They shouldn’t see me as lost. (The missionaries at the door.)
Yes. Again, it feels true. It feels uncomfortable to think they see me as lost. And that makes it feel true.
No. Not at all.
- What happens when I believe that thought?
- I feel uncomfortable when I tell them I am not interested. I image they seeing me as lost, maybe even doomed. I see myself as I imagine they see me.
- I experience separation between me and them, which is uncomfortable in itself. I see a gulf between us, and that is almost all I see. The gulf takes on a great significance.
- When did I first have that thought? Maybe when I attended seriously Christian events through a small branch of my extended family, knowing they saw us (my parents and me) as not in the fold.
- How do I experience it in the body? Slight contraction in the chest area. More shallow breath. Sense of slight pressure in the chest and solar plexus area.
- What am I not able to appreciate when I have that belief? I am not able to appreciate our connection, as ordinary humans. I am not able to appreciate the richness in our differences. I am not able to appreciate their path, and I am not able to appreciate mine.
- Who would I be without it?
Free. Receptive to them, our relationship, their path, my path. Sense of intimacy with them, myself, our different paths, life. Free to interact with them at a human level.
- They should see me as lost. From their perspective, I am lost. (At least the way I imagine they see it.) Also, it brings up this belief for me to explore, which can help me to see some of the dynamics behind it. And I guess it makes them feel good in the sense of being right, which has some temporary satisfaction in it.
- I shouldn’t see me as lost. Right. I am the one seeing me as lost. I am the one imagining that they see me that way, so see myself through that lens. It is all happening in my imagination.
- I shouldn’t see them as lost. I see them as lost, that is true. When I imagine them seeing me as lost, I see them as lost. Lost in blind beliefs. In imagination. Who am I to say what is really going on?
- I should see them as lost. It is a natural expression of whatever dynamics are going on for me now. I see beliefs as being lost, and them caught up in beliefs, so I inevitably see them as lost. Also, it brings me to this inquiry which helps me to see what is going on in more detail.