near or on its surface. I stay with it. Nothing happens for a while. Then, the rock softens and melts, and dissolves into a velvety soft blackness in the heart area. There is a profoundly still and deep peace there beyond words. [end of what happened on my way home]
- Grief and sadness comes up. I notice a heaviness throughout the body, and especially in the limbs. A draw downwards. Fear comes up, but also a deep wanting to let go, and allow it all to go down. Now, the sense of directionality changes and it becomes a letting go into the velvety smooth soft luminous blackness. My body dissolves into the blackness, and is the blackness. I stay with the experience of everything dissolving into and as blackness. There is a sense of deep tenderness, and of being held within and as the velvety full blackness.
- I notice some harder areas that has not dissolved, along the jaw and in the upper throat. I stay with these. The tension increases along the jaw. A golden sphere descends from above, enveloping the head and neck area, and then sinks further down. Again, there is the sinking movement, now of the luminous golden sphere and everything else happening. There is a sense of round, smooth velvety heaviness…
- The directionality changes and it releases and expands out in all directions. There is a profound stillness and peace in the smooth, luminous blackness… I notice it is heavy… substantial… almost solid while also being completely transparent. A void that is round, full, velvety smooth, luminous black, infinitely still and silent.
- Attention goes back to the sensations of tension in the jaw area. I now notice the velvety full round sensation of the air being breathed in and out, as if the velvety luminous blackness itself is sensed and breathed. I sense it through the body now, especially on and around the skin… the soft velvety smooth round fullness, warm and cool at the same time. This is the shift in experiences of senses that happened last weekend… it is still here…
- The luminous golden sphere is here again, descending on my head and chest area. It is golden luminosity, but also has the soft, round, velvety smooth, full qualities of the luminous blackness. I remember the dream I had of the mountain landscape which had the same quality of smooth luminous fullness, although silvery.
- I stay with it… the luminous blackness everywhere, and the golden sphere with the same qualities. There is a profound sense of safety in it, of being held… of being the ground of all form…