Inquiry: My life should nurture me more.

Statement: My life should nurture me more. (I should feel more nurtured.)

  1. Is it true?
    Yes, feels true sometimes.
  2. Can I know for sure it is true?
    No. It is only a should, only an idea.
  3. What happens when I believe that thought?
    • I feel that my life is not nurturing enough, and that I am not nurtured enough. I feel a lack. Something is missing. Something is out THERE somewhere, in an alternative life, in the past, in a possible future, but not here. Something is off. My life is off.
    • I feel frustrated with my life. It is wrong, and my attention goes to whatever I can find in my life that seems wrong, and how it got to be that way. I blame myself and my own decisions. I blame others for who they are. I blame this place and this country for not being as nurturing as I would like it to be. I blame the US culture for being less nurturing than where I am from.
    • I get caught up in frustration, blame, self-pity. I sometimes go into a victim mode, deliberately choosing to not make my life more nurturing. Or I make changes to make it more nurturing, and think that this is still pretty pitiful and could have been much better.
    • When did I first have that thought? Not sure. The feeling of it probably came early on, in situations where I wanted something else and didn’t feel nurtured (partly because I wanted something else). The explicit version of it may not have come until a few years into my life in the US.
    • How do I treat myself? As someone in the wrong spot, the wrong situation. As someone not able to find enough nurturing here and now.
    • How do I treat others? Either, as someone I used to find nurturing with but are not here. Or, as here but incapable of making me feel as nurtured as I would like.
    • How have I lived my life because of that belief? With an atmosphere of frustration, sadness, a feeling that something is off.
    • What am I afraid would happen if I didn’t have that belief? I am afraid I would not seek out a situation that is more nurturing to me. That I would be blind to not being nurtured, or even – and that is the worst – being OK with what is. Settle for something less. What is likely to really happen? I would go for nurturing wherever it is available, innocently, without hesitation or holding back.
  4. Who would I be without that thought?
    I am more available to nurturing here now. To what is already here, and what I can find in my life. I seek it out more in my life. I notice that it is already here, and that attaching to the thought that it is not is one of ways I keep myself from noticing it. Mainly, I am free from having to feel nurtured or not, free to notice it already here, free to seek it out.
  5. Turnarounds:
    • My life shouldn’t nurture me more. It is what it is. I cannot change what is. (My actions can only change what comes). The whole universe, with all of its history, brought this about here and now. Who am I to argue? Also, it helps me do inquiry and other forms of explorations, which I find interesting and rewarding. It becomes part of my life and experience, and can even be of help to others at some point. And, experiencing a lack of nurturing helps me find it in myself when others have a similar experience. It helps open my heart for others.
    • My life is nurturing enough. Yes, it is what it is. I am still alive, so it must be enough. (Even if I died, it would have been enough.) It is nurturing enough for me to function the way I do. Nurturing enough for inquiry. Nurturing enough for curiosity.
    • My thinking should nurture me more. When I believe the thought “my life should nurture me more” I am not receptive to the nurturing already here. My thinking, or rather taking it as an absolute truth, prevents me from noticing it.
    • The lives of others should nurture me more. Yes, true. I can find more nurturing in my connections with others. (As I used to, in my pre-US life.) I can find the nurturing already there. I can find it in different settings and connections. I can find it through looking for ways to make relationships and interactions more nurturing for myself.
    • The lives of others shouldn’t nurture me more. I am responsible for how available I am to the nurturing already there. They are not.
    • My life should nurture others more. Yes, feels very true. By seeking ways for myself to be more nurtured through my relationships with others, they too are more likely to feel nurtured. A simple example is giving someone a Breema session, which nurtures me deeply, and they more often than not report the same happening for them.
    • My life shouldn’t nurture others more. I am not responsible for how receptive they are to the nurturing life already offers.
    • Turnaround to focus on bringing into my daily life: My life should nurture others more. I can take time for more nurturing conversations and activities. Examples: dance, dinners, walks, Breema.

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