The Work is naturally relationship work. As I inquire into my own beliefs and find what is more true for me, all my relationships change – to life, people, myself and those close to me.
If both are interested, there is also another way to use The Work as relationship work.
- Write down your judgments about the other. How do you want her/him to change? What do you think about them? How do you criticize them? What do you complain about? Don’t hold back. This is our chance to get all of our internal criticism and judgments out in the open.
- Read your list of judgments to each other. (This is where it helps if the other person is already familiar with The Work! If not, they can easily take it as more solid and serious than it is.)
- Select the one judgment (among your own judgments) that has the most juice, and have the other facilitate you through the four questions and the turnaround. Then, go through the turnarounds for each of the other statements. And switch so you facilitate the other in the same way.
For me, this is a beautiful way to find that (a) what the other person wants for me is – in almost all cases – what I want for myself. (b) What I want for the other person is what I really want for myself. The advice is for myself. And (c) that it is all completely innocent. What may seem serious and solid if resisted and kept under cover, is revealed as a simple – and helpful – advice for myself.
The air is cleared. There is a sense of getting to the substance of what is going on. And I get some good pointers for myself.