They shouldn’t see me as lost. (The missionaries at the door.)
- True?
Yes. Again, it feels true. It feels uncomfortable to think they see me as lost. And that makes it feel true. - Sure?
No. Not at all. - What happens when I believe that thought?
- I feel uncomfortable when I tell them I am not interested. I image they seeing me as lost, maybe even doomed. I see myself as I imagine they see me.
- I experience separation between me and them, which is uncomfortable in itself. I see a gulf between us, and that is almost all I see. The gulf takes on a great significance.
- When did I first have that thought? Maybe when I attended seriously Christian events through a small branch of my extended family, knowing they saw us (my parents and me) as not in the fold.
- How do I experience it in the body? Slight contraction in the chest area. More shallow breath. Sense of slight pressure in the chest and solar plexus area.
- What am I not able to appreciate when I have that belief? I am not able to appreciate our connection, as ordinary humans. I am not able to appreciate the richness in our differences. I am not able to appreciate their path, and I am not able to appreciate mine.
- Who would I be without it?
Free. Receptive to them, our relationship, their path, my path. Sense of intimacy with them, myself, our different paths, life. Free to interact with them at a human level. - Turnarounds.
- They should see me as lost. From their perspective, I am lost. (At least the way I imagine they see it.) Also, it brings up this belief for me to explore, which can help me to see some of the dynamics behind it. And I guess it makes them feel good in the sense of being right, which has some temporary satisfaction in it.
- I shouldn’t see me as lost. Right. I am the one seeing me as lost. I am the one imagining that they see me that way, so see myself through that lens. It is all happening in my imagination.
- I shouldn’t see them as lost. I see them as lost, that is true. When I imagine them seeing me as lost, I see them as lost. Lost in blind beliefs. In imagination. Who am I to say what is really going on?
- I should see them as lost. It is a natural expression of whatever dynamics are going on for me now. I see beliefs as being lost, and them caught up in beliefs, so I inevitably see them as lost. Also, it brings me to this inquiry which helps me to see what is going on in more detail.