Priming the I-Other split

I notice how the sense of I and Other is triggered, and deepened, through life not matching beliefs (deep belief trigger an emotional reactivity which in turn trigger this split, even before any related beliefs are conscious).

And when this split is there, anything is fair game for supporting and deepening this split.

For instance, I rushed to catch a train, which triggered this split (human self-train, catch-not catch, others and situations helping-hindering, and so on). Then, even after I had catched the train, I noticed how there was a tendency to irritability, being on edge, a sense of separation, and even paranoia. People rustling with their newspaper triggered irritability, a guy behind me who talked with himself triggered paranoia, and so on.

There is of course nothing new here either. Something puts us on edge, and this makes us more prone to being even more on edge.

Something triggers a sense of an I-Other split, bringing it to surface. Due to this split being at the surface, we are on edge and other situations more easily trigger other patterns of beliefs and emotional reactivity. And this in turn tends to maintain and deepen this sense of a split.

Another situation I notice this is if I do a consentration/stability practice, and fall into seeing lack of consentration as an Other and undesireable. This too tends to trigger a general sense of irritability and being on edge. The practice, did in a less-than skillful way, triggered an I-Other split, and this in turn created the general sense of something being off, irritability, separation, and so on.

And it is a good thing too. It is a signal to me of what is happening, which helps me shift the way I am doing the practice to reduce the sense of split (or allowing it to fall away). The string is too tight, there is too much tension there, too much effort and trying. So by noticing the signs of that, I can shift into a more relaxed alertness, which in turns allows the tendensy to irritability etc. to be reduced or fall away.

If I don’t see what is happening, I am blindly caught up in it. If I notice what is happening, the symptoms – which initially were quite uncomfortable – becomes a precious gift and pointer.

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