Gaining insight from the content of accusations

I read a great post from Vince on how to relate to accusations.

One thing I would like to add to the list is gaining insight from the content of the accusations. In this way, we benefit from the content, and the other person benefits from feeling heard and acknowledged.

(Few things are as annoying as being caught up in reactivity and sharing it with someone who just goes into equanimity without relating to the content of what we have to say.)

Anything anyone has to say about us has, inevitably, some grain of truth in it.

How can I find it in myself? Can I find three or more examples in my own life where it is genuinely true for me, maybe even in how I relate to this person right now?

Why is it better that this person said this in exactly this way? Can I find three genuine examples of why it is better?

2 thoughts to “Gaining insight from the content of accusations”

  1. This is a good point, that there is usually some psycho-personal insight to be gained from feedback that someone is giving.

    That being said, I’d also say that when you are dealing with situations where you are receiving a high flow of feedback, for the sake of time and efficiency, it often helps to just throw out the most positive and most negative of that feedback (because both are so incredibly skewed) and work with those in the middle in the way you are suggesting. I’ve been finding this especially useful, because those that are more in the middle often have the same feedback (or even better) but just communicated in ways that make it much quicker to work with.

    Unless of course one just has tons of time to work on shadow elements and wants to engage every bit of feedback that comes in. But when it comes to issues of relative fame, most people just don’t have time to work with all the incoming feedback in such a rigorous way.

  2. Yes, great practical advice. I agree completely.

    Btw: Are you sure you can only find “psycho-personal” insight there? If that was all, I for one would be far less interested in it.

    I can usually find new (to me) insights about whatever the topic is there, by exploring how what they are saying is true for me. (For instance, “Bush is of great benefit to the US and the world”, how is that genuinely true for me?) It helps me examine the mechanisms of samsara, which goes well beyond the psycho-individual. It helps me explore the infinite causes of whatever is going on, also well beyond the psycho-individual. And so on.

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